Chapter 11

Temari

I laid in the bed motionless. I couldn't think or feel anything. My body felt like a heavy boulder, cold and heavy. Everything was weighted down by the earths gravity and I couldn't fight it. How could I be so stupid to think I was safe here in my home, when he is still roaming the streets! I should know better…I'm over here trying to act like nothing every happened and that I can easily forget what happened. I…I want to so bad! So why can't i? Why can't I just forget all of this…not think about it or him ever again! I grabbed onto my sides tightly trying to stop my quivering body. But I don't seem to be in control of anything anymore.

I just need to breathe….breathe….

Knock knock

"Hey Temari, can I come in?" I nod my head to him. I don't look at him though and I don't release the tight grip on my arms that are now starting to hurt. "Can I sit with you?" I brought my legs into my chest, signaling to him that is was fine for him to sit down, but not for him to come closer and touch me. He already knew this though. "I wont stay long, I just wanted to come check on you. You had me worried…are you alright?" I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know how to answer that…not in truth, because I don't know what I am feelings. "Tem I need an answer so I can know how to help." Help? He wants to know how to help me…he can erase my memory that would truly help- "Mari…" I felt him touch my ankle and it quickly snapped me out of my thoughts.

"He's still out There…"

"I know, I saw it on the news. That's what freaked you out earlier."

"…yea…everything was fine until I saw that on the news. I just…froze."

"I know, you had me worried. You still looked drain, maybe you should rest and-"

"No…that last thing I want to do is sleep." For the first time I looked at him. I knew he could see how terrified I was. I wasn't trying to hide it…if couldn't, it would come out anyway. " everything was going to so good and now…ugh I must be stupid…"

"Don't say that Temari, and besides you're home with me. You know I never let anything happen to you." I could hear the stain in his voice from the stress I knew he had to be feeling from me. "Yet…that doesn't make you feel better, does it?" I shook my head, saying 'no'. I heard a sigh escape his throat, as an undeniable dry feeling made its way in mine. "What else can I do?"

"Nothing! You can't do anything if he's still out there!" Out of nowhere I had an explosion of anger. It was a feeling so hot I thought my insides would burn and melt away. It all was…just…so..ugh! "…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…" dammit I couldn't my words right!

"Don't apologizes"

"Don't say that. I have no right yelling at you when you're trying to help me." I slowly released my legs to let him come closer. I took one of his hands in mine and held it for a while. " everything feels surreal. I don't know what to think anymore. I thought everything would be fine after we left the hospital but its not. I'm sacred….and I'll always be sacred. I try to forget about it…I want to forget about it…and him. And when I do I'm fine-everything's great. But when I'm been reminded. I …I can't get him out of my head. I…I can't stop thinking about it….it freaks me out! A-and I know I'm home with you…t-that you'd never let him hurt me..b-but I can't Shikamaru…I just can't trust it…i…I thought that now that you know everything would be easy. And life would go back to normal- I didn't have to hide anything anymore-but I do! I still have to hide, he's still out there and still haunting me!"

I felt the strength of my husband embrace around me. It helped, but it still didn't fix it. I felt this nagging feeling inside of me, like I was suppose to do something, I had to do something to help myself. I needed to so something to help myself! I leaned into his chest to refocus myself and listen to his steady heart beat. One, two, three…one, two, three.

"Tem, I called the outreach program and got a personally counselor for you to talk to. We go tomorrow morning."

"What?...Shikamaru why….i told you that wouldn't help."

"I didn't know what to do Temari. You had me worried sick just a few hours ago and I could do nothing for you, but bring you back home and only hope you'd turn back around. I…I'm not skilled enough to help you, but there are people out there who are. They can help you, and they want to help you just like me."

I said nothing to this….what was I suppose to say? Thank you, I don't want to do this, I don't need it and it wont help! All they are going to do is make me talk about it. Which will piss me off!

And resurface all these feelings I have…

"No…I don't want to go. I won't."

"It's going to be good for you temari-"

"How do you know what's good for me? How would they know?!"

"I don't know what's good for you, that's the whole reason Tem! Look, I know you don't like it, and you're pissed at me and I told you already I'm fine with that. You have to get whatever you're feeling out! It's the only way to not be eaten up inside…" I could be eaten up on the inside. I didn't care. If that feeling made me forget then so be it. "Ugh…though hell or high water, you're going tomorrow I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Hmp, then you'll be dragging me there then."

"Then I guess you should wear the appropriate clothing to be dragged in." I rolled my eyes bringing my hands into my chest. "I'm cooking dinner tonight, I want you to take it easy."

"Sure, whatever you say…"

"It's okay, I'll still love you if you're mad at me."

"Mad is an understatement, believe me." My husband rose from the bed.

"Well, I'm going to get some paperwork for Naruto before then, call me if you need anything." He closed the door soft behind him. While I sank back into our bed.