Steppin Out On Love ch. 11
I don't know what happened after I passed out but I know that someone pulled that Skank chick off me as I didn't stay blacked for long as something wet hits me dead in the face, shocking me awake. I come face to face with pissed off Quinn Fabray standing over me and now I'm wising that I had stay passed the fuck out so I wouldn't have deal with this bullshit, looking around to see that she managed to bring me to back to the Berry residence. This only means that Rachel's somewhere nearby and the last thing that I need right now is her seeing me like this because she'll get some fuckin idea that she needs to save me from 'self destructive' behavior but she shouldn't have to save, I need to able to not be such a liability on her or anyone for that matter.
I push myself into a sitting position but a wave of nausea hits as a hand pushes me back down onto the bed, looking up to see the blonde bimbo looking at me with fuckin sympathy and pity and I hate that she's looking at me like that because that's last thing that I need right now. A bottle of water comes into my line of sight and I raise an eyebrow, earning an eye roll from my co-captain as I take the bottle from her, taking a couple of sips then plopping myself against the headboard. She doesn't say anything, just sitting in the desk chair, resting her head against her knuckles and it feels like she's judging me cause she has that annoying look on her face like she's trying to figure me out as the last thing that I need is her trying to get inside of my head.
"Will stop fuckin staring me?! God, if you got something to say then fuckin say it because the creepy ass staring is freakin me the fuck out!" I said annoyed.
"I'm just tryin figure out what's going on with you, San. You've been ducking and dodging us for two weeks because you think that you need to protect Rachel and I from you but you're not. You're being a coward and running away from your problems like you always do" Quinn said frowning.
"I don't need you judging me and if you honestly think that I'm running away from my problems then that's your problem, not mine. Screw you, Q. I'm outta here" I said forcing myself to stand up.
My legs don't fucking want to work with me, giving out from under me and I half expected to hit the floor hard but a pair of arms snakes around my waist before I could try to pull away, Quinn holds me tight. I tried to push this bitch the hell off of me but the harder that I pushed the harder she held onto me but the struggle didn't last longer although it would've if I wasn't so fuckin tired right now.
"God, I hate you right now" I grunted
"I hate you too bitch but you know that you need me no matter much you choose to deny it and I want to help you, San I really do. Rachel needs you, I… need you. More than anything and I don't know what I would do without my best friend. I can't… I just can't lose you, okay and there's nothing that I wouldn't do for you" Quinn said tightening her grip on me. "I love you, Angel and you can't abandon me like that. I've had enough abandoning me over the years"
I swallowed thickly as I can hear the sadness and heartbreak in her voice and I remember the promise that we made when we were kids that we wouldn't abandon each other unlike so many people have done in the past. I broke that promise by not being around but I thought that I was doing the right thing although I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I hate that I'm hurting someone so close to me but I don't know what to do anymore and I hate how useless I really am at everything as I hold onto her like she's my lifeline cause in more than one way, she is. Tears are pricking behind my eyelids, burying my face into my co-captain's shoulder as the sobs rack through my body and I hate how easily I've been breaking into tears lately, feeling more exhausted in the last two weeks.
"I'm-I'm sorry" I sobbed.
"It's okay Angel, got you. Let it all out" Quinn said stroking my hair lovingly.
She gently guided me to the bed, pulling me into her embrace and for the first time since I lost Papi that I actually cried, letting every emotion that I've been pushing down. I hate that I know that Mami blames me for the lost of the man she loved being no longer alive even though I wasn't the one that hit him with their car but she avoids me at all costs and the times that she doesn't come home, she stares at me with those cold dead eyes with barely contained disgust and contempt. I know that she doesn't care about me or at least not anymore, leaving me alone in an empty house to grow up with no parents, throwing money at me to survive while she worked or out doing whatever she wanted to. Forgetting that she has a daughter at home but I never said anything because it would fall on deaf ears and what would be the point, nothing would have changed and I just gotten used to the loneliness that often crept up on me occasionally.
