"Backpack on my back, walking down a railroad track / oh, I've been wanting to see you / eyes upon the rows of trees, an endless sea in front of me / oh, I've been longing to see you / you've been on my mind, talk about a lonely time / you don't know how much I need you / once I feel the downy snow, the only home I've ever known / I'll hold you close when I see you… / …and it seems to me / we sing soft and low / such a sweet hello / backpack on my back, standing on a railroad track / it won't be long 'til I see you / why do I always have to leave the only one I'll ever need? / now hold me close while I breathe you."
– the backpack song, bear attack

The plane feels like a cage.

Or a knife, maybe.

Ripping through the sky, reminding Beca of the way it felt like her heart was being stabbed, then ripped from out of her chest when she decided to leave Chloe behind.

It was only a matter of time before she started to regret her decision.

And she probably shouldn't take drugs from strangers, but when the woman next to her asks her if she wants something to help her sleep, she really can't seem to say no. Like, physically. She doesn't even realize that she's holding her hand out for them until she feels two small pills drop into her palm. And she feels like if she stays awake any longer, she'll end up jumping out of the plane, and yeah, she'll die, but at least then she won't be fifty miles away from Chloe.

(Which, right now, sounds like the worst thing in the world.)

Okay, so maybe the plane isn't that high up, but it feels like it. With every bit of turbulence, with every time her ears pop, and with every time the woman beside her asks her if she's okay – she feels like she's going to throw up. Which, ironically, is what she'd feel – and much, much more – if she was fifty miles up in the air. Like she isn't even here. Honestly though, she's not sure that being that far up would hurt as much as the thought of Chloe standing on her own in the airport, pleading for Beca not to leave her, begging her to stay.

But she knows what she's doing. Knows that Chloe will be better off without her. It's cliché, and she feels like such an idiot – a huge, idiotic, stupid, stupid idiot – for thinking all of this without talking it out with Chloe, but she knows that it's for the best. She's the rain and Chloe is the sunshine. She's a bolt of lightning and Chloe is the bright blue cloudless sky. She's a thunderstorm, and Chloe is the calm waves riding up and down the sandy shore.

Ugh, if Chloe knew she was thinking this way she'd never live it down.

So she orders a water, takes the tablets that the woman next to her gives her, and gets her laptop out. And again, because apparently God, Jesus, Joseph, Mary, Lucifer–everyone hates Beca Mitchell right now, the first song that comes on is 'I Got You' by Train.

It's probably karma.

And she laughs.

Because it's ironic, really, that she's leaving the one behind who she said she'd never leave.

Only, it's not ironic at all.

(It's fucking stupid.)

She listens to her music until she feels herself falling asleep, hoping that she can at least escape from Chloe in her dreams.

When she wakes up to the wind blowing on her face, and the sound of Train's 'I Got You' still playing, she knows that something is wrong.

Or not wrong at all.

Right, maybe.

So very right.

She looks beside her, hissing at the pain in her neck from sleeping so awkwardly, and she sees Chloe, and it feels like all of the air has left her lungs.

"Driving home on a summer night, singing old black water, keep on rolling til the time is right." Chloe sings quietly, in that sweet, beautiful voice that Beca has grown so accustomed to. One hand on the steering wheel and her other elbow resting on the car door, as she runs her index finger over her own chin. "I don't care if it rains I'll be just fine, sit back enjoy the ride until, I got you. I got you. You're the sun through my window, warming my skin, oh you. I got you. Like Sonny and Cher except I'll be there for you, I got you. Let old black water bring us togeth–oh hey." Chloe reaches out to turn the music down, looking down at Beca again, who hasn't taken her eyes off of Chloe since she woke up and noticed that holy fuck, Chloe is here, and she's not on a plane to Atlanta, and she doesn't even realize she's crying – silently sobbing, actually – until Chloe pulls up on the side of the road and asks her, "oh Becs, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

And she nods – nods frantically until she feels like her head is gonna fall off of her shoulders – and she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, and she feels kind of dumb. Really dumb. And she's still curled into a ball, worried that if she moves, she'll wake up and realize that this is actually a dream, and she's still on the plane.

Thinks, for a moment, that this is probably the drugs she took, making her hallucinate. Because it all felt so, so real.

"Yeah, no." She says, sniffing up and moving, finally, so that she's not in an awkward laying-down-with-her-neck-pretty-much-bent-in-half position. And Chloe is still there, and she looks really beautiful right now, and she can't take her eyes off of her. Doesn't want to take her eyes off of her. "I just had the weirdest–the worst dream. Ever."

"What happened?"

