This came up earlier than I thought but here is another update. Thanks you for the reviews, I don't replied to them personally because I mostly use my phone and also have very little free time but I read them all . So thank you. Thanks for following, putting your favorite. I hope that this chapter will please you. review, follow and fav.
He had been in this room multiple times. However, right now everything seemed different; his perception changed by the anguish. The wall seemingly constricted around him. He looked at the empty chair next to him, the last piece of comfort gone; pushed to the side just as she had left it in her rushed exit.
The chaise was still warm, his hand was still warm but Bonnie was gone. The embrace of their finger broken, left behind was his empty hand still elongated. She had rushed out of doctor Fell's office without even an explaining. She had muttered an apology and she was on her toes leaving through the door, the same door he was staring at helpless.
Were all the progress they did erased in a fraction of second? Did I push further than she was ready to go? The elder Salvatore knew she was fragile; she was still adjusting to their new arrangement. Trial and error period was stressful to her. There were those days when she was just perfect with Leila and there were those other days when she seemed out of it all.
Out of life itself, at lost or in a battle with her inner self, those were rare days but she faked happiness through them. It was a game of push and pull with her. Was he tired of pulling, did he need to stop pulling. He had the intention to run after her; he had the intention to help her cope with the entirety of their situation. Never could I be tired even when I need to face some truths.
Week of constant visit was a hardship; the brunette woman did her best to push her apprehension aside. She came every morning with a smile even just for a second; she left every time a happy soul behind her. She was getting a grip at it; she was forging a strong bond with Leila. Maybe it was too fast for both girls but it was effortless. Was the sickness accelerating the process or was it the long lasting regret on Bonnie's side? Damon could not explain and took no time thinking about it. He did not think further about her willing help until he found himself alone in this office.
Did everything echo with the fear she was trying to hide? He could only assumed. The change were subtle but they were there. She would be slightly awkward around him; did I push her too far? Did I let it all show at the wrong time? Damon wished he could pin point all he did wrong because he did his part of wrong. He was trying his best just to see her as the woman who would help Leila, Leila's mother and a friend. However, he could not stop stealing glance at her when he thought she did not look.
He tried his best to keep his feeling at bay. He fought to restrain his flirty comments but sometimes between shared comfort, words escaped their enclave and their meaning became known only when he heard them aloud or when on her ethereal face little discomfort appeared. His words made her distant, his touch sometime scared her or so he thought.
Did I go too far this morning? He could not answer that question because as much he attempted to fight it. Lines between them were blurred; the level of intimacy was far greater than in normal stranger that shoved together. The shared pain, the growing attraction and the desire to fight only strengthened attachment they had to each other. Thrown in a demanding bond without their prior consent, they could try to break apart but hurt was never far. How far could he go?
What was far at this point? An innocuous touch was never harmless when it came to her. Her touch electrified him; the warmth of her fingers on his skin ignited visceral response from was organic, raw and frustrating. He was alert of her presence, asked more of her touch. The untold ruled that forced the platonic character of the relationship only made it worse. The need he felt to lure her in his waiting arms grew stronger with each barrier he arose to fight, with each forbidding rules they silent set.
In the past days, her need to distance herself from him made him eager to invade her privacy, to invade her space. It was risky business but he seemed to have his control slip away. Maybe was he only now paying for it? Her constant physical presence around him and the forced restrain, the cocktail of it all led to the moment they shared on their way to this place. Maybe the buildup of it all had led to her running away; maybe it had allowed her finally to decide on what her mind could not establish. She was not ready for all of it; she had chosen to run.
He attempting to kiss her was a mistake. From the timing, to the reason, an overall mistake he should have avoided. He should have abstain himself to do much dent in a fragile relation. However, it had felt right at that moment, it was impulsively right. Was it the feeling that came after being reacquainted to her, reacquainted to her comforting words? After a long period of cold shoulder, it felt the need to take it all even, what he should have let go. Was it what pushed him to follow a fluttering impulse? He wished he regretted all of it, the course of action that led to the moment when his hand flew on their own accord to the side of her face.
