Chapter 11: You're allowed to fail without being a failure, you're allowed to make mistakes without becoming one.
"When did you guys get here?" Haley quickly asked her sisters. She then turned to Nathan and mouthed 'run'.
"I'm Quinn." Quinn grinned and extended her hand to Nathan which he shook in return.
"Nathan."
"Haley Bob why didn't you tell us you had a boyfriend?" Quinn continued, the grin still present on her face and growing rapidly by the second.
Oh god someone asphyxiate her to death.
"Quinn, he's not my boyfriend." Haley snapped.
"Oh good." Taylor chimed in, sliding over so was closer to Nathan. "I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Taylor." She batted her eyelashes and placed her perfectly manicured hand on Nathan's shoulder which immediately tensed uncomfortably under her touch.
"Taylor!" Haley hissed defensively before she could stop herself.
Taylor grinned at her younger sister's reaction and retracted her hand from Nathan. She then raised her eyebrow at Haley in question. Knowing she'd been backed into a corner Haley couldn't stop the deep red from spreading across her face. She scuffed her worn out converse shoe against the gravel court.
"Well Nathan, I hope you don't mind if we steal Haley from you for a while." Quinn jumped in, giving Taylor a pointed look.
"Of course not." Nathan replied politely. He wasn't sure how to act in this situation. He felt completely out of place and unsure of his movements.
He glanced over at Haley who was still glowering at her feet. Noticing the uncomfortable expression on her face, he was surprised at the immediate urge he had to shield her from the inquisitive gazes of her sister's.
"Bye Hales." Nathan said.
She looked up at him immediately with round chocolate brown eyes, and he couldn't stop himself from taking a step forward a pulling her into his arms.
The sense of mortification was still lingering in Haley's thoughts, as she mindlessly tightened her grip on Nathan and buried her face in his shoulder. He has literally spoken to her sister's for thirty seconds and already one had accused them of dating and the other was minutes away from shoving her tongue down his throat.
The embrace only lasted moments as both teenagers could feel the stares of her sisters burning into their backs. Nathan pulled back and smiled briefly at Haley. She mouthed 'sorry', he shook his head in response and then picked up his basketball and left.
"So," Taylor said turning to Haley, after Nathan's retreating figure had disappeared. "How about a hug?"
Everywhere Haley looked rows of tombstones stood upright in silence, like a never ending ocean of the deceased. Some were smooth marble with new engraving, flowers littered their bases. Some were cracked and crumbling slowly into the ground due to the weathering of years. So old that even their past mourners had joined them under the suffocating dirt.
Suddenly the silence was pierced by a deafening screech. The three sisters simultaneously shrieked as an inky black crown cackled as it flew past them and landed on one of the newer tombstones.
"Well that couldn't have been more cliché if it tried." Haley muttered, tightening the grip she had on the bunch of daisies she was carrying.
She neared Emmett's grave which was positioned under an old tree. She then gently placed the daisies at the base of the tombstone. Taylor and Quinn micked her actions with their own flowers. They then all sat down on the grass beside the tombstone.
"Where's Jeremy?" Haley asked, referring to their other sibling.
"He just got an apartment in Washington." Taylor said, picking at her pink nail polish her gaze trained on Emmett's grave.
"Mum's visiting Matthew and his family in England." Quinn said, mentioning their eldest brother.
"Have you seen Mum recently?" Haley asked.
"No." Quinn replied, as Taylor shook her head.
"I hope she's okay." Haley murmured, "She's been really distant since dad died."
"I'm sure she's fine." Quinn said, "She just grieves differently to us."
The following muteness stretched on for minutes. Haley leaned her head back on the tree feeling the rigid bark against her spine and scalp.
"You like him a lot, don't you?" Taylor asked suddenly, cutting through the comfortable silence.
"Who?" Haley asked in confusion. She opened her eyes and pulled her head up so she was staring at her sister.
"Nathan." Taylor shot her younger sister a pointed look.
"What! No…" Haley scoffed, not even managing to fool herself. She fiddled with a loose thread on her tights in a vain attempt to distract herself. "I'm trying not to."
"Haley, I know you've been hurt by a lot of people. We all have." Quinn said, "But you shouldn't let that dictate your happiness and the choices you make. For such a long time I let my fear of love control me and it almost ruined me."
"Yeah," Taylor chimed in, "Sometimes I even turned into a bit of a bitch."
"Yeah a bit." Haley teased.
Taylor made a sound of mock outrage before sticking her tongue out at her sister. "No but seriously Hay. You shouldn't be worried, that boy likes you I can tell. I mean he completely blew me off when I tried to hit on him, and that never happens."
"Oh my god Taylor." Quinn groaned, burying her face in her hands.
Haley laughed. It was the first time laughter had been heard in that graveyard.
