Chapter 11: Is Paris Melting?
"Good afternoon, Miss Hilton," simpered Kyle, "whom we have never seen before, ever. We understand you are in the market for some high-quality diamonds."
"You have . . ." Paris Hilton gulped and tried to catch her breath, ". . . diamonds?"
"Why of course. Here, look." His hand reached into his backpack and came out with a handful of sparkling gemstones.
"Those aren't diamonds! Those are rhinestones!"
"Precisely!" cried Kyle in triumph, and he hurled them at her.
"Ieeeee! They burn! They buuuurn!"
Kenny and Butters ran over and grabbed their own backpacks. Their hands dove inside and came up with—
"Miss Hilton, look, luxurious fur!"
Paris Hilton gazed in horror. "No, you wretched, little beast! That's cheap acrylic!"
"Yes!" It too was hurled at her. She shrieked when it touched her flesh.
"Jfdw kjn ufle vsnsn mdbb bxsw kcd!"
"That's not champagne! It's Cold Duck!"
Kenny shook the bottle and sprayed her with it.
"Oreos!"
Paris Hilton shook her head. "No. Hydrox!" She was showered with the cheap cookies.
"Brie!"
"No, cheese food! What awful stuff! It's not cheese, and it's not food! Noooooo!" It too had been thrown at her.
"Nhvs nobv gwxyu plfn sswicnj!"
"That's not Coca Cola; it's a generic brand!"
Kenny laughed manically and sprayed her with it.
"Help me! Help me! I'm melting!" cried Paris Hilton as she turned into plastic goo and dripped slowly towards the floor. "I'm melting! What a world! What a world! To think someone as gorgeous as me could be destroyed by four little nothings armed with nothing but cheap knock offs!" She ended up as a gooey puddle, which bore a striking resemblance to a giant, melted credit card.
"You killed her!" gasped one of the servants.
"Ks gsgh shs jjsw suhxg mxn."
The servant sunk to his knees. "All hail, Kenny!"
Behind him, the other servants began a rhythmic clapping:
Oh Kenny
You're so fine.
You're so fine
You blow my mind.
Hey Kenny!
(hey hey)
Hey Kenny!
(hey hey)
Hey Kenny,
You gave us such a fright,
And we've suffer for so long,
But you've really done all right.
Still, the cops will say it's wrong.
So won't you say "good night"
And won't you say, "so long," Kenny.
Yes, take off for the hills,
Or run down to the dale,
You've cured up all our ills,
But they'll throw your ass in jail,
You give our hearts a thrill
But we can't afford your bail, Kenny.
Oh Kenny,
You bad penny,
Head out on the lamb.
It may be Murder One,
But still we think you're grand!
Oh Kenny,
You bad penny,
Can't you understand:
The cops want you, Kenny!
For what you did, Kenny;
Did Kenny,
You killed her dead, Kenny!
Hey Kenny,
Now she's just some goo,
And the world's a better place,
But what you'd better do
Is to leave without a trace.
'Cause the cops are after you.
So make some haste, Kenny!
So go on
And skedaddle,
Take it on the lamb!
Any way you want to scat,
We don't give a damn.
Oh please
Kenny please
Get out while you can, Kenny!
Oh Kenny,
You bad penny,
Head out on the lamb.
It may be Murder One,
But still we think you're grand!
Oh Kenny,
You bad penny,
Can't you understand:
The cops want you, Kenny!
For what you did, Kenny;
Did Kenny,
You killed her dead, Kenny!
Oh Kenny
You're so fine.
You're so fine
You blow my mind.
Hey Kenny!
(hey hey)
Hey Kenny!
(hey hey)
Oh Kenny
You're so fine.
You're so fine
You blow my mind.
Hey Kenny!
(hey hey)
Hey Kenny!
(hey hey)