living corpse Chapter 11: fancy free, a bleach fanfic

"If outer space was an ocean, then everybody would have drowned long, long ago."

"…"

"Swallowed up in a dream… surrounded by bubbles as all creatures eventually become deprived of oxygen. Except fishes, who would probably turn into mermaids, the equivalent of humans. Evolution takes a long time."

"Can I ask you where this interesting analogy came from?" Hitsugaya Toushirou dares to enquire.

Karin only looks at him, her head resting on grass, locks of red hair fanned out. Though it's dark, and he can just about see her luminous outline glow from the soft rays of the moon; he can tell that she's smiling, amused.

"… boredom, I guess." She shrugs. "I mean, look at us: we're stargazing, and lying on the ground, though it's not really to read constellations, and I've been meaning to do this for a while." Pausing, as if to hesitate with what she wants to say next, she continues, regardless. "Why not let yourself go in a while and say the most random thing ever? You know, if you want to."

The silence that envelops them feels comfortable.

Until Karin breaks it.

"So, do you want to sleep here, the car or in a hotel in Hiroshima?"

… though he feels somewhat like a criminal, he waits until she falls asleep before picking her up and driving the car to Hiroshima. They were nearly there when they went stargazing in the field, taking a break for journeying so long.

Strapping her in the car seat, he can't help but feel that she's still a child inside.

Karin shuffles as she sleeps, red head lolling from place to place as she tumbles back and forth in her dream world, eventually settling for his shoulder as a rather comfy pillow.

If she mumbles something, then it's too soft to be heard.

Along the way, he pushes back locks of hair that cover her face.

Wonders if she's ever looked this innocent in the arms of slumber.

Bearing in mind that when she closed her eyes last night, she had the starry sky as her duvet and the grassy ground as her bed; an actual (not to mention softer and a lot more comfortable) bed is a surprise to Kurosaki Karin. A good surprise, perhaps, but still a surprise.

Shifting slightly, she tilts her head and lets it all sink in, calmly opening her eyes, flickering as she adjusts to the change in environment. Toes curl, fingers explore, limbs stretch just to ascertain that she still has all the parts of her body and none of it has been detached. Pursing her lips, she looks at the already awake Hitsugaya Toushirou, arching one eyebrow in mock anger.

"You're up; good morning." He parrots her prior greeting, saying the first sentence in the morning for the first time in a while.

Never breaking eye contact, and paying no attention to the fact that they share the same bed, Kurosaki Karin replies.

"Am I to assume that you kidnapped me and my car while asleep to drive that much further to go and get a hotel room?"

"Your assumption is correct." Stoic, Hitsugaya Toushirou responds deftly, never moving, curious to her next actions.

Her lips quirk into an unconventional grin and reach her eyes with the promise of breakfast. "I've rubbed off on you. I'm so proud."

Rolling his eyes, he doesn't bother to reply, knowing that it would only further her amusement.

"Anything on the agenda?" Relaxed, Toushirou shrugs as he sits up from the shared bed.

"Mm? Just one." Hesitant, she turns her back on him, feeling her cheeks heat up at the mere implication of it. "But it's completely up to you."

"I'm listening." He glimpses her through the corner of his eye.

"… but you might not like it." Pouting slightly, her voice sounds muffled.

"Since when has that ever stopped you?"

"Well, alright." Still uncomfortable with the subject, Karin pulls up the bedcovers, snuggling as her legs fold into her chest.

"Go out on a date with me."

And the world stands still.

What?

Eyes widen.

Breath freezes.

Hands clench.

Heart constricts.

… Rukia…

The invisible wounds open, spilling blood onto his pale skin. Cold yet warm, elegant yet vulgar, he feels the memory of a ghost touch his shoulder. As if—

As if he refuses to let go of her.

Rukia.

A name that brings snow to his heart, filling up lost footprints left in a white abyss. A name that cuts him deeply as if he found out the news of her death yesterday, crushing his glasslike dreams. A name that burns on his memory, his skin, his lips.

But—

Karin.

Kurosaki Karin.

Hot-tempered, impulsive, loyal Kurosaki Karin; the girl he's known since he was five; the girl who's always known how to laugh and throw a joke.

Karin who is alive and bright and putting all the pieces back in his heart without even knowing how.

Karin who he is, surely, but slowly—

The nightmares have stopped. Occasionally, he dreams.

The darkness shows a light.

The world has stopped being numb. With her by his side, black and white slowly transforms into colour, messily splashed on an empty canvas.

Though painful, he is recovering. As each nuance of colour is added, a smile is formed, another sentient is returned, bearable.

And Karin makes emotions resonate in his heart once more, bringing him back to life.

He loves Rukia, he always will.

But, he can't live in shadow of yesterday.

Not for the rest of his life.

It's time to breathe again.

"—and like I said, it's up to you." Karin fidgets, as the sound of her voice guides Toushirou to the realm of the living. "I mean, we could go beforehand like a date as friends. If you want. It's just…"

He has to stop being so… relaxed and uptight around her. Sometimes he wants to shake her and… and he's losing interest in reality. Better focus and listen to her voice.

