Disclaimer: I own nothing, make no money from anything, and am writing this purely for personal enjoyment
Chapter 11: A marriage of convenience rarely proves to be convenient
Naruto grinned. He was happy, and perfectly willing to show it. He'd collected them all together, Sasuke-teme, Sakura-chan, Shikamaru and Chouji, and together they'd kick some ass. Well, they'd do things that would ultimately lead to ass-kicking. And sure, it sucked that the 'state of emergency' seemed like it would be lasting pretty much indefinitely, but he'd done the reading and the sneaking around and the listening to drunk Chuunins under a henge, and he had The Plan.
"Welcome to the Naruto Training Group!"
"It's not the Naruto anything," said Sakura-chan, hitting him over the head. "And why are we using this training ground anyway? It's so far from the village."
"That's why we're using it," said Naruto, skipping to the other side of Shikamaru to get out of her reach. "We don't want to give away any advantages. Besides, isn't it awesome?"
Naruto did like the place. Sure, it lacked the emotional connection of training ground 7, but it was far enough away from anything to seem like an entirely separate world. A breeze rippled the sea of leaves above them, sheltering the clearing from the sound of the village. They could discuss anything here without worrying about what other people would think.
"I guess it's okay. First things first, we need to make some choices about how we're going to progress. The records show that ninjas who are only average at everything don't really get promoted. The two methods most recommended are the spectrum of spikes approach and the triple prong approach."
"The what and the what now?" asked Naruto, staying out of hitting reach. It wasn't The Plan, but he was willing to listen to Sakura-chan anyway because it was Sakura-chan.
Sakura-chan glared at Naruto, but then seemed to realise no one else was following her either. She sighed and crossed her arms. "The spectrum of spikes approach means you become really good at least one thing in every category, where the categories are short distance, middle distance, long distance, support, intelligence –"
"That's right out for Naruto, then."
"Hey!" said Naruto, jumping on Sasuke-teme and trying to pin him.
"Not that kind of intelligence. Information gathering and tactics, that sort of thing. As I was saying," she glared at them until they stopped their horseplay, "you acquire a full range of 'spikes' so in every circumstance you have at least something you're good at. You'll never be able to beat a specialist in his field, but the idea is to always engage at a category your opponent is weak in. The triple prong approach is to become very, very good at three entire categories, so that you can fine-tune and optimise an attack. You just have to hope you never meet an opponent who can prevent you from bringing any of those into play."
"Those sound super-awesome!" And it did. But it was the wrong sort of awesome compared to The Plan. "But… you know, not really going to help us in our aim to get people to choose us for interesting missions."
"That's exactly what it will do, Naruto. We will to become attractive prospects by becoming strong."
"No, hear me out. Imagine you're a Chuunin in charge of one of these missions, right? You've been a Chuunin for ten, maybe fifteen years, and you were a Genin for like, five years before that. You aren't ever going to become a Jounin, and you've known that for awhile now. What you have a lot of is experience. You also know most of your fellow older Chuunins pretty well. You know what their strengths and weakness are, and how you fit together on missions. But instead of being able to select one of them, the Mission Office is forcing you to pick some hotshot Genin. Some brat who expects to make Jounin before they're sixteen, but who has never left Konoha without a babysitter. So who are you going to pick? The Genin with a fancy fire jutsu, or the Genin who can cook?"
"You make it sound like they're expecting us to act like servants."
Shikamaru spoke up, surprising Naruto. "That's exactly what they will be expecting. General Orders makes that perfectly clear. The mission objectives will be secured by the experienced members of the team, while the less experienced members provide support. In most cases, the support will be of the setting up camp and buying supplies variety, although I suppose they might let us engage civilian targets."
"I am an Uchiha. We are no-one's servant."
"Sure," said Naruto in a determinedly agreeable tone of voice. "You're the Hokage's brother. No one expects you to act like a real ninja."
Sasuke glared at him. "It isn't because of that. No one is going to force us to act like servants, so why should we?"
"Because no one is forcing those Chuunins to select us for interesting missions either. Which is more important to you? "
"Hn."
"I believe Naruto's plan is a sound method of increasing our attractiveness for missions," said Shikamaru.
"Yeah! So we're all going to have to find all the camping jutsus and stuff, and then we'll pool them and become the most asked for Genin's in Konoha!"
"Yeah, okay, but can we spar now?" asked Chouji. "I do kind of want to do real ninja training as well."
Naruto had pretty much reached his limit in being sensible for the day as well, so he didn't mind the diversion. It was a few hours later when they came up for breath, bruised and scratched. They agreed to research by themselves and meet up the next evening at the same time.
"Oi, teme, aren't you going the wrong way? The Hokage's compound is that way."
"So?"
"Wait, you're still not living with your brother? I thought you were on board with the whole not-killing-the-whole-clan thing."
"That man does not have the right to consider me family. He made my whole existence some kind of twisted joke."
Shikamaru caught Sasuke-teme's eye, looking uncharacteristically adult. "Sasuke-kun, maybe you should give serious thought to forgiving him. He loves you. No one denies that you have the right to be angry. But just because you can doesn't mean you should. Our precious people are too important to throw away just because you happen to be in the right."