"Just don't be afraid to back your feelings up with actions."
"You're doing it wrong Nathan!" Dan Scott yelled aggressively, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration as the basketball bounced off the rim and fell to the ground.
The moment Nathan had left Haley he had immediately run into Dan. This followed with an intense workout routine. Which basically just consisted of Dan being an ass, and Nathan trying not to beat the shit out of his father. They were now crammed in the school gym, whilst Nathan took shots at the basketball hoop.
"It was one shot dad." Nathan reasoned.
"And?" Dan spat, "I would have never missed a shot, and before the school year started neither would you. Your whole game has been off Nathan."
"How would you know, it's not like you ever pay attention to anyone that isn't yourself." Nathan muttered, taking another shot at the hoop and thankfully getting it in.
"What was that?" Dan barked, glaring menacingly at his son.
"Nothing." Nathan mumbled.
"Did I just hear you talk back to me?" Dan asked, standing up from where he had previously been sitting on the bleachers.
"No." Nathan kicked at the ground with his sneakers.
"What have I told you Nathan?" Dan lunged forward suddenly and gripped the front of Nathan's shirt in his hand lifting him slightly off the ground. "Speak with conviction. Remember your place. When I say jump you say?"
"How high." Nathan growled, glaring at his father.
"Seems you can understand something." Dan dropped Nathan to the ground and took a step back. "I heard you skipped practice the other day."
Nathan sighed, how the hell had his dad found out? He had be with Haley studying for the upcoming Biology test the next day. He couldn't afford to fail that test or he would be off the team for good, and missing one practice didn't make a difference.
"You listen to me son. You better not be blowing off basketball for some girl." Dan threatened.
"It's not like that." Nathan said.
"Take a shot." Dan said.
"What?" Nathan questioned.
"I'll be the judge of whether or not missing that practice screwed you over." Dan crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Nathan expectantly.
Nathan swallowed down his anger and nerves and held the ball up above his face. Any other day he could have made this shot in his sleep, but this wasn't just any other day. He could feel Dan's judgemental glare burning into him and throwing him off.
He took the shot.
It missed the hoop.
Shit.
"Well well." Dan cackled, "Seems like hanging out with that little bitch threw you off more then you thought."
"Shut the hell up!" Nathan snarled defensively.
Dan looked at his son in surprise. A malicious grin spread across his face when he realized he had hit a nerve.
"Aw does Nathan have a little crush?" Dan tormented, stepping closer to his son and ripping the fallen basketball from below his feet. He took a shot at the hoop and immediately got it in. "Be sure to tell me how it goes with the whore."
Nathan cracked.
He could suck it up and deal with his father insulting him, but he wasn't going to let Dan belittle Haley like that. Red filled his vision as he swung his fist in the direction of Dan's jaw.
What he wasn't anticipating was Dan catching his fist mid swing. A second later Nathan had been shoved into the cold brick wall of the gym. His vision darkened for a moment as the side of his face slammed against the wall.
"You listen to me Nathan I have given up too much to help you be great at basketball." Dan threatened, his voice dangerously low. "And I am not about to let you throw it away. You better get your head in the game, and keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you."
With that final statement he swung his fist into his son's stomach, causing Nathan to double over in pain.
Then just like that, he left.
As Nathan stormed around campus he wondered if it was physically possible to hate someone as much as he despised his father. He raked one of his hands angrily through his dark hair, and clenched his other fist so tight that his nails dug into his palm and left crescent shaped indents on his skin.
Every time his thoughts flickered back to Dan another wave of rage viciously rolled over. He imagined one of these days it would drown him.
"Nathan?" Haley's familiar voice called, slicing through his livid thoughts.
A wide smile spread across her delicate features as she walked over to where he was standing. "I've been-"
Haley was cut off and immediately silenced when Nathan took a quick step towards her tugged her in the direction of his chest. He enveloped her petite frame in his arms, and mindlessly buried his face in her neck.
Confusion pulsed through Haley, as her quick paced mind started to come up with a million different solutions to his actions. Pushing the possibilities to the back of her head she simply tightened her arms around his torso.
Moments later Nathan pulled away from her looking moderately embarrassed at his actions. However, he certainly felt a lot better. It confused him how being with Haley, even just momentarily, could completely shift his mood.
Haley blinked up at the taller boy, "I was looking for you everywhere. We were going to go over the book for English class remember?"
"Shit Hales." Nathan ran his hand over his face, "I'm sorry. I was with Dan."
Haley bit her bottom lip making it redden slightly, "How did that go?"
"Not great." Nathan replied, deciding not to burden her with the gory details.
"Well-" She broke off suddenly, and stared at him more intently. "What the hell happened?" Haley gently placed her small hand on Nathan's now bruised cheek. The violet and shadowed black marks stained the skin around his cheekbone. She tilted his head slightly so she could see the injury better. "Did you get in another fight?" Her voice sounded slightly higher and was laced with worry.
