You Are My Refuge: Chapter Eleven
Rachel Bale's car was silent on the ride to Santa Palma Recovery Center. The facility was an hour away from Playa Linda by car. The only noises were the radio playing softly and the rhythmic sound of the tires as the miles melted away on the highway. Nikki had given up on trying to make small talk with Cameron within the first ten minutes of the trip.
She glanced over at him. His jaw was set as he stared determinedly out the window. Nikki leaned her head back on the seat, her own gaze shifting to the other window.
Last night she had managed to get her aunt alone to ask her. Ava had been uneasy, questioning if it was appropriate for her to come along in such a delicate situation. Nikki herself wondered that too, but Cameron had asked her to come, and she was willing to, if it made it any easier for him. After a little reasoning, her aunt had given in and said it was okay for her to go.
Forty-five minutes later, they passed a sign which read, "Santa Palma Exit: 5 miles"
Nikki glanced anxiously at Cameron. His expression was the same as it had been over half an hour ago. She studied his face closely, he looked exhausted. Like he hadn't slept in days.
She herself spent the night tossing and turning. She was nervous. Kyle hadn't been too kind the last time she had seen him, and she wasn't expecting him to be too happy about her coming along. She could only imagine how anxious Cameron must be.
Soon they were driving down the main street of Santa Palma. From the looks of things, it didn't have much going for it. Roughly the size of Playa Linda, smaller maybe. The Californian town was unremarkable and lacked a beach. Generic stores littered the main street in town and it could have just as easily been some place in Idaho, save the palm trees.
They pulled off the main stretch of road, turning onto a long street. A sign told them that the facility was just two miles further.
The minutes went by too quickly, and soon they saw the sign that welcomed them to Santa Palma Recovery Center, the finest facility for recovering addicts in the state of California. There was a long driveway, shaded slightly by trees. The driveway forked, one side had a sign pointing to employee parking, another to a visitor's lot.
They followed the arrow pointing toward visitor parking, and the lot was packed with cars already. They found a decent parking space and parked, and then went inside the facility.
There was a welcome table in the lobby with a wispy-haired man sitting behind it wearing one of those 'Hello, My name is…" tags. His name was Joseph. He greeted them and gave them each their own name tag and after they had each stuck it on their shirts, he pointed them to a doorway leading out of the lobby. Another employee led them down a long hallway to another set of double doors.
"I'll go get Kyle to tell him that you're here." The woman said with a smile, leaving them in the large room and going back through the double doors.
The cafeteria was crowded, reunited families were embracing, some crying. Others, though, appeared uncomfortable, strained expressions on their faces. Nikki felt uncomfortable. This was such a personal thing, and now that she was here, she realized it wasn't really her place.
A few minutes later they saw Kyle approach, his eyes falling on Rachel first, and then Cameron, then his eyes flickered to Nikki, his face registering surprise momentarily, then it faded. His gaze shifted back to Cameron, his face breaking into a slight smile. He opened his arms for a hug. Cameron obliged, hugging back stiffly.
Nikki watched with interest. Kyle pulled away, mussing up Cameron's hair. "How ya been, buddy?"
"I'm okay." Cam muttered, shifting his weight from one foot to another.
Kyle then nodded at his ex-wife. "Rachel." he said, inclining his head slightly. His gaze then shifted over to Nikki.
"Hey there, Nikki." He said it in a perfectly pleasant voice.
"Hi, Mr. Bale."
"What a surprise." He said in the same pleasant voice.
Cameron intervened, "I asked her to come with me, Dad."
"Oh well, okay then." he said dismissively, "Why don't we get in line for some lunch." He pointed toward the back corner where there was a line for food.
After ten minutes of standing in line for lunch, they found an empty table, Nikki taking a seat next to Cameron. Rachel and Kyle sat across from them, Rachel barely concealing her discomfort as she scooted her chair away from Kyle. If Rachel looked ill at ease, Nikki looked downright distressed. She kept glancing sideways at Cameron, her eyes darting back and forth between him and Kyle.
Cameron suddenly felt sorry for asking her to come. It wasn't her problem to deal with. It was his, and he certainly didn't want to be here.
