The Hardest Part

Chapter Eleven

Sookie's POV

"And...?" I prompted. Eric had stopped after a mere few words and I stared at his puzzled expression. I couldn't really understand why he was finding it so difficult to share what had happened; perhaps it was more serious than I had imagined? My initial suspicion was that their disagreement was either because of a woman or money, something trivial like that, but maybe I'd thought wrong?

I suddenly felt a little guilty.

"We were in University," Sam chipped in suddenly, edging a little closer, "and, to begin with, we were actually quite close."

It seemed almost impossible to imagine that; I couldn't quite picture them smiling together, going out for drinks, playing soccer... normal things. I just had images of them glaring, sneering, fighting.

That thought flickered through my mind within a couple of seconds, but I remained silent out of courtesy.

"I came up with the idea of starting a business together," Eric continued, looking directly at me. I could see the anger beginning to appear in his blue eyes; they seemed even more icy than before, even though his temper was probably smoldering inside. "We always had the dream of starting a bar."

"That's obvious," Sam muttered helpfully.

"I focused most of my time trying to put everything together," he persisted, ignoring his comment. "I planned everything out, worked my ass off to earn some money-"

"It wasn't just you that worked hard," Sam interrupted again. "You're clearly trying to make yourself sound like the hero here."

"Okay, what exactly did you do to help? Apart from come up with the name which, by the way, was shit."

"You agreed to it!"

"I was probably pissed at the time!"

"Woah, woah," I sighed, breaking off their silly argument. "Stick to what's relevant, please." I turned to Sam. "What happened to your idea for the business?"

"We had a disagreement-"

"No shit, Sherlock," I muttered, making Eric grin wryly. However, when he turned to the other person in the room, his face completely transformed, as though it was completely wiped clean of emotion. "And tell us, Sam," he murmured, "why did we have that disagreement?" The tone of his voice was mocking, childish, and I had a bad feeling about what was coming next.

"You know damn well why."

"Well I don't!" I grumbled impatiently. "What happened?"

"Sam, your lovely ex-boss here, slept with my girlfriend while I was out working, trying to make money for our future business."

I stared at him wordlessly. Surely I'd misheard Eric? Sam was a good person... well, at least that's what I thought. Perhaps this was a reality check. Had the truth been blurred for me? Recently, Sam had been changing into somebody I wasn't as attracted to; for a start, he had robbed me of my job, then he'd been out buying large quantities of alcohol...

Had I been fooled all this time? Was I so blinded by his physical appearance that I hadn't been able to see what he was really like?

Maybe Eric was right. Maybe Sam was a jerk.

"It was once..." he protested weakly. "It was a mistake."

"You still did it," Eric snapped, sounding terrifying. "And, at the same time, you completely ruined all my hard work towards the bar. I despised you for it and I still do to this very day."

"You got what you wanted, though?" Sam countered. "We both did. There's no harm done in the long run."

"No harm done?" he scoffed. "No harm done? You were supposed to be my best friend, the one I could rely on, but you fucked my girlfriend! That doesn't exactly qualify under the category of no harm done!"

It was like I was seeing Sam completely differently. I found myself beginning to dislike him, maybe even loathe him. All the things he'd ever done to piss me off starting replaying over and over in my mind like waves, completely flooding out all the positive things.

But a part of me - a stupid, irrational part of me that I wanted to slap - still cared for him.

"So that's why he's a jerk," Eric concluded after a long silence.

"Okay," was all I could manage.

"Sookie, that's all in the past now, though," Sam added, clearly trying to push aside everything that had just been said. How did he even think that he could do that? It irritated me and I glared at him.

"Sam, I... right now, I don't really know what to think of you. I think the best thing would be for you to leave."

His mouth dropped open as though I'd just announced I was an alien. "What? Sookie, we've always been the best of friends... one time we even-"

"Don't say that," I interrupted. My head was beginning to throb and I needed more painkillers. "Please, let me think."

"You can't throw away almost five years of friendship because of one stupid mistake during my teenage years... I've changed. It really was a one-off. It was ages ago, for Christ's sake!"

"But you still did it."

With a nod towards Eric, he muttered, "You're beginning to sound like him."

"I don't see any problem with that."

He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "Don't do anything you might regret, Sook."

As he headed towards the door, I murmured, "I don't intend to."

And then he was gone.

Eric sat by my side silently, and I expected him to say something to gloat any minute then. But he stayed quiet, letting me think. It made me respect him even more and I suddenly realised that I'd been too quick to judge him. He actually seemed a decent person in comparison. Underneath the false exterior, there was a kind man.

My mind starting running through several thoughts at a time. Maybe Sam's actions were what had made Eric so tough; it was probably the reason why he didn't trust many people or get close to anybody. After one bad experience, he shut off most people in fear of getting hurt.

It sounded remarkably like myself.

I turned to him with a new-found affection. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" he asked, his eyebrows pulling together. He looked even more tired than before.

"For what happened to you. It sort of makes me feel like I understand you a little better."

"In what way? I'm intrigued."

"Well... it might explain why you're a little cut off from some people. I mean... you're sociable and everything, I just don't get the impression you're particularly happy with having to communicate with others. Perhaps because you don't trust them."

He stared at me with wide eyes and, out of fear that I'd said something completely wrong, I continued. "Although that doesn't explain why you feel the need to help others, like you said that one time. But hey, I'm probably over-thinking things."

