Chapter 11
My heart stopped feeling his lips on mine for what seemed forever, but only a couple of days. Even my skin tingles with his touch even through the t-shirt. My walls have fallen down around me that I've built to keep him out. Somehow I don't care right now just being wrapped in his arms is worth everything. Not even John crossed my mind at the moment. Suddenly Randy pulled away slowly just an inch though, still everything in me needs to feel his lips on mine.
"Don't be mad at me babe please?" Randy asked in a whisper.
I waited a few moments before answering considering my options here. I need this so much and I know how wrong this is. He's married and has a family, he's not suppose to be fooling around. I wouldn't want him fooling around either. Something inside me craves for his touch, his lips, his presence. Like a drug that I can't shake. I'm sure I don't want to either.
"I can't be mad at you. I just don't want to go through this." I whispered sadly.
"Then don't, just be with me." He whispered excitedly.
"It's not that simple." I whispered moving arms away from his neck and placing them on his chest slowly.
"Yes it is." He whispred grabbing my hands in his.
"How?" I asked in a serious tone this time.
"Just say yes. I can get the divorce papers going and we can get a place together its so simple baby." He said smiling.
"It's not that simple Randy, you lie all the time. I can't even trust you." I whispered looking to my left.
"Why not?" He said losing his smile.
I couldn't tell him for a moment saving this moment for later when I need to think or remember how much his touch making my skin tingle lightly as does the electricity flowing through each touch. That's something that can't be missed no matter how much I've tried to block out him and the way he makes my skin feel alive.
"Your family, my family, Michelle, John. It's alot to take in and alot of drama." I said still looking to my left.
His first index finger came under my chin softly making my face turned my face toward him as his eyes showed so much excitement and love. My eyes connected to him like a spell that can't be broken. Ever. One that I hate in so many ways and Randy knows them. Even though he tried not to think about the reasons. I have to admit though, it's nice to know he thinks about me. I can see the honesty in his eyes and how much he cares about us. Really cares.
"I don't care about anything but you. I care about where you are, if your safe or not." Randy said in a whisper.
"You have a hard way of showing it." I said in a smug tone.
"What's that suppose to mean?"He asked moving back a little while giving me a question looked.
"You froze our account. I had to borrow money from my mom and my car almost ran out of gas. I don't drive a small car Randy." I said looking down releasing a sigh.
He didn't speak for what seemed forever, but is just five minutes. I guess he's trying to figure out what to say next to further our arguement. I don't feel like arguing with him anymore. I'm tired.
"Look it's late and I'm tired. I'm going to go ahead and go to bed." I said pulling away from him slowly.
His hands remained on my waist though pulling me back to him and a passionte kiss that seemed to make electricity go all over my body, this time making me feel like a million stars in the sky just shining brighter than ever. Brighter than the sun. I almost decided to just go with him, but I can't leave John.
"I'll come in the morning after John leaves for the gym." He said softly.
I could only nodded as he gave me a peck real quick, his hands slipped away from my waist. All though one hand came down to my right hand, before giving me his famous smirk. Makes all the girls fall head over heels for him. Including me, which is pretty sad if I might say so myself. Still I couldn't help it, he was charming.
I could only nodded as he gave me one more soft peck on the lips, before letting me go. His faced looked excited and sad at the same time. Excited to be able to kiss and hug me, but sad for leaving me until tomorrow morning. I don't know what to feel. Maybe I should just tell him how things are going to go. I don't want to be with him, around him, touch him, kiss him. I hope I can keep a straight face while I'm talking him. That's the only thing worrying me also telling John. What am I going tell him? Oh by the way I techinally almost made out with Randy in the hall last night. Oh yeah this is going to be a piece of cake.
When my mind came to it's senses, I found myself in a cold hallway by myself. So I turned around giving a glance one more time down the hall where Randy toward his hotel room. I wonder what he's doing right about now. My guess is his usually thing. Trying to wake up the girl who is in his bed. Oh well...
I opened the door slowly looking straight at the bedroom entrance seeing John still in the bed. Well, that's one relief. I think. I moved into the room quickly not even stopping, my legs bounded for the bathroom quickly closing the door and sitting on the toliet letting my tears fall down each cheek showing my hurt and pain. How can i still love him after he's lied to me and has been so mean to me. I don't want to love him anymore, all I want is to be happy with John. Love him forever and ever. No one else, but him! Ugh! I'm gonna drive myself crazy with this guilt and love stuff.
A small knock came on the bathroom door followed by John's soft voice.
"Baby are you ok?"
I waited a few minutes trying to clear my throat, but I couldn't this time. The tears and pain have made it too hard to even try to seem normal. Like all the pain and suffering have gone away. Only they haven't. They're instead consuming me whole everyday since me and Randy broke up.
The door knock turned and click slowly before John's head appeared staring down at me slowly with his blue eyes half asleep, but still concerned. He hates it when I cry, I know he does. I can't seem to help it this time. So I shook my head and put my left hand up to stop him from coming closer. Only that didn't stop him, he took my hand softly in his interwining our fingers as he leaned down beside me. His right hand moved my legs gently toward him as my face fell down over the sides of my face showing little evidence of my tears. I hope my hair would.