Then he thought, realistically, if she hadn't come, that there was no way he could handle being alone with him, or them, for that matter. He hated that feeling of being stuck in between them, like a referee. Even now, when only pleasantries had been exchanged, lunch barely having started, there was a tension in the air. His mother was on edge, ready to go ballistic at any moment. It was way too close to how he used to feel, before the divorce. Maybe it was worse.
And the day had only just begun.
An awkward silence fell over them. His mom seemed very interested in her salad and he could tell she was trying to stay composed. Nikki's head seemed to whip in his direction every few seconds, and Cameron took this time to study his father. He was gazing at Cameron hesitantly, as if he was unsure of what to say or do.
He was alert, a large change from his usual haziness after drinking. He was clean-shaven, all the usual scruffiness gone. He didn't seem angry or obstinate about the situation, his face was quite open, frank, in fact.
He studied Cameron's face just as intently as Cameron had studied his. His steady, unblinking gaze through his bright green eyes made Cameron fidgety, and he dropped his gaze to the bracelet on Kyle's left wrist.
He cleared his throat, nodding toward the bracelet. "So, uh, if you try to leave, do you set off some kind of alarm or something?"
Kyle glanced down at the band on his wrist. "Oh, yeah. Alarms start blaring, a SWAT team shows up, they usually do a man hunt with dogs if someone gets away...Call in helicopters, the whole thing, you know."
They all sat there, staring at Kyle.
"Joke." He amended quickly. Nikki and Rachel stared blankly. Cameron let out a forced, weak laugh that sounded more like he was choking.
"No, nothing happens if you walk out. I can release myself, if I want."
"Have you wanted to?" Cameron asked, unable to stop the question from bubbling to his lips.
Kyle hesitated at first, glancing at Rachel.
"Well, at times." he admitted. "But I'm not going to, I'm going to try to stick this out."
"Good."
Another tense silence.
Luckily the tension was relieved as a woman came on stage with a microphone, ending the forced small talk.
"Hello, everyone, I'm Debbie Coleman, program director, and welcome to Family Day at Santa Palma Recovery!"
There was polite clapping in the cafeteria.
Debbie was a middle-aged brunette, wearing way too much make-up and a stiff teal pantsuit. Her wide smile came off as a little less congenial and a little more manic looking. As she spoke, the wide smile faded into a more solemn expression.
"Here at Santa Palma Recovery Center, we recognize that addiction is a disease that affects all aspects of the addicts' lives. Many times, family relationships are negatively affected. Addiction causes the ones we love to act out of character, sometimes leading to emotional, mental and even physical abuse."
Cameron felt Nikki send him a sidelong glance, yet he stared straight ahead at the woman on stage.
"Family Days integrated into our designated twelve steps program are imperative to the healing of the family as a whole. Therapy sessions allow each family member to open up in a safe, controlled environment where they can confront and focus on issues in the home."
The woman continued on, and the rest of the family luncheon passed in relative harmony, helped by the fact that various speakers came on stage, leaving little time for making small talk.
A former alcoholic who had been treated at Santa Palma gave a testimonial, telling the audience how she had lost everything she held dear to her, before finally coming to her senses and checking herself into treatment. Now she owned a successful business and was re-married, the relationships with her children restored, and everything was just dandy.
It made Cameron feel more hopeful, albeit he was pretty hopeless to begin with, to know that rehab could work. It was a nice change from the melancholy string of thoughts he'd been having for the past few months.
The head psychologist, a specialist is addiction recovery, said a few things, and afterward Debbie Coleman came on stage again to tell them where to report to be told when their therapy session would begin.
Last names starting with A through J in the Week One category would report to Joseph, the little wispy-haired man, down the hall in a sort of waiting was them. There was a crowd of families already in the room once they found it.
Joseph stood in the center of the room clutching a clipboard. He cleared his throat to get the attention of the room.
"Excuse me, please! Excuse me! Can I have your attention up here, please!"
He looked terribly uncomfortable, shifting from foot to foot, once everyone was looking up at him. "I'm going to call up one family at a time and give you the time of your session."
He fumbled with papers on his clipboard. "Can I have Bale, Kyle, please?"
The four of them stood and approached the man.
"Your session is starting first with Dr. Nielsen. And accompanying you is your ex-wife, Rachel Bale," he paused, his eyes landing on Rachel's name tag. "And your son, Cameron Bale." His eyes landed on Cameron. He looked at Nikki, checking the clipboard, appearing frantic.
