A/N: Hey y'all so yeah that little Note make sure you TELL ALL YOU'RE TOTALLY KICKASS FRIRNDS! So yeah, that was a little random… SO I know I've been doing FraCan but I'm changing my mind, I figure that France is more of a big-bro then a lover to Canada cause he 'protected' her when the whole 'British Empire' thing happened so yeah. GUESS WHAT THE PAIRING IS! ONE-SHOT TO THE RIGHT ANSWER! There may be hints and stuff so ENJOY THE CHAPPIE! FROG!
Francy-pants- Oui Mon Cher?
Zoe- DO THE DISCLAIMER!
Francy-pants- Ok! Zoe doesn't in any way, shape, or form own Hetalia or any of the songs in this fic cause she's kinda a loser!
Zoe- *Goes to sulk in the Emo-Corner*
Francy-pants- ENJOY!
Zoe- WARNING! SUICIDAL thoughts and SUICIDE attempt! And CUTTING!(CANADA!)
Again I'm putting the L-T-T-R off for another couple of chappies- SORRY NO FLAMES!
How to be a girl- Chapter 10
Miss Invisible
Canada's POV
We got into England's car, (Prussia almost sat on me because he didn't see me) and went back to Hungary's house, we went in and Russia, Greece and Japan were there, in the living room drinking (Vodka in Russia's case) tea. Cuba had also come with us but was currently upstairs sleeping. Lovina had gone upstairs to 'get away from that Spanish Bastard' and Feli had gone to the market.
"Hercules-san? Are you awake?" Japan asked warily as his cup of tea almost slipped out of his hand, he jerked awake and blinked at her sleepily. (What da fuq? Japan's a girl! IKR!?)
"Hey Iggy?" America tapped the Brit on the shoulder quietly. She was never quiet. Ever.
"Yes, America." He replied curtly, avoiding my sister's gaze.
"I am really sorry, you know that right? I honestly didn't mean to! Please don't be mad at me!" she pleaded sniffling slightly, Eyebrows looked down on her and then at the rest of the room, the contents of which were watching intently. He glared at us and dragged Amelia out of the room, muttering something about 'putting on some tea'. I sighed and heard a loud, high pitched scream from next to me. It was Prussia. I rolled my eyes.
"D-did anyone else hear that!?" he whispered. Russia looked at me and smiled his creepy smile.
"It is just Canadia, Da?" he said cheerily, many of the nations shuddered as he spoke. Prussia frowned, staring past me.
"Who in the holy Awesome-ness is Canadia?" he asked as a yellow puffball settled in his hair.
"It's Canada actually, and I am. The girl that sung in the café earlier…" I said (Whispered) angrily. Russia's smile faltered, as Prussia and some of the other nations jumped in surprise at hearing my voice, but it was back within seconds.
"Canada has been standing there the whole time, Da?" he said, his eyes hardening scarily on Prussia as Kumajiro nudged my leg hoping for me to pick her up. (The authoress shudders. Nah I really love ya Russia!
Russia- Become one with mother Russia, Da?
HELL TO THE FREAKIN' NO!)
"Um… she has?" he said carefully, just then England came back in with an exasperated expression, a tea tray and America attached to his right arm. I tried to suppress my giggles as his exasperated expression turned to one of embracement.
"America can you please let go of me?" he asked, warily holding the tea tray out of (America) harm's way.
"Iggy forgave me, Dudes! Hey, Iggy, go make me a sammich!" the blond ordered, still clutching the Brit.
"I said I would forgive you, however I didn't say that you could cling onto my arm and ask me to 'go make you a sammich'." He stated dryly, pouting she loosened her grip, still holding onto him.
"But Iggyyyyyy~!" she whinged, tugging on his sleeve, causing the tray to tip. "I wanna saaaamiiiiiich!"