He did not regret staring at the tantalizing green of her eyes; he saw the desire, her lust for him. He saw what she hid better than he did. What they felt for each other was the barrier to their much-needed relation. They had to collaborate while staying apart. So maybe after her comforting words, his attempt to kiss her in the car broke it all. After she so easily found the word to extinguish his anguish, maybe his attempt to kiss her broke the fragile equilibrium of it all.
He could not tell but what he could tell was that during this entire week, she had been in a sort of limbo. She was tired, she was alone and she was closing herself to him and only him. Whatever how much effort she put in pretending for Leila's sake, he was not blind. Was it the fact that the test result were coming out? Was it all the option that will be lost if she was incompatible? She had a great fear to lose Leila. Nevertheless, she had made no peace with the length she needed to go just to save that one child.
If Leila and she were incompatible, was she able to go once again against personal interest? Was she able potentially to conceive another child? They had not talk about it and they were supposed to do so right now, the time she had chosen to escape. Was it; was it that fear to be trapped in another vicious circle? Did he misjudge her love for his daughter, her daughter? Was he able to require that sacrifice from her? Yes, I would have asked. I would have selfishly ask her to save my daughter. He answered himself but it arose other questions. If he was selfish enough to make her lose that. Why would she not make a selfish choice? She had literally ran.
He wanted to go after her. He was decided to go after her but the entrance of doctor fell stopped him from doing so. The large envelop she was holding brought him back to the prior reason of their presence in the office. He focused his attention back on the woman in front of him. For an instant forgetting about the one whom had shrunk under the weight of responsibilities.
Doctor fell spoke a great deal but Damon seemed to have a case of selected hearing. At the end of it all, he could only remember those words well I have rather great news and I am happy finally to have one for you. Miss Bennett is at a large percentage compatible. She had tried to explain more about the matter. Shared some technicality of the procedure, but his head was so stuck at positive results also the fact that Bonnie might be lost to them.
"I would have love for Miss Bennett to be here. It would have been useful to establish her preoperative period." Doctor Fell pursued. Damon did not known what to say nor how to explain her absence. Therefore, silence was safe. She had been there and then she was gone. She had been willing and then he did not know what had cause her change of mind. Nevertheless, she had rushed through the door without saying anything. He could only assume.
It felt like she had been running the entirety of this day. Did it ever end? Did life stop throwing shit her way? Bonnie did not know. When she thought she was getting a grip at life, she was knock off her feet again. She was running from a hospital corridor to another. She was running from a sick bed to another. She was running, she was speeding but it seemed she never did it fast enough. She entered the cardiology department frantic; she had left the pediatric oncology department to be by Sheila side. It was unexpected like everything in her life. She was barely holding on. She saw the receptionist and walked up to her.
"Hi, I am looking for Miss Sheila Bennett. I have received the information that she has been brought here after a cardiac arrest." She stated between her little tremor and her broken voice. She had cried on her way to the hospital; her voice was still rusty and her eyes watery. She had a death grip on her phone. She was still in shock. She had read that text a dozen of times. The words still made no real sense, much more like when she left Damon side speechless and panicked.
"Room 428." The receptionist replied, she pointed toward the door at the beginning of the corridor. She gave more instructions but they all flew over the excessively emotional girl. She ran through the door, her heart was breaking. She should have been there; she should have been with her grandmother. It was already happening. She started thinking. She had hard time juggling between her lives.
She had the hardest time balancing her life. Now she felt so absorbed with the Salvatore household that she had neglected what mattered. She was doing it again; other people problems started to consume her recklessly. Was she being unfair with her perception? Yes but it could be forgiven, she was in shock and afraid. Few hours ago, she was reassuring Damon, she has no single thoughts about her grams well-being. Now she was even scared to cross the door and found the woman in another heartbreaking position.
This was what she intended when she talked about not disturbing her life. She felt guilty, she felt like she had neglected Sheila. However the young woman did not do such thing, she was finding a well-suited escape for her fear. She wanted this to be her big sign, it was supposed to be the proof that she was on the wrong path again. Nevertheless, Sheila predicament was inevitable; the brave Lady was suffering from ventricular fibrillation.
Today was her second heart attack in a year; she needed a surgical operation but could not go through such because of her repeated myocardial infarctions. She was practically on her last breath. If it were not today, it would be the next cardiac arrest or the following. Bonnie knew that, Sheila knew it and even all of the care in the word could not stop fatality. However, she needed to find a focus for everything.
