Forewarning, this is a shorter chapter for what I usually aim at (words/pages per chapter), but probably is one of the most important chapters thus far. You'll see why. =)

Chapter 11: Admittance

The office was quiet.

Without Shunsui here, it just didn't feel comfortable. It felt like some foreign place to her that she had no business being near. This office was a place of work, and yet Shunsui was able to make it feel…cozy, like a home.

Nanao walked slowly along the back of the couch, her hand drifting over the straight back of it. She paused midway to stare down at the cushions she so often knew her captain used as a bed. Even now she could see him there with his hands behind his head as a pillow, a leg propped up on one knee, and his sakkat over his face.

She could see his chest steadily rising and falling as he slumbered, shutting off the world with whatever dreams came to him in the middle of the day. Her grip tightened slightly on the back of the couch as she remembered each and every time he held her to that chest of his to comfort her when things got too stressful for her over the early years after the events a century ago.

Nanao smiled as she remembered how over the years the feeling changed from one of childish comfort to one of a woman's needs. It stopped being a strong pillow for a little girl but a warm pillow for a woman to listen faintly to the sounds of the man's beating heart.

Nanao closed her eyes and reached up with her left hand, taking her glasses off to relieve the pressure on the bridge of her nose. Slowly she turned to lean against the back of the couch and placed her glasses back on. When her eyes fluttered open, she found herself staring at the open space of floor to the left of her captain's desk.

And with it, more memories returned like a crashing wave, overcoming all her senses…

(Flashback)

It was a warm summer day, unbearably warm. She remembered because she found herself constantly having to tug at the collar of her kosode to try and vent the hot air caught within the folds of her uniform. She hadn't bothered to put her hair up that morning as it just wouldn't hold and she really didn't want to chance it tangling.

As usual, she was busy working while Shunsui lounged on the couch, fanning himself idly. He didn't seem as bothered by the heat as she was, but then again he had the fortune of being a man and being able to walk around with his kosode and shitagi wide open to let air pass over his chest and stomach towards his back.

She wasn't about to mimic his actions as he would love it too much.

As always, he had insisted on having music playing in the office to relax the mind. Was he really doing it for that reason or was it to help him try to doze off in the middle of the day?

Finally having enough she slammed the pen down and let out an exasperated sigh. "Captain, would you please let me turn the music off? It serves no purpose."

Shunsui sat up and stared at her, blinking in confusion. "Oh come on Nanao-chan. That's not true. It serves a great purpose."

"And what might that be, Captain?" She replied in agitation, her brows furrowed.

She soon regretted that when he came walking toward the desk with his usual grin plastered on like a drunkard. There was a certain glimmer in his eye that she knew meant he was about to do something worth slapping him over.

"Stand up."

"W-what?"

He chuckled and slipped the gaudy kimono off his shoulders, folding it a bit before tossing it onto the corner of his desk. He extended a hand out to her, gesturing with his fingers for her to come. "Stand up Nanao. I'll show ya what humans do to this sort of music."

"I'd rather not sir."

His grin did a complete one-eighty and became a frown. "Come on Nanao, it'll be fun. I promise."

With a reluctant sigh she set her slender hand in his and moved to stand. Shunsui led her slowly back to the open space to the left of his desk and held a finger up to her. "Just one second."

Why was she playing along with whatever he was doing? He always seemed to play these strange little games like a child. The music stopped for a second then started over fresh. Shunsui appeared before her once more with a light smile.

As he took her right hand in his left, she found herself blushing at the rather small space between them. He began to set his hand on her hip when she drew back and slapped him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He rubbed at his pulsing-red cheek and frowned. "Nothing bad. I promise ya Nanao."

"F-fine…but you're on thin ice, Captain."

His smiled returned as they took up the position once more. He took a moment though to set her left hand on his shoulder before putting his hand to her hip. "Now, just follow my lead…"

(End Flashback)

Nanao had settled a hand over her cheek as a smile stayed glued to her pink lips. That was the day he showed her how humans do what they call slow-dancing. Back then she found herself feeling embarrassed, but now she knew why.

Because she was dancing with her captain who she…

Her fingers curled suddenly into a fist that moved over her chest. What did she feel for him? He was her captain; he had been for a century, but…

Nanao blinked in surprise as she realized her vision was blurring. Steadily, she reached up to touch her cheek and was confused when she felt tears. Why was she crying? This was unlike her in every way. Sure, she cared for her captain like all vice-captains do and should. It was their duty to take care of their captains and lighten the load of the high responsibilities that came with the rank of a captain.

But was that the truth?

Did she really care for him as her captain or…for him as the man he was?

Her steps fell quietly over the wooden floors as she walked toward the closet built within the bookcases that held the various record books and history text important for a captain to possess. She pushed aside the two doors and stared silently at the couple of haori's hung up.

Tentatively, she pulled one of the haori out and looked at the symbol on the back, the number of the division Shunsui presided over. It was rarely seen since he draped that painful to look at kimono over his shoulders, but that was just his way; always had been.

She held it close, closing her eyes as she could still faintly pick up the scents of sake that lingered off of the white fabric and the captain's own natural scent from years of wear. His scent was such a natural one, almost like fresh bark from a tree; yet, with it were subtle notes that reminded her of the spring. They were so lively and comforting that they made her feel lightheaded for the briefest of seconds.

Quietly she returned the haori to its hanger and shut the closet doors, moving to sit at the desk so she could compose herself. Maybe she really did care for him; not as Captain Kyöraku, but as Shunsui Kyöraku.

The more she accepted it, the easier it was for her to realize it had been a growing feeling for years after she became his vice-captain. He had seemed to become a livelier captain after she took the position as his second-in-command, but that reason didn't become apparent until…

…until just this last spring when she watched him partake in his annual fashion of enjoying the blooming sakura trees. Now she felt the tears freely falling down her face. She really did care for him. She…she loved him. She had fallen for his charm like some school girl and yet she didn't care.

Nanao's fingers clenched at the black fabric of her hakamas as she let herself weep silently. So many emotions were running through her that she didn't want to do anything but let it all spill out. She hadn't cried for over a century; not like this, not on such an emotionally shaking level.

She was upset that she didn't know where Shunsui was.

She was worried for his safety after learning of the murder of one captain already.

She was angry with him for clearly keeping secrets from her.

Yet through it all, she was happy in realizing she felt so deeply for him.

And then she felt sorrow again as she thought over it more carefully. Even if she loved him, the responsibility of her rank and her duties as both a shinigami and as a vice-captain came first before personal needs and concerns. She had promised herself this long ago…

She couldn't and wouldn't let herself get emotionally attached to others. It was just too painful back then, and it would hurt just as much if not worse if she carried out on these feelings she felt for Shunsui.

Even so, it was hurting now denying her heart what it yearned for…

…to be safe in his arms one more time…

Awww...Nanao...

Well, you know the drill, don't make me get the whip. Review, let me know what ya thought so I know what's on YOUR minds as the reader.

Next time! Chapter 12: The Settling Haze