Disclaimer: OWNS NOTHING!

Luna: Sorry for the late update…and once again, I HEART MAH FANS!

Chapter 11: Palmacosta Ranch Fun 2/ Butterfinger Priests!

After the battle, Lloyd jumped on various warped pads until he saw Chocolat in between 2 Desians.

" Lloyd, look!" cried Genis.

" Huh?"
" Chocolat!"

"…So?"
" Yeah, I know. Want to go back now?"
" No!" cried Colette, glaring, " We need to save her! For the sake of truth, justice, true love, shiny-"
" Okay, shutup!" cried Lloyd, getting the point.

They entered the battle, and disposed of the Desians like used napkins.

" The Chosen one! Other people she hangs out with! Thank you!" cried Chocolat, grateful.

" Aw…it was nothing. If it wasn't for Colette, we'd of just left you here," said Lloyd, humbly.

Genis sighed at his stupidity.

" If you follow me this way, I'll show you to a room filled with magical looking screens," she said, ignoring Lloyd.

" MAGICAL SCREENS?" asked Colette, wide-eyed, " OKAY! LET'S GO!"

Chocolat moved on to another platform, and Lloyd followed.

It led to Magnuis' office, filled with shiny screens.

" Welcome, forsaken Chosen and her entourage of vermin…" came his voice out of nowhere.

" For…saken?" asked Kratos, for no apparent reason.

" Magunis! Show yourself!" demanded Lloyd.

Magunis did show himself. He was sitting in a floating Lazy-Boy, which hovered down to their level. A can of Heineken in his hand.

" Ah, Lloyd, are you prepared to die?" he asked, casually, " I know about your little plan of releasing the fitly, disgusting, lice ridden-"
" Can you move it along? We're kind of pressed for time with the whole 'World Regeneration' thing," said Lloyd.

" Shut up! As I was saying, I know of you trying to release the vermin!" cried Magnuis.

On a surveillance screen, was Neil and the 'vermin' trying to leave. The doors promptly shut on them.

" HOW DID NEIL GET IN THERE?" asked Colette, in horror.

Before anyone could stop her, she started punching the screen, screaming, " We're coming for you, Neil! Don't worry!"

" You idiot…that's magitechology," said Kratos, condescending as ever, " It shows images from other areas. He's not physically in there…"
" Hey! Get her away from there! That plasma screen cost me a lot of money!" whined Magnuis, " How the hell am I supposed to watch Direct TV if she ruins the machinery?"

" Colette…come over here…" said Lloyd, bored.

" Okay!"

Happy happy joy-

She stood still again.

" We're going to stop you!" cried Lloyd.

" Oh, and do a bang up job like you did in Iselia?" he mocked.

" That's…a low blow." grimaced Lloyd.

" Want me to release their Ex-spheres and recreate that? Just like that old hag! Just like Marble! HAHAHAHA!" cried Magnuis.

" What? Marble?" asked Chocolat, suddenly paying attention.

" Yes, dear old Marble was dating Genis and then killed by his best friend Lloyd!"

" Wait! It wasn't like that!" cried Genis, hastily, " We weren't dating, I swear!"

" No…" said Chocolat, suddenly angry, " You killed her!"
The hormonal, overly dramatizing teenager ran off to 2 Desians.

" I rather die then be saved by Grandma's killer!" she shouted.

" No! Don't throw your life away even though I am!" cried Colette.

" Well, that's too bad," said Lloyd, shrugging.

" Don't you care!" asked Genis, " She thinks I dated her GRANDMA!"

The hero's priories were rather…screwed up.

Chocolat left, as Magnuis continued his manically laughter.

Suddenly, Desians surrounded them.

" We're surrounded!" cried Colette.

" By idiots…" finished Kratos.

Pointless Desians attacked, and the group wasted them with ease.

" Geez! If you want something done, do it yourself." said Magnuis, annoyed, " You guys are useless!"

With a sigh, he discarded his Heineken and got his fat ass off the Lazy-Boy.

The Boss Battle against Magnuis was sort of hard, and at the end of it, they had all run out of TP. So they all jumped on him, smacking away. Even Genis and his paddle ball. At the end of the fight, Magnuis fell down and asked, " How can I, a superior half elf lose to the likes of you?"
" Again with this!" cried Genis, " Man, you guys got some complex…"
" Cruxis has accepted Colette as the Chosen one." announced Kratos.

