Just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who readied and reviewed the last chapter. OTH6969, Cookielover96, OTHGirl24, RJMoonspell14, Dirtynikki, julianfun, leytonlover69, PeytonScott, Leyton fan 4 life and guest. And a bring thank you to leytonlover69, for suggested the song for this chapter and her ideas, Thanks, I love all your ideas...

Happy Reading People

Please review, this chapter has a little LP in it, For the one's who have requested it...

Cindy : )

Moving On & Holding On

Chapter 11 Do You Wish It Was Me...

Do you wish it was me?
When the sun slowly chases the moon from the sky
And touches your face as you open your eyes
What are you thinking? Do you like what you see?
Is it all that you dreamed of or do you wish it was me?

When you lose someone, you get used to living day-to-day without them. But you'll never get used to the "10 second heartbreak." That's the time it takes to wake to full consciousness each day and remember…that they are no longer yours. and the dream you was just having The feeling of loving them and being loved by them welled up in yourself, and you could taste the adrenaline in the back of your throat, and maybe it wasn't over, and maybe you could feel their hand in yours again and hear their loud, brash voice contort itself into a whisper to say I-love-you as if it were a secret, and an immense one was just that a dream. A dream of what could have been.

He sits up slowly, head pounding, he looks around the room. " Where am I?" he said, as he try to remember last night.

" My crib dwag" Skillz said, as he enter the room. " Here take this" he said, as he handed him a cup of coffee and aspirin.

" Thanks, " he pops the pills and slips the coffee. " Why am I here?"

Skillz smiled, " Yeah I had a feeling you wouldn't remember last night."

" No, I remember being at Tric, I had a few shots"

" A few? Ha, Luke, you were beyond gone when I got there. You about fried Chase, for watering down your whiskey, you yelled at strangers telling them that you're not crazy, and that they didn't need to keep looking at you, cause they didn't know you.

" Oh man" he said, as he put his head in his hands, He try to remember anything else " Do I do or say anything else?"

Skillz looked at him for a moment, " Yeah, there was some stuff said last night, but I promise only I hear it. Chase might have heard a few things to, but he promised to keep it on the down low. "

Lucas looked over at him, " What did I say?"

" How about you take a shower and get yourself cleaned up, then we're go get some breakfast in talk. "

" Alright"

Is the life that you chosen free from regret?
Or is what might have been just to hard to forget?
Has the glitter all faded? Do you get what you need?
Are you satisfied baby or do you wish it was me?

Peyton stood on Nathan's and Haley porch, debating if been here was a good idea or not. She wasn't even sure why she's here, She just couldn't get Lucas off her mind last night, She was upset that he didn't come to the party, She needed to know why, even thou deep down she shouldn't care why, but she does and she needed answers.

" Hey Girl" Haley said, as she opened the door, " come in"

" thanks, I know it's early, bu

" Please Jamie has me up early all the time. " Haley joked interrupting her.

" Is Luke wake?" She asks in a hesitantly voice

" I haven't seen him" Haley said, as she watched her blond friend. " Why?"

" I was just wondering why he didn't come to the party last night ,and I needed to see if he was coming to the wedding, Brooke needs a head count, she's driving me insane." Peyton said, with a little smile, hoping Haley wouldn't pick up her nervous tone.

" You can go up in check his room, I'm not even sure if he came home last night"

Peyton's eyes widen, " Oh," was all she could say. She wondered where he was and if he was with anyone. She slowly, walked up the stairs, and stood in front of the guest room, that Lucas has used. She knocked, but there was no answer, so she knocked again louder. She then took a breath and reached for the handled. She open the door, and noticed that it was empty. She walked in the room. Her eyes scan the room, as she looked for and sign of him or where he could be. She sees his laptop, and bag, and books on the desk. So she knows he didn't leave town. Like she thought he did. And that thought eases her mind.

