Hi! So, sorry it's been a while. School's been kind of hectic and I got distracted with a new show for a while and lost my Pathan spark. But it's back now and hopefully I won't take so long to update again.

Her initials are stitched into his old jersey.

That has to mean something, right? He wants to believe that it's that one thing that just proves to him and to her and to everyone that they're…something. Anything. Soulmates. That they're meant to be together and that they love each other. It's supposed to mean something.

That's what he keeps telling himself.

He can't do this to himself. Not again. He can't let himself sit here and revel in these awful memories of her and him and them. He's done this too many times and since the last time, he's made his move with her and lost his best friend. Nothing he does now seems of any importance if it doesn't involve Peyton.

But their not awful memories. They're great memories. Ones he doesn't ever plan on forgetting. Because they involve her. His life involves her and he doesn't want to give her up. But he never had her. He thinks he never will now. But these memories - these memories he's packing up again - are all he has, of Peyton, of his childhood, of everything. He doesn't want to give any of it up yet. He's not sure he's ready to pack it up in boxes again for it to sit in his basement for years to come.

But he has to.

He's leaving for Charlestown in two days. He could stay and just travel back and forth every other week, but frankly, why would he want to? What has Tree Hill ever done for him? What does this place have to offer him anymore?

A broken marriage, a more than best friend, his dysfunctional parents, and a brother that wants nothing to do with him aren't things he wants to deal with anymore. It's something he doesn't want in his life anymore. He can't take it in his life any longer.

He hasn't told Peyton yet. He hasn't told Lucas or his parents. He hasn't told anyone. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to hear their goodbyes or face that awkward moment of whether or not this is truly right.

So he's just going to leave without saying a goodbye. It's a shitty way to do so, he knows that, but it's better than the alternative. For so long he's been stuck in Tree Hill, living what seemed like to him a mediocre life. Though deep down he knows it was more than just that. So for the first time he's reaching out of the barriers of Tree Hill and grasping for something more. Something better, hopefully. But for now he has to pack.

He sits in his living room and stares at the old jersey in his hands. It's from middle school and his fingers graze over her initials she stitched into the hem of his shirt. P.S. He still remembers the day she stole his jersey only a few hours before his game and refused to give it back until the very last minute. He didn't know what she wanted with it or what she was going to do to it and when he got it back there seemed to be nothing wrong with it.

But then he's sitting on the bench, resting, clutching his jersey and he feels something different on his fingers that have never been there before. He lifted his shirt up and there he saw the two letters stitched in gold yarn. When he looked up to find her, their eyes met and he smiled and she knew why.

He's kept that jersey after all these years. Every game until he left for high school he wore that jersey and when the game got close he'd rub his fingers along those letters and pray for a miracle to happen. It seemed to always work.

Nathan traced his finger along the letters for what seemed like the hundredth time before throwing the shirt back into the box. He has to move on. No miracle's are going to happen today. If he ever plans on being out of here by Friday then he has to get to work. He can't distract himself with these memories of Peyton. He just can't help himself.

She's always been distracting him.

--

She wakes up to his arms wrapped around her waist. She can feel his breath on her neck and the hairs on his legs rub up against hers and it gives her chills. It feels good to wake up in Lucas' arms. He's comfy to sleep with and she finds herself waking up every morning with a smile on her face.

She almost hates to move from her spot in the bed. But when she turns around and sees those blue eyes staring back at her she doesn't regret it. He gives her that half smile and she only buries her head farther into his chest. His arms tighten around her, pulling her as close to him as he she can get.

"We slept in too late." He says. It's the first thing either of them has said all morning and she almost hates that he broke whatever this was. She doesn't turn around to peak at the clock or ask what time it is. She knows it's at least nearing one in the afternoon and he's right, they have wasted half of this day away. But they've been like this all morning and if this is how they're going to spend the rest of their day, they don't care about the outside world.

"Don't move." She mumbles into his chest. He's not sure how she knew he was about to get up, but he eases back into her and smiles.

"Let's do something today. Something fun."

"Like what?" She asks looking up at him, even when her curls have fallen in front of her eyes.

"Like…go to the park. Or we could take a drive through the back roads. Anything. Let's not sit here all day and stare at each other."

She smiles and pulls herself up to meet his lips. "Even that sounds fun."

