"Can you help me?" Barbara asked softly. "I need another pillow behind my back."
Her face was swollen and bruised and her body hurt like hell. After three long days of unconsciousness, she finally opened her eyes. She hated hospitals --- the smells and sounds of machines, the cold rooms; but her condition wasn't good and she was going to have to stay there a week. The trauma to her head had been rather serious and the doctors wanted to keep her under observation.
Dick helped her and kissed her temple. "Better?"
"Yes, thanks."
Dinah sat on a small couch, reading a book. She lifted her head. "Feeling better?"
"Yes, thanks…" The redhead smiled slightly. "How is your arm?"
"Better, I'm collecting signatures on it. I have thirty five."
"The doctor says you can go home on Monday," Dick said, holding the redhead's hand.
"Thank God! I hate this place."
He laughed. "Want anything else?"
"Where's Helena?"
"Maybe working," he sat on the bed next to her, "I told you she was here the entire time you were unconscious; I think she's trying to make up the time she lost at work."
Barbara had the nagging sensation that something was wrong since yesterday, when she'd returned to consciousness. Knowing Helena, she'd never move from her side until she'd seen her awake. She studied the teen, who lowered her head. Well, now she was certain something was wrong.
"The truth, Dick. Where is she?"
The tall man sighed and turned to the teen. "Could you excuse us a moment, Dinah?"
The teen, in a rotten mood, nodded and walked out of the room.
Barbara fixed her eyes on him. She could tell she wasn't going like what he was had to say. "Well?"
"We fought…" Dick said.
"Why?"
"She doesn't like us together." He took her hand in his.
The redhead frowned. Helena what?
"She is violent towards me because of that. She told me." He shook his head.
"What did she say?"
"She told me she doesn't like me. She is never going to accept us and I'm not going to leave you. I love you. I told her and she was pissed off. We fought… and she left."
Barbara took a deep breath. Great. She was out for three days and everything was a mess.
"I love you, Barbara." Dick looked at her. "And I'll fight everything and everyone for you."
"I need to talk to her." The redhead lowered her eyes to the blankets.
"Barbara, she is selfish, she'd rather see you alone than happy. She knows I'm here, she doesn't want to see me. She's not going to come here."
"I said I'm going to talk with her." Her voice was firm.
"All right, if you want. But it'll be useless."
-------------------------
The redhead woke at midnight. Her room was dark. Her ribs were bothering her. Thankfully, she couldn't feel any pain from her broken leg. She stared at the ceiling. Dick was driving her crazy with all his attention. He didn't seem to want to leave her alone for a moment. Luckily, no one could stay overnight in the hospital and it gave her the time she needed to be alone and think.
"Why don't you come and sit? The couch is comfortable," she said suddenly, in a weak voice.
A soft sigh was heard.
Helena.
She was there.
"I've been asking for you." Barbara looked at a far corner of the room.
"Working. Leonard was pissed at me," the young woman said softly, leaving her hideout. How did she know when she was near? She always did that.
"Yes, and I can walk and I'll kick your ass as soon as my leg heals." The redhead pressed a button and a small lamp turned on.
Helena smiled lightly and stood next her bed. "You don't need to stand up to kick my ass. You always do it. How do you feel?"
"Like shit?" the older woman joked.
"I figured." The brunette's fingers played with the blanket. She was happy to see her awake; she'd thought that maybe a night visit, while she was sleeping, would be good, but she never expected the redhead to wake. "I'm glad that you're okay. You scared me."
"Was a bad accident, huh?" Barbara asked.
"Yeah, pretty bad." Deep blue eyes met green. "You scared me."
"I know you didn't move from my side, thank you."
The brunette shrugged her shoulders.
"Why did you leave? Why didn't you come back?"
"Sorry… I was… busy…"
"Don't lie to me, Helena, I know you." Barbara took slim fingers between her own. "Dick told me you two fought…"
"It was just a stupid fight."
"I don't think so. You came back hiding in the shadows. You didn't want me to know you were here, right? You've been avoiding me. What happened?"
"Can we talk about this tomorrow?"
"No." Barbara's voice was firm. "I want to know."
The brunette stood up and brushed her hair back. She needed to find a way to avoid this.
"You don't like him," the redhead pushed her.
"It's not that…" Helena responded quietly, looking everywhere but at Barbara.
"So, why the argument? What did he say that kept you away from me?"
Helena didn't know how to answer, she was cornered. And she hated feeling cornered.
"Is it true that you don't want me to be with him?" Barbara asking insistently, she wanted the younger woman to open up to her. "Do you want him to leave?"
"Who told you that?" the brunette turned in annoyance, glaring at her.
"Dick." The redhead remained cold.
"It's not true! I want you to be happy. You deserve a good man like him."
