Rachel is still lying in the bathtub, the water temperature has now cooled down a bit, but the tears are still running down her face; as she thinks back to her wedding day. The day that she forced herself back into Monica's life. She had felt so awful doing it, but she needed her old best friend more than ever. She didn't have anyone else. And she didn't want to have anyone else. She needed only Monica to be there for her. She knew that Monica would help her, if she was anything like she used to be. She was the most giving, kind hearted, good person that she had ever met. She needed that kind of person back in her life. Someone that could help her become a purse, or a hat. Make her a better person. And help her forget about Barry, about her parents, about people that never gave a damn about her. She just wanted her life to be different. She wanted her life to be fresh, new, exciting, not the same old shit that she never wanted in the first place. She had thought for awhile that she did want it, the rich husband, the nice house, the money; but she didn't want it, she didn't want it one bit. And standing in Monica's kitchen that day, looking at her apartment, looking at her friends, and most importantly, looking at her; she knew what she had to do. She knew that she was being a nuisance, she knew that Monica probably hated her; although it didn't entirely seem like it. What her old friend was feeling, she couldn't quite tell, but it didn't seem like hatred. But regardless, she knew that was she being a pain in the ass, forcing herself back into Monica's life like this, after drifting apart from her so long ago. But Monica had agreed to let her stay with her, like the generous person that she always was, and it was amazing. It was just like old times. It was like they had never been apart. They gossiped and shared secrets and got to tell tons and tons of brand new stories to eachother. They laughed together at the same comedic movies that they used to watch together. They cried together at the same sappy romances that they used to pine over together. They even shared snacks together, and giggled when they'd make a mess all over the carpet, just like they used to. Although now Monica got a lot more stressed about the mess than she used to, which Rachel found to be adorable. Rachel also had a great time with Monica's friends, and she even got a job at their regular hangout, Central Perk. Now she had her dream job, a career in fashion; working at Bloomingdale's. She learned to work for her money, be independent, and be a strong woman, all thanks to Monica. But now, as Rachel lied in the bathtub, she realized that just like graduation day back in high school, that wasn't enough. It was becoming too painful, going on like this again, acting like everything was okay when it wasn't. Night after night knowing that the love of her life was in the next room, and there was nothing that Rachel could do about it. Walking out into the kitchen in the morning, day after day; to see Monica cooking up some breakfast, or making coffee, in a sexy nightie, or an adorable pair of pajamas, and not being able to walk up behind her, put her hands on her hips, place a kiss on her neck, and tell her how beautiful she was. How much she loved her. Rachel suddenly begins to shiver, and turns the faucet back on, to add some fresh hot water into the tub. She thinks back on all of Monica's exes. Fun Bobby, who broke up with Monica because she "had a drinking problem". The coma guy, who didn't appreciate all that Monica did for him while he was asleep. Granted, she may have been the reason that he was in a coma to begin with, but still. Alan, well; Monica dumped him, none of us understood why. But why didn't he fight back harder for her? Ethan, who had lied about his age to get her into bed. Paul the wine guy, who lied about the last time that he had sex to get her into bed. Pete, who decided that getting beaten to a pulp every night was more important than Monica. Julio, the sexist poet who dared to tell Monica that his misogynistic poem was about "all women". Chip, who took Monica on a date; only to prove to her that he hadn't changed a bit since high school. Timothy, who dared to even go out with Monica knowing that she was confused about her feelings for his father. And that leads to the most infuriating one of all, Richard; who had Monica for so long, and in the end; wasn't willing to give Monica the one thing that she has wanted for her entire life, children. Rachel feels her face getting very warm, as the steam from the hot water rises up along with her anger, thinking of all the men who let Monica go. If Rachel had Monica, she would never, ever let her go. She continues to cry to herself, not knowing what to do with all of these heart wrenching emotions that that damn kiss brought full force to her attention.