Chapter 11: Escape from Hefei Fortress, Part 3
Flashback, from Xu Shu's POV
Xu Shu: Uhhh…where, where am I?! What happened?! …huh?
Xu Shu found himself waking up in a kid's bedroom.
Xu Shu: What…this is…this is my childhood bedroom! How…how could I suddenly get here? I swear I was in-
"Oh, you're awake, sweetie."
Xu Shu turned and saw his mother Lady Xun carrying a tray of cookies.
Xu Shu: …mom….mommy?
Lady Xun: Hmhm.
Xu Shu: Mommy…why…why are you here?
Lady Xun: Huh? What do you mean by that? I'm always here, darling.
Xu Shu: Errmm…this is sorta confusing…
Lady Xun: Why is that?
Xu Shu: I mean…I was on a journey before ending up in some place…but then I'm suddenly here…this is weird…
Lady Xun: Huh? What journey? You've been here all day, there's no way you could've gone to somewhere else. You must've been dreaming.
Xu Shu: But-
Lady Xun: Now, it's okay. You're back at home now. There's no need to endanger yourself, okay? kisses Xu Shu's forehead
Xu Shu: Ah…okay…
Lady Xun: Now, I'll go get some milk. Stay here. goes outside
Xu Shu: O…okay…hrmf, now THIS is really strange. There gotta be SOMETHING here! Hmmm…wait, that's the sign! Let's see…ah, I knew it! But…what kind of challenge there is in this room? It looks harmless enough…well, I suppose I'll just go outside immediately.
However, when Xu Shu opens the door, he found Lady Xun standing.
Xu Shu: A-ah! Mother…
Lady Xun: Now, who told you to go outside? I told you to stay in your room!
Xu Shu: A-ah, I'm sorry mother, but I have a REALLY urgent task here-
Lady Xun: Urgent?! Listen, if your mother tells you to stay, you WILL stay!
Xu Shu: Mom-
Lady Xun: That's enough! You're grounded! closes and locks the door
Xu Shu: What the?! Tch! Gah! It's locked! Mooommm! Open the door! Please! Huff….goodness, now how can I get out? Is this the challenge? But…how can I even defeat my own mother?
Several hours later…
Xu Shu: Sigh…
Then, the door suddenly opens.
Xu Shu: Huh?
Lady Xun: Well, that's enough of your punishment.
Xu Shu: M-mom?
Lady Xun: Okay, now go back to your bed, and don't disobey me like that ever again, you understand?
Xu Shu: Y-yes…
Lady Xun: Huff…good. Now, tell me, who are you working under right now?
Xu Shu: Glk! (Oh no! If I tell her that I'm now working under Cao Cao, she will yell and scold me like that last time!) ….err…Liu Bei!
Lady Xun: Liu Bei?
Xu Shu: Y-yeah…
Lady Xun: Now that's weird. If you're working under Liu Bei then why are your clothes blue?
Xu Shu: Glk! Well…i-it's my old clothes, mom! I haven't changed it yet when I came into Liu Bei's service! Hehehe…hehehe…
Lady Xun: Oh, really?
Xu Shu: Yeah…hehehe…
Lady Xun: …
Xu Shu: continues to smile awkwardly
Lady Xun : ….I'M TRULY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, SON!
Xu Shu: H-huh?!
Lady Xun: Like fucking seriously son, you chose to work under that benevolent-bitch pussy instead of that badass swag overlord Cao Cao?! Do you even know how to discern true worth?!
Xu Shu: B-but, b-but-
Lady Xun: Really, just look at Liu Bei! If you use your talents to help him unify the empire, he will pretty much go and make this entire country 'The Land of Benevolence'! Just hearing the name makes me sick! Not to mention that the rest of his officers are also pussies! They run from one place to another with no actual stronghold! They look like homeless persons! Plus, their color is GREEN. Puke GREEN. Look at Cao Cao instead. He and his officers look badass as hell, and you can bet your ass they actually ARE! Plus you're already wearing blue anyway, so if you came to his service instead you won't spend another penny to buy a puke green-colored clothes! You're worthless! How the hell can I even have a pussy-ass son like you who serves just as pussy-ass leader?!
