Chapter 11
Predictably, Jim woke up in pain. I feel like I got hit by a truck, thought Jim. He shifted slightly, awakening another unknown pain somewhere in his side. Actually, more like a tank.
Jim thought about opening his eyes, but decided against it, especially when he heard someone sitting beside him shift slightly and turn a page. If it was Dr. McCoy, Jim didn't necessarily feel ready to talk to him.
"Come on, Jim," came McCoy's voice. "I know you're not sleeping. I've been watching you wake up for the past five minutes. Open your eyes."
Jim silently groaned. He never got away with anything with McCoy around. Despite feeling more than a bit mutinous, he obediently opened his eyes, squinting at the sickbay lights. Everything came into focus after a few seconds, and he saw Dr. McCoy sitting in a chair off to his right, shutting the medical journal that he had been reading.
"How do you feel, Captain?" asked McCoy, looking straight into Jim's eyes.
"I've felt better, but I've also felt worse," said Jim cautiously, unsure of where he and Bones stood now.
"Good."
Jim and McCoy sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes. McCoy didn't want to tell Jim what had to be done, but he knew it was necessary for Jim's health.
"Captain," said Bones slowly, "there's something you need to know about your injuries. You have internal injuries in addition to a number of broken bones. This, combined with the fact that you hadn't yet fully recovered from previous injuries, means that I need to put you in medical restraints for a day or two, in order to give your internal injuries time to heal."
Jim hadn't known what Bones was going to say. In fact, he had hoped that Bones was going to extend some kind of olive branch so they could get back to be being friends. So, Jim was quite taken aback by Bones telling him that he was going to put him in medical restraints for a day or two.
"What!" Jim said hoarsely, disbelieving what he had heard. "Dr. McCoy, if this is some kind of joke…"
"It's not, Captain. It's a medically necessary procedure."
"Well, I refuse to give you permission to do so, Dr. McCoy."
McCoy sighed. "If I don't put you in medical restraints until your internal injuries have sufficiently healed, it will delay your recovery by weeks. It could even kill you. There isn't an option here."
Jim started to see that McCoy was not going to back down and started getting desperate. "Bones," he said, pleading for his former best friend to listen. "Please don't do this to me, Bones. You know what being in restraints makes me remember. Please, Bones."
McCoy looked at Jim. He saw the hurt and the fear that Jim had suffered. He hated that he had to inflict more pain on Jim, but he knew that there was no choice. Jim would never forgive him for this. Moreover, he was not sure he would ever be able to forgive himself for this. But it had to be done.
"I'm sorry, Jim," said McCoy softly. "I promise you, if there was any other way, I would do it. I could sedate you, but I thought restraints would be the lesser of the two evils."
McCoy stopped, waiting for some kind of response. He had almost given up when Jim spoke up.
"I can't believe you hate me this much to punish me this way," said Jim in a soft voice.
And the remnants of McCoy's heart shattered. The doctor couldn't believe that this is what they had come to.
"I promise you, Jim, there's no other way. I don't hate you, but this is the only way…"
"Stop," interrupted Jim. "I don't want to hear your excuses. I'm your captain, doctor. Please stop referring to me by my first name. Let's just get this over with."
McCoy, shocked at the venom in Jim's voice, stood silently without moving for a few seconds, looking sadly at Jim.
McCoy gently fastened the medical restraints around Jim's wrists and ankles and then walked to the foot of the bed. Jim was refusing to meet the doctor's eyes.
"You'll be out of them at the first possible opportunity, Captain. If you change your mind and decide you'd rather be sedated, have one of the nurses let me know. I'm the doctor in charge of your care, so don't try to get any of the other doctors to let you out of them."
When Jim still refused to look at him, McCoy said very softly, "I'm only trying to help you, Jim." And then he left the sickbay, trying to hold at bay an overwhelming feeling of despair.
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As it turned out, being in restraints could have been a lot worse. Jim had a steady stream of visitors who talked with him until he got worn out. Spock, Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov. All of his friends came to visit.
For the eight hours that he was awake and in restraints, he was never alone. The company of his friends kept the nightmares at bay. Their laughter and their jokes scared away all of the anxiety Jim felt about being stuck in restraints, and he allowed himself to relax.
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Less than twenty-four hours after putting Jim in restraints, McCoy declared Jim well enough to no longer need to be in restraints.
"Your recovery is progressing satisfactorily, Captain," said McCoy as he removed Jim's wrists from the restraints. "You'll have to stay in sickbay for at least three more days, but I'll release you to recover in your quarters as soon as possible. Do you have any questions?"
Jim, however, was not ready to stop giving McCoy the silent treatment, and just stared stonily back at his CMO.
"Fine," snapped McCoy. "Don't talk to me. Add this to your list of my transgressions. God forbid that someone should try to do what's best for you."
And he stormed out of the sickbay. Jim settled back into his bed, feeling a bit smug that he infuriated McCoy, but also feeling a bit guilty.
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"How is your recovery progressing, Captain?" inquired Spock two days later.
Jim grinned, "Don't tell me you miss me, Spock? You can't handle the ship without me?"
"To the contrary, Captain," said Spock coolly. "The ship is running smoothly. I was merely inquiring into your well-being. I have been told that that is the polite thing to do when visiting someone who is convalescing, and…"
"Enough, Spock, enough," protested Jim. "I feel much better. I'm hoping to get out of here without the next day or two."
"Is that when Dr. McCoy said you'd be able to leave sickbay, or is that your own timeline that you've imposed?" asked Spock wryly.
Jim looked a bit put-out, but forced himself to answer honestly. "Well, said it would be at least three days before I could leave, but he's just punishing me for our fight. I figure if he says at least three, two is all that's really necessary."
Spock looked mildly surprised at Jim's response. "Jim, do you really think that Dr. McCoy would punish you this way? It would go against his oath as a physician. Furthermore, he's already gone out of his way to make sure that your stay here was as tolerable as possible."
"Of course he's…" Jim trailed out, having just taken in what Spock had said. "What do you mean he's gone out of his way?"
"By organizing a schedule of your friends to come in and converse with you while you had to be in medical restraints. Dr. McCoy explained your dislike of restraints and how you would be able to relax only if you were distracted. Did he not explain his strategy to you?"
"No," said Jim softly. "No, he didn't."
And all he could think of was that, while he had enjoyed the company of Spock, Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, and Scotty, he had really missed the company of his best friend.