999996. Scavenger Hunt

Okay, I don't know who the heck keeps inventing these "team-building exercises," but whoever it is is in serious need of a crowbar to the side of his/her head.

Why this sudden violent sentiment, you may ask? Well, allow me to explain.

You see, Hector and Iris, who apparently never do anything more exciting than gardening while holding hands, stumbled upon this scavenger hunt idea. Don't ask me how. And most certainly don't ask me why. Those two continue to do nothing but stupefy me. I mean, they haven't even frenched yet! And they've been dating for how many years?! True, at first I didn't want them together, but this stale platonic fluff is kind of getting on my nerves. That, and... Hector and I have been kind of drifting apart recently.

...Not that it bothers me or anything. I don't care. He's an adult, he can do what he wants.

Anyway, him and his GF thought it would be fun for all of us to take a little time off and try this scavenger hunt thing. And of course, Merag agreed wholeheartedly and started bugging Nasch about it. He put up a bit of a fight at first, but by this point you, me, and your crazy uncle all know how weak Nasch's resistance is to Merag's sisterly charms.

Like always, I knew from the beginning that this was a bad idea. And, like always, the others all went ahead with it without listening to me.

Of course, you know that Step Three in this vicious cycle always involves me getting roped into the stupid activity by Merag. My life has become horribly predictable.

The scavenger hunt worked thusly: we would all be split up into randomly-selected groups of two, and we'd have to work with our partner to get as many of the items on the list as we could. Because there's an odd number of us, it was decided that Iris would run the thing while Hector partnered up with whoever was left. I was hoping that would be me, because then I could just sit back and make him get everything for me. But as we all know by now, nothing ever works out the way I want it to.

Nasch ended up partnered with Girag, Mizael with Alito (good luck with that), Durbe got Hector, and I... was stuck with Merag. And she wasn't going to let me get away with refusing to participate or doing anything half-assed, so I didn't even try.

Actually, some of the things we were supposed to get really gave me the opportunity to utilize my creative skillz. Because, let's be honest, how the hell is anyone going to find a naturally-occurring four-leaf clover in the middle of a metropolis? That one I checked off the list by stealing a bandana featuring a graphic representation of said clover off a burly pub-goer's head.

Luckily for me, Merag's competitive nature, when in full "I-need-to-outdo-Nasch-cuz-he's-my-brother" mode, tends to outweigh her sense of morals, so she had no problem putting the guy on ice in the name of our scavenger hunt. In fact, she encouraged me to use my creativity to our advantage - I'd come up with an alternative for items that would be too hard to get (ex. instead of a "purple bottle cap," it was easier to just take a hat from another pub-goer and put it on top of a Heineken), and she'd use her surprising athletic prowess to carry it out (ex. protect me when the pub-goer doth protest too much). We made a pretty formidable team, not gonna lie. I was actually starting to enjoy it.

By the time the hunt came to an end and we all gathered back at the palace with our items, the two of us were a well-oiled random-item-collecting machine. It was almost a shame that we'd have to disband after only five hours.

Hector and Iris were acting kinda weird when we got back, though. They kept whispering conspiratorially and shooting us not-so-discreet glances. I have no idea what was up with that, but whatever.

When all was said and done, Nasch and Girag got about one third of the stuff on the list (because Nasch did all the work), Durbe and Hector got halfway through (because Durbe found an old book and Hector got distracted by an English garden), and Mizael and Alito didn't find anything (because Mizael is too pretty to participate). Since Merag and I got everything on the list, it was clear that we were the winners.

But guess what happened? Nasch got mad that most of our items were pun-related and started saying we should be disqualified. Can you believe it?! He was just butt-hurt that he didn't win, so he tried to get our hard work thrown down the drain! Obviously, Merag and I both protested this, but I had the feeling that it was going to be to no avail.

Surprisingly, however, Iris actually took our side and said that our puns counted. I'm not sure why, since she usually doesn't like me very much... in any case, it certainly couldn't have had anything to do with that conspiratorial wink she gave Hector afterwards.