"Keep kissing me like that and I might reconsider." He moans leaning in to taste her lips again. Suddenly, she jumps out of the bed with a mischievous smile and heads towards the bathroom.

"You better get dressed. We have a big day ahead of us."

He watches her walk into the bathroom and shut the door. He's still staring at the door for a few seconds before he decides to get up too. He hears the shower turn on and he fights an inner battle to not go and join her. He opens his closet and picks out her favorite shirt of his and the jeans she bought him the other day. He smiles when he thinks about what her face will look like later on today when he asks her that question that's been on his mind for a while now.

Yes, today's going to be a big day.

--

He doesn't want to be here, but he has nowhere else to go.

It's the only bar in Tree Hill and he doesn't want to sit at home and drink alone. For some reason, he'd rather get drunk with other drunks. It's the first time he's been here since his accident and even the bartender is surprised to see him when he walks in the door. Nathan orders his usual and sits himself on the far end of the counter, scoping out the rest of the crowd. A few couples, mostly drunks, and a group of people on the far end enjoying themselves.

He lifts the bottle up to his mouth and the alcohol almost tastes sour to him when it's going down his throat. He's been drinking since he was fifteen (his first drink was with Peyton), but having this be the first time he's actually had alcohol since he started walking again, it feels different, tastes different, and it's all the same setting. It's just him that's different. But that doesn't stop him from continuing drinking.

He's on his third drink and not even close to being drunk when he sees her walk out of that group of people on the other side of the room and up to the bar. He watches her order her drink and he can't really decide if he should call her over or not. But then she lifts her eyes and they meet his and before he knows it she's walking over to him.

She's wearing that green dress he loves and he can smell her sweet perfume even in this run down bar. Her smile seems to grow wider the closer she gets to him and her doe eyes shine in the dark room. She's always been beautiful, but this is just ridiculous to him.

"Hey." Haley says standing beside him.

"Hey." He replies quietly. She motions to the stool next to him and he nods, wanting her to sit down. "What are you doing here?"

"New teacher started today, so we went out to celebrate." She says pointing back to her group. He looks behind her shoulder and sees it's filled with middle aged men and women with only a few in their twenties. "What about you?" She asks in what seems like a concerned voice. "I thought you weren't this Nathan anymore." She says referring to the Nathan Scott that drank himself to sleep every night for four months. The Nathan Scott that snuck out in the middle of the night and rolled himself to the bar.

"I'm not." He shakes his head. "I just had to get out of my apartment. I didn't know where else to go." He's sure she'll know what that means. He knows Haley knows about his and Lucas' encounter, he knows his brother tells this girl everything. They are best friends.

"No basketball tonight?" She smiles, bumping against his shoulder. He stays silent for a few seconds when the bartender brings Haley's drink.

"I'm moving to Charlestown. I'm playing for the B league now." He blurts out, still staring down at his beer. He's not sure why he's telling her. He's not sure why he's telling anyone. He knows Peyton should be the first person he tells, or Lucas or even his parents. But he can't bring himself to tell them. Peyton won't talk to him, Lucas won't let her, and he won't talk to his parents. Haley's here. That means something. At least, to him it does.

He looks over at her and she looks speechless. Like she wants to just jump up and give him a hug, but is debating whether or not she should. A part of him wishes she would.

"Nathan, that's…that's great. Congratulations." She says placing her hand on his arm. That simple touch soothes him.

"Thanks. I'm leaving tomorrow night."

"Does Peyton know?"

"No." He says firmly, letting her know that that's that and he doesn't want to speak anymore of it or of her.

"Well, I'm really happy for you, Nate. I'll be the first to admit that I thought you would never play again. I'm glad you proved me wrong." She says giving a small chuckle. Nathan just nods and stares down at his beer. "I'll see you around." She moves to get up and from the corner of his eye he watches her walk away.

"Haley!" He calls out to her. She stops in her tracks and turns back to him. He won't say this in the middle of a bar. He won't yell it out to her so everyone can hear. He just waits for her to come back and take a seat.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. "I'm sorry I was a lousy husband. And I'm sorry that I was a different person after the accident." He says shaking his head and fixing his eyes on hers. "I'm sorry that I didn't try hard enough to fix our marriage and to fix us. And it's my fault that we got a divorce and I know that…I'm just sorry."

"It's OK."

