Chapter XI : We Don't Belong

Sometimes days are so hard to survive,

A million ways to bury you alive

The sun goes down like a bad, bad dream

You're wound up tight, gotta let off steam.

- Crazy, Crazy Nights, KISS.

"I always do these things, you know?" I said, shoving another crisp in my mouth. "Screw up with men. I seem to have a radar for, when a guy likes me, do something to mess it up."

"Well, take it over, sweetie." Lafayette said, narrowing his eyes with endless eyelashes, elbows on the bar. "Or move on. Men don't deserve even a tenth of the thoughts we dedicate to them."

I smiled. "Lafayette, are you aware that you are a man?"

"But I'm flawless, boo!" he said. "Carrie, I think there's more than one man into that cute little head."

I sighed. "What a sight... Yeah, you're right. And that's the problem. Also, they know and hate each other... this is what you got when you like a vampire and a werewolf at the same time. Not as lovely as in Twilight."

Lafayette straightened up, eyes wide. "A vampire? Oh, baby, you're getting in a slightly dangerous territory there. I didn't know you were into that kind of stuff."

"Am not." I said. "I hadn't known any vampire until I started working at Fangtasia. Turns out that I like all the ones I know."

"You work in Fangtasia?" Lafayette said. "Wait, the vampire that makes you horny ain't Eric Northman, right?"

"Yeah." I said, raising my eyebrows. "You know him?"

"Much more than I'd fucking wish." He said. "Darlin', I respect everyone, but you have to walk carefully when you hang out with vamps, they take what they want, when they want and you can't remember it after. Have you slept with him? Has he bitten you?"

"No and no." I said. "Besides, he won't hurt me. I think he finds me really funny."

Lafayette pursed his lips. "And why is that?"

"Because I smell like the seventh heaven for him or something and because he can't glamour me."

"I know a girl who can't be glamoured." Sam, who walked behind Lafayette with a box of beers in his arms said. "And yet they managed to deceive her and do whatever they wanted with her."

I leaned slightly forward. "You talking about Sookie? What did they do to her?"

"Oh." Lafayette said, shaking his head as to pull away his hair from his face, only that he had no hair. "They went too far. Sookie was in love with a vampire, Bill, madly, they seem to love each other beyond anything else. Sookie even traveled to Jackson to save him after he was kidnapped. And then it turned out that it had been all a sham and that Bill had been commanded by the Queen of Louisiana to investigate Sookie."

I frowned. "Did you just say 'the Queen of Louisiana'?"

"Yeah, baby, don't you know how vampires are you organized?" Lafayette said. "There is a king in every state, which is divided into areas that are ruled by Sheriffs."

"Sheriffs? Are you fucking kidding me?" When I saw Lafayette's serious expression, I snorted in surprise. "And how did Sookie find out the truth?"

Lafayette and Sam exchanged glances. "A sheriff told the truth to Sookie." Sam said. "The Sheriff of Area 5. Eric Northman."

I laughed out loud. "Eric is a Sheriff?" I bit my lip, hesitantly. "So he is above the other vampires? I think that explains a lot. I thought they only obeyed him because he's old and rich..."

"It affects too, I think." Sam said. "But you're not focusing on what's important."

"So Eric challenged his Queen to tell the truth to Sookie?" I said. Sam raised his eyebrows.

"Well, yes. But just because he wanted her to himself."

I rolled my eyes. "Honestly, guys, I know vampires are dangerous, but think it this way: if you were as powerful as them, even if you didn't drink blood, don't you think that most humans would be even more sadistic and cruel? I think Eric is quite fair. Okay, he doesn't value human life much, but he doesn't go around killing first and asking later. The times I've seen him kill someone, it was to save my life. If it wasn't for him, I would've died twice last week."

Sam leaned over the bar. "And if you hadn't known him, would you have been in danger in the first place?" He said, and I frowned. "Vampires bring death with them, Carrie, no matter if they execute it or not. I'm not saying that Eric will kill you, but getting involved with him is dangerous. And knowing how you smell, it's a matter of time that any of them attack you."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I've been working in a bar of vampires and none of them have even tried to touch me. I'm not afraid."

"Well, you should be." Lafayette said. "And Eric Motherfucking Northman should be the one to frighten you the most."