"Um, is this your...uh, daughter? She wasn't on the list-"
"No, no-" Kyle started to say.
"She's a friend." Cameron said at the same time.
Joseph looked confused. "Uh, well, you can't really come into the therapy session with them, so..." He scratched his head. "You can wait in the main lobby until they're done?" His last statement sounded more like a question.
Nikki nodded. "Okay."
"Do you need help finding it, or...?" Joseph looked even more uncomfortable asking her if she needed assistance.
"I got it." She said with a wave of her hand. She nonchalantly grabbed Cameron's hand for a second and squeezed. "I'll see you guys later." She said casually to them all, but as she said it she look straight up at Cameron. She dropped his hand and gave a little wave before disappearing down the hall.
"Well, let's go on, then." Joseph said, and led them out of the room and through a maze of hallways to a door marked Aaron Nielsen. He knocked and a deep voice came from inside, "It's open."
Joseph opened the door to a small, cozy office before retreating back into the hallway. There was a white-haired man sitting at a desk in the corner, typing on a sleek black Mac. He immediately shut his computer and stood up from his seat, approaching them with a welcoming grin.
"Hello, you must be Rachel." The older man stuck out his hand to her and gave her a firm handshake. "I'm Dr. Nielsen, but you can call me Aaron."
He turned to Cameron.
"And you must be Cameron." Cameron began to extend his hand, but instead Aaron firmly clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a little shake.
"Let's get started, shall we?" He took a seat in the winged armchair in the center of the room and motioned to the chairs and love seat it faced, "Take a seat, make yourselves comfortable."
Cameron was slightly put off by Aaron's weird gesture but shook it off and took a seat on the love seat next to his mom, his dad taking a seat in an adjacent chair.
"Alright, Kyle," Aaron began, settling back into his chair. "Why don't we start off today's session with you telling Cameron and Rachel about completing the first steps on your road to recovery."
"I've been following The Twelve Steps program…" Kyle offered, unsure of what to say next.
"Why don't you tell them what the steps are, and how you've completed them." Aaron suggested kindly.
Cameron peered sideways at his dad, surprised that he was being so meek, when he was usually so aggressive about, well, everything, even in conversation.
"Uh, well, the first step was admitting that I am powerless over alcohol and that life had become unmanageable." He paused. "I really realized that when I came to get you at Nikki's, Cam, and I really saw…what I was doing."
"What did you realize, Kyle?"
"I realized that I have not been much of a father lately."
Cameron couldn't help but snort. Three heads whipped in his direction.
"Do you have something to add, Cameron?" Aaron asked him, very diplomatically.
Cameron almost shook his head no. But then it came to him. He wasn't the one that had to be embarrassed. He didn't have to cover up anything.
"I just think that's a bit of an understatement, that's all."
"Kyle, do you think his opinion is unfounded?"
Kyle was looking at the ground. He shook his head. "No. No, he's right."
There was a long pause.
"Why don't you tell them about your next steps." Aaron directed.
Kyle took a deep breath. "Alright, so, when I first got here, after I checked in, I went into the chapel and I talked with the priest. And I haven't been very close to God for some time now, and I realized that if I'm going to try to stay sober, I'm going to need some divine help."
"That was the second step, recognizing that God can help. After I left the chapel, I went back to my room to go to bed, and I stayed awake all night thinking about how it all got so messed up and unmanageable. And I thought about you, Cameron, a lot. And how I didn't want you to think of me as a bad father. So the next morning after I got up, and I knew I had to change, that it was the only way. I went to the chapel and I prayed in earnest for the first time in years, and completed the third step."
Cameron sat there, listening closely. He couldn't help the cynical thoughts and feelings bubbling up to the surface. his father sat there, coming off as such a saint. Spewing about how close he was to God now. It was complete B.S., in his opinion.
"Cameron? Rachel? Would either of you like to add anything?" Aaron asked them.
Once again, Cameron resisted his innate urge to hold his tongue.
"I'll just point out that we stopped going to church when I was ten. And the only times I've been since are with friends' families."
"Well, Cameron," Rachel's tone was clipped as she suddenly spoke out. "We stopped attending as a family because when I completed nursing school, I worked the Saturday night shift at the hospital and usually overtime on Sunday mornings, and your father was supposed to take you, but he didn't."
