Here is the long awaited updated, sorry it took me so long. I hope it is worth the wait. Enjoy! I am aware that this is out of character was Cristina but i am trying to show how things would have been a little bit different if Meredith wasn't around.

Meredith had finished putting on the last of her make up when Cristina called her name through the house.

"I'll be down in a minute, Cris," she yelled down, before running her hands over the black dress that she had on, it was the same black dress she had on the night she met Derek. She quickly called Bailey to find out how Ava was doing, she found it difficult to leave Ava at Bailey's that evening. It was the first time that Meredith had left her with someone else other than Elyse, and that was only when she was on call, and her apartment was only across the road from the hospital in Portland. Once she was satisfied that Ava was okay, she grabbed her handbag of the side before leaving her bedroom, walking down the stairs to find Cristina already hogging a bottle of tequila.

"Cristina, you better not be thinking about leaving that in the house" Meredith warned her.

"God, you are such a bore, since you became a mama," Cris slurred.

"Well, sorry," answered Meredith with a hint of sarcasm.

"It's okay, it is nearly gone anyway."

"Let's go," said Meredith, taking the bottle out of Cristina hand.

"Hey, that's mine!"

"Not anymore, come on let go," Meredith told her, practically pushing her out the door.

They arrived at Joe's, and Meredith noticed Alex, Izzie and George sat at their usual booth, Izzie waved them over just as Meredith spotted them, Meredith grabbed Cristina arms and pulled her over to their friends, ignore her protestation for wanting to hit the bar first.

"Mere... I need a drink."

"Sit down Cristina," she groaned.

"Yes...mom," Cristina sneered, sitting down.

"Sorry, she was drunk before she got to my house," Meredith told them trying to explain Cristina's behaviour.

"Mer it's fine, unfortunately we are used to this, she has been like this since Burke left," George informed her.

"I had no idea. If I had known it was this bad, I would have come back sooner."

"Mer it's not your fault, we were hoping that Dr. Hunt would pull her out of this funk, but he hasn't."

"I'm sure Cristina will deal with it when she feels able too, so just let her get on with it, I'm going up for a drink, do any of you want one?" Meredith asked them, they all shook their head and Meredith walked over to the bar, not noticing the dark haired man, watching her from the entrance as well as fair headed man from the other side of the bar.

As Derek entered the bar, he noticed Meredith stood at the bar, and watched as a fair-haired man walked over to Meredith and started talking to her, Derek felt a wave a jealously washing over him. He never considered himself a jealous man before, but for some reason he wanted Meredith made him feel that way which he'd never felt towards Addison. He knew it was unfair to compare Meredith Grey, to his wife but he couldn't help it, a big part of him felt more than friendship for Meredith. It confused him considering he didn't know Meredith outside of the hospital but he knew that she was a big part of his life, before the accident. He didn't understand how, but he knew that she was important to him and he wanted her; consequences be damned.

As he watched Meredith, her honey blonde hair cascading down her back, and a black dress that hugged her curves, he remembered something.

"This is…uh…"

"Humiliating on so many levels. You have to go."

"Why? Why don't you just come back down here and we'll pick up where we left off?"

"No seriously you have to go. I'm late which isn't what you want to be on your first day of work, so…"

"So, ah, you actually live here?" he asked, getting dressed.

"No,"

"Oh," he answered, perplexed.

"Yes... Kind of."

"Oh. It's nice... A little dusty... odd. But it's nice. Huh. So how do you kinda live here?"


"I moved two weeks ago from Boston. It was my mother's house. I'm selling it."

"Oh I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You said was."

"Oh my mother's not dead. She's-you know what? We don't have to do the thing"

"Oh. We can do anything you want," he answered, dirty in his eyes. He knew that he wanted to see her again.

"No the thing... Exchange the details, pretend we care. Look I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. Okay and when I get back down here, you won't be here. So … um … goodbye … uh …"

"Derek."

