CHAPTER 24
Over
The next day, I woke up till late morning. I open my eyes, for a moment I feel like none of this happened, that it was just a nightmare. But then I turn myself on the bed and see the empty space beside me. And I remember everything, the flashback, my dream, Peeta... Part of me would like to stay here and to do nothing, to give up. But I push away that part of me quickly because I made a promise to myself, and to Peeta although it's unspoken, but I will save him, no matter what. I take a deep breath and get up from bed. I walk to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My hair is a total and complete mess, and my face is a mess too. But it's sticky with tears. Did I cry during sleep? I try to remember but get nothing.
I take a shower. I intended to do it quickly but instead, I take my time, I relax and prepare myself for the day.
When I'm done, I brush my hair and it takes me a long time, I almost broke the brush. I braid it. I throw on some pants and a shirt and finally, go downstairs.
From the stairs I can see Peeta, he's laying unmovingly on the couch. I walk to him and sink on my knees beside the couch. Peeta's facing the other side so I only see his blonde hair.
"Peeta", I say soflty.
"Peeta", I say louder this time. "Wake up", He doesn't seem to hear me he doesn't move either. I guess he was really tired, I'm glad he could get some sleep...
Yesterday he said he couldn't sleep because of the nightmares... my heart begins to beat faster. "Peeta", I say shaking him this time. "Peeta! Wake up!". I get nothing.
I bite my lip anxiously. I hesitate but then I turn him so now he's facing me. "Peeta...", I put my ear to his chest, he's breathing. I shake him harshly, I know I shouldn't but I couldn't stop myself. "Peeta!", I notice a tear going down my cheek.
Suddenly, I slap him like you should never slap someone sleeping. At that, he wakes up. I jump, and fall to the ground. I lean in my elbows. "Peeta", I say catching my breath.
"What happened?", he says bewildered.
"Peeta you passed out!", I say as I come closer and try to hug him but he avoids me abruptly and I'm standing there with my arms open. He looks at me for a second and then he turns again, shutting me out.
I feel anger growing in me. I wash my tears away and take in several deep breaths, I calm myself down. How many times did I try to push Peeta away? Many, more than I would like to admit and he was never rude, he never gave up. I tell that to myself.
I look at him. I move his legs aside and I sit on the couch.
"Peeta, get up", I say and now he's ignoring me. "Peeta please, you have to get up!", I shout.
Abruptly, he manages to sit, he looks at me.
"Why Katniss? Why? I'm a monster, you will ruin your life if you stay with me, I could hurt you I'm a monster. I don't want to be one anymore I want all this to be over", he says loudly but weakely. He looks so tired, like he could break in any moment.
I ignore most of what he said, it's easier this way because it's almost impossible to hear he has given up and that he doesn't want to live anymore.I take a moment before I say, "Because after everything we've been through, we survived. We still can. Please Peeta, please, I know it's a lot to ask but you have to keep going...", I say. "Please... for me.", I say quietly. I look down, I can't bear looking at him like he is.
I take his hand with my hands and put them to my chest before he can stop me and I hold them there squeezing them. I know I will sound weak but I really need to get it out, "Please Peeta, don't leave me. I need you, please...", I say with tears running down my face. He searches my eyes and after a moment, I manage to face him and look into his eyes, now I can see something else besides terror and fear but I don't know what it is. Suddenly, he looks down and nods briefly.
I take a moment to calm down, but then I let go of his hand and wash my tears. I get up and take Peeta to the kitchen.
"You need to eat something", I say.
"I'm not hungry", says Peeta.
"Peeta you were not sleeping, you were unconscious! Your body needs food".
He shakes his head weakely.
"You will not starve yourself to death, you hear me?Even if I have to tie you to a chair and feed you. I won't let you". I said it as steadily as I could, now he looks at me. I think he's about to say -Why?- but I give him a warning look before he says it.
The rest of the day, I argue with him and give him speeches of how he can't give up. He manages to eat something too though I had to feed him. This reminds me of the first Games, the cave, the kiss, everything. And I had the determination to save Peeta as I have it now.
CHAPTER 25
He's Back
1 month later
I open my eyes. I stretch my arms out and I feel no one beside me, Peeta's not here. For a brief second, my heart skips a beat, but then I remember that he's downstairs. Since I decided to return here with him, at first, Peeta wanted me to go and I told him I wouldn't leave. Then, he said he would go and again, I didn't let him. He fears to have a flashback again but ting me. I keep telling him he wouldn't but he doesn't believe it. Since that first flashback I witnessed, everything is different. Peeta looks haunted everytime though each day, a little less. Everytime he sees me, he tenses, I know he tries not to but I think he can't help it, though I have to admit it was a lot worse before, when I just returned.