I sighed and ate another crisp. "Everybody is dangerous in their own way." I said. "Only that they hurt in different ways." Lafayette bit his lip, looking at me, and Sam rolled his eyes and disappeared into the kitchen. "I know you think I'm stupid." I said. "But I know how to handle the situation. I just don't know which one I like better."

"Alcide's a good man." Lafayette said. "Although it doesn't matter if you like the vamp better. I think a list of pros and cons will solve nothing, and neither will eating your feelings." He said, taking my bag of crisps.

"Hey!" I said, still chewing the last. "That's mine!"

"By the way," Lafayette said. "If you work at Fangtasia, you'll be able to tell me how my cousin Tara is."

I raised my eyebrows. "Tara is your cousin? Like, Pam's Tara? That Tara?"

"Yeah, that fucking Tara. Who became a vampire against her will. How's she doing?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "She seems a very happy vampire to me." I said. "Don't know what you mean, but I think she's great."

Lafayette gave a lopsided grin and nodded. "Well, sweetheart, it's been a pleasure, but I gotta go back to work. Come talk with old LaLa whenever you want."

I laughed. "I will. I think it's time to go home. I have a friend in crisis."

"Fly like the wind." Lafayette said as he walked into the kitchen. I laughed and left the money on the bar, then left the restaurant with a sigh.

::::::::::::::::::::

"Can I go with you?" Charlie said lying on my bed, staring at her hair ends. I shrugged my shoulders as I brushed my hair.

"If you wanna... I don't know what Eric wants, but it surely is about the fangs."

"Then, I think I stay." She said, turning on herself. "Give my love to the sexy vampire."

"Sure." I said, leaving the brush on the dresser and turning around. "I'll try not to come back late."

"Easy, there's a Friends marathon on TV. I'll be entertained."

I bent down to kiss her on the cheek before leaving.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I arrived at Fangtasia a little after ten o'clock and took off my helmet, running my fingers through my hair to detangle it a bit. I pulled up my tight jeans and I took a deep breath, opening the door of the bar, which was closed that night. When I entered, Eric was standing against the counter, next to Pam, and sitting at a table were Tara and Sookie.

"Hi..." I said, doubtful when I entered. Everyone turned to me and I gulped. What happened there?

"Carrie." Eric said in greeting. Pam smiled.

"I must say you look lovely today. That shirt is very flattering." She said.

I looked down, I was wearing an old Mötorhead shirt, which showed my shoulder "Ah, thank you, Pam..." I said. When she complimented me I felt like she was about to bite me. "Hi, Tara..." I said, walking over to shake hands with Sookie. The girl stood up with a smile and shook my hand.

"Meet Miss Stackhouse." Eric said. "Tonight she has come to do us a favor. And right there is Jessica."

I turned as I shook hands with Sookie; in a secluded chair sat a very serious redhead vampire.

"Um, yeah, Sookie, right?" I said, turning my face to her again. "It's difficult to forget a name like Sookie." I smiled politely.

"Yes, that'd be me." Sookie said. "You are Carrie, right? Alcide's friend?"

I nodded, not sure if that statement was still true.

"You already knew each other?" Eric asked.

"Yes, the day you sent me to talk to Sam." I said.

"Did you send her to talk to Sam?" Sookie said. "Why?"

"That is irrelevant." Eric replied. "Carrie, do you know what Sookie is?"

I looked at Sookie with raised eyebrows, she looked expectantly. I could almost see a golden halo around her body, it was clear what she was.

"A fairy." I said in a whisper, smiling.

"How did you know?" She asked, tilting her head. I shrugged my shoulders.

"It's something I know. To me it's obvious."

"Sookie, our friend Carrie can't be glamoured." Eric said as we sat down. "I want you to try to read her mind."

"Hey, wait!" I said, turning to Eric. "What the hell are you saying? Why do you want her to read my mind?"

Eric winced. "I just want to check something, Carrie. I don't need Sookie to tell me what you're thinking, I just want to know if she can read you."

I ran my tongue over my teeth, looking at Eric. "And if I refuse?"

"I don't see why you would. I think you're so eager to find out who you are as myself."