Xu Shu: M-mom, what, w-what-
Lady Xun: That's enough! Unless you come to Cao Cao, you don't have the right to call me your mother!
Xu Shu: …you…you are…you're not…
Lady Xun: Huh?
Xu Shu: You're not…you're not my mother….YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHEEEERRRRRR! starts to beat up his own mother with his own hands
Lady Xun: WHAAAHHHH! OWH! STOP! STOP IT! I SAID STOOOOPPP!
Xu Shu: YOU'RE NOT MY MOM! YOU'RE NOT MY MOM! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! ….pant…pant…pant…
It's when Lady Xun is truly dead is when Xu Shu realized what he had done.
Xu Shu: widens eyes ….mom…..m-mom…mother?! MOTHER! looks at his own bloody hands no …no….no! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! runs outside the room, then walks across the hallway looking down ….I….I killed my own mother…with my own hands…I killed my mom…I killed my mom…I killed my mom…
Back to present…
Xu Shu: ...I killed my mom…I killed my mom…I killed my mom…
Everyone else: …..
Cao Cao: …whoa.
Jia Xu: Gee, NOW I truly feel bad for him. Poor guy.
Zhang Liao: Yeah…but will he stop saying that sentence over and over again?
Cao Cao: Ah, well, let me try. Hey, hey! snaps fingers in front of Xu Shu
Xu Shu: I killed my- e-eh? What?
Cao Cao: Okay, that's enough being guilty over matricide. Let's go.
Xu Shu: Eh? Um, right!
At the 600th floor
Cao Cao: Okay! Now, who's next…
Zhang Liao: Hmm…oh! Someone's there!
Cao Cao: Hmm…oh! Yue Jin!
Yue Jin: Eh? Oh! Lord Cao Cao! And the others too!
Cao Cao: Yeah. So anyway, what was your challenge?
Yue Jin: Well…it was actually quite terrifying…
Flashback, from Yue Jin's POV
Yue Jin: WAAAHHH! What…what is this place?! It's so gigantic! …really, I doubt that the Hefei Fortress is THIS big on the inside…eh, what's that? Is that the sign? …wait….no…NO! No, don't tell me…that I'm SMALL?! B-but how?! NOOOO! I'm already short enough as I am….waaahhh….okay, let's read the sign first…challenge, huh? But THIS is my challenge?! Seriously!
Suddenly, Yue Jin heard a loud stomping sound.
Yue Jin: Waaaahhhh! W-what's that?!
When he turned around, there's a bunch of gigantic (actually normal-sized, but they look gigantic because Yue Jin is now as small as an ant) peons charging.
Yue Jin: HWAAAAAHHHHHH! tries to avoid the peons' steps Gah! With every step they make, they created an earthquake! I can't move! Huff…shit…what should I do…? OH! activates hyper speed
So Yue Jin used his hyper speed to run safely away from the peons. Unfortunately, doing this also caused the peons to stumble with each other and finally fall down.
Yue Jin: Good! And now….seeing the peons falling down WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! hyper speeds towards door …huff…huff…fuck…that was one of the most terrifying things I have ever experienced in my life…oh! I'm normal sized again! Yaaayyyy!
Back to present…
Yue Jin: …but really though, those peons truly look terrifying as hell when you're suddenly as tiny as an ant! Still makes me shudder just by thinking of that….
Cao Cao: Okay, okay, that's enough of your shorty-phobia, alright. We need to move as fast as possible to meet with the other two remaining!
Jia Xu: Yu Jin and Xun Yu, right?
Cao Cao: Yeah! Let's go!
At the 700th floor
Cao Cao: Now, let's see…hmmm…
Suddenly, they heard a very loud laugh coming from the hallway.
Cao Cao: Huh?! Who's that?!
Jia Xu: It's coming from that side, sir.
Zhang Liao: Shall we go check it out?
Cao Cao: Of course…though we definitely have to be careful.
Later…
Cao Cao: …..WHAT?!
Everyone: No…no way….
Cao Cao: Y….YU JIN?!
Yu Jin: WAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! GWAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA! GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA! O-OH, M-MY- GRKKAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- L-L-L-LORD! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Everyone: jawdrop
Cao Cao: ….is he…?
Jia Xu: Could be…
Yue Jin: Whoa! Man, this definitely could be the world's 8th wonder!