"… so what do you think?"

He understands.

Time has passed; and he has changed through her intervention. Though he doesn't know how much time has passed – a month, two, four – it feels like he can finally continue with the promise of tomorrow. Wallowing hasn't done anything, alcohol has provided a safe haven, albeit hangovers, but Karin… Karin has brought meaning in his life.

"Yeah. I'll go on a date. With you."

There is mischievousness in her eyes as she turns to face him, stealing even more of the duvet in order to obtain more warmth.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Awesome. See, this is what friends do for each other." Her eyebrows furrow, as if she is stuck in a dilemma. "We are friends, right?"

"Yes, Karin."

"And we always will be friends, right?"

"Yes, Karin."

"I remember making this promise before. How can I be sure you won't break it?"

"Because I swear on my honour as a dragon, Karin-sama. I will do anything not to be slain." Droll, Toushirou answers back.

"That's right." Karin grins, dimples dancing in her cheeks, as she sits up cocooned in the duvet. "'Cause after this 'date', then comes the real one."

There's part of him that's very confused and wants clarification.

But there's another part of him – his face, his face, his face – that says it all.

"Ah… you weren't listening?" Blinking, the red-haired Kurosaki offers a strained smile.

His darkened face says it all. To be on the receiving end of the Glare of Doom is never a good thing.

Karin awkwardly laughs.

"Well, you see, there's this girl I know…"

living corpse
11 : fancy free

Damn ears. Stupid things that tune out and make him mishear things.

It wasn't: "go out on a date with me."

It was: "go out on a date."

No "with me". That's just—

That's just…

… denial?

… common sense?

… wishful thinking?

Or none of the above and just Karin is being too oblivious about something that's never, ever going to happen between them. Something that could never work and isn't even thinkable. But he had thought about it, which technically made it thinkable.

Karin is Karin.

And Karin is a lot of things.

But most of all, she's confusing.

She gives him a smile and takes his arm, almost as if she's waiting to be swept off her feet. She offers him pocky and gazes out the window as breakfast is consumed.

She waits patiently as all the mundane things that normal people do happen. Brushing teeth, changing clothes, adding a dash of make up, perfume maybe.

And when she steps out from the bathroom, ready from her preparation for the… date-that-isn't-one; Karin looks pretty.

But then, the redhead has always looked pretty, she's never made the effort to be more so. That's more Yuzu's, or even Hinamori's area of expertise. He digresses, because she's a girl, and he's always suspected that she has latent girly moments, under that tomboy exterior.

It's… nice. Really.

Yet he prefers her without all the beauty products and cosmetics… because that is who she is.

"You're paying, you know." Karin taps her foot as she twirls in the mirror.

"… I know."

At least her personality remains the same.

"Drive my car again and you're dead."

The lunch date is… interesting. She pokes fun at him, and others, maintaining a playful, if often one-sided banter with. Of course, she always has the advantage of using prior knowledge in riling him up; and he can do the same.

… Karin eats a heck of a lot. He wonders how he's never noticed that.

Besides, if there's nothing else, there is always that.

"Pop quiz!"

After Karin hands him a pocky stick; Hitsugaya Toushirou remarks. "You are going to get me fat."

"Which is why I propose that either we go cycling one of these days; or go on a grand tour of the city."

"… it's never going to happen." Toushirou retorts.

Kurosaki Karin flashes him a grin.

"Precisely."

"So, how was it?" She asks, suddenly more conscious. "Good? Bad? Are you up for the next date with my friend, or scarred for life?"

Her fingers brush his hair, smoothing out soft tufts.

"… it was… fun." He admits, wondering if that's the best word to use. He's almost certain that they were going to start a food fight.

"Uh-huh. Well, that's good enough for me, I guess." Karin grins, as nimble fingers mess with his head.

"Is this really necessary?" Wary, he decides to voice his doubts.

"Absolutely. It's turned into a right mess, and since I've done it before, it's perfectly alright. You won't turn out like Frankenstein's monster." Karin assures him. "Promise."

Snip!

If Frankenstein's monster is a rather dashing, sexy creature… then he is perfectly fine with being compared with that.

Minus the glowing eyes, screws in the neck, terrible acne… and height difference.

"Yeah, you look good."

And with those words in mind, Karin ruffles his hair, thus ruining his hairstyle.

"You have my number, right?" The red haired girl asks, tucking in a rebellious curl behind her ear, eyes wide and innocent.

"… here's my phone." Dutifully, he hands her his mobile, briefly checking out his reflection in the mirror.

"Okay… there!" Satisfied, with integrating her number in his phone, she hands it back. "Now you can call me whenever you want. And when the date ends."

"I'll see you soon." He nods.

And waits.

"Oh! Her name's Kotetsu Kiyone. Orange-brown hair. Gray eyes. Really energetic. You'll know her when you see her." She shrugs.

And waits.

"Um, this is my good luck, I guess."