"I… Nothing," she shakes her head and blows out a laugh, wiping her nose, "nothing important. It doesn't matter."

And she tries to stop crying, but the lump in her throat is kind of like, permanent right now. Has been for a while, it seems. She hates crying in front of people because they always want an explanation for why she's crying, and she can't exactly tell Chloe, "oh I realized that I'm falling for you and I had a dream that I fucked everything up, and I kind of never want to sleep ever again if it means I'll never have to experience a dream like that again."

She watches Chloe, watches the way the breeze softly blows in her hair, and the way she moves her sunglasses up to rest on the top of her head, and she watches her hands tap on the steering wheel as Anna Sun comes on. And the car isn't moving, but Beca still feels like they're driving at ninety thousand miles per hour, with the wind blowing in her face so much that she can barely breathe.

She digs her nails in her arm, and she hisses at the pain, and Chloe looks down at her again, and asks her, "seriously Becs, are you okay?" and she doesn't really know what to do.

So she sits up, and she takes her seatbelt off, before she launches herself at Chloe, giving her the tightest hug she can manage without knocking Chloe out. And she feels Chloe's hand tap her shoulder a few times, before saying "wow, a hug from Beca Mitchell?" and God, it all feels so right.

She pulls back slightly but still keeps her arms wrapped around Chloe's waist, and Chloe laughs and it's the most beautiful sound Beca's ever heard.

"Hey," she says, and Chloe turns to look at her, raising her eyebrows as she starts the car again. "Um," Beca pulls away, moving back to put her seatbelt back on, as Chloe looks out at the road in front of them and sets off. "I'm sorry," Beca whispers, "about last night."

"It's… Okay. It's okay, Becs. I'm sorry for acting like a child, I shouldn't have–"

"–no, stop. Don't talk."

"What?" Chloe looks at her again, and Beca repeats herself, with a smile this time, and Chloe just nods, looking back and forth between Beca and the road a few times.

"You're so beautiful." A grin spreads on Chloe's face, and she tells Beca to shut up, and Beca reaches out to turn the music up as Smile by Mikky Ekko comes on.

"Have you been driving all night?"

"Yup," Chloe nods, "I couldn't really sleep, and I figured that driving to San Antonio would be better than just sitting around in the car, so… Oh, and I put your playlist from your phone on. You don't mind, do you?"

Beca shakes her head, and she can't stop the smile from spreading on her face, as she says, "no, I don't mind. Not at all."

Chloe starts to sing along again, and Beca still hasn't taken her eyes off of her.

They arrived in San Antonio at 9AM and Beca hasn't gone five minutes without thinking about the dream.

(Except for when her and Chloe decided to passionately sing along to Bohemian Rhapsody. That occupied her mind for at least seven minutes.)

It's dumb, really. It was a dream. She's had hundreds of dreams before. She once had a dream that she was dating Aubrey in freshman year. Sure, she couldn't look Aubrey in the eye for like, two weeks afterwards, but it passed. It didn't mean anything. But despite how clueless Beca Mitchell can be, she knows for a fact that she can't just simply shrug this dream off like it was no big deal. There's only so many times she can tell herself, "no Beca, you do not have feelings for Chloe Beale," before she realizes that she's wrong.

So very, very wrong.

And it's a scary thought, but if her dream taught her anything, it's that running away will just make things a billion times worse. And even though she's 90% certain that Chloe won't chase her through the airport in her pajamas and kiss her at the terminal, she's still not going to risk it. Dream Chloe and Real Chloe might be different, but Beca knows one thing. And that's that if she ever left Chloe standing on her own at the airport, crying her eyes out, Chloe would never forgive her. And she'd never forgive herself, if she's honest. Hell, she almost can't forgive her dream state for leaving Chloe there, only hours after telling Chloe that she'll never leave her.

And God, she meant that. She can't imagine what it must feel like to no longer have a Chloe Beale in her life to keep her grounded – to keep her sane. And as much as the thought of getting too attached to Chloe scares her, nothing scares her more than the thought of leaving Chloe, or Chloe leaving her. Because Chloe is wonderful, in so many different ways that Beca never thought could be possible. Chloe is as close as it gets to perfection, and for Beca to purposely screw that up would be stupid.

So she has a crush on Chloe Beale. She's kind of maybe finally accepting that now. What she doesn't know, is how the hell she's going to deal with that when Chloe is acting so perfect all of the God damn time. Like forgiving her for being an ass last night. All Chloe wanted to do was spend some time with Beca without Jesse interrupting, and Beca knows that now. She knows that Chloe must've been pissed off at him for calling and texting 24/7 which is precisely why she chose to hang up. What Beca doesn't understand though, is how Chloe can forgive her so easily for being a dick and yelling at her.