"What's wrong?" He asked in a gentle whisper.
I waited a few moments trying to get my emotions in order, it might help atleast a little if I try to.
"Randy kissed me and I kissed him back." I said before crying even harder this time and dropping my head in my hands letting my tears come out of my eyes and down my cheeks a little harder this time. I know my entire face is red from crying.
A few minutes passed and John said nothing, he didn't move either. I wonder what he's thinking. Maybe that I'm a hoe. I'm no good to him anymore. I need to leave. Theres a million thoughts running through my head that are possibly things he could be thinking. Maybe I should leave, I mean I'm only causing him problems each minutes I spend with him.
"I love you." He said smiling.
I looked up at him momentarily forgetting my tear stained red face. The way his words sounded made my skin suddenly warm and my heart started skipping a beat as my eyes stopped crying. His movement came slowly as his arms slippped under my knees and my arms came around his neck as my lips met him in a passionate kiss. Everything between us seems at peace now. No problems can ever really come between us and I get that. I love that feeling, I didn't have that with Randy.
John laying me gentle on the right side of the bed made me look to his face still sparkling with the site of me. Dang, I never in my life seen this, before. It's amazing and loving at the same time. I feel like my heart is finally starting to let himself love him. This makes me feel easier in away because then Randy won't be in the picture with all the drama following him, but also sad to because of all his sweet words. I will say it's nice to know that Randy thinks about me. I thought he only thinks about his self. Maybe that's why he's trying to change. I don't know. I do know that I don't want to be in between him and Samantha. So tomorrow morning I'm going to go ahead and tell him that there's no more contact between us or anything like that.
"What are you thinking about?" John whispered in my ear.
"Well, actually us. I do love you. I think it's too soon, but it's perfect timing I think. We can remember one thing about this." I said holding back a laugh.
"What's that?" He whispered holding me a little tighter.
"You told me you loved me in the bathroom." I said before laughing.
John's chest moved to telling me that he's laughing as my head laid on his chest and my mind wanted to sleep. So I let sleep consume trying to focus on something else besides tomorrow morning and dealing with Randy. That's gonna be a real treat.
The Next Morning...
I woke the sun bearing in through the window on the left side of the bedroom and to a note on John's pillow. I rose up slowly picking up the paper and unfolding the paper gentle.
"Hey baby I'll be back around 4:30. I left you a credit card for shopping if you want to. I love you, John."
I smiled softly before rolling over to where my end table was and sitting the paper gentle on top. I moved the cover over off my legs and got up quickly grabbing a nice pair of jeans, a dark blue tank top, and a black long sleeve shirt. My legs quickly moved into the bathroom starting the shower before going over to the counter and placing my clothes on top slowly. My eyes finally looked up in the mirror to see my reflection had a new glow in my eyes. Enough stalling, I have things to do. I moved away from the counter quickly before laying my dirty clothes in the hamper and jumping in the shower.
15 Minutes Later...
I got out of the shower slipping on my clothes and blowing drying my hair quickly before throwing my towl in the seperate hamper. A knock on the door made my stomach start to get sick and nervous all at the same time. Alright, I can do this. I keep saying that and it'll come true. Another knock came and this time my legs moved all by theirself. No command.
I moved quickly out of the bathroom, through the bedroom, and into the living room feeling like i'm about to just go puke. I need something to settle my stomach right now. I stopped at the door slowly reaching for the door knob and turning it slowly. When I opened the door Randy stood in front of me with his left hand on the door frame and his usually flashy smirk at me.
"Hey baby." He said leaning in to kiss to me. Only this time I moved away leaving his with his lips out as I walked back into the living room. I moved to lean back on the couch as Randy came into the room closing the door behind him.
"Alright what did I do this time?" He asked confused.
"Nothing." I said swiftly.
"Well please tell me why I didn't get a nice kiss from you back there?" He asked putting his arms over his chest.
"I can't do this, I'm starting to fall in love with John. I can't have you interfering in my life." I said looking away from him.
He came closer to me putting his hands on my waist slowly and bringing me up to him, before he gave me passionate kiss. My arms wrapped around his neck pulling him closer to me. Before I know it he removed his hands from my waist and moved down to my knees picking me up to his eye level not even breaking the sweet kiss. He moved forward going into the bedroom swiftly.
An Hour Later...
We lay tangled sheets all around us holding hands and smiling. Like no problems have ever really crossed our paths. No breaks, no wifes, no boyfriends. Nothing. Only I love John and this shouldn't have happened. I moved out away from him distancing myself from him as I wrapped the sheet tighter around my body.
I just gave him the look, before he nodded and got out of the bedroom to get dressed. I just moved into the bathroom placing my clothes on the counter and getting dressed.
Next couple of days...
I just went into a haze at what I did with randy until one morning my stomach got me and I started puking so much that I had to just make a sit by the toliet. John came in a few minutes later looking down at me sleepy and concerned at the same time.
"What's wrong?" He asked leaning down.
"I think I'm pregnant." I said in a whisper.
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