Hey guys! I just found out I got the rest of inventory week off from my job and you know what that means… More time for MERCY! (Insert dancing Kermit the frog here) And I am very excited about this chapter! I have been planning to write this in for months now and I think it really turned out great! I had a lot of details I wanted to add in, but I had to leave a few things out.
Any-hoo, this chapter delves into that potion of Ratchet's past that he had been keeping secret for so long… Will Optimus be so excepting of his lover's mistakes and later consequences from them? Well I'm not going to tell you up here, get reading you! XD
No special shout outs here, but don't let that discourage you from leaving a comment or asking questions in the reviews. I love to hear from my readers!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any stocks, trades, or licensing from the Transformers franchise. All rights are reserved for HASBRO entertainment.
MERCY
Chapter 23.4
Autobots: Ratchet and Optimus; Silvia
If Optimus was ever honest about how he felt about going on his patrols, he would express his mild contempt of it. He understood why his younger team members enjoyed it so much. It was a chance for them to spin their wheels and stretch their struts even though it was mostly work. It was usually a casual task during most of their runs and sometimes it was rather nice to see new and exciting places on the planet they now called their home. However, the Prime didn't like to be away from the base for long periods of time. He found Earth to have its moments of beauty and wonder, and he sometimes found time to enjoy his outings. But ever since he bonded with Ratchet, that novelty of travel had begun to ware. He preferred to be as close to his mate for as long as he could, and it was apparent through their bond that the medic felt the same. But duty called for both of the older mechs and they needed to find a way to cope with being apart from each other for long periods of time. The bonding made this both easy and difficult because their connection was so strong, they could feel each other's emotions from anywhere on the planet, but it just made Optimus all the more eager to return to the base quickly. This feeling increased tenfold after Ratchet was injured. Since then their bond had weakened and to prevent aggravating the medic's wounds as they healed, Optimus made it clear that it was a good idea to wait a little longer before they tried to spark-bond again.
The Prime wasn't even halfway through his usual trek through the Nevadan desert before he began to feel anxious and worried about his partner, but he still drove further into the wilderness. He was believing that if he continued just a little longer these feelings would lessen and he would be able to concentrate better, but it didn't seem to help. It almost felt like the further he got from the base, the higher his apprehension rose. Optimus slowed his wheels a moment when the feeling in his tanks shivered through his chassis and he realized that this emotion he felt was not normal. Or at least, it was not normal for him… And that's when it hit him. He wasn't feeling any of his own emotions, he was feeling Ratchet's, and it was very clear that his lover was expressing serious distress.
Without a single hesitation Optimus whirled his wheels into the opposite direction and sped back to the base as fast as he could push his engines. He was gone for perhaps only an hour, but he as he followed his dust covered tracks back, he practically flew down the trail. He made it back to the base in less than half the time he was gone, and he hardly slowed down at all when he reached the entrance. Before he transformed into his biped mode, he blared his horn through the driving corridor. The red and blue mech sprung to his pedes like a ninja and slid a small distance to the center of the main area floor with his struts in a wide-open stance.
Silvia, Arcee, and Bulkhead all stood in the corner of the room with the exact same look of shock on their faces. "That was fast…" Silvia announced as she walked away from the furthest monitor. Obviously, she was getting ready to call the Prime over the comm links, but she really wasn't expecting the boss Bot to literally pop out of nowhere.
"Where is Ratchet?" Optimus asked more sternly then he intended, and even startling his other teammates. However, the ebony haired woman stood tall in front of the Prime professionally like she always did and answered him honestly.
"He is waiting for you in your chambers Optimus." She stepped closer into the light and noticed how ragged the usually stoic mech appeared. The tension in his frame only intensified her suspicions of his agitation, so she did her best to keep her voice sympathetic. "He has something important to tell you… And if you can, try and take a few deep breaths before talking to him."
She was expecting a small confrontation from stating the obvious so openly, but Optimus didn't even react positively or negatively in any aspect. He bolted down the hall and left his comrades to wallow in a confusing collection of silence. It was quiet for a good length of time and all three of the conscious minds couldn't take their eyes or optics of the opposite end of the hall. Not until Silvia spoke up one more time.
"Anybody else need a strong drink." She announced, not at all surprised to see both Arcee and Bulkhead raise their servos.
Ratchet paced in the berth chamber nervously as his spark pulsed franticly. His cooling vents whirled so furiously he feared he would choke on his panting. It was that moment his instincts as a medic kicked in and he mentally encouraged himself to sit on the edge of the berth and tuck his helm between his knee joints. The large mech didn't have the strength to bend too far over, but it helped him to calm himself while he slowed his intakes. But now that his CPU was beginning to clear, the situation he found himself in was becoming more surreal.