Cameron groaned inwardly. He had forgotten that the whole Church issue was a touchy one.
"So the fact that Cameron wasn't raised going to church is my fault?" Kyle asked, glaring at Rachel. Cameron felt a familiar golf ball feeling in his throat, that one that always seemed to get lodged there whenever he stuck in between them.
"Yes, actually it is, Kyle." Her voice was venomous. "I was working overtime, and the least that you could've done was-"
"Mom, come on-" Cameron tried to intercede.
"I think it's a little late for the blame game, Rachel." Kyle interrupted.
"The blame has to go somewhere, and maybe if you'd taken him to church, this divine intervention could've taken place FOUR years ago and we wouldn't be in a rehab facility because you can't put down the bottle!"
"Dad, Mom-"
"If I remember correctly, four years ago, it was YOU who couldn't put it down!"
"That has nothing to do with this. I was working long hours at the hospital, and you had just so blithely quit the law firm, and I had to pick up all the slack!"
"Enough." Came Aaron's calm voice.
Kyle's mouth-which had been open to retort-immediately closed.
"There are obviously a lot of built up resentments, and we are all here to talk about them, but they are in the past, and if you even want the hope of being able to forgive each other and move forward, you're going to have to stop pointing fingers." Aaron said, his piercing blue eyes scanning their faces.
Rachel let out a shaky breath, and Cameron looked over at her, She was visibly upset. He patted her arm somewhat awkwardly, and she gave him a tremulous smile.
There was a long pause before Aaron spoke again, this time his gaze only on Cameron.
"How would you describe your father when he drinks?" Aaron asked, rolling his Bic between his fingers and looking intently at him. Cameron squirmed a little in his seat, casting a glance at his father before soft of-but not completely-meeting the counselor's eyes. His previous derisive and headstrong attitude vanished. This was the hard part.
"Um...well, he's angry. Really angry."
"And how does he vent his anger, Cameron?"
Cameron this time didn't risk looking at his dad. "He-yells. Yells a lot."
"So he gets angry, and he yells when he consumes alcohol, does he ever get physical?"
"Get physical?" Cameron wondered if he could play dumb.
"Physical violence. It can usually start as something like, I don't know, throwing or breaking something, if you will, and then it escalates to physical abuse, hitting, punching-" Aaron trailed off.
Cameron opened and closed his mouth a few times, and then it occurred to him that he must look like some kind of dim-witted fish. He could feel them all staring at him.
"Cameron?" Aaron prodded.
They were waiting for his response. "Well, um, yeah there's been some of that." he finally said.
"When did your father first hit you, Cameron?" Aaron asked.
And suddenly before he could stop himself or filter what he was saying, he was retelling the story of the day when the entire world seemed to turn upside down.
It was his day off from work at Tiki Squeeze, and he had spent all day at the beach with Nikki and Amber. It had been fun, with the exception of Amber constantly annoying him about getting a haircut, and then Nikki siding with her.
The clock in the living room of his house told him it was 4:05 when he got home. He was locking the front door back when he heard his father call him.
"Cameron, come in here."
He squeezed his eyes closed a second, muttering a few choice profanities under his breath, before proceeding to the kitchen.
"Yeah, Dad?" Cameron asked casually as he walked into the room.
"Where the hell have you been?" Kyle asked in a harsh voice. Cameron was taken back. He could tell he had been drinking, and a glance at the counter top confirmed this. That was never good. Drinking always made him a lot more irritable. And lately, it seemed even more empty bottles lined the countertop at the end of the day.
"I was at the beach, I forgot my phone, sorry..."
Kyle, who had been sitting at the table, abruptly pushed back his chair-hard-so that it crashed to the ground.
Cameron jumped back, startled by his dad's aggression.
"It's not that big of a deal..." Cameron trailed off.
Kyle was stomping toward him, glaring.
"Don't take that insolent tone with me." He growled. "I am your father, don't you dare disrespect me."
Cameron started to leave the room, deciding avoidance was key in this situation.
His dad grabbed hold of his arm, stopping him from leaving the room.
Kyle was squeezing Cameron's arm tightly, as he yelled.
"Do NOT try to walk away from me when I am speaking to you!"
"Dad! Ow! Let go!" Cameron tried to jerk away from his dad, but Kyle kept a firm grip on his upper arm.