I looked down. The bastard was right. "Thank you for saying 'who' not 'what'." I said, turning towards Sookie.

"I tried to read her mind the day she came to Merlotte's, and I couldn't." She said. I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Try again." Eric ordered. Sookie took my hands in hers and closed her eyes, trying to hear something. The fact is that I didn't want her reading my mind, neither she nor anyone. It was messy enough for me, I didn't need anyone to enter to snoop in. Besides, what could she see? My immediate thoughts, my memories, what? My feelings? Would she tell Eric that I felt attracted to him and to Alcide? Would she tell Alcide? No, I definitely didn't like the idea.

"There..." Sookie said, frowning. "A kind of wall. Carrie, I think you're blocking my entrance."

"Well, stop it." Eric said, an eyebrow lifting at me and approaching us. He sat next to me and he looked at me closer. "Carrie, try focusing. Let Sookie in."

I looked at the blue-eyed vampire and nodded. I closed my eyes too and tried to get rid of my hostility. Well who would understand me better than her? Also, Sam and Lafayette spoke of her fondly, sure she was legit. The feeling I experienced was very rare, like when you think someone said your name but you are alone at home, something very real and completely intangible at the same time. I noticed how the voice of Sookie got into my head slowly.

"I don't know why I can't see anything, the girl looks human... I wonder what Eric wants from her... I hope he treats her well, she seems a very nice girl, and... wait a second..."

I heard Sookie sigh in the outside world and I opened my eyes, Sookie had them closed, and she smiled.

"It's like..." she said in a whisper. "As a sense of calmness... peace... is indescribable... your mind is... beautiful. It is..." Sookie opened her eyes and looked at me. "I couldn't hear anything, but I felt your mind. You are a very special person."

"Well, I did hear you." I said. All faces turned to me with raised eyebrows, but Sookie, who frowned. "You don't... you haven't done it on purpose?" I asked, hesitating.

Sookie chuckled. "No! Are you a telepath too?"

I shook my head effusively, releasing her hands. "No way." I said. "But I've noticed how you were getting into in my mind, once I wanted to let you in. And I heard you."

"What was I thinking?" She asked.

"Um, you thought you don't know why you couldn't hear me and wondered what Eric wants from me." I replied. Eric raised an eyebrow at Sookie. She smiled and nodded.

"Yes, it's true. That's what I thought just before you took off your wall. And once inside your mind it has been..." she put her hands on her chest. "As a sense of happiness, calm. Like being asleep, dreaming of something great."

"Did you feel that way?" Eric asked. I raised an eyebrow.

"Do you see me happy and calmed?"

"Not really."

"Well, there you go." I said, then sighed. "And this hadn't happened to you before?"

"No." Sookie said. "Sorry, I think I can't help you. I can't read vampires, I hear werewolves very fuzzy, like a mixture of thoughts and emotions, and with shifters I feel an emotional thread. I can hear humans, and fairies too. With them I can communicate without speaking. I once knew a maenad, and I couldn't read her well, she thought in a strange language. But this never happened to me."

I nodded. "That means, I'm even weirder than a maenad, which I don't even know what it is." I said, getting up. "Great."

I walked to Eric's office and closed the door behind me, I dropped in his comfortable couch with my hands over my eyes. A growing sense of unease settled in my chest. I had just experienced one of the strangest things in my life, but it hadn't seemed as odd as it should had seemed to me. I always thought I was a normal human, just that, at growing up with wolves, I had the ability to distinguish the different creatures. But something inside me told me I wasn't, that it was a more important reason explaining why I felt better in the company of supernaturals than of humans, and it wasn't the habit. Now, every discovery left more clear that I was something else, something that neither I nor anyone else could explain. Not even a thousand year old vampire could explain it.

"Carrie." Eric's voice said to me, and I uncovered my eyes to look at him. I hadn't heard him enter, but I guess that was normal. "That wasn't appropriate."

I growled. "Eric, are you aware that I don't give a shit?" I said, incorporating to sit. "I don't know what I am, you know what that is? Surely you've always had things very clear." I complained. "I'm a vampire, so I drink blood, glamour people and make other vampires, and also am a Sheriff, so I command a lot of vampires. And when you were human I'm sure you had your whole world clear too."