As she walked over to the desk, her eyes caught sight. of music sheet paper. She picked it up " Written in the stars" she read the title, composer Eugene, She sat down on the edge of the bed, in scanned the lyrics, " Stay with me, Don't fell asleep to soon, The angel can wait a moment. Come real close forget the world outside. Tonight we're alone it's finally you and I. It wasn't meant to feel like this, not without you, cause when I looked at my life and how the pieces fall into place, it just wasn't right without you...

" What are reading?" Haley asked from the door way.

" Did you write this?" She asked, as she give her the sheet paper.

Haley scanned it, " No, I've never seen it, It's pretty good"

" Who's Eugene?" Peyton asked, as she looked up at Haley who was humming the lyrics.

'"What?"

" The composer is someone name Eugene"

"Eugene " she repeated, " Where did you find it" she asked as she continued to look at it.

" Laying on the desk it was with other papers., " Peyton walked back over in started looking at the other papers, " Wow, there's more"

" What?' Haley said, as she walked over toward s her.

" There's more songs composed by that Eugene guy. " This one is called The Hardest Thing"

Haley took the paper from her, " A still framed photograph of you and me together. Is all I have of me and you anymore" she readied, Peyton turned to look at her, as she readied. " We were so in love and we thought it'd last forever, but in the storm we were torn. And I won't forget you, I don't regret you And the hardest thing I've had to do is live without you."

" Why are you guys reading uncle Lucas's music?" Jamie asked, as he enter the room.

" Uncle Lucas" Peyton asked, the seven-year old.

" Yeah, uncle Lucas writes music, I was in here with him one day when he was in the middle of writing one, I told him I wanted to write mom a song, so he said he'll help me one day."

" Jamie, honey Uncle Lucas didn't write theses song, someone named Eugene did. " Haley said, as she looked at her son.

" Mom, Uncle Lucas's middle name is Eugene...duh" The little boy said, as he throw himself down on the bed.

Haley and Peyton's eyes went wide both forgetting his middle name. " Wow, who would have thought, Lucas Scott, not just an author, but a songwriter to."

" Yeah, " Peyton said, as she continued to go through the rest of the music sheets. " Pretty powerful lyrics to" she smiled, as she readied " I wondered what inspired him to write these, its like he's speaking f

" From his heart" Haley finished for her. The two locked eyes.

Peyton broke the contact, she looked at the papers in her hands. " I got to go, I just remembered I was supposed to have breakfast with Brooke this morning." she said, as she put the papers all back where she got them from. She walks to the door then turns around. "Do you ever wondered it you chosen the right path?"

She smiles sadly at her, "Yeah, I think everyone has a day or two like that, Why ?"

" Nothing I was just asking" she smiled, then walked out of the room.

Haley shakes her head, " I knew it," she whispered, as she starts to put back the papers she had.

" Knew what" Jamie asked his mom.

" Nothing honey,"

" Was you going to say you knew Uncle Lucas, was in love with Aunt Peyton, " Jamie asked in his sweet innocence voice. " Because he is mama"

" How do you know"

" One day last week, I needed a pencil cause I broke mine, so I came in here to get one, And I found this" He walked over to the desk in brought out an album. " This is full of pictures of aunt Peyton and uncle Lucas, and letters and poems, she wrote him stuff like that."

Haley took the album from him, " Wow" she whispered, as she started going through it. " Yeah there is still love between them"

" Well, if they love each other, why aren't they together?"

" Oh, honey I wish I knew the answer to that, "

I know you did what you thought you should do
It was safe and secure so completely thought through
You sacrificed passion and abandoned your dreams
Baby, was it all worth it or do you wish it was me?

Lucas and Skillz sat in the little cafe, Lucas was lost in his thoughts, after Skillz told him everything that happen last night, " Alright man, I'm going to be honest with you, but what I say, has to stay between us, I mean Nate and Brooke know a little, but not much really didn't want to tell them anything big."

" Go on"

" When I was in Maryland, a few years ago, I met this guy name Ryan, who liked to work on cars and he was in a band. He was having so trouble writing some songs. So I decided to help him out, so I started to write some songs with him"

" Okay" Skillz shrugged not understanding what he was getting at.