She had hard time adjusting to her second life. Leila was a buy one get two other free. If it was easy to navigate around Leila, it was natural. It was less easy to do so with Damon; she had to go at crosscurrent of everything she felt. She was trying to maintain him at arm's length, interacting with him brought that languishment. She was trying the friendship thing, but she found herself stealing glance at him.
She found herself wishing to fix everything wrong around him. It was what she tempted to avert. Her previous relation's characteristics were an ugly reminder coming to haunt her. She was so much afraid. How she felt toward Damon was wrong. She pushed against her own self; she was tired of battling herself. She was breaking; now hiding seemed like the decent solution. She was extremely awkward around him but again she could avoid what she let out sometime but she did not.
Her hands running on his skin were there should not be running. The constant need of contact, the burning sensation the lack of it brought. The stolen stares should not carry the weight of her beating heart. The reaction to his tone of voice, the little goose bumps that responded to the most innocent of his touch, she feared those. He brought up fragility. Fragility she fought so hard to hide and bury. He and Leila made her feel like she could aspire to a family, this family. They clouded her vision when she knew that one morning they would be on the next plane to Florence.
She was just trying to protect herself; she was fleeing the danger. Distance was not enough. The morning scene in the car had shown it. She was running away from his grip but she was set to be the friend Leila needed, she was set to be that good mother that was why she had walked in that office ready to do everything if those result were not positive. Even now that she was here, her heart was unable to forget completely about those results.
Was she ready to have another child if she was not compatible? Truth be told, she had no real answer to that. She wanted to be able to say no. however, whom was she lying to? She was not the woman who was cold and selfish. Only yesterday, she was that person. That cold person whim with only a regretful thought as consequence might have left that estranged daughter die. She was fragile in a new way; she was caring in a new way. She was afraid it would happen and it happened, did it not happen if you are here thinking about giving your carrier away for her.
She regretfully left doctor Fell; she only left because she read the message after ignoring multiple calls. She could have been here by her Gram's side earlier. She could have been careful about how she took her pills. However, from all she could have done, she should not have made the Salvatore household a priority.
In fairness, she had not do such but she wanted a culprit, she wanted to blame someone. She wanted reason to coerce her heart into resistance not abandonment.
So much laid behind her reaction. She felt guilty and around Leila, the guilt was stronger. She wanted to compensate and she gave everything. She did not think she deserved another chance, she was on her way to acceptation of what life was offering right now but she was not quite there. The intimacy, the spontaneous affection the little curly hair princess showed her was unexplained. She wanted hardship; she wanted punishment so her cocoon of disillusion would preserved her. She was used to inner death and now feeling was painful. They did that to you, they weakened me.
From hurt, from the new sleepless night or the tears that she shed every time she had been the one giving Leila the pills, from those they were no protection. The Salvatore were removing her shell and she had not given them the permission to do so. They were not allowed to do as they wish; they were not allowed to prey on her vulnerability and lied to her than they will fix everything. She was so willing to believe in the world, which they built in that bubble of new emotion they created. She was not willing to be exposed nor to be a dreamer again. Now it was simple survival, she was grasping on straws and anything to vilify her effort was good. She was quite not forgetting herself.
Stefan was one of the reason behind her anger too. He was the only one who made her feel less uncomfortable. His resistance to her ironically help her. She could project on him. He was the only one who begrudged her for abandoning Leila and with time, he was less grudging more helping. They were scaring her; she was scared of the loss. She was doing so much to show her willingness that it exhausted her. She had promised herself that she would not fall back in those habits. However, that family made her do it.
For the fourth time, her phone ringed and there were no need to read the caller, it was Damon. She did not want the interaction. She did not want him to make her fragile. She did not want to run in his arm to share her pain because he made her feel safe. Now she wanted to be alone and angry. She wanted to punish herself for neglecting her Grams. She wanted to find a reason to look into Damon's eyes and not feel as she felt. She wanted to look at Leila and not feel as if they asked for her life in exchange on her precious one; she would give it in a heartbeat.