So even though I actually emerged victorious from this one, Nasch is still getting a point. Try to disqualify my hard-earned "bottle cap," will you?! Tch. The nerve of this guy!

I'm really looking forward to killing him. It'll be soon... so soon... mweh heh heh heh heh...

999997. Matchmaking

Okay, so... I will admit, every once in a while, something just goes over my head. Like how I failed to pick up on Hector's initial crush on Iris until it was too late. Or how I failed to realize that I was on the women's side of the hot springs until it was too late. Or any of the other instances where this has occurred. Frankly, there are too many for my liking.

Well... it happened again. But this time, it was bad. Really, really bad. The kind of bad that's left me reeling, my entire worldview a shambles.

It started out like any normal day: I fed Bingo a couple of death-row inmates, made myself a vanilla latte with a skull design in the foam, went to my office, and actively got no work done. I was just about to go to get dinner, when suddenly, Hector popped in.

He told me that he and Iris had gone to this really swanky restaurant the other night, but there had been something wrong with the food. The manager, he said, had been fearfully contrite, probably because he confused Hector for yours truly, and promised them a free meal for today at six. Hector, however, didn't really like that place's vibe, so he said I could go instead if I wanted to.

I should have suspected something was up. I should have wondered about the oddly specific time he gave me. I should have questioned why a man with an exact copy of my formidable stomach would pass up free eats. I should have seen the slight twitch of his fingers, the way his eyes smiled. But I didn't. And I rushed to that restaurant, thinking that I had totally hit the jackpot.

Little did I know what fiendish devilry awaited me there.

First off, the restaurant's name was "Le Romantique," which not only signaled French food, but also meant that the inside would be filled with candles and smooth jazz. I, however, just chalked it up to Hector and Iris' tendency to go on mushy-gushy dates and went inside.

When I did, a waiter showed me to my table, left two menus, and came back with a bottle of Le Fance-Pantsiest Champagne Available, an 1826 vintage. By that point, I was starting to figure out that something was not right here, but unfortunately for me, it was too late. Far, far too late.

Because soon after that, Merag entered the restaurant... and was led to the seat across from me.

I kinda wish I knew what our faces looked like at that point. It must have been hilarious. But I wasn't thinking that at the time. I wasn't thinking much of anything, in fact. I was just sitting there in shock, completely blindsided.

Of course, we figured out immediately that we'd been set up. Turns out Iris had gone to Merag with the same B.S. story Hector had fed me. I was starting to feel a little awkward, so I got up to go, but then something really freaky happened.

Merag asked me to stay. Said she'd feel weird eating alone. Might as well take advantage of the free food, she said. It wasn't like we were actually on a date or anything, she said.

The freakiest part... was that I actually stayed.

We ate. We chatted. We shared an air-saxophone solo when the restaurant's speakers started playing "Perdido." I told her I invented jazz. She said she knew that, it happened in Chapter Six. I said "oh."

Eventually, we got to reminiscing. Turns out she remembers every stupid thing we've done just as well as I do. Like that time when we interrogated Alco together... when she helped me find Hector after he ran away… when we taught each other how to play the saxophone... when my attempts to Sharpie her face backfired… when I helped her not suck at cooking… that party she threw after we all first met… all those times she tried to stop Nasch and me from clawing each other's eyes out. She laughed when we got to that part. Said she couldn't imagine a day without that happening.

I'm pretty sure her laugh's infectious… or there really was something in the food. Because I have never felt that pleasant in my entire life.

...Must have been salmonella.

But whatever the reason, I… guess I… kinda… did really enjoy myself. And as I talked to her, I also felt a little… sad. I don't know, it was weird. I'm not a touchy-feely guy, but my emotions were all over the friggin' place, and I could practically see the "doki-dokis" around my head every time she turned those damn eyes in my direction. It's sickening, dammit! I'm VECTOR! I'm PURE FREAKING EVIL! I don't give a sh*t about anyone, least of all Merag!

But…

...If we're being perfectly honest here…

...I guess… I don't know…

...maybeilikeheralittle.

