Chapter 11
Words Don't Matter Here
Pah, managed to make 64 reviews guys. Just one more….ahh well I couldn't wait more than three weeks so thought why ever not? This chapter's mini anyways
BUT ! MASSIVE COOKIES AND YUMMY THINGS TO ALL OF YOU who DID review, especially those who wished me a happy birthday. Every single one made my day (well, that and my birthday prezzies of course! hehe)...:big hug:
Special thanks and cookies to the lovely BoogieWoogieWonka, who said my fic is her favourite SP one! That made me smile for hours THANK YOU so much!
So here comes the fluffalicious sequel…aagh this stuff is so hard to write...makes me go bright pink for no reason! But it's worth it in the end if you lot like it, but it is the kind of chapter you'll love or hate…so let me know which it is:)
For those of you who are Cartman/Kyle fans…enjoy!
For those of you who aren't…read anyway and be happy 'cos this chapter isn't that long!
ooooooooooooooooooooo00000000000000000000000000ooooooooooooooooooooo
CPOV
I don't know if you've ever noticed, but Stark's pond's almost entirely surrounded by trees. Trees that're so black and stern they stab upwards like blades against the sky, or the bars of some great iron cage bearing down to swallow you.
If you haven't then I wouldn't blame you, this whole midnight stalking thing's making me even more morbid than usual. My mind's getting more fucked up every minute.
It must have snowed around eleven, because there's a thin powdery layer of the stuff, over everything, smoothing away yesterday's footprints and leaving a perfect white circle in the clearing, split by the greasily obsidian puddle that is the pond itself. Even I feel my breath catch at the complete stillness of it all.
Kyle does no such thing. Ten wobbling strides and he's at the water's edge, toes nudging the brink as he stares into the blackened depths, rocking a little before slowing to a standstill; a single shivering pillar in the starlight.
I take another step, the shadows of the trees still masking me from view. I may still be hidden, but I can't be over eight metres away and can hear everything the oblivious Semite says as clear as a bell.
Good thing too, because he chooses that moment to start blubbering.
o0o
"I…I can't take this any more, Stan." The words are a whisper at first, the tiny thread of tears running through them is the only thing that gives them sound. But as he speaks his voice grows stronger, brimming over with a pain that makes my heart do retarded little bellyflops in my chest.
Stupid fag, talking to his assfucker friend at a time like this. What is he, skitzo?
"…Every day I see you walk past me, every lesson I watch your smile from across the room, to Kenny, to Wendy…to anyone. It's like you've forgotten me already. Dude, I miss you so much. You're my best friend, you always have been. We've been together since kindergarten for God's sake. I remember that first day at school… you wouldn't let go of me, remember? …shit dude…All the things we've been though since. You and Kenny and Me…Its crazy…" he breaks off into another ragged breath
"…and Cartman. I guess he's always been there too. I never really liked him, Stan, you know that, I don't think any of us did. He was just…there. Heh, Stupid frigging fatass…"
I stiffen in my hiding place, one gloved hand unconsciously clenching against my side, wondering why there's a sudden gnawing feeling inside my chest. Ouch.
I suppose that's the single most painful part of falling in love with someone. You leave your heart in their hands… and it only takes a tiny flex for them to crush it like a burnt cheesy poof.
My eyes blur with freezing tears, turning the green-clad boy sitting on the lakeside into a tiny coloured blot. An emerald in a world of white.
An emerald far too expensive for the likes of me.
You mean everything, Kyle.
But even like this you're too good for me.
I turn to go. What else can I do? If he says one more word I know I will never be able to face him again, and Cartman's supposed to have no weaknesses. Especially weaknesses for lonely ginger Jews without a friend in the world.
Poor little bastard.
That's it. That one thought is enough to change the course of two lives, or so I later found out. For at that point I hesitate, caught between the one I love and my nice warm, selfish bed back home.
One second of dithering.
One second too many.
For Kyle speaks once more, his words stopping me in my tracks all over again.