He chuckles and bows his head. "That's all you can say? It's OK? Haley…"

"It wasn't your fault, Nathan. Sure, things got hard" She shrugs one shoulder. "I could've been more understanding and I shouldn't have been so hard on you. But the accident made me realize that we can't get through everything and maybe…maybe we're not meant to be. Maybe always and forever doesn't really exist."

"Or maybe I could have fought harder." He says quietly staring up at her with his deep blue eyes. "I know that I did some things and said some things that I wish I could take back."

"Said some things? Like what?" She asks kinking her brow, seeing if he'll actually admit it.

"You know." He nods.

"Yeah, I do. But do you?" She smiles that cute smile that always had him melting, except now it's different and again it all feels different to him.

"I know what you're thinking, Haley, and you're wrong. We're just friends." He says shaking his head. He can't even mutter her name. She knows that at least means something.

"Lucas told me she came home crying the other night." He listens to her and his heart races at the thought of Peyton telling Lucas. "She wouldn't tell him why, but I have a good idea."

"It's never going to happen." He shakes his head, taking a sip from his beer.

"And why not?"

"She knows my feelings for her. She doesn't care."

Haley scoffs and shakes her head. "You can't really believe that. I don't really know Peyton and I don't really know much about love, but I do know when there's a connection."

He looks over at her and sees the girl who's changed parts of his life in a lot of ways. She's not the innocent tutor he met in college. She's this woman that's seen everything. Or at least he thinks that. She's changed this past year. It's still hard to believe that it hasn't even been two years since they got married and their already divorced.

It feels like he's known Haley his entire life. He knows her secrets and her passions and dreams. He knows what parts of the world she wants to see. He knows her favorite song and food. He knows so many things about her and he remembers how it wasn't too long ago when he knew nothing about her.

He leans in closer to her and she can smell the alcohol on his breath. "Maybe…maybe we still have a connection." She knows he's not drunk. She knows when he's being serious.

"We never had a connection." She says quietly, but seriously.

He closes the gap between them and takes her lips in his. She doesn't pull away because she knows what he's doing. He's trying to prove to himself that there's nothing between him and Peyton. That she's not the one for him. It feels just like their first kiss, unexpected. Haley doesn't see it coming and she doesn't kiss back. She doesn't want to. This man isn't her husband anymore.

He pulls away and stares at her closed eyes. They flutter open and meet his desperate blue eyes.

"Feel anything?" She asks.

"No." He shakes his head. "I felt nothing."

Haley stands from her seat again and grabs her drink. She places her hand on his shoulder and a part of her knows that this might be the last time she'll this side of Nathan Scott.

"She'll come around, Nathan. Just give her some time."

"I've been waiting for her since I was a kid, Haley." He says desperately, finally admitting that he does still have feelings for Peyton.

"I know." She nods. "But you know Peyton Sawyer better than I do, and from what I hear she's pretty stubborn." She gives his shoulder one last squeeze and he looks and sees her smile before walking back to her group. He watches her go and deep down he knows him and Haley are nothing now. He thinks he knew that from the start.

Now he just needs him and Peyton to be something.

--

They walk the pier hand and hand for what seems like hours.

Every few minutes she'll squeeze just a bit tighter just so she can get a glimpse at those blue eyes. They'll smile and go back to looking at everyone else on this warm night.

Things are good between them. Things are great. For the first time he doesn't feel threaten and she doesn't feel like she's trying to prove herself. They're just having fun and loving it.

She excuses herself to go get a coffee and he asks for one of his own before he watches her go. He sneaks away to his own little shop while she's gone. She doesn't even notice.

She orders their drinks and smiles at the woman behind the counter when she tells Peyton to have a nice night. Walking outside, there's no sign of Lucas in sight. Peyton scans the crowd for that blonde hair and blue eyed boy. She takes a second to actually see all the other couples around her. They're all so happy and loving. If this was the Peyton Sawyer from a few months ago she would've hated to see all these people

Now she's glad to be one of them.

She spots Lucas maneuvering around the other people and he smiles when he sees her. She closes the gab between them and hands him his coffee.

"There you are." She smiles. "I thought you ditched me for a second."

"Never." He says taking a sip from his coffee. They continue their way up and down the pier for another few minutes before walking home.

The entire time his hand is in his jacket pocket as he spins the small box between his fingers.

Well? Reviews make me happy. : )