"NO! You're going to listen to me when I speak to you, do you understand me, boy?"
"Yes! Dad, I'm sorry! Just stop!" Cameron pleaded, struggling to loosen his father's grip on him.
"Your mother LEFT. She LEFT and I am raising you, and you try to walk away when I am speaking to you after leaving without bothering to say where you're going, huh?"
"Dad!"
"You better listen goddamn carefully, Cameron," He was screaming now, his nails digging into Cameron's skin. "You are NOT going to leave. Not like your mother. You will respect me and obey me while you're under MY roof."
His father's grip tightened on his arm. "Dad, let go, please...I'm sorry! Just let go! You're hurting me."
Kyle's clouded green eyes bore into Cameron's.
"I am your father and you will do what I say, WHEN I say it, is that clear?"
"Let go!"
Kyle slapped him across the face. "IS THAT CLEAR?"
Cameron's free hand flew up to his burning cheek.
"Y-yes."
"YES, WHAT?"
"Yes, sir." Cameron amended, tears beginning to blur his vision.
His father let go of his arm, shoving him away so that he collided with the door frame and lost his balance, falling to the ground.
Kyle turned on his heel, stomping out the opposite doorway.
Cameron was in shock as he watched his father leave. He could barely process what had just happened, and he had no idea why his father had just done what he had done. His cheek burned as well as the place on his arm where his father had gripped it, and his shoulder was throbbing from hitting the door frame.
What had just happened?
Cameron finished his story, not daring to look at his dad or Aaron, but as he glanced at his mother, he wished he hadn't. She was struggling to hold back tears.
He suddenly wished he had never told any of them.
It seemed easier to him to just deal with his dad's anger than to cause everyone so much pain. It was too hard to deal with. It was too hard to talk about. It was too hard to fix. Talking about it was supposed to make it easier. But it didn't. Not a bit.
"Mom," Cam pleaded. "Please don't cry."
"How can I not?" Rachel asked tearfully. "You didn't tell me, I had no idea. I should've known! I-I-"
She pulled Cameron to her in a tight hug. Cameron felt a lump forming in his throat.
This. Was. Torture.
"There are tissues if you need some, Rachel." Aaron said kindly as Rachel continued to sob. She pulled back from Cameron and reached over to the end table to grab one.
Cameron glanced over at his father, who looked as miserable as Cameron felt.
After a few moments of consoling his mom, Aaron's questions started again.
"Kyle, have you thought that your temper has to do with control issues?" Aaron asked, tilting his head to the side in question.
Kyle shook his head. "I haven't."
"It's been my experience that some alcoholics feel the need to control family members-a spouse, or a child, for example-because they have come to the realization that their drinking is out of control, and controlling someone else almost makes up for it, in a sense."
"Exerting control over your child isn't always such a terrible thing, though." Rachel chimed in. "It's a necessary part of parenting."
"Of course." Aaron agreed. "Setting boundaries and guiding with a firm hand is necessary, but combined with alcoholism, that control morphs into a perverse need to control, which leads unintentionally to abuse."
They were silent.
"Alright, why don't we talk about some goals we want to accomplish in our sessions." Aaron started, flipping to a new page on his clipboard.
"Cameron, is there anything-friends, hobbies, habits-your father disapproves of, that you would like to talk about? Maybe something we can try to resolve?"
He squirmed again. This was one of those touchy subjects he hadn't shared with anyone.
"He doesn't like that I told Nikki about the drinking. So he doesn't want me to see her anymore."
"Who's Nikki?"
"My girlfriend."
"Ah." Aaron glanced at Kyle. "What bothers you about Cameron's relationship with Nikki?"
"He tells her...everything, basically. It makes me uncomfortable, because she'll tell her aunt, who will tell someone else, who will tell someone else, and then all my family affairs are out for the whole town to talk about."
"Then it's not really Nikki or Cameron and Nikki's relationship you're worried about, it's that you don't like Cameron telling others about your home life."
Kyle was silent.
Serves him right, Cameron thought to himself.
"So that means we need to work on A) Making your home life and relationship with your son something to not feel ashamed about or worried if he tells others, and B) Respecting Cameron's relationships with his friends." he scribbled this on his clipboard as he told them.
Kyle nodded. "That sounds...about right."