"How could I let this happen…" He whispered fearfully. "I was so careful… I tracked all of my cycles and— Oh scrap!"
The white mech jolted to his pedes realizing there was one time he forgot to check his internal systems before and after an interfacing session… The time Silvia told that damned fable and he sped off to spend the rest of the evening (and most of the next morning) in his lover's arms.
"Ooooohhhhh…" He scowled, and although he knew it wasn't true, he was still angry enough to say it aloud. "Damn that woman… This is all her fault!"
He intended to continue his tantrum. Ratchet wanted to scream and cry, even stomp his pedes in a pure passion of rage, but he had to stop. The churning feeling in his tanks left him no choice and he sat back down onto the berth. He sighed on a deep breath and gently held his arm across his torso. He nearly cried and he thought perhaps he should. It might help him feel better or at most give himself something else to distract him. He didn't want to think about it. He just didn't want to acknowledge the nausea rising up through his oral intake. A large part of him wanted to believe that if he just ignored all of the evidence, that it would just go away, and it wouldn't be true. But there was no ignoring what was clearly placed in front of him. Ratchet was carrying… He was carrying Optimus Prime's sparkling, and he was terrified. He was so fearful of what his bond mate was going to say his processor began to reel through his past… The deepest part of his past he spent almost all of his energy trying to keep his lover from discovering. There would be no avoiding it now. He would have to tell Optimus the truth.
"Ratchet?" The Prime's voice alerted the frightened mech back to the present. His helm snapped up at the chamber door, not sure how to feel at the moment. "May I come inside Ratchet? I can still feel your anxiety through our bond. I can wait for you if you like, if you are not ready to speak with me yet."
"This is your berth chamber Optimus…" Ratchet sighed. "You don't need my permission to enter."
"I can still wait if you wish." Optimus replied after a well placed pause, causing his lover to snicker slightly. There was a brief wave of relief for Ratchet when he felt the presence of his mate behind the doors, but then reality set in again and he knew he would have to confront his fears. It was soon. He knew that wasn't quite true, but this all felt too soon. Ratchet had plenty of time to prepare for this moment, but now that his time was up, he still wasn't ready. He wanted more time… He needed more time, and the pressure from just the thought of confessing his secrets was causing the rumbling in his tanks to churn. Even more fiercely than before.
"O-Optimus…!" The acidy lump in Ratchet's throat finally rose up into his oral cavity, and there was nothing he could do to stop the rushing feeling of vile. He only had enough time to stumble onto his knees before purging onto the floor. The loud sounds of him heaving and choking compelled the Prime to ignore his promise from earlier and burst through the doors. He was by his bond mate's side before Ratchet even realized he was in the room. The white mech coughed and slightly choked on his vomit, but the second he felt Optimus's servos curve lovingly over his shoulder everything in his world stood still.
"It's alright Ratchet…" Optimus soothed his mate. "Let it out… I'll help you to the berth when you're ready."
"Primus…" Ratchet wiped his lip-plates with his servo and slowly sat back on his struts. He didn't ask to be helped up yet, because his body was still shaking from the force of his sickness. Instead, he leaned into Optimus's frame and tucked his helm under his bond mates chin. It was warm and comforting, but it didn't fully diminish his fears. The older mech clung to the Prime's shoulders and sobbed into his neck cables. Optimus wrapped his arms around the distressed mech, and even kissed the top of his helm. "Oh Optimus… I am so afraid…"
"It's only a tank purge Ratchet. You out of anyone should know such a thing isn't life threating." The taller mech kissed the top of Ratchet's helm and delicately caressed his lover's tears away with his thumb. "The ache will pass."
"It's not that…" Ratchet cried some more. "I have so much to tell you, and I don't know where to start… What to say…"
"Come here." Optimus whispered and carefully lifted Ratchet to the other side of the berth. They both settled back into each other's embrace, but this time the Prime rested his back along the wall. Ratchet was able to rest more of his weight against the red and blue mech's chest. He sighed, relieved to still be so close to Optimus and feeling more relaxed as his kind lover sweetly stroked the back of his helm. They both stayed that way for almost an hour, until the light convulsing under the medic's metal calmed slowly to a stop. The Prime smiled and hummed with his deep rumbling vocals. "Are you feeling better?"