" Yeah!" agreed Lloyd, stupidly.

" Wait…then I was…deceived!" wheezed Magnuis, before breathing his last.

Genis blinked, and figured what Kratos said must've been a secret code word. If the need for money arose, he'd just black mail him again.

" What-" began Raine.

" What's it feel like to be a ghost? Louder now, louder now!" sang Lloyd.

" I was going to say ' What we should do now is blow up the Ranch,' but clearly; its become a sing a long," said Raine, sighing, " Lloyd, what songs are you singing anyway? I never even heard of them…"
" Me either." realized Lloyd.

" Wait, blow up the ranch!" asked Genis, shocked.

" Yes…I have an appetite for destruction today," said Raine, grinning, " Oh, and it'll strike a blow to the Desians, of course."

Kratos made a mental note never to piss her off.

Raine tapped some keys and announced, " It'll self-destruct in 10 minutes. We should go."
RAINE OBTAINED THE TITLE OF ' HOMICIDAL DEMOLITION NUT!'

The gang left, and as they were, Neil stopped them.

" Wait…why are you all running?"
Everyone kept moving. Except Colette, who stood there blankly for 2 minutes before saying, " Its going to explode."
" WHAT!"
They escaped, unscathed.

" Now we should go and actually return to the plot," suggested Kratos.

" Oh yeah…getting that Statue for that old geezer…right." commented Lloyd, " But before that, Neil, write a letter to Dirk in Iselia in my name asking for Key Crests. That way, the captives won't go Monster-Mash on us."
" Are you sure he'll do it?" asked Neil.

" Of course. Cause of Dwarvern Vow number 78678: Always make Key Crests if its written in a letter with someone's name in it that begins with 'L'." recited Lloyd.

" That's rather…convient." stated Neil, " Okay."

With that large side quest completed, the gang went to the House of Salvation. They found 2 priests and Lloyd asked, " Hey, I know this is sorta brazen and stuff; but can we have the Spirtua Statue? Its not for personal gain, I swear to Martel!"
The priests looked horrified as he took Martel's name in vain.

" Well…" said Priest one, " This isn't the actual Statue…"
" WHAT!" asked Genis.

" What's the deal girl, your death is such a shame-" began Lloyd.

" Seriously, Lloyd. Do your musicals on some better starting words. Now your just embarrassing." said Genis, blandly.

"…Okay."

" So the statue's a fake?" asked Raine, " So I can't carbon date it?"
" Yes, we got it from a Dwarf in Iselia…" he replied, " And…No."

" Dad?" asked Lloyd, surprised, " Just what kind of jobs were you taking…were they…illegal? I knew it! I knew he was making counterfeit, illegal items! How else did he afford those wooden swords for me?"
He was ignored. As usual.

" That old bat will probably know the difference…" said Kratos, and all agreed, as usual.

" Then where did you lose it?" asked Lloyd.

" Thoda Geyser," he explained, " I was so moved by the boiling hot water erupting, that it slipped from my fingers."

" Butter fingers…" grumbled Lloyd.

" I like Butter fingers." announced Colette, speaking of the candy.

" Well, let's go to Thoda Geyser and get it ourselves!" he decided.

" Are you nuts? Geyser's are filled with boiling hot water!" cried Genis.

" So? We can seal it with magic, right?"
" Oh yeah…"
" But…to go there we need to get…on a boat," said Raine, face already queasy.

But their plan was set. They were off to Thoda Geyser. Lloyd stopped at the Dock, where he was forced to fork over 200 Gald for boats.

But when they went to see said 'boats', it was actually washtubs.

" They're…washtubs." he pointed out.

" Ewww…" remarked Genis, " Who knows what bathed in that…"

" Come on! Its looks fun!" cried Colette, over joyed, whose sense of fun was warped.

" No…Can't we do something else?" begged Raine.

" Oh, come on!" said Genis, and grabbed her hand, " There's gonna be the statue!"
" AHHHH!" she screamed.

Everyone stared at her.

" Um…I was just about to say, 'Ahh! This is going to be fun!'" she lied, " Haha…Because riding the rapids in tiny bath tubs are my idea of fun…"
" Mine too!" cried Colette.