And she apologizes a few more times during the day; tells Chloe that she's sorry – really sorry – for yelling at her, and Chloe tells her that it's fine. Then she apologizes again (she kinda can't help it) but Chloe is nothing but patient with her, and she tells her, again, that it's fine, it's okay, it's no problem, it's in the past, it's over now. Beca appreciates that, more than she'll ever know.

While it's kind of unusual, to be acting so normally around Chloe after having a dream like that, and after fighting with her last night, it's kind of nice. It's not awkward or uncomfortable. Beca is aware that Chloe has forgiven her, and Chloe is aware that Beca has forgiven her as well, for hanging up on Jesse. And it's just so them.

It's so Beca and Chloe.

It's kind of how it's supposed to be.

When Beca finds out that there's a zoo in San Antonio, she humbly agrees to go.

When she finds out that there are red pandas in said zoo, she loses her mind.

She's not even embarrassed at the squeal that escapes past her lips when she sees them. And maybe she should be – embarrassed, that is – at the scene she's making; pressing her hands and forehead against the fence hard enough to make permanent indentations, watching the little furry animals' every move, gasping whenever they so much as turn their heads.

When one of them looks at her, she almost screams.

And Chloe, bless her heart, has to put up with a hyper Beca Mitchell for the rest of the day, which is probably worse than a drunk Beca Mitchell. She's pretty sure that the people at the zoo are convinced that Beca is nine years old with the way she's acting, and when she insists on buying Chloe a t-shirt with the zoo logo on it, Chloe can't even find it in herself to stop her. Beca also buys herself a red panda keyring – "his name is Troy," she announces with a huge grin – which she happily attaches to Chloe's car keys.

By the time they get out of the zoo, Beca's practically forgotten all about the concern that came along with her dream. It's strange how things have gone back to normal, but she doesn't question it. Because Chloe tells Beca that there's a Whataburger nearby, and Beca doesn't know when they started holding hands again, but she doesn't really let go until she needs to.

By the time they find a Bed & Breakfast to stay at, Beca's almost falling asleep.

She's kind of in her own little world – her own little world of everything Chloe Beale – which is why, when Chloe asks her if she's talked to Jesse at all, she feels like she's been punched in the face. Because the day they just had was all kinds of perfect, and holding hands and joking around with Chloe kind of makes her forget about her problems.

So much so that she actually forgot about hers and Jesse's fight in the first place.

She remembers that she left him a message last night, but he hasn't called or texted her since, and she has no idea whether he actually got the message or not. He tends to do that a lot, forgets to check his voicemail. So it's kind of the right thing to do, to call Jesse – again – and apologize for hanging up on him. And even though she knows that Jesse wouldn't actually drive all the way to San Antonio to pick her up, she is kind of terrified that he'll offer, and it'll remind her of her dream, and she'll end up crying again.

So she tells Chloe that she's gonna wait for him to call her, and excuses herself to go take a shower.

Complimenting Chloe isn't something Beca does often.

It's why Chloe has to remind herself to keep breathing when Beca tells her – sat in the passenger seat with a smile on her face, after having just been crying at some bad dream she had – that she's beautiful.

It doesn't happen much, but when it does, Chloe doesn't really know what to do.

She could tell Beca that she's also beautiful or say something equally as kind to her, but Chloe knows, from experience, that doing so would just result in Beca telling her how much more beautiful Chloe is, and she can only take so many compliments from Beca Mitchell before she starts to feel lightheaded.

But they keep coming throughout the day. Occasional comments about how nice her hair looks today ("seriously, you look like the actual sunshine"), and how good she looks wearing those converse ("black converse really suit you"), and not to mention how she would blush whenever Chloe said anything nice back to her; comments which, normally, Beca would just respond to with a sarcastic comment or a, "duh, I know, I'm awesome."

Chloe's not sure that Beca is even aware that she's doing it, and it reminds her of when she kept complimenting the Kommissar whenever they had a run in with DSM. And it's kind of cute, seeing Beca spew out constant compliments, and flushing straight afterwards, trying to act like nothing even happened. And Chloe doesn't mind at all, really.

Still doesn't seem to stop the way her heart swells every time she does it though.

While Beca's in the shower, Chloe shouts in and asks her if she can use her laptop to Skype Aubrey and of course, Beca tells her – after stopping her solo of I Knew You Were Trouble – that she can. She types in Beca's password – because if four years with the Bellas has taught her anything, it's that she should not leave her stuff around if it has easy access – and she's not surprised to see that Beca's wallpaper is the picture that Emily took of the Bellas in their cap and gowns at graduation. She remembers Beca's, "we're taking the photo with or without you, we are taking the photo with or without you", as Stacie and Fat Amy were in the living room taking selfies, almost making them late to the ceremony.