For almost six hours she had been at Sheila's side, finally, the woman was coming around and Bonnie ended her silent prayers. The cardiologist had assured her that it was simply a mini-stroke this time. It was a weird thing to minimize such thing but it was better than a full attack. She had eaten nothing the entire day and her eyes were hurting from all the tears shed.
"I am so sorry, I am so sorry Grams," at the second Sheila's eyes were fully open; she blurted out her apology. Words were not fast enough to convey her feeling of relief and her guilt. The woman weakly raised her hand to stop her granddaughter's effusion of emotion. "I should have been there; I have been the absolute worse." Bonnie pursued but in a very painful effort, Sheila took her hands comfort. Now that she was able to breathe on her own, the poor woman needed to have her laryngeal tube removed.
The medical staff ushered Bonnie out of the room. Her phone ringed another time and she shut it down. She did not want it, she did not need their care and she did not want them to break her and remodel her. That was what she felt like they were doing to her. It was hard to accept it because once someone tried to do the same; it was not in her favor. She had lost trust and they were making her trust them. She was so afraid of the faith she was putting on them.
Right now, she wanted the solitude, the pain to influence her. She knew somewhere it was unfair and it was a form of cowardice. However her judgment was impaired, the amount of bottled up feeling confused her. Some fears were justified, other were old demons. They were unfounded, the almost kiss just shattered what was left. Her need of resistance to what she felt, the desire of known comfort clouded her judgement. An accident with Sheila health was enough. She felt the need to go back to her survival mode.
She sat in the row of chair installed in the hospital corridor. She was very close of Sheila's room and she was tired. She was mentally exhausted, she was barely reasonable. A hand on her shoulder alerted her of someone else presence. Her body instinctive reaction and the mental wall going up told her who it was. She raised her eyes to meet dashing blue and the rest of the Salvatore clan. A look and they undid all her resolve, her thoughts nothing more than plot construction of a scared and terrified mind that grasped on anything.
"What are you doing here?" Bonnie asked with a hint of surprise in her voice. She did not expect him to materialize out of her thoughts; she did not want this secret life to overlap her real one, the life that would stay once they are gone. Maybe that was her problem, she wanted to live her lies on the side, keep Leila as part of an idealistic dream. However, having them in this hospital was complicated.
She looked at the entire Salvatore clan, what was this supposed to be? Right now, she was in the in-between of emotional stages. She was worried and distress. She could not deal with any of this. Stefan gave her a quiet smile; he gave a lot of those. She was not quite used to his judging expression and she had to live with a lot of those recently. He whispered something into Damon's ear and left.
She stared at her sweet baby girl, whom was holding Damon's arm tightly. She wanted to be able to be her mother, her mother and just to appease her daughter, erased this stressed and painful expression. However, with the entirety of her will focused on attempting, she still could not. Right now she was just Bonnie Bennett, almost tearing apart, scared for her Grams. Sheila was awake but she was far from okay. It was sad to think like this but she wished only to have one family member in the death row. She could not convince herself that recently she had been there for her grams, so she evidently blamed her news choices.
She focused her attention on Damon. He seemed to be the only one at whom she could direct his anger. He had convinced her to invest herself in this relationship with Leila. He had made her face her feeling for him. He was complicating her life; he was pulling her back into all her wrong habits. He made her fragile; it scared her. It made her angry, blindly angry.
"What are you doing here?" she repeated herself with a more cutting tone. She was purposefully antagonizing him. She felt the need to push him away. She had no strength to push Leila away but she could do so with Damon.
"Well it was supposed to be an emotional confrontation in front of your home, with me telling you how much of an awful person you are or how I made a mistake but now it will look stupid." Bonnie frowned at those words. Before coming here, Damon had been to Bonnie's home and thanks to a very noisy neighbor, he had found out the truth. He had rushed to the hospital dragging his brother and a very tired Leila. He had made some needed introspection on his way to the hospital and the result were not in his favor.
Bonnie was exhausted, she was angry and his words made her angrier. Is he ever satisfied? What is that I can give him so he can see past my previous mistakes? She hated to think like this but somehow Damon could make her feel like this. She was afraid of thinking like this; that was how old Bonnie used to think. That was how young Bonnie ended up losing for others profit.