" I should have said that Ryan's last name is Michael's"

Skillz, looked at him confusedly, " Ryan as in Ryan Michael's, of Worth every Penny. Jeff's brother"

" Yep, well, he had played me some stuff that they were working on I thought they was really good. I suggested that they came to North Carolina to a small town named Tree Hill and look up the incredibly talented Peyton Sawyer, I told them she would love their sound and she would sign them."

" Wait, are you telling me that you're the reason Peyton has this band and the songs that they sing you wrote, "

" Yeah, that's what I'm saying, I still have some at the house that I was going to give to Ryan. When I seen him, I knew that Peyton would connected to the lyrics and she would sign them in a heartbeat, I never thought about her falling in love with one of the band members." He whispered the last part but Skillz heard him.

" Wow, I can't believe this, and Peyton or Haley have no clue your behind this" Lucas shook his head, " Why didn't you tell them?"

" I don't know, I just liked writing the songs it kind of helped me lifted all the emotionally bagging I was carrying, I had so much inside me I wanted to say to Peyton but didn't have a clue on how. Skillz I picked up the phone hundred times a day and try to dial her number, but its been so long and I thought she would say she hated me to, And I couldn't handle her saying those words to me."

Skillz nods, " So you spilled your guts, and your feelings out in songs, that you are letting Jeff take credit for"

" I'm not letting him take credit,"

" Lucas, Jeff told Peyton that he was the songwriter, that he wrote all the songs, they never told her about outside help. Peyton fell in love with the lyrics of the songs, that she believed was coming from Jeff, She thought that they had this unspokeable connected. And that they understood each other through music, the music is a big part of why the two are together.

Lucas just looked at him as he processed everything, " Well, it doesn't really matter now, does it"

" The hell it doesn't" Skillz said, as he slammed his hands down on the table. " We have to tell her, Luke once she founds out she will dump Jeff and run back to you. Then you got can get married, have a kids, name your son Skillz," he laughed.

" Skillz, I wanted that more than anything, Not the name my son Skillz part" Lucas teased. " but Peyton's in love with this guy, I see the way she looks at him, and it hurts like hell. but I can't do that to her. I can't hurt her just to make myself happy. I think I should let her be happy"

" Luke...

" No, I'm not ruining this for her so she could turn around in hate me, I can un-think about her, I can't un-feel her touch, I can't un-hear all the words, Un-say all the things That used to mean so much. I wish I could un-remember everything my hearts been through. I'm finding out its impossible to do, I can't un-love her, but I can let her be happy with someone else."

" I think it's a mistake not to say something, but I get ware your coming from man. " Skillz said, as they stood up, he paid the bill, " Luke, promise me that your ease up on the drinking"

" I'm done man, I promise" Luke said, as they walked out the door.

" Good, let's hit up the rivercourt, I need to run off my breakfast."

Does each kiss seem closer to the first or the last?
Is the fire still raging or has it burned down to ash?
Do the memories still haunt you? Do they beg and pled?
Are you satisfied baby or do you wish it was me?

As the guys pulled up to the court, they got a little surprises, Peyton was standing in the middle of the court. "Well," Skillz said, as he turned off his car.

Lucas watched her for a second, she was wearing her rippled skinny jeans, and a simple red tank top, hair thrown up in a ponytail, no make up. But she looked so beautiful to him. She was pacing back in fourth with her head down, something was bothering her.

" I wondered what she wants?" Skillz said, as he looks over at Luke, who was still lost in his thoughts. " Luke, man get out of the car"

"What"

" Look, she's here for something and I know it's not me"

Lucas nod, he slowly, got out of the car, as he shut the door, Peyton's head snapped up, their eyes locked. " Hey" he said, as he approached her.

She smiled a little, " Hey" she said back, she looked him up in down, He was wearing a pair of jeans, and a plain brown shirt, his eyes looked dull, he looked tried, sad, run down. " How are you?"

" Good, and you, "

" I'm okay,"

They stood there exactly twenty inches apart, both staring at each other. Both unable to speak or not to sure what to say, or how to say what they want to say.