"Well go make a 'saaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiiich' then." He imitated her, rolling his eyes at her childish behaviour. Prussia on the other hand was still staring at me; by the looks of it he could only see a sleeping, floating Kumajiro. I sighed, waking the small bear; she looked up at me and cocked her head to the side.
"Who the Heck are you?" she asked sleepily.
"I… I'm an alien from outer space here to take your brains and clone you so I can take over the human race." I said sarcastically, she looked at me for a moment before shrugging and going back to sleep.
"Gilbert, would you please stop staring at me it's getting kind of annoying." I commented, he shook his head and jumped back again.
"Wow! There's someone there!" he yelled, pointing to me, his mouth agape.
"No shit, Sherlock!" Lovina growled stalking into the room. "Mio Dio! You are such an air head!"
"Oh, Lovi! That wasn't very nice!" the overly cheerful Spaniard chided, giving the reddening Italian a hug.
"G-get of me pomodoro bastardo!" she hissed, giving him an angry glare.
"B-but! But! She … and! WHERE DID SHE COME FROM!" he yelled, earning a Pan-to-the-head, "Ow Lizzie! That hurt Liebling!"
"I-I am NOT your 'Sweetheart'!" the Hungarian growled, I'd had enough, why is it that everyone just forgot about me?!
"Why do I always feel invisible?!" I shouted (Said), "Why is it that I'm always forgotten, or ignored or sat on!" I jabbed a mean glare at the Russian, tears pricking my eyes, "Even my own pet forgets who I am! The only people who remember me are Francis and Amelia! Then they forget me some of the times! I know some of you are probably thinking 'who the heck is that girl screaming at us?' well I'll tell you who I am! I am Madeline Williams, Amelia F Jones's little, insignificant sister who no-one ever remembers or when they do it's just 'the strange sister' the stupid sister, the sister that everybody looks down on! I've spent my whole life in Amelia's shadow but now I just realise that that's all I'll ever be. My big sisters shadow." with that said I ran out of the room, tears leaking from my violet-blue eyes, my long golden hair flying behind me. I burst into my room and threw myself down on my Canadian-flag bed and sobbed. I know you may think that this is a little extreme but how would you feel if you were in your sister's shadow your whole life? And if you were always ignored or never seen? It's just… shit really. I hate it… but that's my life I guess.
Maybe life isn't just being a bitch and is trying to tell me something? Maybe it's telling me… that I'm not supposed to be here? Maybe Canada isn't supposed to be a real Nation. Maybe I'm supposed to die. Those where the last thoughts in my mind before, exhausted from all the screaming and crying, I passed out…
A room.
Blackness…. Nothing. Just…. Me.
A mirror… a small, weak girl sat crying in the mirror, pieces of glass and pools of crimson where scattered around her. Her golden hair was matted with dried blood; streaks of muddy liquid drenched her cheeks.
"I wanna die… I WANT TO DIE!" she screamed, a shard of the glass was clutched in her right hand, blood seeped through her fingers. Millions of emotions flashed through my vision, hurt, anger, sadness, neglect, heartache, loss, depression, hopelessness, pain…..
I looked up and realised the girl was me….
I'd never given much thought to how I'd die, but dying quietly thinking of the ones you love seems like a good way to go. Everyone has their turn at life, life is short. People say you have to treasure life, but what if life beats you up? Kills you on the inside? Destroys you? Tears you up, into tiny trivial parts? How can you treasure something that is harming you? How can you love something that hates you?
"You're a worthless piece of shit!" someone shouted, it was Amelia. She stood looking down on me, sneering at me, "You could never be as great as me. You will always be unloved and discarded like the unimportant piece of crap you are…. Crap you are…. Crap you are…. Crap you are…" the words echoed in my mind… I screamed.
My eyes flew open; I looked at the clock … 1 am. That scream had to have woken someone up… if I was going to do it, it had to be now. I listened and realised that my scream had probably sounded like the wind. I already knew how, the painless way, the quiet way. The way that nobody will hear… I threw the covers off me and made my way to the bed side table; and took out my song book. There had been many times when Amelia had tried to find it but nobody touches my book. I flipped to one of my recent songs and found 'Tell me something I don't know' a song I'd written when America wanted to gain independence. I wrote a small note next to it more tears splashing onto the paper. Then I took a few pieces of paper from a note book.