Now, he manages to talk a little with me, to sit next to me at the table, or watch TV together. But he wouldn't pass the nights here with me, instead he insisted on me sleeping on his bed and he sleeps downstairs on the couch. And of course, we haven't kissed or anything like that, and I miss him so much. It's kind of ironic, when Peeta was hijacked, he thought I was a monster, and wanted to kill me. And know, when he gets a flashback he thinks he is a monster and he's afarid to hurt me.
I take a deep breath and then, I get up, preparing myself for anything the day has for me. Before I go downstairs, I take a quick shower, when I'm done, I put on a shirt and pants. I brush my hair and leave it like that.
I go down the stairs. Peeta is not on the couch, the blanket is tossed on the ground.
Every day I have found Peeta laying on the couch, awake. I had to go with him and convince him to get up, I think he has kinda given up, not wanting to live another day, hating himself, at first it was almost unbearable seeing him like that, it's still painful but I will save him, I won't give up, again, Peeta has to live, he has to survive.
I stop dead at the steps, my heart skipping a beat, he's not there and everything is silent. I go down the last step and I hear a noise, I loom at the kitchen and see no one there but then, I see a blonde head behind the counter. I walk toward it. Peeta's on the ground, apperantely, he dropped something and he's picking it up.
"Hey", I say.
Peeta jumps a little, I think I scared him.
"Oh, hey", he says standing up and looking at me. Wow, something's different, he looked at me and said hey without freaking out.
"What are you doing?", I ask.
"I was going to make breakfast but I dropped an egg", he says looking down at the broken egg on the floor.
Before I can stop myself I snort and begin laughing. I cover my mouth with my hand but I can't help it.
"What?", he says. I see a small smile painting on his face, it's little but it's there.
I giggle. "Sorry. But I never thought of Peeta Mellark, dropping an egg", I say sarcastically and laughing again. I don't want to, not with this situation, but this is really hilarious, I never thought he could drop an egg. This is so stupid.
Peeta laughs a little, and he surprises me. I haven't seen a smile on his face for days and I thought it would be a longer time before I would hear him laugh. He looks down at the floor smiling and laughing a little too.
There's that smile. That sweet smile that only Peeta could own. I feel a hint if joy in my chest.
We laugh for a little while and then we stop.
"Well, now that we've run out of eggs, what should we eat?", I say.
Peeta walks to the fridge and opens it. "Hmmm... I think we've run out of everything", he says. It may be true actually, we haven't made shopping in days.
"There's some dough for waffles... do you want-?", he says but I interrupt.
"Yes!", I say. I love waffles.
Peeta takes the ingredients out and I quarrel myself, I shouldn't have this behavior right now.
"Well, let's eat breakfast and then I will go shopping", I say.
Peeta hesitates and he says, "I'll go with you".
"No, it's Sunday, your free day. I'll go, you stay here", I say it and not as a question. Peeta just nods agreeingly.
Peeta makes the waffles and I just watch him, but I do not let myself look at him for too long. This is a start, I think. I didn't have to get Peeta up today, he got up by himself, without my speech of how I would help him and he shouldn't give up. Maybe, little by little, I'm getting Peeta back. I smile slightly.
I hear a whistle, it comes from the living room, it's the mockingjay. I walk to the living room and find the mockingjay in his cage. At first, I had it on a box but then I took him to the veterinary and bought him a birdcage, the doctor told me if I wanted to leave him there, to heal, but I said no, that I would take care of him. So I just bought the cage and food. I walk toward him, his birdcage is open, I always live it like this, I hate the idea of keeping him locked in a cage, so I leave it open but he still doesn't dares to fly, but I know eventually, he will. I caress his wing softly with my finger and whistle him Rue's four notes song. He repeats it.
"Good boy", I say and then I return to the kitchen with Peeta.
Breakfast is ready, I take our plates to the table and wait for Peeta. He comes and sits across from me on the table.
"Bon appetit", Peeta says smiling a little.
"Thanks", I say smiling too. I take a mouthful of my waffles. Today Peeta looks different, I'm curious and I want to ask what's going on but I'm afraid I'll ruin this so I keep my mouth shut. We don't talk much during breakfast when we're done, I get up and pick the dishes up. I toss them on the sink and begin washing them. I feel Peeta come behind me.
"I'll do it Katniss", he says.
"No, it's okay", I say.
"Let me", he says, now I look at him, until now I realized how different he looks. He looks almost like he used to, his eyes are not swollen, that haunted look left his face, I can barely see the remains of his bruises, he's back.
"Besides, you have to do the shopping", he says smiling a little.
I nod and dry my hands. I look at him for a moment.
"What?", he says.
"You look different", I say. He stares at me for a moment, I change the subject quickly, I don't want to push him. "So... do you need anything? Do you want me to get you something from the bakery or the shop?" I ask.
Peeta takes a moment to think. "Actually, if you could get me something from the bakery...", he says.
"Sure, anything".
"I left a box on the second floor beside the door, it's there. Can you get it for me?".