Eric sat next to me. "When I was human, we all had very clear what we must do. I am a man, so I have to fight. Traveling for months to get riches and women. Go back and celebrate victories. And after death, the glorious death in combat, we reached Valhalla. It was simple."

I opened my eyes widely and turned to him with my mouth half open. "Valhalla? So you're saying you were a Viking? Like, Erik, or Vicky?"

Eric laughed and sat by my side, leaning his back against the couch. "Yes, Carrie, I was a Viking. And I was turned when I was about to die. It was very confusing to me, too, to find out that our gods, our death was a mistake. That there were other beings superior to us. But I've had plenty of time to get used to it."

I sighed. "I won't mind living a thousand years being young and strong to find out what the hell I am."

"I don't think it takes so much time for that, since I also want to find out." Eric said. "In addition, someday eternity may be at your fingertips."

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you offering to turn me?"

Eric looked at me askance. "I wouldn't mind, actually."

"Is that a compliment?"

"You should take it as such, since I have over a thousand years and I have just made one vampire. I think it would be interesting to see what kind of vampire you would become."

I plopped down next to him, our arms touching. "I really don't know if I would be a good vampire. I don't know why, it seems to me that I would be really bloody." I said sincerely, frowning. Eric laughed quietly at my side.

"And why is that?"

"Because many times..." I whispered. "I have my impulses right in the surface, Eric, all of them. Violent, sexual, those are really powerful. Sometimes I need to draw on all my self control to stop myself. And I think once downed human taboos, once turned into a vampire, I couldn't contain myself."

"You know that just makes me want to turn you sooner, don't you?" Eric said, and this time I laughed.

"And you could put up a thousand years with me?" I asked, slowly letting my head rest on his shoulder.

"Yes," Eric replied. "As equals, yes."

I looked at nowhere for a few seconds, reflecting on his words. "And why are you so eager to know what I am?" I asked. "Is it altruistic interest or you wanna know how I can be useful to you?"

Eric's fingers began to pace up and down my leg, from my knee to mid-thigh and back again, the pads of his fingers made me get goosebumps. "I think you're interesting." Eric said. "And when you're a thousand years, most things lose interest. Actually, only sex and violence maintain it, those impulses you can't stop. And when you come across something you can't describe... it's curious."

I swallowed. "So I'm an experiment, or an entertainment?"

Eric was silent for a few minutes and I closed my eyes, enjoying the closeness. When I thought he wasn't going to answer, he whispered: "I wouldn't have come to comfort an experiment."

I smiled and raised my face until my green eyes met his blue one's. "Comfort? I thought you had come to give me a lecture."

"Do you think I care if you are rude to Sookie Stackhouse? Not at all."

"It's been really weird, Eric." I whispered. "But it made me think of something."

"What?"

"Maybe you could glamour me if I wanted to let you."

Eric cocked his head and his body moved slightly, turning to me, so I ended up with my hands on his chest for balance, leaning toward him.

"Perhaps you would end up glamouring me if we thought about what happened to Sookie." He said.

I laughed, the scene of an Eric glamoured by me seemed absurd. "Alright." I said. "You'll have to limit yourself on smell me every time I get close to you." I commented, and went back to rest my head on his chest. I closed my eyes, carried away by the warmth of the closeness, though Eric wasn't warm at all, his touch comforted me.

"Thank you, Carrie." He muttered.

"Why?" I asked without looking up.

"I heard the messages you left me. You seemed very concerned."

"I was so worried." I whispered, frowning as I remembered that overwhelming feeling in the chest, the dumb fear I had felt at the thought that something might have happened to him. "And you're welcome. But try and don't scare me like that ever again."

"Actually, I didn't do anything to scare you." He said, his voice sounded amused.

"I don't care. Just stay safe."

Soon, I felt his nose and mouth against my hair, on top of my head. "It is extremely nice. You smell like the North Sea." Eric whispered, his sweet breath hit my hair. "Like snow and rainy sky. I don't understand how anyone could smell like this. You smell of the place where I grew up."

I sighed and closed my eyes as he ran the tip of his nose through my hair again and again, breathing deeply. For a moment, I was glad to be whatever I was, if that could give Eric back some memories that made him feel good.