Standing on her tip toes, Karin places her hands on Toushirou's shoulders and kisses his cheek.

It's not much, but it'll have to do.

"Good luck."

Winking, she drives off, leaving the boy at the entrance of the restaurant, his cheek tingling where her lips made contact.

Slumping on the counter, he swirls the glass of sake round and round, entranced by the pretty colours shimmering in the liquid.

It's been a long time since he's become drunk.

"Bad day?" The bartender asks sympathetically.

"The worst." Gruff, he slurs slightly, the glass in his hand suddenly empty. "I'll have another one."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

He feels rotten, he feels crap, and if getting stinking drunk doesn't help, then he doesn't know what will.

It's just… too much.

All he can say with Kotetsu Kiyone is—

"Pop quiz!"

Everything shuts down, and only the eccentric manner of Karin's clings to his memory, guiding him forward… and condemning his date to hell.

He probably freaks her out, despite her own peculiar nature.

Not a good memory, if he's being honest.

And why the fuck is he thinking of Karin the entire time?

"Kami. Oh sure, get drunk, don't call Karin, let her worry and get a weird message that may be you. What on earth happened, Toushirou?"

She's here. Beside him.

Alcohol surges in his blood and if he can stay smart, he won't say a thing.

"Jeez… was she really that bad?" Karin enquires, tilting her head and clucking her tongue. "C'mon, let's get you out of here."

"Take good care of him." The bartender offers a smile.

Heaving, and finally able to get Toushirou's arm around her shoulder and her other arm around his waist, Karin returns the gesture, swaggering as her drunken companion decided to direct the path that would only lead them astray.

She stops as they make a joint effort to open the door, twisting her head back with amusement laced within her tone.

"Believe me, I'm trying."

He doesn't remember how he arrives at the hotel.

There's Karin and then—

—there's Karin.

Karin who grins; Karin who sings to the radio at midnight; Karin who parks the car; Karin who helps him get out of the car; Karin who staggers as he stumbles in any direction; Karin who wears that same, plastic smile that she has been all along.

Bits and pieces of memory flick through him that all contain that girl.

Karin.

"Hey, keep going, we're nearly there." She encourages him, tugging him in the right direction. "Stay. Lean on the wall. You can fall to the ground if you want to, but you know you're only going to stand up again if you want to get through the door. Unless you want me to drag you and—hey, I found it!"

The pretty hotel keys jangle in her hand.

And the door opens, swallowing them both in abyss of purple elephants and candy clouds.

"Really, what was the point of buying a room with one bed? King sized, a luxury perhaps, but still. I'm going to sleep in the bathtub tonight, 'cause you won't. And I'll be stealing the duvet." Karin half complains, half shrugs with a slight smile aimed in his direction. "Want anything? Nah, probably not. Seriously, just go to bed. Sleep it off."

Her words don't make sense to him.

All he wants to do is—

He steps – stumbles – lurches forward.

"Karin…" Toushirou breathes, intensity churning in his eyes, despite his stupor.

She steps back, he steps, stumbles, lurches forward.

Repeating the process until there's no where she can go. Toushirou, the drunk, has essentially covered her escape exits by grabbing onto her shoulders, mainly for support, Karin suspects. If she wanted to, she could kick that area that all men find painful, but having a hangover is one thing, and losing the ability to make children is another.

"Toushirou, you okay?" Feeling slightly daring, she hap hazards a question that probably isn't coherent.

But the answer is obvious. It's obviously no.

"You don't get it, do you?" Toushirou slurs, so many – too many – emotions clouding in his eyes. "You really, really don't get it."

"Um." Her eyebrows furrow, unaware that her companion is leaning forward towards her, all of his inhibitions gone so his restraint can break a thousand shards. "Not, not really no. What—what are you doing so close?"

"…"

"Back, demon! Dragon! Away!" Squirming under his gaze, hair's prickle at the back of her neck, not liking the vague direction of what he's about to do next.

He smiles idiotically, lifting her chin.

He is stupidly, brightly, drunkenly happy.

Because he wants to do this, has wanted to this for so long and now, now he can. For some reason that didn't make sense before.

Even the blurry outlines of fluorescent ice cream and pocky sticks are encouraging him to do so!

… and he can't disappoint them. Really.

"You like her, don't you?" Kotetsu Kiyone asks, leaning forward.

He knows exactly who she's talking about.

And somehow, he can't say a word.

"Do you like her?"

"Who?"

"Karin-chan."

"Well, she's my friend."

"No, not like that. I mean…"

"Oh."

"… so?"

"Of course not. Don't be silly, Momo."

There's a smile in her voice.

"I think that's denial speaking."

He… likes her. Always has. Since forever.

And yet—

Rukia… Rukia… is important. Part of him will always be hers.

But Rukia fades away in the swirl of sake, disappearing with the brightness of Karin's presence.

Because Karin has captivated him in a way that Rukia never knew how.

Like she's always had in his heart in her hands; from the minute he gave her back the football.

I—

Actions speak louder than words.

And so, he kisses her.