XI
/...the wedding involves Sailor Venus being jealous of Sailor Mars, who is in love with Sailor Moon
/secretly, who is very openly in love with Mamoru. Sailor V, in true Japanese fashion, decides
/her only course of action is to slaughter Sailor Moon and Mamoru to get Sailor Mars
/to love her. Stranger things happen in canon Sailor Moon, tbh. RnR you racist fucks.
Sailor Venus flashed through the eras of history, touching and destroying the Roman, Trojan, and Nazi empires in turn, frying Antarctica in a flash of racism and white supremacy. I like Jews, she thought briefly as she hurricaned past the moons of Neptune, but I hate Judaism. Sailor Venus then annihilated the planet Nemesis, solving the plot of Season Two in under three seconds.
She continued kicking ass as she was born from the fluids of time and dragon's blood.
"I HAVE ARRIVED!" She shouted at no-one in particular, unfortunately drawing the attention of the Thousand Swords of Hate, which promptly thrust themselves like so many self-propelled rockets of Martian origin at her. Skillfully, so as to not waste a minute of sailor-fu, she dodged and kicked her way through the barrage of greed and mysticism, until finally only one sword was left. "The Sword of a Million Fucks," she laughed to herself as she fused the steel onto her own arm. "Now look at all the fucks I can give."
Cackling madly, Sailor Venus continued on her journey until eventually arriving upon the bridge-deck of a certain object in space; Sailor Mars' very own Warlust. Eyes still burning from the effort of deploying so much sailor-fu in such a short time, she blasted a hole in the hull of the vessel, not unlike the vessels virgins carried within them before losing their coloniality to racists and religious bigots. Not to worry however: she wore some serious plot armor after coming back from the dead. She looked around and found three of her comrades staring at her in surprise, as if some specter of the future had just manifested itself violently before their very eyes.
"Sailor... Venus?" Sailor Venus grinned widely at Sailor Mars' expression, knowing her appearance would have confused Sailor Moon had Sailor Mars not said anything.
"How did you... get here?" Still lucid, she shrugged and picked up a crepe from the table before her, eating it French-style as Hisakawa clicked her stopwatch.
"How did anyone get here, if you think about it Mars." Sailor Mars began crying, perhaps from missing her friend so much; perhaps from the beauty of the sovereignly-crafted rebuttal the newly-reinstated leader of the Sailor Team had offed with little to no preparation time. Then for no reason at all, she kicked Sailor Mars in the throat.
Finally, their foe defeated for the time being, Sailor Venus turned to the choking, bleeding Sailor Mars and propped her up.
"You're fine, you're fine..."
"I... am not... fine... you... kicked me in... the fucking throat, Venus!"
"Just breathe. You'll soon see the wisdom of my lesson." Sailor Moon snapped out of her retard-face, and managed to speak thusly:
"Venus, our—our our our our our newly-notdead friend! How comes this about, this queer twisting of fates? Although, if I may add, and this is but a small detail, I cannot say I necessarily approve of thou kicking my girlfriend in the throat; tis a grave infraction of justice, friend Venus."
Sailor Venus paused, looking up at Sailor Moon, the infection of confusion spreading across her face like cancer across the lungs of thirteen-year-old Native American virgins unused to the rigorous curriculum of a high-level Japanese science class.
"Your... girlfriend?" In a moment of psychic metagaming eliteery, Sailor Mars quickly reasserted her dominance over the situation by eating a sock, choking, and barfing duality all over the partially-assembled Sailor Team.
"We don't have time for that," declared Sailor Venus suddenly.
"Who the fuck are you talking to?" Demanded Sailor Mars; Sailor Venus again kicked the red-plated Guardian in the necklace. Then she looked down at her ex as Sailor Mars flailed on the ground in pain.
"Get up. You disgust me." Sailor Venus spat homophobically, then tossed her hair dramatically before walking off... elegantly. She made her way to what used to be her quarters on the ship, only to find her spot had been vacated and replaced with a massive shrine. "Great, just great." Sailor Venus huffed in irritation once again, kicking down the shrine and laying the fuck down to get some sleep.
Hisakawa thought about rock bands.