She was in the mood for an argument; she was feeling lonely and she needed someone to blame. She was projecting her anger, even when she attempted so hard to hide it. Damon could read it all over her. The elder Salvatore put Leila on the seat next to Bonnie; just close enough for Leila's presence to have a buffer effect on the woman.
"Why don't you hug Bonbon, right now she needs it?" Damon asked his daughter. The little girl wrapped in her arm a little less reactive Bonnie. The Bennett girl was quite hesitant but she quickly reciprocated the warm embrace. It did have the effect Damon expected.
"Thank you sweet angel" Bonnie did her best not to tear up. The affection Leila manifested toward her was what she needed to undo her rough mental barrier. She tightened her arm around the little girl and let a bit of her unshed tears flow out.
"Principessa why don't you wait here for a second so your uncle Stefan can bring your ice cream. I would just be there talking with Bonbon" Damon said as he extended his hand for Bonnie to take. Sadly letting go of the first sort of comfort that she received the entire day; she reluctantly broke her embrace with Leila. She unwillingly took Damon's hand, after his introduction she was not sure this conversation would lead to nothing but argument.
"What are you doing here?" her exasperation and anger never leaving her, she asked. Not knowing what was coming out of his mouth next, she stared at him bracing herself for the force.
"I already told you this was supposed to be an emotional confrontation. I was planning to tell you hurtful things that I should tell my ex. However, I would have done so with you because it would have been easy. Because my words would have weighted on your consciousness." To picture the mix of emotion coloring her face, he did not need to look at her.
"If it is what you are planning to do then you picked the wrong day, the wrong hour and the wrong person. I already explained this to your brother and will do the same with you. I am not and will never be Rose." She almost shouted at him. She was tired and angry at the comparison. She was giving everything, every single emotion to this family. She was hours away when her grandmother was having a heart attack because somehow she was once again doing it all wrong.
"No I am not planning that. However, we still need an emotional confrontation on how you're probably the most stupid amazing person on this earth. Whatever how amazing you are; it does not change how stupid you also are…" he could not pursued that sentence, a low hiss stopped him.
"Damon…" she whispered his name in warning. He looked at her and he was not afraid, she could take a go at him. He was ready for what she had to say. He came here to let her say it.
"Stupid, I clearly am. I'm bending backward to make it right with Leila, with you and even with Stefan. It was seven years ago, seven years and your judgement should not matter. I should not have to sacrifice me in process of pleasing any of you. I could have been there when she had her attack but I was with you, trying to prove that seven ago was a mistake. I was trying to prove that I could be a good mother." Letting her emotion show made her head span; she stopped to take a deep breath. Letting all the worries, which came out recently made her feel dizzy and light headed.
She looked at Damon and he was smiling. What was so funny to him? Was she a joke to him? She came so close to him that she was stealing his air. She stared at his eyes, his beautiful conscious cobalt irises. She monopolized his attention; she commanded his attention before she said what she had to say.
"I am a good mother, I made a mistake but it brought her in this world and in your life. You should be grateful. I have my cross to bear and will do so. I am going to take care of who is mine Leila and grams. Therefore, you will accept how I do it and not put your standard of perfection on me because some woman failed you. I am exhausted, I can't mule for you, and I can't only be of so much help. You will take what I have to offer or go your way." She finished and was ready to walk away from him. Her point made, she tried to move back but his hand immobilized her.
"Glad you could tell these words to yourself because I definitely don't need to hear them. I know them. I am stupid too, I am projecting my hurt on your fragility and unfortunately, you let me do so. You are stupid if you think I can't see your worth and Stefan is not apt to judge such. You have no one to impress but yourself and I am angry that you think you have to put everything aside to amend something, which you alone perceive as a sin." He raised a finger in front of his lips to silence a protest from her.
He did not finish speaking; he knew that he had been in the wrong. He knew his fears in relation with Rose and her behavior were flawing this burgeoning relation. He had just felt it earlier; he needed to fix his trouble on his own. However, Bonnie had taken the mission to do it for him. He could see it, he had felt and had not spoken on it. Why had he not spoken on it? You're selfish; she made it all feel better? Your friend, she gave more in weeks than some offered you in a lifetime.
He had dropped the load, which so long he had carry alone on her and she had been willing to pick up. Self-construct martyr, Bonnie Bennett was, but just right now she had told him no. she had said no to his pain and decided to carry her own pain. It was beautiful; it was well-intended selfishness if such could exist.
