Chapter 10: Questions
10:26 AM; September 10th, 1997
A week. Esme had spent a week living behind a wall, showering out of a public restroom, and being visited by the Warners.
'Visited' meaning they appeared randomly during her morning routine. She opened her backpack to find coins? They were there. She moved a brick from the corner of the wall? They were there. She pumped some hand soap? They were there!
'Visited' meaning they found it of utmost importance to destroy Esme's knowledge of physics completely with falling anvils and ropes that hung from nowhere. Being crushed by a mallet only changed your shape temporarily, and if you took a hit to the head you only got some stars and birds fluttering around. Thankfully, Esme was not 'subject' to their antics, or they'd be in for quite a surprise when she stayed a broken pancake under the wrath of a two-ton anvil.
But they weren't all bad, even when they dragged her around to places she'd rather not go. They'd taken her to dollar stores where they completely tormented the poor employees (but, hey, she'd gotten some hygiene and art supplies while they were at it), they'd taken her to meet a few other toons (a poor mime who couldn't walk two feet without seeing stars, and a toon cat and dog who seemed less than pleased at Esme's presence), and they even took her to the cafeteria daily now.
It was nice, despite the 'zany'-ness. Esme genuinely liked them, and all of their crazy antics.
But the hollow-eyed teen wasn't back yet. He wasn't back to return Esme to her rightful place in time, back in Ohio where she belonged.
And until he returned, there was no way Esme was going to get close to anyone. So she still scowled at all the jokes, walked away whenever they showed up, growled retorts to their snarky comments, and pretended not to care. She wouldn't get close to anyone. She would be back home soon enough.
Even if they had written a song about her and were performing it in the middle of her makeshift home.
"She calls us nuts, but that's okay!"
"We come to see her every day!"
"We know she's crazy anyway!"
"Hey-hey let's sing it all again!"
"We met our friend out in a shop!"
"We chased after her, we'll never stop!"
"She came to the tower over a bowl of soup!"
"She ran away to an empty fence!"
"She crossed the border, brought back a pet!"
"She's crazy and reckless but that's okay!"
"We're all zany, we like her anyway!"
"And that's how we met our friend Esme Reyne!"
"It's Esme Reyn-ee, scatterbrains." Esme grumbled, rolling her eyes. Really, though, she couldn't help but be impressed that they rehearsed and performed a three-minute rhyming song just for her.
"Anything goes when it has to rhyme, little miss firecracker." Yakko shrugged.
Ah, the nickname. Esme vowed to pluck out Yakko's whiskers for that.
"We have a surprise for you!" Wakko sing-songed, smiling cheekily.
"But you have to come outside first!" Dot added, pointing towards the gap underneath the brick wall.
"I am outside. There isn't even a ceiling in this old dump…" Esme gestured her hands at the sky above her, dotted perfectly with fluffy clouds. "You're not going to scare me, are you? I've had enough 'panic things' for a lifetime with you guys around…"
"Not unless it involves my pet." Dot chirped, bringing out a small white box from her hammerspace.
"Pet…?"
Dot flipped open the lid, which revealed a huge ghastly green monster with a giant eyeball as its head. It loomed over Esme, it's blood-shot eyes staring straight into her soul and every secret she'd ever kept in her life.
Esme let out a silent shriek, stiffening up completely, while Gunner just went up and licked the creature. His black tail wagged excitedly.
"And you say Gunner's a strange pet…"
"Now come on!" Yakko urged, snatching Esme by the wrist and dragging her towards the entrance to her hideaway. Oh, so we're using normal entrances and exits now? No popping out of a backpack or hand soap bottle?
The toons dragged her all the way from the hideaway to the studio closest to their water tower. Despite Esme's best attempts to escape, their hands were looped tight around her wrists. It was almost like those handcuffs they'd locked her in last week….
Just as the trio (and Esme, with her 'dog') arrived at the entrance, a tall woman pushed open the door. She looked a bit surprised, and maybe a bit afraid, that the three were there. Esme was a bit… put off by her appearance.