Sasuke-teme shrugged him off and disappeared into the gloom without reply. Naruto backed away quietly himself. He wasn't very good with the emotion-stuff either, and that was cutting it a little too close to what had happened with Iruka-sensei.
Kakashi signalled his group of overlarge ducklings (nowhere near as cute as his students) to duck into a convenient alleyway for a conference.
"Kakashi-sempai?"
"Ninja ahead. In disguise."
"What do we do?"
"Distract them. No killing or anything that could draw attention to us or delay us from departing."
"How would you recommend we do that, Kakashi-sempai?"
Kakashi wanted to tell them to use their imaginations, but he considered who he was talking to. Danzo's minions had the vaguest idea of what independent thought meant and Orochimaru's minions had the vaguest idea of what proportional response meant. Their imaginations weren't likely to be useful.
"Stage an argument in their way. Accuse them of staring at you inappropriately. Pay a kid to drop ice-cream on them. Ask them for directions. Trigger a small smoke bomb to cause a commotion."
That should give them enough to work with. Wait – "Not all at once. One thing at a time."
"Yes, Kakashi-sempai."
Kakashi watched the train-wreck unfold, moving every time it seemed it would spill over to where he was standing. His companions would start to move to plant a smoke bomb, only for them to drop it when the opponent ninja drove a runaway cart in front of them. The opponent ninja would attempt to sell one of his companion's flowers laced with sneezing powder, only for kids to bump into them and send the flowers everywhere. The market place was roiling. The innocent bystanders, blindsided by smoke and chaos and sneezing powder, started creating distractions of their own. The pickpockets were harvesting bumper crops, and the civilian market guards were throwing their weight around.
A quick relocation, then another. Not a single person, ninja or otherwise, was paying the slightest attention to him anymore. Kakashi made one final move to underneath the overhang of a roof. He was the last to arrive.
"That was elaborate," said Shikaku-sempai. "I didn't think we had anything to discuss that would need these kind of precautions."
Kakashi shrugged. "We don't. They were annoying me, and I thought it was time to share the pain."
Ibiki looked equally unrepentant. "I was bored."
Shikaku-sempai shook his head at them, but Kakashi knew he was amused.
"So?" asked Kakashi. "More of the same? Keeping our heads down and waiting?"
His tone was impatient as much out of guilt as irritation. Kakashi was worried that he'd agreed to the do-nothing approach because that meant he didn't have to get involved, rather than because it was a good idea. Most of his missions were once again solitary, and he wasn't expected to provide physical or moral support to a bunch of brats. It was comfortable and familiar.
"Yes. I'm not going to deny that Orochimaru-sama's influence over Itachi-kun is a little unpredictable at the moment, but I have faith that Itachi-kun will find a way to sever the ties in due course. Let me add that I wouldn't be surprised to have evidence of Orochimaru-sama's corpse within a reasonable time-frame based purely on the external enemies he has racked up."
Kakashi grunted. It was a long speech from Shikaku-sempai, and he wasn't being subtle. They were going to let their enemies clear out the traps for them before entering the field.
Ibiki nodded as well. "I think we all agree that we don't want to do anything to risk allowing Danzo-sama to come to power. Orochimaru-sama doesn't have the vision for Konoha that I would wish for, but he will not do much damage. He doesn't have enough passion for Konoha to make the kind of mistakes Danzo-sama would make."
Kakashi sighed. "More of the same. Keeping our heads down and waiting."
"Cheer up, Kakashi-kun. Hanging about delaying things is something you've spend so much time practicing."
Kakashi glared at him.
"I think the tagalongs are starting to disentangle themselves. We'd better be going. I'll leave out a signal in a fortnight or so."
Kakashi twitched his fingers, and an instant later was somewhere else. He had some keeping his head down and waiting to get to, after all.
Itachi hovered in the background of Orochimaru's mind while he completed yet another day of intensive testing. Every single aspect of the Sharingan was triggered, documented, tweaked and retriggered. Honestly, what kind of mind thought it reasonable to test how the illusion was affected if Itachi was upside down when he used it? Itachi had new appreciation for Orochimaru as a scientist. No Uchiha would have had the imagination or the patience to explore half of the things Orochimaru was working through. Never mind Orochimaru, this was exhausting Itachi.
Itachi woke, once again in charge of the body, and realised that both of them had been asleep simultaneously for the first time since the possesion. He meditated a little, exploring his mindscape, but could not see any obvious consequences of their mutual nap. Good. He'd half expected to find them both evicted and a third tenant in residence. Itachi moved away from the bed into the free space that Orochimaru had been doing his tests in. He had no desire to be reminded of that particular tedium, which appeared set to continue again in the morning, but it was good to move his real body. He hadn't really had a chance to appreciate his new ability to breath. He set into a kata, delighting in the smooth response he was getting from muscles and lungs.