Aaron smiled. "Good. Cameron, what are some other concerns?"
"Dad doesn't like when I go over to my mom's."
Aaron scribbled on his clipboard. "Maybe that goes back to the control, if your relationship develops with your mother, he is less in control of you. We'll work on that. You're half of a two-part team, Kyle. Rachel has the same right to be in Cameron's life as you do."
"I know." Kyle sighed, pinching the bridge of the nose. It was a common habit of his when he didn't get his way or when he was uncomfortable. Anytime Cameron saw that little movement, he knew he had something to worry about.
The counselor looked back up at Cameron, urging him to go on.
"It bothers him that I don't play sports like he did. I do the literary magazine and I'm in art at school."
"Cameron's an amazing artist." Rachel added fondly.
Kyle looked cynical. "I didn't say it bothered me, I just thought he should play football or basketball like I did."
"Cameron isn't you, Kyle. He has other interests." Rachel said testily.
"It's not like I've bothered him about it!" Kyle said in an annoyed voice.
This pissed Cameron off.
"Actually, you do. Every year it's, 'Why don't you play some ball like me, Cameron?' or 'How 'bout you put down those sissy books and pencils and go play some touch football?' or how about after I went to the tryouts just to make you happy and didn't make it, and you got pissed at me? How about every time we go over to Uncle John's, you make a point to comment about how Drew 'knows how to make a father proud' just because he is captain of the football team?"
Cameron sat there, fuming. Yet no matter if he was masking it in anger, it hurt. He had been desperately seeking his father's approval for so long. And yet, everything he did wasn't good enough. He wasn't good enough. Realizing this hurt worse than every single time his dad had laid a hand on him.
"So, Kyle, you need to work on accepting that your son is interested in other activities and you need to stop pestering him about becoming something he's not." Aaron began to scribble on his board again. "Anything you want to add, Cameron?"
Oh yeah, Dad likes to tell me how worthless I am all the time.
"No."
"Alright then. I think these are some good goals to work on." Aaron stood from his seat. "Healing is what we're aiming for. It's not going to be easy, but I think if we keep having these sessions, it'll be worth it in the end."
Great. Just great. The magic key was going to be probing through the dysfunctional happenings at the Bale household with both Mom and Dad and this freak of a doctor present.
"Thank you for coming, Rachel." Aaron said, shaking her hand warmly.
His piercing blue eyes landed on Cameron. Up close however, they seemed warm. "You take care, Cameron."
"Thanks." Cam murmured.
"Kyle, if you'll stay, I want to talk to you for a moment." Aaron said.
"Okay." Kyle turned toward Cameron, who was already leaving the room, trying desperately to escape as soon as possible, he put up his hand in a weak wave.
"Bye, Cam."
"Uh, Bye dad. See you." He closed the door quickly behind him. His mom waiting expectantly in the hallway.
He avoided her gaze, starting to walk swiftly in front of her, heading down the hall to the lobby. She kept pace.
"I'm proud of you, Cam, I know this wasn't easy for you."
"Whatever." He quickened his pace, leaving his mom behind him.
Soon the lobby doors were close. He could leave this godforsaken, stupid, stressful rehab center.
The door opened to the waiting room where Nikki sat, and Cameron walked quickly through the door. Nikki opened her mouth to greet him, but closed it as he walked straight past her, headed to the exit doors. Rachel came in a few moments later, looking worried.
She stood and walked over to Cameron's mom.
"Is he okay?" she asked.
Rachel shook her head. "I think he's a little overwhelmed. It was a very-upsetting discussion."
"Do you think I should?" Nikki pointed her head toward the exit. "Or...?"
"Go ahead. He could use a friend, I think. I'll just be a moment, I have to schedule our next session, then we can leave."
Nikki nodded before exiting the lobby doors. Cameron was seated on a low stone garden wall off to the left. She went down the steps of the facility and took a seat next to him on the garden wall. She briefly laid a hand on his back. "You did good, Cam." she said, and then shut up.
They sat silently together outside the rehab facility until Cameron's mom came out of the building and it was time to leave. The three of them piled into the car, and Nikki prepared for the inevitably silent car ride home. Once again, the only sounds were the radio playing inside the car and the tires on the road as they drove.
They turned off the highway to get gas at a Circle K when they were about fifty miles outside Playa Linda.