And they say video games in 2013 are corrupting little boy's minds…
"Hellooooo, Nurse!" Yakko and Wakko howled, sitting on all fours and panting madly with little cartoon hearts floating over their heads.
"Boys. Go fig." Dot grumbled. She grabbed Esme's wrist and pulled her into the building, heading towards a hall.
"Excuse me, Miss?" The blonde woman called, putting a hand on Esme's shoulder to stop her. "Who are you?"
Esme frowned. "No one. I come from nowhere and I'm going nowhere."
The woman looked a bit taken aback, but she continued nonetheless. "Well, Miss, I'm afraid there are no dogs allowed in this building." She motioned towards Gunner, who was sitting by Esme with a stiff look on his face. His pointed ears reached Esme's chest; maybe that was why the nurse seemed wary. Or the fact he was a Human World dog.
Esme shrugged. "Do they count?" She pointed towards Yakko and Wakko with an annoyed look on her face. They were all tied up in their own tongues, but their tails still wagged and they still panted.
The teen didn't wait for an answer. She simply called Gunner over to her and watched with a bewildered expression as Dot unwounded her brothers by cranking their tails. Hello Nurse did not interrupt again as the trio led Esme down the hall.
"So, where are we going this time? Dollar store? Movie set? Opera theater?" Esme asked, scratching Gunner behind the ears and taking an eyeful of the frames adorning the hallway. From the looks of all the pictures, Mel Gibson had pulled this studio through all sorts of poverty… Esme shook her head to clear the image of the lunatic the man was panning out to be in 2013.
"No. We're going to Scratchy's!"
Esme twisted her face in confusion. "We're going to who now?" That was all she got to say before a box fell inches from her feet.
"The method of transportation is a little strange…" Yakko said, pushing Esme into the box.
"…but he's okay!" the three chimed.
"Hey!" Esme yelped, crashing to the bottom of the surprisingly large wooden box. "I bruise easy! How many times do I have to tell you-!"
Esme was cut off by the harsh knocking of Yakko's knuckles on the door labeled The Shrink. Quickly, he jumped into the box after Esme, his siblings – and even Gunner – following suit. Dot pulled the lid of the box on, while Wakko suddenly made nails and a hammer appeared. A few seconds later, the siblings were huddled on one side of the box and Esme and Gunner were on the other. The three giggled and snickered with each other and looked at Esme excitedly.
Esme glared. "You locked us in a box!"
"Just give Scratchy a moment, will ya? He's coming."
As if on cue, the box was suddenly picked up and carried into the room. The toons (and dog) jostled against each other uncomfortably, but the Warners laughed anyway, while Esme scowled.
When the box fell to the ground, the five ended up in a tangled heap of arms and legs. Somehow Yakko's foot ended up in Esme's ear, and her hand was in Gunner's mouth. Dot was at the bottom of the heap, with Wakko's gookie-expressioned face on top of hers.
"I swear, Wakko, if you belch in my ear again all you're getting for Christmas is a quick death." Dot grumbled.
Esme rolled her eyes.
Next thing the toons knew, Doctor Scratchansniff was prying open the box with a crowbar. Just as the metal object was pushed between the lid and crate, the Warners jumped up, sending the lid (and Scratchansniff) flying.
"Hellooooo…!"
"Doctor…!"
"Scratchansniff…!"
Esme eased herself and Gunner out of the crate while the three kids hopped out. The teen held Gunner by the scruff and led him behind the crate, where they crouched down and watched from a hidden position.
I swear to God, they have these lyrics implanted in their brains with mental surgery….
The poor man looked scared half to death with the three kids dancing around him. He had his hands clenched on his balding head, had he hair he would have ripped it out by now.
"Shtop it! Shtop it!" he cried, waving his hands in the air dramatically as the zany toons planted a cartoony kiss on his head. "Sit down! This eez a zession, not a playground!"