" Professor Sage, are you afraid of water?" asked Lloyd, smiling.

" No!"
" So you don't take baths?"
" Lloyd! I am NOT afraid of water!"

He splashed her.

" AHHHHH!"

" Wow, you think she'll melt?"
" You're an idiot, Lloyd." commented Kratos.

So they rode off in the bath tubs, and ended up at Thoda Geyser. They got to the lake area where the Spirtua Statue was in plain view.

" So all I have to do it stop it with my magic, right?" asked Genis.

" Yup."
" Okay! ICICLE!" he cried.

Icicles formed.

" Lloyd, your very arrogant so watch yourself," Kratos advised.

" Yes, the boiling water will sear off your flesh if you fall in, you'll be burned beyond recognition," encouraged Raine, " So don't screw up."

Lloyd was beginning to have second thoughts about this, and decided to go ahead and do it before he completely chickened out.

" Alright, just follow my instructions and you'll be fine," said Genis, and Lloyd too position.

" Up!"
Lloyd went up.

" Left!"
Lloyd went right.

" OTHER LEFT, DUMBASS!"

He still went right.

" Okay, then, RIGHT!"

He went left.

" Right!"
Left again.

" Up?"
He went up and grabbed the statue.

" Wow Lloyd, your amazing!" declared Colette, and hugged him.

" Oh…Thanks."

She was still on him, and Lloyd's breathing was becoming labored.

" Now we can give that to that old geezer!" cried Genis.

" Or we can just make Colette put her hand on the oracle stone behind that sign." suggested Kratos.

Sure enough, there it was.

" Aw! I got this for nothing!" he whined.

" No…not for nothing," said Raine, already dusting it and looking at it through a magnifying glass.

Colette was still hanging on to him.

" Colette…can you let go?" he asked, feeling very uncomfortable.

" Nope."
" Colette, open the path," commanded Kratos.

" Okay!"
She did, and Lloyd was safe. For now.

A shiny path led to the cave entrance, and everyone walked up it.

Meanwhile, Sheena was reading some random sign and became aware of the Chosen.

" Wait! Stop!" she shouted.

Sheena almost caught up to them, but was stopped by Noishe. Who promptly began whizzing on the floor that she had to cross to get to Colette.

" Corrine!" she cried.

Corrine, a fuzzy, gerbil with several tails appeared.

" Why does this strange animal let its bladder go in front of us?" asked Corrine, confused.

"…Grr. I'll get you next time! And you large, green, bunny hybrid dog too!" she cried, and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Inside the cave, Kratos announced to Lloyd, " Good. It seems she didn't get in here."
" Huh? Who?" asked Lloyd.

" The assassin trying to kill Colette."
" Oh, the Yugi-Oh girl? Was she here or something?"
Kratos was ready to bash his head against a wall. He had such a thick skull…

" Yes. She was behind us."
" Really?"
" No."
"…Your mean."
" Yes really!" he cried, getting annoyed, " You have to be more aware of things!"
" I-I was," stammered Lloyd, " I was just…thinking and stuff."

" You? Thinking? That's good…" mocked Kratos.

" Oh, like your so DAMN PERFECT!"
" Yes. As a matter of fact…" then his eyes got hazy, " No…I made a grave mistake…I'm sorry."
Kratos walked off, all cryptic like.

" And the award for bi-polarity goes to…" mumbled Lloyd, really confused.

They fought the likes of squid, starfish and octopus. Yes, starfish. Instead of merely stomping on their tiny bodies like normal people, they fought them and repeatly got owned. Lloyd had much to learn.

Lloyd got to a Sorcerer's Ring changer thing and the fire the ring normally shot turned into water.

" That's all…it does?" asked Lloyd, bored.
" Since the Geyser is a prime source of water it must be reacting to the artisan well-" began Raine.

" It seems so…pathetic."
"-who's permeability and porosity are reacting to the ring-"
Lloyd was sick of lectures. Once again, school had followed him. So he fired a warning shot. In to her head.

And Raine ran around screaming, because she was wet.

Luna: Shorter chapter, I know. I wanted to update sooner so…yeah. The songs used today: Whats it feel like to be a Ghost?-Taking Back Sunday and Buried A Lie-Senses Fail. If you have any ideas or requests for songs, tell me and I'll see what I can do. Thanks for reading!