"Bullshit. Why were you two fighting?"
"Because he doesn't like me, I hurt his ego!" The brunette waved her arms. "He and I have conflicting ideas, conflicting personalities. He can't control me and it pisses him off! But I don't want you to leave him. I never said that!"
"Why did you leave?"
"Because I needed to be alone. I needed time to think!"
"Thinking about what?"
Helena lowered her head, hands in her pockets. This was going to be hard.
The redhead waited in silence.
"You and Dick need to be alone; you are always surrounded by people, Alfred, Dinah, me." She began to pace. "We are always there and I need my own space, to be independent. I need a change… I…. I need it…"
Barbara frowned. Where was she going?
Helena ran her fingers through her shaggy hair and stared at the picture on the wall. A copy of The starry Night by Van Gogh. Her mother told her that Van Gogh had painted it furiously; the paint vibrated with rockets of burning yellow, while planets gyrated like cartwheels. She never liked that picture, it was like chaos at midnight. But, at that moment, it fit perfectly with her soul.
"You rescued me so many times, Barbara," the brunette continued with a whisper, finally looking at her, "in many ways. I'm very grateful. I owe you my life."
"Helena…"
"It's true. But I think it's time…"
"Time?" The redhead blinked. She didn't understand what was happening.
"To move on." Helena finished quietly. She knew this was the only way to convince her mentor that her words were true. "You trained me very well. It's time to work on my own."
"What are you talking about?"
Helena needed all her courage to keep going. She couldn't hurt her. She couldn't take her happiness. "I'm moving."
"I don't want you to move," the cyber genius said incredulously. This was insane.
"But I want to," Helena interrupted her.
"It's absurd!"
"I want try things on my own. You always worked alone."
The older woman massaged her temples. She felt a headache coming. "Where did you get that ridiculous idea?"
"I've always been under your wing. I need to fly alone."
"What?" What in the hell was Helena thinking? Had she completely lost her mind?
The brunette stood up next to her. She kneeled next to the bed and held her hand, giving it a long, soft kiss. "I love you, Barbara."
The redhead shivered at the contact of the young woman's lips.
"But I need my own life as you need yours," Helena whispered, her eyes on the older woman, lovingly. "I'll still come see you and Dinah and Alfred…. But now is the perfect time to try to do something on my own… Please."
Barbara looked her speechlessly, she felt her heart shatter. She never expected it. In fact, it never even occurred to her that Helena would ever leave.
"It's Dick? Is that why?" she finally managed to ask.
Helena laughed lightly, trying to hide the tears in her eyes. Barbara's pained expression broke her heart. "No, it's me." She tried to joke. "I'm a wild cat, remember?"
"I don't like this idea." Her former mentor lowered her head.
The click of the door opening made the redhead turn her head. The door opened, a nurse walked inside with a tray. She turned again to the place where Helena was, but she was gone. She looked around the room. She'd left through the open window.
"Hello, Miss Gordon. Problems sleeping?" the nurse asked.
"A bit."
"I brought your pills." The nurse put the tray next to her and gave her a glass of water and two pills. "Oh, we need to close that window, it's a cold night."
"No… it's okay."
"Sorry, hospital policy, for your own safety," the old woman said, walking toward the window.
Barbara stared at her pills, still stunned by Helena's confession. She couldn't believe what had just transpired.
"Miss Gordon."
The redhead hated being treated like a child. She swallowed the pills.
"Excellent." The nurse took the glass of water and turned off the light. "Now try to rest."
"Okay."
The door closed. Barbara looked through the window in silence. Something was wrong, she didn't believe her. Helena was stubborn and cranky, but she knew she would never abandon them. She was going to have to find out what was really going on. After a few minutes, she began to feel her eyes closing. The pills were working. She looked again toward the window, she knew she was somewhere outside. She knew Helena.
Tired and drained, she let sleep overwhelm her and closed her eyes. "Good night, Helena," she mumbled before falling into a sound sleep.
Deep in the shadows, a dark figure stood on an emergency stairway maintaining her vigil on the small room. "Good night, Barbara."
How does it feel.
I'm
not afraid of anything Chorus:
I am young and I am free Chorus Would you comfort me?
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
ah I am small and the
world is big Chorus How
does it feel, how does it feel…
I just need to know that I can breathe
I
don't need much of anything
But suddenly, suddenly
I am
small and the world is big
All around me is fast moving
Surrounded by so many things
But suddenly, suddenly
How does it feel to be
Different from me
Are we the same
How does it feel to be
Different from me
Are we
the same
How does it feel
But
I get tired and I get weak
I get lost and I can't sleep
But
suddenly, suddenly
Would you cry with me?
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
But I'm not afraid of anything
-------------------------