Amelia.
Arthur.
Big Brother Francis.
Jajuan. (Cuba)
Ivan.
Five people. Five songs. Five letters. I finished the last letter, shakily putting it in a small envelope.
Everybody.
Dear, well everybody.
I know by the time you've read this you've probably forgotten who I am but I still want to tell you this. Even though you don't know who I am I know who you are. I know you'll probably be sitting there, laughing at this happy that the small Canadian burden is gone. Ha, screw that you'll probably be sitting there asking yourself "Who the heck is Maddie?" anyway, I'm that girl that killed herself… yeah the invisible one that left herself in the bathroom. Or in other words Amelia's sister. I kinda wrote a song, if you want to read it it's in the envelope.
I don't blame you, If I was you I wouldn't care about me…But for some reason I felt protected by you all, like you might actually care for me and how I feel. The way a family should make their children and brothers or sisters feel.
I am sorry for sending you this letter knowing I was just nothing to you, for thinking that one day someone would notice me…
Love Always
Madeline Maple Williams.
Here is my song- Miss Invisible.
There's a girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something just hiding
And she cant find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
She'll say...
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day
When you'll ask her her name
The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes when they left and she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is now
And she'll sing...
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take a little look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day that you will ask her...her name
And one day just the same as the last
Just the days been in counting the time
Came a boy that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind...
I took a deep breath and made my bed looking at the clock, 3 am. I lay the letters on the bed and kissed each one. I slowly walked to the kitchen, taking a knife and made my way to the nearest bathroom, I turned on the light and opened the cabinet, there at the top, was a tub of tables… I smiled slightly, the salty taste of tears making its way into my parted lips. I sat on the floor and tried to get the cap off, not working I decided to do it after I had felt the small amount of pain. I rolled up my sleeve and closed my eyes placing the knife at my wrist. I pressed down, breaking the skin.
"MAPLE!" I screamed (Said loudly), I let a loud whimper escape my lips. "Shit!"
I heard someone get up, screw that! Just get the tablets, they'll find you! I put the blade down and picked the tub up again. Fiddling with the lid, it was no use.
"She's not in here!" Amelia shouted from somewhere to the left of the bathroom. My eyes widened, I struggled with the lid. The tears flowing faster. "Check everywhere! Something's wrong! I can feel what she's feeling!"
"Sorry sis." I muttered, biting my lip at the fact that they were going to find me any minuet and I couldn't get the top off. Suddenly the door burst open. It was Ivan.
"Мадлен." (Madeline) He said quietly, his usual smile gone, worry in his eyes. "Give me the bottle."
"No!" I hissed, he reached forward, trying to grab the tablets from me. As he pulled he twisted the lid, small white pills littered the floor. "NO! Look what you did!" I yelled at him, I dashed to the floor grabbing as many of the pills as I could the pain in my wrist long forgotten.
"No!" I felt strong, cold arms around my waist pulling me back. Lips by my ears, whispering to me.
"Please don't do this… please." I cried harder, I just wanted to die. Was that too much to ask?
"I just wanna die…" I whispered, "I JUST WANT TO DIE!"
The door burst open again and most of the Nations stood there, I was sat in the Russian's lap, crying, and a few tablets in my hands. I tried to wriggle away but his grip only tightened.
"Let me go! No-one cares about me anyway! What's the point of me even being here if no-one cares about me! For God's sake LET ME GO!" I screamed at him, thrashing around, punching and hitting him.
"Maddie! Stop! You're my little sister! Please don't think like that! I love you with all my heart; I don't want you to die!" Amelia yelled over my screams, rushing towards me. She held out a hand to me but I flinched away.