And it's weird, to think that they only graduated three weeks ago. She still remembers the Bellas yelling, "Bellas for life!" at Emily before she took the same photo that's sitting in front of her on Beca's laptop. She still remembers how Beca refused to say anything – or even smile – for the photo, but then two minutes later, she was laughing at something that Amy said; laughing so much that she almost cried. She still remembers Beca's face when she agreed to move in with her two weeks before they graduated, after Chloe had brought up the idea over dinner. Remembers the feeling in her stomach when Beca told her that she was staying in Atlanta for a few years before she even thought about moving to L.A. Remembers the two of them finding a nice apartment in Atlanta that's equal distance to their new jobs that they'll be starting once they get back. And she remembers the quiver in Beca's voice when they stood in their new living room together, and Chloe told her that she's proud of them for making it this far.

By the time she's finished reminiscing about the photo, Beca's already out of the shower, padding around the room in her gym shorts that she wears as pajamas, and the t-shirt that she had bought Chloe from the zoo. And even though Chloe hasn't even worn the t-shirt yet, it's kind of nice, seeing Beca in her clothes.

"What did Aubrey have to say?"

"Oh," Chloe looks back down at the computer and clicks on the Skype button, "I haven't talked to her yet, I was just… texting my mom."

"Ugh, you mean I'll have to talk to her as well now?"

"Oh shush, you love her."

She hears Beca laugh, and she has to remind herself to sign in to Skype before Beca asks any more questions. She can't exactly tell Beca that she's been daydreaming about their graduation, and how far they've come since then despite it only being three weeks ago.

Luckily Aubrey is online when she signs in, and she presses call, surprised when Aubrey answers straight away. She's met with Aubrey's blurry face grinning at her, and she can't stop from smiling back. She hasn't had chance to Skype with Aubrey since the retreat, due to them both being super busy. The last time she saw Aubrey was at the Worlds, and even then, she only saw her for two days.

In between frustratedly trying to find better signal around the room, and mumbled, "oh for fuck's sake, Skype" whenever it would crash, they talk about how their days went. Chloe tells Aubrey that they're in San Antonio and they visited the zoo and Beca lost her shit over the pandas (she's never gonna let her live that one down), and she laughs when she hears Beca mumble, "I'm weak for them, okay" from across the room.

"Who would've thought," Aubrey says, taking a sip of her tea, "Beca Mitchell is a sucker for cute animals."

"Bite me, Posen."

"I have much higher standards than that, Mitchell."

Beca laughs sarcastically as she sits down beside Chloe, leaning into her with her arm behind Chloe to support her. Chloe watches as Beca looks at Aubrey on the screen and laughs at the sight of her, no make-up on with her hair in rollers.

"Jesus Christ, did you age like fifty years?"

"Beca!" Chloe slaps her on the arm, but they're all laughing, and it all feels so nice.

Aubrey tells her about the new retreat that she's setting up, tells her that it's not up and running yet, but she's managed to find some people – along with her Aunt Trish's help – that can help her with paper work, business plans, hiring people, all that jazz. And if all goes well, it should be up and running within a few more months. She hasn't found a roommate though yet, and Chloe has to hold back her laugh when Beca asks her, "is that because you've stated in the ad that you don't want anybody who smokes, drinks, has any pets, makes any noise…" and then continued to list off traits that, in all honesty, wouldn't surprise her if Aubrey had actually stated them on the advertisement she put out.

They talk for a few hours until about 11PM, when Aubrey states that she has some paperwork to go over before bed, and they agree to Skype again soon.

When Beca falls asleep, it's to the soothing sound of Chloe humming along to Imagine Dragons.

Turns out Dallas is even hotter than Austin and San Antonio.

And once again, Beca is dying.

They set off a little later than usual, thanks to Beca and her inability to wake up, even when Chloe is practically jumping on her. The heat, on top of driving non-stop for four hours until they arrived in Dallas, was enough to make Beca want to be back in Atlanta, where at least it didn't feel like she was dying from dehydration every two minutes. The only good thing is that it's slightly less humid. (Chloe had pointed that out, and trust Chloe Beale to find the silver lining in everything.)

They find another Bed & Breakfast and book a room, before they go get something to eat at a restaurant. Luckily, there's a nice Italian place down the road from the Bed & Breakfast that has good reviews on TripAdvisor, which Chloe has been using a lot these past few days.