Cao Cao: I don't think the World's Seven Wonders even exist during this time…which would make this the first, I suppose?
Zhang Liao: Anyway…err…Yu Jin?
Yu Jin: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…oh…my stomach…realized that the others are watching him, which made him embarrassed ….a…ah! L-lord Cao Cao! I…I…
Cao Cao: No. There's…no need to explain. Okay.
Yu Jin: Y-yeah…
Cao Cao: Yeah. Huff…come on, let's go.
Yu Jin: O-okay.
Everyone: sweatdrop
Flashback, from Yu Jin's POV (not told by the man himself)
Yu Jin: Uhhrrggghhh…what is…this place? Hrmf…the sign! Hmm…ah, I see. Well, any challenge you have for me, bring it on!
Cricket sounds
Yu Jin: Come now, I'm not a coward. Are you?!
More cricket sounds
Yu Jin: Well, if you're not replying me, then I will-
At that moment, suddenly a chair rose up to Yu Jin, and he was then tied and strapped to the chair.
Yu Jin: ….well. Took you long enough.
And then, a mysterious (?) projector projects a Google Chrome window (?!).
Yu Jin: The hell….do we even have that sort of thing in Ancient China?! Ah well, this story had had already enough anachronisms as it is…
The window then opens YouTube, which later proceeds to play a 'Try Not to Laugh' video.
Yu Jin: 'Try Not to Laugh While Watching This'? ….bah! THAT'S the best challenge you can come up with? Seriously…'impossible challenge' my ass…
At the first 30 seconds
Yu Jin: Pfftt…what the hell was that? That's so lame.
1 minute
Yu Jin: …heh. Okay, that was pretty funny, but still not enough.
1 minute and 30 seconds
Yu Jin: Grrrkkhhh…not…funny…enough…
2 minutes
Yu Jin: PPPPFFFTTT…..NOT…FUNNY….
2 minutes and 30 seconds
Yu Jin: PFFFFTT…huff…no…must…not….grrrkkhh….
3 minutes
Yu Jin: OH MY GOD….OH MY GOD….PLEASE STOP THIS….I'LL BURST IF THIS KEEPS ON…..
3 minutes and 30 seconds
Yu Jin: STOP…..pffftttt…..ggrrrrrkkkhhh…I…must not….laugh…AAAARRRGGHHHHH….
4 minutes
Yu Jin: AAAAAHHHHHH…..huff…huff…NO….I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE…..
4 minutes and 30 seconds
Yu Jin: GRIHDHBUEGJNYVDYHOINUVYTEGFUIRBFYRVFYUHSJBHVYBBUNEUBYEGOEDNOENDO…
Just then, the video finally ends, and Yu Jin was released from the chair.
Yu Jin: walks towards the door with a red face trying to contain his laughter
When the door closes….
Yu Jin: …BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAA! OH MY GOOOODDDDDD WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HYAAHAHAHAHAHA! KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!
Back to present…
At the 800th floor
Cao Cao: Okay! Now we have to look for Xun Yu!
Zhang Liao: Hm! Sir, look! Above is the last floor!
Jia Xu: Yeah…and it looks certainly creepy enough…
Yue Jin: Now, don't you think it's unfair? I mean, with this Xun Yu would only need to climb one floor to get to the top whereas we have to climb hundreds!
Cao Cao: Come on, you've only climbed 200 hundred floors! I've climbed like what, 800 floors!
Xun Yu: Oh! HEY! GUYS!
Cao Cao: Xun Yu!
Xun Yu: You guys are pretty quick to climb all the way up here.
Cao Cao: Of course. So, what did you get?
Xun Yu: Eh…err…
Cao Cao: Hm? What's wrong?
Xun Yu: Eh…no…I'm just afraid that I'll make you angry…
Cao Cao: Oh? Haha, why would I be angry at you? Just speak!
Xun Yu: Ehh…okay, so…
Flashback, from Xun Yu's POV
Xun Yu: Gaaaahhhh….where….am I? What happened? Hmm? Wait, this room looks strangely familiar…ah, the sign! Hmm…oh, I see! But…what challenge could've been awaiting here? Hmm…
Suddenly, a bright light flashed before Xun Yu
Xun Yu: AH!
