The Mortal Instruments – FanFiction

Torment

Chapter 11 – Conjecture

Clary's eyes were sealed shut when she felt another syringe pierce her skin in-between her shoulder blades. She could hear Sebastian's laboured breathing as she felt the warmth of the new injection flood her body. The affects were almost instant as she slowly regained awareness of her limbs. Her mind had been detached from her body with a thick and heavy darkness. Clary felt her fingertips tingle with life again; only now she could feel just how cold the floorboards of Sebastian's bedroom were.

Clary had been so close to death that she had already embraced the empty feeling. At one stage, she imagined the goodbyes she would give to the ones she loved. She slowly went through her list of the people who meant the most to her. She started with her Shadowhunting family, Maryse, Izzy and Alec. Clary thought of Magnus, who kissed her forehead less than three minutes ago – or so she thought when he left her. Her mind went to the pack. She thought of Maia and Jordan, before their smiling faces morphed into her mother and Luke. Their loving and wise eyes spoke of the many fond memories they had shared throughout her short life. Clary wished it didn't have to be this way. Lastly, Jace and his familiar chiselled features formulated in her mind. He was so close to saving her. She had dreamed of their reunion more than once – it was what kept her strong. In Clary's head, Jace's long arms encircled her. He buried his face in her neck and placed gentle kisses along her skin.

Clary's mind began to race as she realised just how close Jace had been to saving her. It seemed that her portal and her clue in the abandoned house had done her justice. After another moment, Clary felt the poison release its claustrophobic hold on her lungs. She broke free from her shallow breathes and gulped the air greedily. Above her, Sebastian was moving around the room grabbing whatever he could find and stuffing it into a bag. Clary had never heard him so panicked. That was when it occurred to her… why was she getting better? What would make Sebastian inject her with what she assumed was an antidote? Did Sebastian win the fight? What on earth happened downstairs? She knew that Jace had not died; she would feel his death in the depth of her soul.
When Sebastian had come back upstairs, Magnus was instructed to leave. The air was thick with tension - like the point of a knife as Magnus left the room. Before he left, under the watchful gaze of Sebastian, Magnus whispered in her ear. "Do not lose hope Clary. We will not stop until we find you again. You will survive. Jace wants you to have this…" Magnus placed a kiss on her forehead before folding something into the palm of her hand. She squeezed it slightly – trying to identify what it was. A ring? She questioned before making sure that Sebastian could not see it.

Her curiosity was only temporary before Sebastian grabbed her arm with deliberate force. He pulled her up and off the floor. He dragged her newly healed body towards the front door - locked with runes and several deadbolts. Without a second thought, Clary stole a glance at the bedside table – Sebastian had packed his steles...

Jace's Perspective

It was almost midnight when Jace and Alec returned to the institute. Magnus had portaled them back not long ago. Needing the comfort of darkness, Jace retreated to his room without disgaurding his weapons. Once inside, he removed his weapons belt and sat on his bed in quiet solitude. Clary was so close within his reach... he could have saved her! Jace's heart became heavy as he remembered what Sebastian said.
"After I got her to stop screaming, her frail and limp body was so easy to f*ck... with one blow to the head I knocked her out cold before I f*cked her senseless."

Without even noticing, Jace had made his way into his bathroom. He gripped the sides of the toilet as he threw up. His body convulsing with the sheer revulsion he felt. Sebastian had sex with Clary! There were no words to describe how disgusted Jace felt when he heard the light tap on his bedroom door. Maryse let herself in and sat on the edge of his bed, moving his weapons belt as she did so.

Jace met his mother's eyes from the adjoining room. He saw nothing but sympathy and love. It made him feel worse. Grabbing the toilet bowl once more, he heaved. Somehow during this moment, Maryse had come into the bathroom. She placed a tender hand on his shoulder.
"Jace…" Maryse's voice was soft as she tried to coax her adopted son from his grief.
Jace sat on his knees. He had failed. Clary was gone. His mind clouded over as he realised just how stupid his decision was.
"Mum… I-I left her. I left her with Sebastian!" Jace's eyes darted everywhere; he refused to look his mother in the eye when he had done something so monstrous. "I left Clary – the one thing that makes my life worth living… I didn't even see her in person! I just simply entrusted her life with the man who raped her! I am a horrible person!" He felt his eyes become hot as tears began to well, threatening to poor over.
Maryse sighed quietly as she rubbed Jace's back in slow circles. "Jace Lightwood. You of all people should not feel like this. Don't you dare give up on yourself, especially Clary. She understands that sacrifices had to be made – unfortunately, in this situation – it prolonged her capture."
"He raped her mum!" Jace retorted, clearly irritated that his mother wasn't getting angry at him. He deserved to be yelled at. He had let the love of his life slip through his fingers. Enraged, he pulled away from Maryse's touch and went back out into his bedroom.

Jace glared out the window. "Sebastian knows how to stop us. He knows that Clary will do anything to escape now. He will kill her if we try to save her again. Mum, I can't – I don't – I- w-what do I do?" Jace's frustration built up in his blood. He was at boiling point when his arm snapped back and he smashed it into the window. Jace narrowed his eyes, since Clary's capture, he seemed a lot more prone to self-injury.
"Great." He muttered under his breath. In a moment of sheer aggression he had turned his bedroom window into a deadly array of shards, scattered on his bedroom floor. Maryse shot Jace a disappointed look as her eyes darted to the window and back. She was clearly saddened at his bold and rash action. She picked up his weapons belt from his bed and draped it over her arm.