"No." Nathan placed his hand over hers and gently removed it from his cheek, before giving it a squeeze. "I just tripped and walked into a wall when I was coming over here." The lie slipped out of his lips before he could stop it.
"Can we go to the park before we study?" Nathan asked, trying desperately to take Haley's mind off his injuries.
Haley scanned his face once more before nodding in agreement. They stopped by Nathan's dorm room, so that he could drop off his basketball. Whilst there Haley picked up one of Nathan's hoodies that lay discarded on his bed. She tugged it over her head, her long honey blonde curls momentarily covered before her head popped out the other end.
"What?" Haley pouted, when she caught Nathan staring at her, "I'm cold."
Nathan chuckled slightly, unable to keep the smile from his face.
They walked in silence to their usual spot near the old playground, worn down basketball court, and the single apple tree.
Haley skipped slightly over to the swing set in the playground and sat down on one of the two swings. Nathan followed suit and took a seat beside her.
"Was it good seeing your sisters?" Nathan asked.
"Yeah, even under the circumstances. I missed them." Haley replied, fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie that went way past her fists.
The shirt was practically swallowing her petite figure, and it was taking all of Nathan's willpower not to kiss her right then and there. His eyes widened slightly as the thought crossed his mind. He had to stop thinking like that.
"Are you looking forward to Christmas?" Nathan asked, attempting to side-track his thoughts.
"Um not particularly." Haley responded, glancing down at her hands. "We haven't really celebrated it since my brother…" She trailed off, staring intently at the ground.
"Well you should come to Lucas' for Christmas." Nathan said, "The whole gang usually stay there on Christmas Eve."
"Okay." Haley whispered.
"Okay?" Nathan asked, making sure he had heard her correctly.
"Yes I'll go." Haley smiled at him, and nudged him slightly with her shoulder.
"Do you think people can change?" Nathan asked abruptly. The question had been on his mind for a while, and had resurfaced after his confrontation with Dan.
Haley chewed on her bottom lip and sorted through her thoughts carefully. "Yes." She said after a moment of silence. "I didn't use to. I guess I thought that people were always going to be who they once were, and that if their personality shifted they hadn't changed. They were pretending. But now I think it's possible. I mean, I've seen it happen."
Nathan smiled slightly at her, "What about destiny? Do you think we're just destined to one day turn into our parents?"
"God I hope not." Haley chuckled humourlessly, "I don't really believe in destiny. I think all the choices we make add up to the person we become. And that you can chose what kind of person you want to be. Because at the end of the day we're not our parents, and we don't ever have to be."
Nathan looked at the girl in front of him intently, unable to keep the awed expression off his features. How was it possible that she was able to be so strong? After everything she had been through. She was everything good in his life, and he knew that, even though he would never admit it.
In that moment Nathan came to the conclusion that Haley James was inconceivably beautiful. Not just in what she looked like, or how she acted, or what she said. Just in who she was. He hoped one day she learned to believe that.
"What? Is there something on my face?" Haley asked, her face turning crimson with embarrassment as she brushed at her cheeks. Nathan immediately broke his gaze from hers and shook his head.
"Then why are you staring at me?" She asked softly. Haley could feel his blue eyed gaze boring into her, and making her feel slightly tingly. God, he could shatter hearts with eyes like that.
Nathan absentmindedly reached out and brushed a lock of her honey blonde hair gently behind her ear.
"You're just really beautiful Hales." He murmured, unable to stop his idiotic mouth from spitting out what he was thinking.
Haley immediately turned bright red and pulled her woollen scarf up to cover her face slightly. The two teenagers made eye contact once more before both whirling around so they were facing the apple tree in front of them. An extremely flustered Haley was attempting to keep her hammering heart from clawing its way out of her chest. Whilst Nathan was willing the ground to split down the middle and swallow him whole.
Silence engulfed them momentarily and the teenagers both started to suffocate in their own thoughts; to Haley nothing had ever sounded so loud.
"Nathan…you're beautiful too." She joked, her tone light-hearted as she tried to lift the mood.
Nathan turned to her, relief painted his features. He then stuck his tongue out at her. "Don't you forget it James."
"I bet I can swing higher then you." Haley said, starting to rock herself back and forth on the swing.
"You wish." Nathan laughed, "At least I can reach the ground."
"Hey!" She said, looking at him in mock hurt. "I'm not that short. I'm just fun sized."
Nathan grinned at her crookedly and waggled his eyebrows.
"Ew!" Haley squealed, "That is not what I meant."
"Sure Haley." Nathan teased, kicking himself off the ground and launching himself into the air.
"Shut up." She grumbled, slowing herself down on the swing. "Let's just go look at the book for English."