The three planted their butts on the ground right where they were standing, acting like dogs with their tongues out and their hands held like paws. "Woof!"
"Oh, by the way, doc," Yakko jumped up from his position and looped his arm around the man's shoulders, "meet our new best friend, Esme!"
Esme cringed. Yeah, had to introduce me like that, I'm NOT your friend, scatterbrain….
She stood anyway, though hesitancy was very clear by her posture and expression. Gunner stood up beside her, somehow planting a lick on her nose. As Esme scrubbed her red nose furiously with her sweatshirt sleeve, though, Scratchansniff's frustrated expression turned to one of despair when he caught sight of her.
"Oh, nein…" Her turned to Yakko. "Vhy? Not eenother one! I zhout Plotz told zee animators never to draw you kidzes again!"
"Yeah, um, hate to be buzzkill, but I ain't drawn." Esme cut in, stepping between the toon and the shrink. "Believe it or not, I got parents, and they're worried. See ya." Alright, not the best exit, but it's something, eh? She walked up to the door, only to be stopped when Yakko grabbed her wrist.
"Ahhhhh… not yet, firecracker, the point of this chapter hasn't been reached yet."
Esme fumed. "That three-story window over there looks pretty great right about now, if you ask me."
"We didn't." They looped their hands around her wrist and pulled her down to the purple couch.
"Who is this guy, anyway?" Esme waved her hands towards Scratchansniff, who was now cowering behind his desk. "'Scratchy' is a weird enough name as is, and a 'zession' at that…"
"Oh, of course!" Yakko pulled the studio shrink out from his hiding spot and Esme from the couch so they could face each other. "Scratchansniff, Esme, Esme, Scratchansniff!" He pushed their hands together so they were forced to shake. Scratchansniff looked aghast, while Esme scowled and muttered under her breath.
"Alright, but who is he?"
"He's our p-sychiatrist!"
Esme pulled away from the handshake to stare at the Warner's cheerful faces. "Alright, alright, hold up a bit. I knew you were crazy, but you're medically insane? That's it. See ya. I've got no business whatsoever dealing with deranged monkeys…"
"Zhey are not completely eensane. It eez just my job to de-zanitize zee Varner brothers…"
Esme ignored him as she sat herself back down on the purple couch. She turned to Wakko. "Why'd you bring me here, then?"
Wakko shrugged. "We thought you might need a p-sychiatrist, too."
Esme internally screamed.
Scratchansniff chuckled nervously when he saw all four Warners seated on the purple couch, and a large German shepherd pacing around until he found a seat by… the new one. "Und… what eez zhat doing here?" No human dogs were ever brought in the toon world. Ever.
"He's mine. Just deal with it." Esme retorted, rubbing Gunner's back.
Scratchansniff frowned. He already knew this was going to be a heck of a day when he caught first sight of the female toon, but it was just getting worse. She wasn't zany like the Warners, that much was good, but she seemed…crazy… in another way. Reckless. She clearly had no problem showing outright negativity and rudeness to the Warners and himself, and she even had a dog from another world following her around. This is not good….
"Zo… is Ezmee short for Ezmerahlda?"
Esme scrunched up her face. "No." Time to mention Quasimodo? Or has that not happened yet…? "And this is Gunner." She added, scratching the dog behind his ears.
Scratchansniff rubbed his chin thoughtfully. She was calmer than the siblings, no doubt. She sat still, her legs crossed with one hand in her lap and the other around the dog. It was a mystery to him still, how she arrived to the trio and whatever business they had with her, but he knew he'd cover that with the trio soon. Maybe if he could just convince the girl to associate with the Warners some more, she could help mellow them out.
"Yakko, Vakko, Dot, vhy eez Ezmerahlda here?"
Yakko smirked. "We brought her here, Scratchy."
"No, I mean vhy is she in zee lot?"
"She's not in 'zee lot', she's in your office."
"No! I mean, vhy eez she here?"