Beca thinks it's kind of ridiculous, judging a place by how other people have rated it. People have different opinions. Some people thought Adolf Hitler was a good person, it doesn't mean they were right. People are like stars, in the way that every single one is different, unique, extraordinary. Letting other people decide your fate isn't exactly something Beca Mitchell likes to do.

Then again, it's only a restaurant, and Chloe wants to go, so she agrees with only minimal complaints.

It has nothing to do with the way Chloe pouts at her.

By the time they get back to the Bed & Breakfast, it's already getting late, so they just decide to stay in and watch a movie on Beca's laptop, seeing as this is the only place they've come across that actually has decent WiFi. She signs into her Netflix account (she doesn't even know why she has it, Chloe uses it more than she does) and she lets Chloe choose a movie as she gets washed and brushes her teeth in the bathroom.

When she walks back into the room, Chloe is laid in her pajamas – the adorable pink ones with the elephants on them – with her back against the headboard and an empty space beside her for Beca to sit.

"Hey Chlo?" Beca says, sitting next to Chloe, smiling at how Chloe instantly moves closer to her. And Chloe looks at her, urging her to say whatever it is she wants to say, and she gulps quietly at just how bright – just how beautiful Chloe's eyes are. "You said you stopped drawing two years ago, but your brother died six years ago."

Chloe frowns. "Yeah."

"Why… did it take you so long to stop?"

She thinks Chloe is going to ignore her, which she's fine with. That was pretty forward of her, but she's been thinking about it for a while now; been wondering why Chloe would suddenly stop four years after her brother's death.

But then Chloe sits up, holding onto the laptop so it doesn't fall off of her lap, and sighs. "My dad and my brother have always been crazy about art." Her voice is quiet, and if Beca wasn't so close to her she'd probably struggle to hear. "Two years ago, my dad left my mom. I guess it just hit me really hard, and whenever I draw or paint, it reminds me of what he did to my mom."

Beca's eyebrows knit together, "two years ago?" she shakes her head, "we were friends then."

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me? I could have… I don't know, helped?"

"I don't know," she breathes out a sigh. "I guess, because you told me about your parents' divorce… I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You could never make me uncomfortable."

"What, even if I barged in on your shower?"

"Shut up." She smiles, reaching over to press the spacebar on her laptop. "What are we watching?"

"Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt."

"Isn't that a TV show?"

Chloe nods, making herself comfy against Beca's side. "You don't like movies, so…"

Beca smiles, tilting the screen so Chloe can see it better.

It's amazing how much Kimmy reminds Beca of Chloe, minus the whole 'mole woman' thing (which, by the way, is incredible. How the hell that reverend got away with keeping four women hostage for that long, she'll never know.) But Kimmy is so bright and bouncy and excited all the time, and not to mention the way her smile lights up her whole face; just like Chloe.

They watch about four episodes before Beca starts to feel tired. Chloe is still awake though, judging by the occasional giggle that seems to vibrate through her body. Beca thinks it's adorable. However, she kind of has other plans before they go to bed, so when the fourth episode finishes, she presses the escape button and closes the window.

"C'mere," she tells Chloe as she turns her laptop off and shuts it, sitting up and taking Chloe's hand. She pulls her off of the bed and toward the doors opposite them, and there's a small balcony that overlooks the lake opposite the Bed & Breakfast, and the way that the moon is shining on the lake makes it look like a painting.

What's even more beautiful though, is the hundreds of stars in the sky above them.

"We missed the sunset but I figured we could watch the stars," Beca says, leaning against the railing on her elbows, and she feels Chloe do the same, their arms touching as she looks up at the sky. "My phone is on silent in my coat pocket," Beca says, before looking at Chloe, to see her already looking at her. "No distractions."

And Chloe smiles, before taking Beca's hand in hers, and looking up at the sky.

Beca's always loved the stars; loves how it always looks like you can reach out and grab one, no matter how many millions of miles away they may be. Loves the way the stars make up the different constellations – Boötes being her favorite – and she loves how you can make almost anything if you trace the stars with your finger. Loves the vast blackness of the sky, consuming practically everything except the stars and the moon, and she loves the different stories behind every single one.

"Look how beautiful they are," she hears Chloe say. "They're all burning so bright."

Beca wonders what it's like to scoop them all up; to hold the universe in her hands.

She thinks that holding Chloe's hand is as close as she'll get.

"You burn brighter than any star in the sky," Beca whispers, head tilted up, eyes darting around the sky as she looks for Ursa Minor. She can feel Chloe looking at her, and she smiles when she feels Chloe's lips on her jaw.

The stars have nothing on Chloe Beale.