…

At any rate, she walked out of there with my secret Penultimate Grilled Cheese Rapture-Sandwich recipe, which I haven't even entrusted to these pages.

What the f*** is wrong with me..?

999998. Scruples

As you can see (if you know how to count), we're only two points away from Nasch's demise. It's been fun, but soon you and I are going to part ways. And trust me, I am so freaking excited.

SO FREAKING EXCITED! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! HOW FREAKING EXCITED I AM!

REALLY! I'M JUST BOUNCING UP AND DOWN WITH JOY!

Really! I really am! ...This isn't forced at all!

I'm… so damn excited…

I just… don't know why, but I'm a little less excited than I thought I would be.

It's probably because it's impossible to actually be that excited. I'd probably explode or something. This hesitation is probably my body's safety mechanism to keep me from exploding.

Yeah.

Anyway, I need a plan. Some totally awesome way to say goodbye to good old Tentacle-Head. Finally, I'll be able to do whatever the heck I want without him bothering me all the time! No more stupid meetings! No more scolding! No more getting blamed for stuff!

No more idiotic team activities! No more dumb get-togethers! I won't have to spend my precious time with these idiots anymore. That'll really be something.

And Hector's spending more time with Iris now, so I won't have him bothering me, either.

And Merag will probably hate me. So… there's that.

I'll finally be on my own. That's what I've always wanted.

To be alone.

...right?

…

...Aaggh, my head is screwing with me. I'm hesitating. Sh*t, I'm waffling!

How long have I wanted this?! Since day one! I've gone too far to let this go now!

Sh*t!

...I can't let this get to me. I can't hesitate. I need to get these thoughts out of my head.

I need to stop thinking that maybe the way things are isn't so bad.

999999. Scheming

Dangerous thoughts are like a cancer. The harder you try not to think them, the more you think them, and then they spread. And if they spread far enough, you develop this horrible disease called "scruples."

Come on, Vector. This self-doubt isn't like you. It's pathetic.

You've gotten weak, soft. Complacent. The mad chaos in you has lain dormant for too long. You need to feel it burning through your veins again.

I can't afford to debate this any longer. I need to take action. Quick, decisive action. Cross the point of no return and burn the bridge to the ground in one fell swoop. Leave no room for regret, no time for remorse.

But to do that, I need to get rid of these thoughts. Excise them like a tumor, without anesthetic or mercy.

I need to plunge my claws into my own heart and, screaming, rip it out of my chest.

I need to get rid of my scruples.

I need to remove the source.

1000000. THE END.

Today's the day. I finally did it.

I finally killed Nasch.

But first, I kidnapped Merag. Dragged her to the edge of the cliff, because I knew that was the surest way to get Nasch to chase after me.

All those years brawling with him… to be brutally honest, I'm not sure if I could win an all-out, life-or-death fight. I couldn't afford a struggle.

So I pushed Merag off the cliff, because I knew that was the surest way to get Nasch to follow her.

And it worked. He did. Threw himself right off the edge without a moment's thought, without hesitation. It was such a stupid way to die. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I stood there for a moment, watching until the two of them disappeared from view, swallowed up by the darkness. Then I turned and started to walk away.

After five steps, I just… stopped. I fell to my knees.

Then I started making this noise. It shook my shoulders and had me wheezing for breath. I was laughing. My cheeks felt hot and my eyes stung.

... 1000001. Damn it.

Why don't I feel any better? This isn't how this was supposed to go.

Killing Nasch was supposed to be a relief. ...No, it is. I don't have to deal with him bossing me around anymore. I can do whatever the hell I want. It's great. Really, it is.

So why...?

Why can't I... seem to...

...

...Damn it.

Author's Note: What the heck was that?! Serious stuff?! How did that end up in there?!

Thanks to De hearts 26 for the scavenger hunt suggestion, and a huge thank you to everyone who suggested Points over the course of this fic! I'm so grateful to all of you for sticking around!

Anyway, we've officially finished the Points list, but THE STORY'S NOT OVER YET!

So please don't leave or anything. There's more coming. Trust me.