"No…" Ratchet answered tiredly and slowly circled his digits over Optimus's windshields. "I feel more at ease, but not relieved. I…" He lifted his helm up to meet his bond mate's optics. The taller mech's irises spun curiously back at his lover, still smiling tenderly and doing his best to be patient. That look of serenity Optimus provided for the white mech compelled Ratchet to reach up with his servo. He cradled his digits under the Prime's jawline and lightly traced his thumb over the smooth silver chin. He lingered long enough for his own patients, before he pushed himself back up onto his knee joints and took Optimus's servo into his own. "There is something important we need to discuss… But before I say anything else about it I… I need to confess something."
"Confess?" His mate quirked an optic ridge. "Do you mean the piece of your past you haven't shared with me yet? Oh my love. You make it sound like you have committed a sin."
"I may have…" The white mech couldn't look his partner in the optic any longer. Ratchet needed to slide to the side of the berth and sit with his pedes flat on the floor. When Optimus tried to follow, he was pushed back to where he was still seated. "Please, just stay there and listen. This will be easier to get off my chassis if I can just… Come clean. And I am ashamed to admit that I can't find the strength to face you as I do."
Optimus questioned this in his processor for only a moment, but his doubts recanted when he considered how obviously difficult this was for the older model. So he stayed where he was as Ratchet requested, yet he still reached over to grasp one of the medic's servos and was thrilled when he wasn't brushed away. "I love you Ratchet…" The Prime encouraged his mate. "Whenever you are ready to speak, I am here to listen."
Ratchet took in one last deep breath, and then kissed the back of Optimus's servo. He started his story with a quiet voice and stared out into the distance. It almost started off like the beginning of a fairytale, and no one would have suspected the medic was preparing to describe a horror story. Optimus didn't interrupt, but he did gently squeeze his servo to emphasize his understanding and support. Ratchet squeezed back, but still didn't look away from the other side of the room. "You know that I have had lovers before you. The same truth is for you. I know this, but the difference between the two of us is that I know all of your past partners. You know of all of mine but one… My first berth mate, and my first love."
He paused again. His hesitation was so frequent that it may have frustrated the most patient of any conscious being, but not Optimus. He had waited for Ratchet to be more open with him since the day they met millions of years ago. The Prime didn't mind waiting another hour or two longer.
"Before I became invested in the war, I was still going through the last courses of my training as a medic." Ratchet closed his optics as he reminisced, and unconsciously scooted closer to his leader for comfort. "When a medic's training comes closer to an end, they first need to be assigned a trial run before they are sent into the field. I was assigned to be the resident doctor… For the gladiators injured in the Pits… That is where I met my first lover…" As dread filled his spark chamber, Ratchet's frame shivered and it coaxed the Prime to move closer. He slid his free servo up and down the white mech's back. When the black metallic hand reached the top of his shoulder, Ratchet took hold of it. He kissed it eagerly, unintentionally worrying Optimus by the sudden desperation. As if the medic felt it would be the last time, he would do it.
"It's okay Ratchet." The red and blue mech remained supportive. "I can understand if you once had a relationship with a gladiator."
"Not just any gladiator…" The white mech thought he might have been finished crying, but he appeared to still have a heavy supply of tears. "Optimus… My first lover was Megatronus…!"
This news was shocking, and Ratchet was expecting a reaction of all kinds from the Prime. He braced himself for just about anything he could think would happen. He was expecting anger, sadness, maybe some feelings of betrayal, and he waited for something to happen. The tension in the medic's frame became so tight he thought he might become stuck in his seated position. But he jolted a little when he felt his lover shift behind him, and thought perhaps somehow, he disgusted Optimus so much he was going to be told to leave. One thing he wasn't expecting was the feeling of being pulled back onto the berth. Ratchet opened his optics feeling a little stunned as he was pulled backwards between Optimus's struts. His back rested a little clumsily against the Prime's chest since his hub was still attached to his back, but due to his lover's height Optimus was able to gaze down at the shorter mech in his embrace.
"Have you truly been worried about how I would react to this?" Optimus nuzzled the side of Ratchet's helm before kissing his cheek. "Ratchet… That was a long time ago. Back then, when Megatron was still a gladiator, we didn't know then he was a tyrant. I can see why you would have been intrigued with him at the time. I was enthralled with him too after all."
"You don't understand Optimus." Ratchet lowered his helm away from the Prime's gaze. "I was the one who encouraged Megatron to go to the counsel in the first place. I supported his decision to become a Prime, and… Unh…!" The stress of this memory was churning his tanks again and he needed to force himself away from Optimus's hold. He stood and stumbled over to the other side of the room. There was an old and large factory tote that Bumblebee had found at the dump, and Optimus had taken it to use as a trash bin. Ratchet dry heaved over the edge of the makeshift receptacle when nothing was immediately coming up, but it was going to happen again. At least this time it was going to be easier to clean up.