"You make it so easy to forget that you have a life of your own. You make it so easy to ask the moon from you because somehow I know you will come through. However, you make it so hard to be your friend. You want me to cry on your shoulder, you want me to show my pain, and to let you take some of it with you. But when is your pain, you run and hide." She did not know where all the tears were coming from but her hands were not fast enough to wipe all of them. She did not need a pick in her psychic right now. She did not need him acknowledging truth that she refused to accept. She did not need that emotional confrontation.
"You pretend that there is no pain at all. Arguing make it so easy, does it not make it easy screaming at me right now? You are stupidly amazing and selfless. You can't blame the world every time someone takes advantage of you when you let him or her do it. You can't blame me to abuse overly my side of this friendship when you won't let me be there for you. As I'm blaming myself because I came here as a selfish bastard but now I'm going to hug you and probably do something stupid."
He pulled her closer, erasing the left space between them. Her breath died in the hardship of her respiration. His hand freed the last restrain he still had on her and she did not attempt to move. The surrealism of the moment paralyzed their thoughts. Their breaths were labored; the heat they felt was a little artifice create by the tension surrounding their frozen body. It was a stupid thing to do but he need to do so. He was resigned.
Bonnie felt the change in the air; she barely had her emotions in check. Butterflies that is what you are supposed to feel. She tried to explain the feeling in her abdomen but the flutter in her heart rhythm. The little premature beat of her heart that help compensate for the halts the sacred organ was making as he so intensely stared inside the enchanting forest which inhabited her orbs. How was she supposed to explain it?
The warmth beneath his thumbs as they amorously traveled her soft skin and made each inch of it hitched for more. How was she supposed to explain it? She had no answer just apprehension and an internal conflict, which was quickly squashed.
His lips softly covered hers before she could form a protest. It was soft, the touch was tender but it lacked not of passion. She instinctively encircled his body with her greedy arms. Their restrain desire collided and he deepened the kiss in response. Their body tightly clasped together, the liberty taken to cross a defense line aflame their soul.
Bonnie moaned and opened her mouth to allow access to his tongue. He greedily took the opportunity and as a snake, he charmed his way into her mouth. His tongue darted and she braced herself for his passion. Between kisses, she tried to steal a glimpse of reason.
"Damon… we can't" he took advantage of the opening of her mouth to start a devilish Paso
Doble. His tongue taking control, circling her as a bull circled a toreador.
"We are sharing truth and this how I truly feel" he kissed her more passionately, drinking from her as if she was the fountain of youth or held the charm to his dear life on the tip of her tongue.
"Damon ..." she insisted between moans and he silenced her each time with a more passionate tongue joust.
"I'm going to be a friend but just needed to do something stupid, selfish and take it out of my chest before I put the greater good on a pedestal" she nodded and ending their selfish stolen moment, they broke apart after a kiss full of languishment, forbidden desire and weight of parental constraint. They both silently agreed and walked back to find Stefan sitting where they had left Leila.
Bonnie quickly looked around for the little girl but she only turned back to Stefan. The little princess was nowhere to be found. What were they saying about being great parent? She already started looking worried. Damon was the first to voice the question.
"Where is Leila?" he seemed as worried as Bonnie and that contradicted Stefan calm stance. The younger Salvatore who still held Leila ice cream, which profusely melted in his hand, just indicated a room. Damon was not surprised his daughter had the wrong habit of wondering in hospital corridor. He was almost relaxed until he noticed Bonnie expression. The petite woman was livid. After reading 428 in last attempt to dissuade herself of her dark thought,
She turned such an accusatory look on Stefan. He felt the need to explain or justified why he had left it happen. He almost apologetically explained. "First of all I found her in the room, so where were you? Second of all, she has found a very sweet old lady and they are in the midst of a great conversation, I had no heart to break that and Sheila was comfortable with Leila around."
The kiss does not mean everything but it also does not mean nothing. How would they deal now that impulsive Damon did something impulsive? Do not worry about Sheila too much, the muse love the Lady. well Bonnie secret is a walking one, breathing one so it was only fitting for Leila to reveal herself to Grams