He looked surprised. "You remember that?"

"I remember most of our conversations," I shrugged, trying to look non-commital. I probably failed.

"Really?" A smile was quirking on his lips and it was infectious.

"Yes. They're... memorable."

He laughed briefly. "Glad to hear it. And I guess you're right. I don't really trust many people. I'm cautious because of what's happened to me. It's very hard to have faith in others."

"I know what you mean. I'm the same after... after my b-brother."

I could feel the familiar rawness creep up in my throat and I reached for some water, wincing at the pain that it caused. Noticing that, Eric quickly arranged for a nurse to sort out the problem, and within a few minutes I was comfortably numb.

Although little glimpses of my brother's face kept creeping through.

It was clear that Eric was curious about it, but he kept silent. He was being so thoughtful, so considerate, that I felt the need to share something with him in return. It would probably be better if he knew anyway.

Maybe then he'd realise that I'd grown to trust him. He was one of the few people I felt that way about.

I had no idea if it was mutual, but my mouth was already moving and telling the story before I could even stop. He listened attentively throughout, even clutching my hand lightly at one point when I felt the tears falling, and at the end he looked at me with an expression full of sorrow.

"Oh, Sookie," he sighed, barely above a whisper. He didn't need to say anything else; I found the two words comforting in themselves. It was strangely wonderful how he said my name.

I wiped my nose with a tissue and tried to smile. "I haven't seen him since then."

"Do you want to?"

"I... no, I don't think I'm strong enough to."

"Sookie, you're a strong person. One of the strongest I know. You've carried all that on your shoulders and haven't even broken down in front of me until now. You keep it all to yourself, not demanding sympathy or concern, and that shows how strong you are. That's brilliant."

"I'm stupid, though. I let out all my anger at what's happened on people who happen to accidentally make insensitive comments. I can't control myself."

"It's not your fault that there are people like Debbie out there."

"No, but I don't have the right to go around losing my temper and hitting people."

"Perhaps not. But you'll get better with time." He paused. "Maybe we could help each other."

I looked at him for a long time, realising how much each of those words meant to me. I'd longed for somebody to care for me, to actually, truly make me want to get better, but nobody had been dedicated enough. They'd let the rumours fill them with poison before they could get close.

Even Tara clearly wasn't in the right state of mind for me. Sam was out of the question.

But Eric... Eric filled me with hope. It was strange how the situation between us had turned so rapidly.

I smiled, suddenly feeling exhausted and moved at the same time. "That sounds perfect."

He stood up out of the blue, smiling back down at me. "I'll let you get some rest. And, just so you know," he paused in the doorway, "as mad as it may seem, I do trust you, Sookie."

With those words playing over and over in my head, I drifted off to sleep.

I was allowed home a few days later and it wasn't until I got inside that I truly realised how much I'd missed it. The clinical smell of the hospital seemed to be permanently stuck on my clothes but, after an awkward shower, I felt immediately better.

Eric was waiting downstairs with a cup of coffee on the table by the time I'd finished. He didn't seem to mind my messy, wet hair.

"Here's the drink I promised," he said with a grin. "Apologies if it doesn't quite live up to your expectations."

"No, it's fine by me!"

As we sat drinking in silence, a few stray words and sentences from conversations we'd had in the hospital kept floating around in my mind. I care about you. I didn't want to leave until you woke up. Those had to mean something... surely. Or was he just being overly friendly? It would be nice to know what exactly he was thinking somehow.

"How's Pam been?" I asked, just to keep my mind off the vicious circle. I was afraid I'd blurt something out loud.

"Blunt as ever. She's managed to acquire some temporary staff until you can return. That is, if you want to..."

"Of course I do."

He nodded. "Good. Although she has picked staff that suit her own tastes... I would have complained, but it was an emergency so anybody decent would have had to do."

I hoped I was more than decent to him.

"But I really am so glad to get shot of Debbie," he continued, rolling his eyes. "She was as annoying as an arrow in the neck."

I smirked at the comparison. "That's pretty accurate."

He stayed and talked with me for hours, oddly giving up more of his time to stay in my company. He still puzzled me, but I found myself wanting him to stay longer and longer. When he eventually did have to leave, I almost grabbed his leg in protest like some anxious dog.

Then I realised how clingy that image was and reminded myself to keep sane.

"I'll probably come over tomorrow to see how you're doing, if that's alright," he said, standing outside by his car. "Just tell me when you're fed up with me. I'll take the hint."

I smiled, but deep inside I was screaming That'll never happen! "Will do. Thank you, Eric. Again."

He hesitated by the door, then abruptly climbed inside and drove away, disappearing once again into the darkness.

As I began to make my way inside, still smiling to myself, I began to realise just how much I was starting to depend on Eric. It was bad; even though I trusted him, a small part of me was screaming that people had a tendency to let me down. I had various examples of that.

That wiped the smile straight off my face.

I brushed my teeth, staring blankly at the reflection in the mirror. I was looking a little better, but still tired. Still exhausted from the constant whirlwind of thoughts that my brain somehow managed to contain.

I knew another sleepless night was ahead and I groaned as I scrambled into my bed.

I was desperately hoping that the painkillers were the cause of my excessive mood swings. I didn't know how much more of it I could take.