"Derek. Right. Meredith," she smiled a little, shaking his hand. Such an odd formality after what they'd done the pervious evening and into the morning.

"Meredith," he repeated grinning.

"Yeah. Mmm hmm," Meredith said smiling.

"Nice meeting you."

"Bye Derek," she giggled a little, retreating up the stairs.

Derek felt a little lightheaded assaulted by another memory.

After yelling at Addison in the hallway of Seattle Grace, and running out to the parking lot, Derek ignoring his chief of surgery calling his name, and he leapt into his car, before driving out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell. He couldn't lose Meredith not like this, not without telling her that he loved her. He might have chosen to save his marriage, but that didn't mean that Addison has his heart, only one person held his heart and she was leaving. He couldn't let her leave, not without telling her, how he felt and how much he needed her.

Derek looked over at Meredith flirting with a guy at the bar, and he wanted to go over and knock the guy out, but he knew he had no right too, he slowly walked over to her; and coming behind her, and whispered in her ear.

"Mer," he said gently wrapping his arms around her waist, at first he felt her stiffen at his touch before she relaxing into his embrace. Meredith allowed herself to relax into him, allowing herself to believe for one moment, that they were Meredith and Derek.

"I followed you," he told her, Meredith turned to face him.

"What?" she asked.

"I remember meeting you...following you to the airport, and I remember feelings. What does all this mean…what were we?" Derek asked her, not failing to notice the tears in her eyes.

"You need to remember on your own, Derek," Meredith said tenderly, her hand caressing his cheek, with tears in her eyes.

"What if I can't remember?" Derek asked fearfully, not quite understanding his fear of this.

"Then we will be friends, but know this... I will always be waiting...but you need to remember us on your own. I will not break up your marriage, Derek," said Meredith, her heart breaking, but knowing that this was for the best, she was not going to be the other woman again.

"It was me you were talking about at your house," he realized.

"Derek... I can't answer that... but you need to remember yourself and if you can't I want you to be happy," Meredith said standing up, her body pressing against his. Meredith felt herself react to him, she couldn't take her eyes off his mouth, the mouth she had spent the last two years fantasizing about, and for the first time since she discovered that he was married, she thought what the hell, Meredith couldn't help but pray that this decision she made would help him to remember them, just as his lips touch his.

Derek studied Meredith carefully, his eyes straying down to her lips, he wanted to kiss her to taste her, but he remembered her reaction at the house when he tried to kiss her before, so he let her be in control. As her lips touch his, his arms pulled her in closer, as he deepened the kiss, Meredith felt herself losing herself in him, forgetting where they were, and that their colleagues was watching them, including Amy, who could help but smile at what she was witnessing

The kiss lasted for mere seconds; but it felt like an eternity, before Meredith pulled away, but still holding her arms around his neck, and giving him a small smile.

"Wow," Derek murmured, Meredith just smiled, feeling his erection against her, she wanted him just has badly, but he was still married.

"Der," Meredith said gently, just has Derek's lips touch her once again, kissing her lightly, just like their last kiss.

"I know," he sighed, taking a step back. "All I know is that you mean something to me, something more than you should."

"Derek, I will always be here, as your friend," Meredith said, giving him one last smile before walking over to her friends.

Derek sat down at the bar, ordered himself a scotch, when Amy sat down next to him. Derek offered his sister a smile, and she took his hand in her.

"You alright Derek?"

"I don't know anymore Amy, what do I do?" Derek asked his sister desperately.

"I can't answer that for you Derek."

"Meredith said that same thing."

"She is right only you can decide Derek."

"I am just so confused. I remember her meaning something to me, I remember that I love her, in a way I never loved Addison"

"Derek...what do you want to say? I could tell you everything but would it help? If you can't remember her on your own…"

"No... I need to remember on my own, Meredith is right about that," Derek told his sister.

"Okay Derek, but you know where I am," Amy told him, giving him a kiss on the cheek, before going over to join her fellow interns.