Itachi realised too late that he was too late. Orochimaru was starting to wake up, and there was no possible way he could return to bed and surrender control of the body quickly enough for Orochimaru not to notice. Indecision only lasted a moment. Itachi had never been afraid to commit to the hard decisions, and he'd had a half-formed plan in his head ever since he'd realised his situation. One of them was stuck within their mindscape when the other was awake, and he had a method of entering mindscapes. He'd never tried to use it on himself before, but in theory it should work. The worst case, he reassured himself, was that they were both trapped until Itachi ran out of energy. At that point Orochimaru would regain control of the body and snap the connection.
He checked the room was fully warded against intrusion and walked up to the mirror.
"Tsukuyomi."
A wave, then a misty apparition of his own mindscape, with the red moon almost entirely eclipsed. He concentrated harder, and the view shifted. The moon was there, but the red sky had shifted closer to purple, giving even the familiar objects an unfamiliar appearance. The form of Orochimaru was waiting underneath a stark white tree writhing with snakes.
"Orochimaru-sama?"
"You back-stabbing little monster." The words weren't angry. If anything, Itachi would have said Orochimaru was admiring.
"I didn't realise I would maintain partial control of the body when we made our agreement. This is intermittent and entirely involuntary on my part."
"So you say. How did you gain control?"
There was no point in trying to conceal something that Orochimaru could discover himself with very little effort. It was not the time to bluff. "You fell asleep. As soon as I fall asleep, it will revert back to you."
"So the agreement stands only some of the time, is it?"
"I don't see why this should adversely affect our agreement. Instead, I believe it will be to our mutual benefit to extend it," said Itachi. An elaborately bedecked table appeared next to them, taken directly from the picture of the signing of the peace treaty after the third Shinobi war. Itachi hoped that it was as much a result of Orochimaru's thoughts as his own.
"Oh?"
"A ninja of our chakra reserves sleeps only to allow the mind to function properly. We do not need it to repair the body. With this, we can both get adequate sleep while filling up twenty-four hours' worth of work, not even counting the assistance of shadow clones."
The table split in two, one bearing a symbol of Konoha, the other of Oto. The symbols wavered then swapped. The tables rattled towards each other, then collided at speed and broke.
"That strikes me as an excellent way for things to go catastrophically wrong."
"Not if we divide the responsibilities in line with our outward appearances and our physical location. During the early morning and day, I function as leader of Konoha. During the evening and night, you function as leader of Oto."
The tables disappeared, replaced with an unsupported door. On one side it had a label 'to Konoha' and on the other 'to Oto'.
"I didn't go to all the effort of arranging an invasion of Konoha just so that I could end up not being the person in charge."
"Come, now, Orochimaru-sama. I have lived in the back of your mind. You cannot convince me you have any interest in the minutiae of running this place. Any advantage you wished to acquire, access to Konoha's research or treasury, public acknowledgement, political and military security for Oto – you'll still have all of those. I cannot conspire against you. Any time you wish to step in, you can return to Konoha while you have control of the body."
A stream of sparkling pieces and scrolls piled up on the 'Konoha' side and spilled through the door into the 'Oto' side.
Orochimaru looked at it, tilting his head to one side. "My ability to cope is not in question. My willingness to cope is an entirely different matter."
"Forgive me, Orochimaru-sama, but what do you intend to do if we don't reach an agreement? Yes, you can punish me, but you can't force me out of this body. You cannot leave the body yourself for another three years. You cannot stay awake indefinitely, any more than I."
"Perhaps. And perhaps I can take steps to ensure that the expected outcome actually occurs. I have a good deal more resources available to me that you have available to you."
"True. But I am still more expert in mind-control. If I could not manage full separation voluntarily, I highly doubt force will work. You can't risk damaging your own mindscape." Itachi wasn't entirely convinced that Orochimaru wasn't insane enough to do it, but he hoped by saying it he could make it true.
There was a long silence. Black clouds blew in overhead and a knot of snakes overwhelmed the door. At last Orochimaru spoke. "I suppose I could allow you to make use of the body for the seven hours I am asleep, with limits set as to what you can do."
"Orochimaru-sama, I hardly believe it is in either of our best interest for me to go insane. And if I'm trapped in my mindscape for ten hours a day, every day, I will most certainly do so. Having me come into control with no sense or delicacy will be a very bad thing. Do you trust your subordinates enough to tell them all of this and let them manage the body? Do you trust your enemies won't find out about it? Our willing, co-operation is in our mutual best interests."
"And just what are your best interests, Itachi-chan? Interests that made it valuable to be able to appear as leader of Oto at need, perhaps?"
A circle of white light shone through a break in the clouds, illuminating a rather battered fan.
"I have no more interest in the details of Oto than you have of Konoha. My ambitions remain the same as they always were. I wish to ensure the defeat Madara and his allies, leaving Sasuke-kun victorious."
Objects flickered in and out of existence too rapidly for Itachi to see them.
"I think it is time for you to go to sleep, Itachi-chan. I have much to think about."
"Yes, Orochimaru-sama." There were no more arguments for Itachi to make. Now all he could do was hope the ones he'd made had been convincing and give Orochimaru a way to rationalise this as his own idea. He broke the Tsukuyomi and returned to bed, invoking an old ANBU trick to force himself to sleep. He'd have his answers when he woke up.