Rachel pulled up to a pump and started to rummage in her purse.
"I think I left my debit card at home, I'll have to go inside to pay. Do you kids want anything? A drink, maybe? Do you need to use the restroom?" She asked in a typical, caring, motherly way.
"No thanks, Mrs. Bale, I'm fine."
"Cam?" Rachel asked.
"I'm good."
"Alright, I'll just be a few minutes. Why don't you two get out of the car to stretch your legs?" she suggested in a way that was more like a demand, so they couldn't say no.
Nikki and Cameron slid out of the backseat as Rachel got out of the front seat.
It did feel good to stretch her legs, Nikki had to admit, and to be outside. She'd been stuck inside all day, sitting.
She stretched, glancing over at Cameron, who wore an unhappy expression as he leaned again the trunk.
Nikki leaned on the back of the car next to him. "How did it go?"
He shrugged.
"Come on, Cam, you have to give me something, here." She nudged him a little.
He suddenly turned toward her, uncharacteristic anger on his face.
"No, actually, I don't."
Nikki raised her eyebrows, taken back.
"Maybe I don't want to talk about it. What if I'm tired of talking for today? You could just leave me alone. Did that ever occur to you?"
Nikki was hurt. "You really want me to just leave you alone?"
"Yeah, actually, that'd be great." He spat.
"Why'd you even ask me to come if you were just planning on acting like a jerk to me?"
He didn't answer, staring at the ground in stony silence. Though she hadn't expected an answer, something inside Nikki snapped ad she lost all her patience with him.
"You know, Cameron, I'm really trying to be supportive of you, so forgive me if I ask you how you're doing, and, fine, you don't feel like talking? Whatever. But don't lash out at me and act all passive aggressive when all I'm trying to do is help."
Nikki stood there, looking up at him, an intense glare on her face. Cameron's mom came back out of the gas station, oblivious to the argument she was interrupting.
"Okay, kids, I'm just going to gas up and we'll be back home before you know it." She said cheerfully. Nikki managed a fake smile.
"Cool." she shot a look at Cameron before adding, "We couldn't get back soon enough." And then she slid into the backseat.
Cameron didn't join her until his mom returned to the driver's seat.
They spent the rest of the car ride staring out their separate windows. Nikki was sitting as far away from Cameron as the seat would allow, her arms and legs crossed tightly and her body angled away from him.
After the longest 45 minutes of her life, they pulled up in front of her house. She quickly unfastened her seat belt, pushing the car door open milliseconds after they'd stopped in front of her house.
"Bye, Mrs. Bale." Nikki said in a rush, her hand on the door as she leaned in to say goodbye.
"Thank you for coming with us dear, we both appreciate it." she said sweetly.
Nikki smiled at her before flickering her eyes to meet Cameron's for only a moment. "Bye, Cameron." She closed the car door, thankful to be home.
Inside the car, Rachel was looking expectantly at her son. "Aren't you going to walk her?"
Cameron groaned inwardly before getting out of the car, hurrying to catch up to Nikki, who was halfway up the stairs to the house.
She turned to face him as he caught up to her. "Do you need something?"
Cameron shook his head. "I'm just walking you."
Nikki turned around in silence, continuing to her door.
He was close behind. Once he reached the door, she turned to look up at him.
"I'll see you, Cam."
"Uh, yeah." He didn't meet her gaze, one hand shoved in his jeans pocket, the other brushing his bottom lip nervously. "Bye then." he turned on heel and quickly went don the steps to his car.
Nikki watched him go, before turning back to her front door. She let herself in. She shut the door behind her and leaned back on it.
She had not expected the day to end like this.
Author's Note:
Here it is! Chapter 11! Finally! I'm very very sorry for the wait. I'll be shocked if anyone actually reads or reviews this because it's been SO long since I last updated, so I don't actually deserve any readers. :) Yet all it seems I ever do is apologize for how long it takes me to update. My only justification for this is that it's a crucial chapter, so I did want to make it as well-written and realistic as I possibly could, and I hope it doesn't disappoint!
ANYWAY. Thank you all so much for sticking with this story. I'm going to try to get it finished and do it justice, because I hate leaving things undone or doing them half-assed. Leave me a review, so I know if you all hate me after this chapter!
Love,
Chris Grace