"When you feel better, come down and find Alec and I. The Silent Brothers have been working very hard to help us." Suddenly, Maryse sounded partially torn. Jace turned and met her gaze. "You know," she muttered quietly as she opened the door to leave, "Clary probably needed the strength of knowing you were there to keep her going. Her heart will beat as long as she knows that you are coming for her. She is a brave girl Jace. You had no choice; Sebastian's blood was the only thing that could save her. Although you didn't bring Clary home, you saved her in more ways than one today… just think about that."

Clary's Perspective

Sebastian's hand belted Clary across the face. "Do not do that again!" He yelled as he
threw her body onto the dirty ground. Clary could not make a placing of the time, nor location, except that they were in a forest somewhere. It was twilight and the temperature was dropping quickly. Clary knew that Sebastian wasn't the most tolerable to unpleasant living conditions – Valentine had certainly played a role in creating that intolerance.

Leaning down close to her curled up body, Sebastian whispered, "Escape from me tonight and I will come down on you like a tonne of bricks. Understand? There is nowhere you can hide out here, even if you did escape, you would only freeze to death."

Clary's frail arms wrapped around her small form; she had lost so much weight since her capture. There was nothing left of her to keep her warm. Sebastian held up a sleeping bag next to her, dangling it in her face. He knew that she wanted it. It was sick watching his face light up at her suffering. He was teasing her, making her feel desperate - she was so beneath him. At this moment, it certainly felt that way.
Clary had to repeat herself several times before her voice came back. "Go mess with someone else's mind." She managed reach out her arms – exposing her body to the cold – as she grabbed the sleeping bag.
Sebastian snorted. "Clarissa. I own you. If I want you to beg for a sleeping bag, I will make you. You are just lucky that I am not making you do so tonight. But- " He reached down and ripped the sleeping bag out from her grasp. "If you don't want to freeze to death, then you better reconsider your idea about tonight's sleeping arrangements..." He laughed quietly under his breath. "I only brought one bag."

Sebastian's Perspective

Sebastian's mind felt foggy from the previous events of that day. He had been so close to death several hours before this moment. As he predicted, Clary was being stubborn. She sat on the opposing side of their fire trying to keep warm. She was so head-strong like Jocelyn – it was ridiculous. If Clary didn't join him in the sleeping bag soon, she would certainly develop hypothermia.

Sebastian lay in his sleeping bag as he listened to Clary's teeth chatter. The temperature tonight was still dropping. Maybe I should just give her the sleeping bag? Sebastian thought, before he realised what a ludicrous idea that was. Why on earth did I just think that? It's Clary, but why would I brave discomfort for her safety? Since when was I that unselfish? Sebastian frowned; Clary was having strange effects on him.

Clary's Perspective

Get in the sleeping bag – Clary chided herself. The fire in front of her gave little warm in this sheer cold. You will freeze to death, just do it. It is one night of discomfort with Sebastian or potential frostbite. Clary's mind felt conflicted. After the night in Sebastian's bedroom, she had promised to never put herself in that situation again. Sebastian was never going to get his sick and greedy hands on her again. Another freezing chill rolled through her body. Dammit. She thought. I can't do this.

Slowly Clary peeled her arms from her chest. Her joints felt frozen as she made to stand. When they protested against her movement, Clary knew she would have to crawl her way to the sleeping bag. How degrading - she thought, Sebastian would see her begging. This was the last thing she needed.

However, when she made it to the sleeping bag, Sebastian didn't move. He made no effort to open it and let her in. It was strange; Clary thought he would be more than happy to have their bodies forcibly pressed together in the confines of a small space. When Sebastian made no indication, Clary disobeyed his rules. She knew Sebastian disliked her being independent without his permission - but the cold was against her. Mother Nature's harsh conditions made the decision for her. She was going to get into the bag.

Sebastian's Perspective

Sebastian wasn't sure if he was dreaming when he felt the desperate tug of the sleeping bag zip - a cold body slide in beside him. He felt the tension of two bodies in the bag as she slid up the zip. Clary put her back to him, clearly uncomfortable with the closeness of their bodies. If Clary was going to be in this sleeping bag with him, Sebastian was going to make it on his terms. The bag was stretched tight with two bodies inside of it, but the material was strong enough to endure this kind of tautness. He pulled his arms free and wrapped them around Clary's small form.

At first, Clary squirmed slightly – clearly uncomfortable. But, as Sebastian felt his body heat radiate to Clary's body, he knew that she didn't want to protest anymore. It was strange. Sebastian felt almost loving as she curled up in his arms. It was a stark contrast from five minutes ago, where Clary refused to be within a three meter radius of him. Sebastian's mind was groggy from exhaustion, but he was still able to formulate the idea in his mind. If he hadn't been raised by Valentine... If he had been raised to be a Shadowhunter, would this be the kind of thing he would experience with someone? Would he be like Clary and be able to love someone with all their heart and soul? The whole idea seemed ludicrous to him - but he had to admit, he thought he would enjoy that idea. Perhaps, in an ideal world, this would have been his life. Sebastian could have found someone to sleep with him. To hold him like no one ever has… maybe even… to love?

Sebastian wasn't sure if it was because of the warmth they generated, or the closeness of their bodies. But, he swore that Clary let out a satisfied sigh when she moved her body closer to his…