"You're going to need to consume some low-grade soon." Optimus found his way to Ratchet's side after the sick mech finished purging for the second time. "Not having anything in your fuel tank is going to make you feel even worse."
"Optimus…" The medic cried over the heat radiating for the bin below him and he allowed a long strand of oral lubricant to drizzle past his tears. "Optimus… There is more to this story that I have never told you... That I have never told anybot."
"It can wait." The taller mech eased his arm under the other side of his weakened mate's shoulder and carefully lifted him against his frame again. "You should rest now. We can speak more another day."
"No…" Ratchet wiped his lip-plates again before he grasped both of his lover's arms, if for nothing more then to keep his balance. "This needs to be said now… Or I will never have the courage to bring it up again." He looked up into Optimus's optics with tears in his own. He did everything he could to collect himself and pushed himself to finish his revelation. "When I began to see Megatron for who he really was… I started to doubt my devotion to him, and when he returned from his meeting with the Counsel, he… Everything changed. He became so angry and bitter right before me… I was so frightened of him I told him I was going to leave that night…" Ratchet nearly felt the urge to vomit again, but he made it this far and he was going to finally end this story, even if it meant the end of him. "He beat me that night… He hurt me so badly that I thought I was going to offline, but I managed to get away…" Softly he listed his helm against Optimus's chassis and heaved through the clicking of his cooling vents. He was so close to being finished. So close, but it was just so difficult… If this memory didn't kill him when it happened, Ratchet feared it might actually kill him now. But it needed to be said, and not just for his own wellbeing. "A week later… After my wounds began to heal, I felt a sharp pain in my torso and my systems automatically evacuated themselves… I didn't know I was carrying until then… I never carried to term…"
The room became so thick with silence, Ratchet thought he might have just died in Optimus's embrace. He didn't hear a sound, feel any pain, or see any light around him. Yet, he somehow felt an overwhelming feeling of peace. Perhaps through this confession Ratchet finally found all of the closure he was ever going to need in this universe. Did this mean his fight was over? Was this the All-Spark calling for him to return home? He thought it may have been just that, until a subtle fluttering feeling brought him closer to his awareness. There was a light feather like tickle in his torso that spun slowly below his spark chamber, and it took the veteran medic a moment to realize that that feeling was his sparkling. The small life inside him swam around it's protective confinement not entirely with the purpose of making it's presence aware, but to attempt a way to comfort his Bearer.
Ratchet stood up right in the darkness he had surrounded himself in. Then he placed his servo over his armor. The same place where his gestation chamber rested below. This was now real. There was a small, helpless, and defenseless life growing inside of him. This small life needed him to get his scrap together, and at that very moment he told himself, that was exactly what he was going to do. This split-second decision is what triggered the dark void that glossed over his optics to slowly fade away, and Optimus's form gradually emerged from the dwindling black. It was probably the first time in a long time Ratchet had seen such a mixed look of shock and doubt etched over his leader's faceplate. With a heavy sigh, the white mech glanced right into the Prime's confusing stare and announced where he planned to go from there.
"My reproduction equipment had been damaged because of the beating, and until today…" He paused again and soothed his servo over his abdomen for a glimmer of reassurance. With his opposite servo, he caressed Optimus's chest between his windshields. "Until today Optimus… I didn't even know if I could still conceive." He felt the metal beneath his digits suddenly rise and fall on a sharp breath, right before his servo was encased in both of his bond mates'.
"Ratchet…?" Optimus whispered through a very unreadable tone. "Are you saying what I think you are saying…?"
He wasn't sure what it was that compelled the medic to grin, but he did so while watching the Prime lower himself to one knee. "Optimus… My leader, my bond mate, my whole world… I am carrying your sparkling… And I am terrified, because there is a chance… I don't know if I will carry to full term. But if I have your support… I want to try."
Optimus momentarily stared at the servo over Ratchet's frame in fascination. When he stood, he didn't hesitate for any reason, and clashed his dermas over his lovers'. There was a strong acidy taste of regurgitated energon, but the Prime didn't notice. Or he just didn't care, because he never knew he could ever feel so exhilarated like he did that moment. His bond mate was carrying. He repeated that to himself in his mind over and over again until it was all he could think about.
"Mmm!" Ratchet mumbled and tried to pull himself away. "O-Optimus! Wait a minute! You're smothering me!"
"I love you…" The Prime rested his fore-helm over the flustered white mech's and pulled him as close to his frame as he physically could. "And you have more then my support… You have everything that I am. I love you so much…" He repeated himself through multiple kisses that trailed further and further down Ratchet's faceplate and chassis, stopping only once to kiss away more tears. Tears of relief and happiness.
-END-