"Don't touch me! I don't belong in this world! If Canada is really that important the bosses can just find somebody else! Does anybody hear me? Hu, that's a stupid question to ask, of course no-one hears me! Well I say it anyway. I WANT TO DIE!" I sobbed, burying my face in Ivan's chest; my shoulders shook as I cried. I felt something softly stroking my hair, it was slightly calming. Not enough to stop my intentions but enough to distract me. I just lay there crying, trying to get out of the Russian's grip.
"It's ok Мой подсолнечника." A voice whispered into my ear, my crying started to slow as a large lump formed in my throat.
"Why can't I just die? Is that too much to ask?" choked as the lump grew bigger, my face still hidden in his scarf.
"Because, your friends and family need you. You may not think it, but they do. My little sister went through this, I told her that we would not survive without our little Belarus, this is why she is so in love with me, Da? She believes that if she cannot die then she must be with me at all times." The silver haired Russian held me slightly closer, muttering this into my ear. "Please don't make the mistakes that you do not need, do not believe no-one loves you when clearly you are surrounded by your family. Always believe in yourself, Da?"
"Thank you, Ivan." I heard someone mutter before slipping into a dream-less sleep.
"No…."
Amelia' s POV
I watched as Commie held my little sister, she was crying and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Was she really that broken? Did she feel neglected? Was it my fault?
Of course it's your fault you idiot! A voice shouted at me. I felt tears prick my eyes, she started to calm down. I looked at the letters in my hands, tearstained and handwritten. They were for all of us. I watched as her eyes drifted closed, melting into Russia's arms. She wasn't broken. She was shattered, into millions of tiny pieces.
"Thank you Ivan." I managed to choke out, he didn't look up so whether he heard it or not was a mystery to me.
"No…." was the last thing I heard from my sister before the exhausted Canadian passed out.
"What should I do with her?" I heard the silver haired guy ask.
"I don't know… maybe taking her the living room is the best idea. We have to clean up her arm, she didn't swallow any of the tablets did she?" I heard Arthur ask as I sat glued to the ground.
"No, she couldn't get the bottle open." I looked up to England; this was all my fault…
"This is all my fault." I whispered, his eyes widened and he knelt down next to me.
"No, Amelia. It's not your fault! Don't you ever say something like that; if we are pointing the blame I guess it's my fault… I never remembered who she was… common." He held his hand out to me and helped me up I sniffled as he took me to the living room, Ivan scooping up Maddie and following us out. He sat down on the couch, stroking her hear absentmindedly, the rest of the Nations and the twins sat down around him, either on one of the couches or on the floor. Feli was snuggled up to Germany crying silently, Lovi was crying and not protesting as Spain hugged her. Japan sat nestled in Greece's arms and the rest of the nations where staring blankly at Russia.
Iggy lead me to an arm chair and sat me down next to him.
"Maddie w-wrote t-these." I stuttered holding up the letters, everyone turned to look at me. "There is one for everybody, Me, Arthur, Big Brother Francis, Jajuan and Ivan."
Cuba looked up from glaring at Russia once I said his name, Russia doing the same.
"I'll go first… we're going to read them out to everybody." I told them, taking a deep shaky breath I opened the envelope. "Dear Amelia,
…
To Be Continued!
A/N: OH MY GOD! I was literally in tears as I wrote this! I'm so sorry! God I'm such an idiot! I'm sorry people, if you are depressed by this…. I just had to! I HAD TO!
Did you see what I did with the Belarus thing? Hu? Hu? *Wiggles eyebrows*
Eyebrows- *Sighes* Yes Zoey, we saw what you did! And can you not call me 'Eyebrows'. Wanker…
Zoey- IGGY! Tusk Tusk!
Iggy- What!?
Zoey- Nothing! Anywho, the next chappie will be up soon!
Don't worrie~ About a Ting!~ Cause every little ting, is gunna be alright!~ Yeah mun! (Sorry for the reggie…)