"Yes, sure", I say.
We stare awkwardly at each other for a while, not knowing if to say goodbye so I break the tension and go for my coat. I'm about to open the door, I look at Peeta and wave at him, he waves back smiling a little. I smile at him and walk out the door.
CHAPTER 26
Delly
I'm walking through the Square, it's completely recovered now, the only part in the District which is.
I'm standing right where I was standing when Gale was whipped, I shiver and try to push it away, the thought of Gale still hurts and I don't want to think about it. I keep walking, I would got to the Hob if it was here but is not. Instead, I go to the District's store, I've been there a few times though it's usually Peeta who does the shopping but I don't mind doing it myself. I wonder why its always Peeta and not me, I step in into the store and a little bell above me rings.
"Hey, Katniss!", says Delly from behind the counter. I just remembered the reason why I don't come here frequently, because of her. Delly Cartwright. The girl who seems to show more interest in Peeta than she should have. I don't know, I can't help it but I don't like her.
"Hey", I say struggling myself with a smile. Delly is walking towards me.
"Katniss, it's been so long! You're looking great! How are you?", she says.
I try to keep walking but she's in my way, "I'm fine, thank-", she interrupts. "How's Peeta?", she says. "I haven't seen him in a while", a worried look taking over her face.
"We're fine, thanks Delly. He's just...sick", I say finally being able to keep with my way. I walk farther into the store.
Delly follows me, I make a face but she didn't see me. "Oh! Poor thing! Want me to stop by and-", she begins.
"No, no. It's okay thank you.". I go to the hallway that reads 'fruits'.
"So are you guys a 'thing'"?, she asks a little too inocently for me to believe it.
I turn to her. "I don't know, Delly.", I say a bit annoyed. "I'm in a hurry.".
"Oh it's okay, we can talk later. Say Peeta hi for me!", she says. I think I'm always a little rude with her but she never seems to notice so it's fine by me.
I grab some things from the store like fruits, meat, bread and though for hot cakes of course. When I'm done, I walk to the cashier and pay. When I'm about to leave, Delly squeaks from behind, "Bye Katniss!".
I wave goodbye at her, desperate to leave.
"Tell Peeta I say hi!", I just nod and go.
When I'm outside, I walk to the bakery making half a grunt and half a gasp.
I make my way to the bakery and enter. There's a lot of people, it's common on Sundays.
Jonas sees me and says, "Hi, Katniss!", at that, people turn around and stare at me and mock, I know they try to do it discretely but without much success. I could almost say I'm getting used to it but it'll never stop bothering me. But I can do nothing about it so I just ignore it.
I wave at Jonas and walk to the counter where he is.
"How's Peeta?", he says. Peeta didn't go to work the last days since the flashback.
"He's just sick but he's better, thanks", I say.
"Good, tell him it's okay if he needs to take another week, I understand", he says.
"I will", I say smiling.
"So did you come for some bread?", he asks.
"Oh, no no. I was just getting something for Peeta, it's upstairs".
Jonas nods and smiles. I climb the stairs. I look around. Peeta said he needed a colored box that was beside the door of his mysterious room... I spot it.
Not the box, but the door. I walk toward it. I extend my arm, reaching for the doorknob before I realize what I'm doing. I leave my hand in the doorknob without opening it, I bite my lip. What if something private is in here? It could be nothing important though I'm curious. I stay there for a while. Should I or shouldn't I?
I bite my lip harder and then I shake my head and turn around. If Peeta wants me to see this then he will show me when he's ready. I sigh and look at the ground.
The box is actually there. I duck and take the box, it's a kind of briefcase, it's stained with paint. I guess Peeta's pencil colors or something is in here.
And with that, I walk back home.
I'm walking through the Village thinking if to stop by to say hi to Haymitch or not. I don't want to have another awkward encounter with him and Effie so I go straight to Peeta's house. I clean my feet and then I open the door and step in.
"Hey", I say. I turn and see Peeta sitting on the couch, watching with fascinated blue eyes at the Mockingjay.
I leave the bags in the kitchen just taking with me the briefcase, I walk to Peeta.
"Oh hey!", he says turning hesitantly away from the little bird. "How did it go?".
"Fine. I brought you this", I say giving Peeta the box.
He takes it and puts it beside him on the couch.
"Thanks", he says looking up at me.
"You're welcome", I say. After that, we stay quiet and it's awkward again.
For the second time in the day, I break the tension and say, "Are you hungry?", all of a sudden, I am hungry. "I'll prepare some sandwiches. Do you want one?".
"Sure", he says with a hint of confusion in his voice. I bite my lip and walk to the kitchen, I feel like I miss him, but not just him but being with him, I miss his strong arms at night, his slight touch and his sweet lips. I feel like if I'm near him, I'll do something stupid and probably kiss him so instead, I take some bread out of the bag and prepare a couple of sandwiches.