"But that's changing, Stan…I…I think I actually like him now. I don't understand why, I mean, to him I'm just a stupid ginger Jew-fro, right? I'm nothing. He's told me that ever since I can remember, and I've punched him to hell and back so that it didn't have time to hurt every time.
But now…he doesn't hate me.
I've noticed him watching me these past few weeks, always being there when I feel alone even though he thinks I can't see him. He sees more of me now than you ever did, Stan."
I hear Kyle sigh and his curly head slumps further onto his chest, one hand running nervously through his coppery hair. "I know it sounds stupid but…It's like he's the only one that sees me, the only one that cares…"
Slowly, like one in a dream, I step out from beneath the trees, the powdery snow hushing the sound of my footsteps, spreading out around us like a cloud.
"Am I grateful for that? …Or am I something more than grateful?"
I almost stop in my tracks, hope bursting like wings in my chest, so hard it hurts. Could he be..? Could he really feel something too?
I take another step forward, barely daring to breathe.
"I don't know, dude. I don't understand anything anymore. God I haven't got a clue what he way playing at with k-…um…" I can almost see the blush rising on his cheeks. "…with kissing me…like that. Hell, I suppose I could even blame this whole sorry mess on him but…But I don't Stan… I don't. The more I think about Sam the less she matters. What did I see in her? I don't think anybody knew, and now…and now whenever I daydream I end up thinking of him. I can't stop wondering why he did what he did. Jealousy? Selfishness? Another one of his shitty master plans? …or does he really…truly…have some feelings for me?"
The last is a small, desperate note, quavering away into the icy night. A question never expected to be answered.
And that brings him to his senses.
With a dry, rueful laugh, Kyle gets to his feet, brushing the snow from his clothes, eyes still on the glassy water.
I'm standing right behind him now, less than a pace away, drinking in the warmth radiating from his skin into the cold. My breath comes fast and shallow as I try with all my heart and soul to stay quiet, to prolong this perfect moment forever.
Kyle sighs as he takes one last look at Starks pond, raising one palm in a sorrowful farewell.
"Heh, dude. I know you're not there. I know you'll never hear a single word I say here, but you're the only one I can talk to now. The real you hates me too much to listen. But if I don't tell somebody I'm going to explode. I have to tell someone, share it with someone…About what happened, about Sam, about this unshakeable loneliness…about Him…. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore, do I, dude? Maybe I should just go…"
His shoulders slump, hand falling limp at his side. He turns…
Straight into my embrace.
"WH-?" Comes a terrified squeak from somewhere near my chest "Cartman! What're y-" But his words die on his lips as our eyes meet, plunging us into our own little silent world…
Words don't matter here.
One hand slides down his arm to his wrist, holding it gently so he can't push me away, the other curls carefully around his back, cradling him close against me. His coat is cold and stiff with frost, but feels like silk to my wondering touch.
I can't believe I'm doing this, here, right now…and with him.
He's so small… I never really noticed it before, like a china doll, exquisite in every detail, yet fragile as a sunray.
I can feel his shuddering shoulders against my forearm, the curve of his narrow spine against my chest and the frantic beating of his heart against his ribs, almost as fast as my own.
So delicate…
I don't want to break him.
Gradually, finger by finger, I release his wrist, trailing my palm along the hem of his sleeve, up to his shoulder to close gently around the nape of his neck. He shivers and my mouth curls into a smile; we both know it's not from the cold anymore.
But once again, reality threatens to ruin all.
"C-Cartman, I…you…how did you…this is crazy-" Those rose blushed lips quiver with concern, emerald eyes blazing up at me like two stars fallen from heaven.
He's so beautiful.
"Sssh," I murmur, tracing his jawline with one long finger. My touch trickles down to his collar and I watch his eyes close, a tiny, broken sigh escaping him. My angel.
"Cartman…" A last reluctant plea. Begging me to stop and to go on in the same breath.
Don't worry Kyle, don't think of tomorrow. Just think of us. Just think of now.
Slowly, tenderly, I lean down, tilting his perfect chin up to meet me as I do so, barely breathing as our lips brush in the starlight. So soft. So warm.
…I love you, Kyle.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo0000000000000000000000ooooooooooooooooooo
…?