Yakko hopped up from the purple couch, suddenly wearing glasses much like Scratchansniff's. "No one really knows why she's here, or any of us, really. But there are a few theories out there. Some say we all evolved from a fish, and others say that Chuck Norris clapped and it all appeared."
"No…" Scratchansniff moaned. Yakko took his seat back on the purple couch again, where he and his siblings smiled widely and blinked innocently. Esme looked on with disgust. "Vhy zo you do ziss?"
"Who's 'ziss'?" Wakko asked, confusion on his face too well-covered to know if it was genuine or not.
Yakko darted eyes between the readers and his brother. "Mwah! Goodnight everybody!"
Esme froze, her grip on Gunner tightening so quickly he yelped softly. "Seriously?" she shouted, throwing her hands up in the air. "You're the one telling me I can't swear above 'heck', not that I would anyway, mind you, because this is a 'kid show', and then you go and say that? How do you know that stuff anyway?"
Yakko poked her nose, to which she recoiled with a "no touch!". Yakko grinned cheekily. "I dunno, how do youuuu know?"
"That eez enough!" Scratchansniff cried, thrusting the two apart. "Keep still, you kidzies! I try to have a session andz you drive me absolutely eensane!" He gripped each Warner and sat them down in their respective spots on the couch, sitting them down firmly with their legs straight and their hands in their laps. When he finished with them and looked towards Esme, however, she raised her brow challengingly.
"Just try it." She growled.
No, not normal at all. Scratchansniff thought despairingly.
"Zo, Ezmerahlda, can I focus on you for a bit, ja?"
"…sure."
"How did you meet the Varner brothers?"
"Erm… long story."
"Are you a relative?"
"No. My last name isn't Warner. It's Reyne."
"Und… you are staying with zhem?"
Esme tensed up. Right… that question.
Thankfully, however, the Warner siblings came to her rescue… sort of. "She is!"
"We've had so much fun with Don Knotts marathons…"
"And movie nights!"
"And girl time…"
Not sure if this is better or worse. Esme sat silently and looked down at her bare feet. But, hey, it's better than being kicked off the lot… kind of. So, we're giving the impression I'm staying with them now… but I'm not. The teen hasn't come yet. No reason to make little 'friends' now.
Esme lost herself in her thoughts, and next thing she knew, Scratchansniff was wrapping up the session. "Und just for a leetle bit… Yakko? Eez it okay if Ezmee leaves zee room for a bit?"
Esme's head snapped up with rapt attention. Leave the room? Oh, yes! Yes!
The Warners exchanged an uncertain look, though, much to Esme's disappointment.
"It's just for a bit…" she whined.
"I want to ask you some perseenol questions." Scratchy added, looking between his notepad and the toons.
"Well… okay!" the toons agreed. They then turned to Esme with a serious expression; not a good look for crazy kids like them. They whipped out a thick, old book of sorts and placed Esme's black-furred hand on it; their zany nature returning.
"Do you, Esme Reyne, promise to behave on your own while you wait in the hallway?"
"Uh, sure, whatever." Esme rolled her eyes and removed her hand from the book.
"Take care of the kid, Gunner! We're trusting you." Dot added, patting the large dog's head.
"I'm fine. Seriously." Esme opened the door and stepped into the hallway, Gunner following. "… helicopter parents…" she muttered.
AN: 'Bout a 3,000 word chapter here, to sort of make up for what I'm about to say next. So, in case you haven't noticed yet, I update every Wednesday. Next week, I'm going to miss my update for a family thing. After that, I'll try to update every Wednesday again, but I'm running dangerously low on material. I have a plan and all, but... maybe I'll try one of the soon-to-come chapters from a... different perspective. *wink-wink*
Oh, yeah, and as for the abrupt ending, I really didn't want this to become a 4,000-word chapter and use up all the writing I've got left. Thanks for sticking with this story. The next chapter and maybe the one after are a bit calm, but hold onto your seats... I'm throwing a wild one at you.
Criticism is highly encouraged!