A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Will. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 11: Miz Returns To The Dining Room

Despite the fact that Miz had steeled himself for chaos, he wasn't quite ready for the level of chaos that reigned in the dining room when he and Punk rejoined the others. "Where have you been?" Will demanded.

"You saw me out there," Miz said. "Practicing a play?"

"Not you," said Will, irritated. "Punk. You said you'd be right back, and that was ten minutes ago."

"You know I don't take time literally," Punk said, shrugging. "Besides, I think we needed some time outside of this mess." He stared down at Christian, who had an oxygen mask over his face. "What are you doing with Christian?"

"He had to be sedated," Will said, "and the intern gave him too much. Turns out that his stun gun was set a little higher than stun, but lower than kill."

"Where can I get one of those?" Punk asked. "I'd like to play paint ball with it."

"And that is why you'll never own one," said Will knowingly. "You lot would likely kill one another and then it would be Orton as the last man standing and no one wants that, do they?"

Punk sighed, "No, I suppose not. It would still be cool to have, though. There's so much I could do in the universe!"

"For good or evil?" Miz asked.

"Good, duh!" said Punk. "Hello, Jesus, son of God? That guy? Yeah, that's me!"

"Well, at least you're not full of yourself," Christian said from the floor. "Um, could someone help me?"

"I will," said JJ.

"He's so brave, isn't he?" Punk said. "Almost like a movie hero." He paused, frowning thoughtfully. "Hey, what's the name of that movie I like? The one with the severed heads where the dead guys talk? You know the one I mean, right, Will?"

"Sort of."

"Come on!" said Punk. "That one's a classic! I thought everyone went and saw it at least once."

"You don't even know the name of it, though," Miz pointed out, "so how much of a classic could it be? We haven't seen it, and the one guy who has can't remember what it's called."

Punk snorted. "I know the name." he said. "I never forget."

"I thought that was elephants." Christian asked. "Does that make you an elephant, Punk?"

"Makes sense," JJ muttered to Christian, who snickered. "Maybe we can get him to save souls for peanuts."

"Yeah, that's more than he's getting paid now."

"Rar?" Matt said softly from his corner.

"What's up with that?" Miz asked, indicating Matt with a tilt of his head.

"What's up with what?" Christian said, squinting expectantly into space.

"Matt," Miz said.

"Oh, he's in a time out," said JJ with a shrug.

"Are you serious?" Miz asked. "We have time outs here?"

"Some of us do," said Randy sleepily. "I spend a lot of time by myself."

"I can't imagine why," Miz said. "You've got such a charming personality and a razor sharp wit, after all."

"Be careful," said the sleepy viper. "I may not be an elephant, but I don't forget anything, either."

"Gulp," said Miz. "I'll keep that in mind, thanks." He turned back to the others. "So, breakfast. Wow, that was some meal. Seems like each one I spend here gets a little weirder than the last, and yet, they seem almost normal."

"They are normal," Christian said, "for here. What did you expect in a place like this?"

"To be honest," Miz said, "I never gave places like this much thought. Why would I?"

"It's because you're a narcissist," Christian said.

Miz smirked. "You can't see half a foot in front of your face, but you find time to read the thesaurus?"

"Yeah," Christian said. "What's your point?"

"No point, I just find that amusing."

"JJ reads to him," Punk said. "It's great for both of them, but it's hell discussing books with him because of the name thing. I mean, literally hell. That's how I picture it- discussing books with those two. I'm never sure who they're talking about, even when we've read the same things."

"Bite me, Hornswoggle," JJ said.

"I'll bite you," Randy said.

"You'll bite anyone," Punk said, rolling his eyes. "Good thing you've had your rabies shot."

"That's good to know," Miz agreed. "I was wondering."

"You know I'll bite you," Randy said, eyeing Miz.

"Been there, done that, thanks," Miz said. "And not in the mood to do it again today."

Randy shrugged. "Never hurts to remind you."

"Roar," Matt said softly, sliding down in his corner.

"Just ignore him," Punk advised Miz.

"Matt or Randy?"

"Both of them."

Miz shrugged. "Sounds easy enough, but if one of them bites me, it's going to be hard to do."

"Matt doesn't tend to bite, even when he's Godzilla," Christian said. "Randy, on the other hand, bites like he's Godzilla all the time."

"The staff's taken to wearing protective clothing," Randy said proudly.

"Yeah, not so sure I'd brag about that," Christian said, finally pushing the oxygen mask away. "Then again, if I were Randy Orton, I probably would."

Matt sighed loudly. Will said, "If you're Matt again, then you can come out of the corner."

"I've been Matt all day," Matt said.

"You can tell that to the doctor when he comes in later," Will said. "But go ahead and come out of the corner."

"Welcome back from Tokyo," Punk said. "I hear the weather's nice this time of year."

"Couldn't you be there now?" Miz asked. "Since you can be in two places at once and all?"

"I could," Punk agreed, "but I promised not to abuse the power. Kind of like Hermione in Harry Potter, when she has that time thingymabob."

"And he thinks discussing books with us is hell," JJ said. "Hornswoggle can never remember the important plot points. That's much worse than not being able to remember the names."

"Well, hell is other people, right?" Miz said.

"You have no idea," Christian muttered.

"Is it safe to leave you alone?" Will asked the group.

"We're never alone," Christian said.

"You know what I mean."

"They'll be all right," Punk said. "I'll watch them."

"Great," Matt muttered. "But who's watching you?"

"My father," Punk said smugly. "He's watching everyone. He even saw you steal that extra cookie off the plate last night, Will."

Will rolled his eyes. "Okay, Punk. I'll leave you all in the care of the orderlies."

Will left, and Miz said, "I'm meeting with the cat tonight."

"How will you find her?" JJ asked.

"Why would you want to?" Matt said. "All she does is advertise Pepsi."

"That's when Punk talks to her," Miz said. "She tells me different stuff entirely."

"I'm glad you've accepted my ability to talk to the cat, Miz," Punk said.

Miz shrugged. "I figured it would shut you up."

"Clearly you were wrong," Christian said. "Nothing ever shuts him up. Believe me, we've tried everything short of a gag and heavy sedation. We would have tried those, but…" He shrugged. "It's hard to get the stuff to make either of those a reality."

"Good to know," Miz said. "So tomorrow at breakfast, providing it doesn't turn into a zoo like today, I'll let you guys know what the plan is."

Mark skipped back in. "I'm a six layer wedding cake!" he sang.

Miz eyed Mark before he turned to the others. "And then we're getting out of here."