Ten minutes later they had reached Haley's empty dorm room. Peyton was spending time with her dad, and Brooke was on a date with Lucas so they had the room to themselves.
Haley sat cross-legged on her bed, leaning slightly against the wooden backboard. Nathan was positioned beside her, crouched over To Kill A Mockingbird as he tried to read the book aloud.
"You never un…" Nathan trailed off and raked his hand through his dark hair in frustration.
"Understand." Haley prompted gently, as she leant over to see what word he was stuck on.
Nathan sucked in a breath and started again, "You never understand a person until you co…con…"
He felt his whole body start to shake with exasperation. Why couldn't he get this right? Reading was supposed to be easy. Five year olds could read better then him. His dad was right. Maybe he deserved everything that had happened.
Suddenly he snapped and angrily hurled the book across the room, where it hit the wall with a loud thump. Nathan threw himself off the bed and started to furiously pace back and forth across the length of the room.
"I'm such an idiot." Nathan exclaimed, "I can't do anything right. My dad's right, I am a disappointment."
"Nathan…" Haley slowly stood up from the bed and neared the broken boy in front of her.
"I'm pathetic Haley." Nathan murmured, looking at her with wide vulnerable blue eyes.
"Nathan Scott, you listen to me. You are not pathetic." Haley said firmly, taking his hand in hers and tugging him so they were both sitting on her bed again. "Nathan, what happened?"
When he looked up, he noticed she wasn't talking about the previous events but was instead staring at the bruising on his face.
"I told you, I walked into-"
Haley cut him off instantly, "No, what really happened?"
Nathan opened his mouth, intending on lying again. But once he looked into her big brown eyes staring at him with such concern, he felt his heart shatter in his chest and he couldn't stop himself from blurting out the truth.
"It was my dad."
Haley's expression immediately shifted to dismay, "He did this to you?"
Nathan nodded, "I don't know what to do Hales." His voice was thick with pent up emotion.
"It's okay." Haley choked out, unsure how to help the boy in front of her.
"It's not." Nathan responded, "I don't know how to make it okay."
Nathan suddenly reached out his arms in Haley's direction. She wondered briefly if this was the first time he had sort comfort with someone.
Without giving it another thought she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, pulling him closer towards her. He let out a shaky breath into her neck and she tried to tug him even closer against her; so that there was physically no space between them. Haley was aware she couldn't push the pain out of Nathan by hugging him tighter, but that didn't mean she couldn't try.
"You'll be alright." Haley soothed. She had never seen him this upset before, and it was tearing her up to see him in so much pain.
Nathan pushed his nose firmly into her collarbone and she ran a hand absentmindedly through his hair.
"Nate," Haley murmured, after a few moments of silence. "Nate, please look at me."
When he glanced up his eyes were bloodshot and slightly watery. She felt an uncomfortable ache in her chest when she looked at him suffering.
"I wish you'd told me." Haley whispered, placing her small hands gently on either side of his face and brushing her thumbs under his eyes to rid them of the tear tracks. "I could have helped you."
"I didn't want to burden you." Nathan replied, "Or make you think differently of me. I didn't want you to leave."
"Nathan Scott, I am here for you forever. Okay?" Haley leaned her forehead against his slightly, "You're going to have to try a lot harder if you want to get rid of me."
"Promise?" Nathan hated how much he needed Haley, but he couldn't avoid the obvious truth. For the first time in his life someone had crashed their way through the walls he had built. He had allowed himself to need someone, and there was no turning back now.
"I promise." Haley responded, "Always and forever."
Nathan smiled at the petite girl in front of him. She hopped off the bed and walked across the room to pick up the discarded book before placing it on her bedside table and sitting back down.
"I'm never going to get it." Nathan said, staring at the book.
"You will." Haley reassured, "You just need to keep practicing."
"It doesn't matter anyway." Nathan responded, leaning against the backboard. "We're supposed to have the first ten chapters read by Monday."
Haley hesitated momentarily before speaking, "I could read it to you."
"It's fine." Nathan replied. He had already practically had a meltdown in front of Haley, he wasn't going to make her read to him.
"Seriously Nate." Haley said, "I haven't read To Kill A Mockingbird for a while, you'll be doing me a favour."
He looked at her briefly for a moment before lying down on the bed beside her.
"I'm sorry about today Hales." Nathan murmured, staring intently at a chipped piece of paint in the ceiling. "I was kind of a downer."
"Don't apologize." Haley said firmly, picking the book up and resting it on her thighs, "You don't have to be happy all the time, it's okay not to be okay."
AN:
What did you think?
Let me know if you like how I am presenting the relationship between Nathan and Haley, and between their families.
Thank you to all the amazing people who reviewed the last chapter, please review this one!
-Rosie