" What are you doing here Peyton"

" I just thought I would come check on you, I went be Haley's and Nathan's but you wasn't there. So I figured you would be here."

" Well that was nice of you, " he smiled at her, " But you don't have to check up on me, I got Skillz and my family."

Her smile fade at that remark, " Were friends aren't we?"

Lucas broke the eye contact, as he thought about how to answer her questioned. " Congrats, on your engagement, I haven't really seen you since the whole thing went down."

" Thanks" she said, as she looked down at the ground he didn't answer her question. She admitted that hurt, that he was avoiding her question" Why didn't you come to the party last night"

He ran his hand through his hair, " Um...I'm writing another book, got totally side tracked. I'm sorry" he said, then mentally wanted to kick himself for lying to her/

Her eyes widen,, " Your writing again" she asked happily.

Lucas smiled a little, " Yeah," he lied, he didn't know what to say to her, he couldn't believe he just told her that he's writing again, now she's going to tell Haley. But he had to admitted that smile on her face sure brighten his day.

She run up to him, and wrapped her arms around him, " I'm so proud of you" she said, as she hugged him.

He wrapped his arms around her, closing his eyes, breathing in her scent, God it felt amazing to have her in his arms again. " Thanks Peyton, it means the world to be when you tell me that"

She pulled back, distancing herself from him, " What's it about?" she asked, part of her wanted it to be about her, like his last two were.

" It's a secret, I'm still working on a title and stuff" She nods, " So what's new with you"

" Nothing really, same old same old," she said, as starts to play with her fingers. She watches as he nods, then she noticed his eyes darken, as he glances at the ring on her finger. Then she sword she saw hurt or jealous in his eyes " Well, I should get going"

" Okay"

She starts to walk away, then stops in looks at him, " Are you going to bring a guest to the wedding, Brooke needs a head count and she said, she never got you R.S.V.P card back."

He looks at her for a moment, as he thinks about his answer, He could just say no I'm not coming, I can't watch you marry someone else. He could say yes, I'll be there, no I'm not bring a date, no one compares to you. But he doesn't say either of that. " Yes" he says,

" Yes" she repeated as she looks at him for more info.

" Yes, I'll be there and yes, I'm bring a date." The last part is a lie, but he need to see her reaction.

" Oh," she whispered, " Okay" she said, as she still looks at him. Millions of questions going through her mind. She wants to ask who? do I know her? Are you seeing someone? But she knows it's not her business. " Bye Luke," she said, as she walks to her car. She wanted to ask about the music she found in his room. But she didn't want him, to think she was snooping or something.

Lucas watches as she walks to her car, the surprise look in her eyes when he said he was bring someone, the flash off hurt or sadness, Caught him off guard. " Hey Peyton!" he yelled, she turned around He takes a breath in walks towards her, but not to close cause he's afraid that he would end up kissing her or something.

" What ?" she asked, as their eyes lock.

" Do you wish it was me?"

"What?"

"Do you wish it was me?" he said again. He watches as she looks at him confusedly,

" I gotta go Lucas" she whispered as she gets in her car. She pulls away fast, Lucas just stands there watching her car disappear in the distances.

" I thought you was going to let her be happy" Skillz asked, as he walks over to him

Lucas shrugged, " I was, I didn't plan on her being here, it just happen, but I got my answer"

" What's that"

" She does wish it was me"

" How do you know that?"

" Cause if she didn't she would have said so, she would have said I'm happy or I love Jeff, or something containing Jeff and her happiness with him, but she didn't."

"So what's now" Skillz asked, as he starts to bounce the ball.

" I don't know, there's not much to do, she's getting married in six days, What do you think I should do?"

" Something you've never done" Lucas looked at him with a raised eye brow. " Fight for her Luke,"

Is the life that you chosen free from regrets?
Or is what might have been just to hard to forget?
Has the glitter all faded? Do you get what you need?
Are you satisfied baby or do you wish it was me?
Are you satisfied baby? mm...yeah
Or Do you wish it was me? [2x]
Oh, Do you wish it was me? [4x]