When the light cleared…
Xun Yu: Ah…what…?
?: Greetings, Xun Yu.
Xun Yu: Who….AH! E-emperor Xian?!
Emperor Xian: That's right.
Xun Yu: I…what the…bows F-forgive me, Your Majesty. I…I didn't even notice that you were here.
Emperor Xian: Ah, that's alright. Now, you sure know what your mission is, right?
Xun Yu: W-what mission?
Emperor Xian: You haven't known? gives a knife to Xun Yu
Xun Yu: A knife? ….shocked …w…what?! Your Majesty, what have I done wrong?!
Emperor Xian: Eeh? No, no! I'm not ordering you to commit suicide!
Xun Yu: Oh…t-then what?
Emperor Xian: I want you to assassinate that son of Cao Cao, Cao Pi.
Xun Yu: even more shocked …assassinate…him….?
Emperor Xian: Yes. I know that the moment his father dies, he will immediately try to dethrone me. I want you to assassinate him before that happens.
Xun Yu: B-but, but-
Emperor Xian: Please…I want you, as our last loyal retainer, to do this for the Han. I beg you!
Xun Yu: I….I….(but Cao Pi's at home! How the hell could I go back ALL THE WAY there?!) …assassinating Cao Pi….
?: Planning to assassinate me, eh?!
Xun Yu: I- WHA?!
When Xun Yu looked up, he realized that Emperor Xian has turned into Cao Pi.
Xun Yu: widens eyes and turns pale C-c-c-c-cao Pi….?!
Cao Pi: Heh. It's still impressive how you still have the nerve to call me by name. Arrest him!
Xun Yu: W-wha- GAH! NO! Tch…please, let me explain! I-
Cao Pi: There's no need to explain. I'm sure that you have always opposed this since the beginning. And so, I have a special way of punishing you. snaps finger
Xun Yu: S-special?
Cao Pi: Why yes. Ah, let's see what we have here…these are some beautiful jewelries, don't you think?
Xun Yu: Ah! Y-yes…
Cao Pi: Hmm…and so you want them, don't you?
Xun Yu: N-no! Certainly not!
Cao Pi: But why?
Xun Yu: Because…because doing so would be immodest!
Cao Pi: Ah, always sticking by the modesty, eh? Very well then…I have much more beautiful jewelries so I suppose I'll just throw away these ones.
Xun Yu: GLK! D-DON'T DO IT! AAAAHHHHH!
Cao Pi: Oh? But why shouldn't I? After all, you don't want it, and I don't want it. Plus I have better ones so it's fine for me to throw them away, right?
Xun Yu: BUT YOU JUST CAN'T DO THAT- AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! runs off to Cao Pi and stabs him brutally with the knife …pant, pant, pant…oh no. widens eyes and walks back What…what have I done?! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! runs outside of the room
Back to present…
Cao Cao: …
Xun Yu: …..erm…my…lord?
Cao Cao: ….
Xun Yu: ….errr….okay…. carefully steps away
Everyone: sweatdrop
Zhang Liao: …ahem, my lord.
Cao Cao: ….oh! Zhang Liao!
Zhang Liao: We need to get going.
Cao Cao: Oh, right, right! Silly me! Okay…the one floor above us is the final destination! Let's go!
Everyone: AYE!
At the 801st floor
Cao Cao: Okay! Whoa…look up!
Yue Jin: …huh?! Hey, look, Zhang Liao! That's a fresco depicting our Battle at Hefei, remember?!
Zhang Liao: Ah…yes…
Cao Cao: Haha! Such is the battle that totally owned Wu and made you the feared 'Demon of Hefei', Zhang Liao! I'm so proud to have such a fine general as yo-
Suddenly, a swirling, black tornado appeared right in the middle of the room, where Cao Cao was standing.
Zhang Liao: GASP! My lord, LOOK OUT! drags Cao Cao away
Cao Cao: Huh?! AH!
Yue Jin: W-what is that?!
Jia Xu: I don't know…but we definitely have to be careful…
The swirling black tornado became even bigger and bigger, and an ominous glowing yellow eye can be seen accompanied with a loud demonic roar…
Cao Cao: W….w…w-WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
To Be Continued….
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