The only person that I ever relied on and was there for was the Barbie since she's the only family that I truly have that is until I started pushing her away and Berry who started caring about me for one reason or another. I just want this pain to go away, I hate feeling like this all the damn time when a pair of lips pressed themselves the top of my head and hands massaging my shoulders lightly that I slowly drifted off to sleep. By the time that I woke up, I'm still in bed and I was still expecting to be on top of Quinn but this time, it's Berry that I'm laying on and she's running her fingers through my hair but she doesn't say anything as I could see her face through the mirror. I can see the relief on her face but she looks stressed and worried about something when the door opens and I close my eyes in time to pass off as still being asleep when I feel the bed dip slightly next to us, feeling a hand rubbing circles on my back.
"Do you think she'll stick around this time? I'm afraid of when she awakes that she'll disappear again and I don't want that to happen" Rachel said sadly.
"I can't say that she won't because Santana has always been runner when she feels overwhelmed and I think if we told her, she might run"
"What do we do?"
"We might have to play it safe for and see if she's open to the idea. If she is then we'll ease her into her into it and if not, we'll back off. I think that's the best course of action, babe"
What the hell are they talking about? Ease me into what? Run from what? I don't know what they're talking about but I'm gonna find out but I snapped out of my thoughts by lips pressing lightly against the top of my head and I open my eyes to look into a pair of mocha eyes.
"Morning sunshine" Rachel said smiling sweetly. "Did you sleep well?"
"I guess but why are you scratching my heard for?"
"Sorry, I didn't realize that I wad doing it" Rachel said removing her hand.
"I didn't tell you to stop" I said glaring at her.
"So grumpy, Sleeping Beauty" Quinn said rolling her eyes.
"Screw you, Barbie" I said flipping her off.
"Stop it you two, I'm not going to sit here and listen you to bicker back forth so here's what we're going to do. All three of us are going stairs and I'm going to make us something to eat then we're meeting the Glee club later on"
"For what?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
"Artie's mom managed to get all of us tickets for the carnival that arrived yesterday and I thought that it could be a great bonding experience for us"
"Carnivals aren't really my thing and I hate carnies"
"Please sunshine, you have to go with us and it won't be as much fun without you" Rachel said snuggling into my hair. "Please for me"
"Rachel stop" I groaned.
"No" Rachel pouted. "Not until you agree to come"
"She's really not going to stop plus we had fun at the carnivals, growing up" Quinn said smiling.
"Ughhhhh fine, fine" I said rolling my eyes.
"Thank you sunshine" Rachel said bouncing with excitement.
"Yeah, yeah you owe me food"
"Right" Rachel said taking me by the hand.
She practially drags into the kitchen and cooks while I just at the breakfast bar with Quinn sitting next to me with amused smirk on her face and I don't like it as she leans in.
"Whipped" Quinn said smirking
"Shut up bitch, you're the one dating her and I know for sure that she has you wrapped around her pinkie" I said glaring at her.
"Touché but that still doesn't change the fact she got the both of us whipped but she does care about you, San" Quinn said the tone changing to a more serious one. "While you were MIA, all she could think about you if you were okay, if you were sleeping enough, or if you were sleeping enough. There were more than a few times that she cried herself to sleep over and I'm not telling you this because to make you feel but because you're not alone. You shouldn't feel like you are or that you need to protect us"
Why am I always making the people that I'm trying to protect from me, crying over me? I'm not worth the trouble or the effort of saving but I don't wanna keep causing them pain, I just... don't know what to do. I'm pulled out of my thought by a plate being set in front of me filled with French toast, eggs or what looks like eggs, bacon, sausages and a cup of fresh fruit on the side and it looks amazing as my stomach would agree with me if the growling was any indication. I quickly start stuffing my mouth because honestly I can't fuckin remember the last time I had a decent food that wasn't greasy fast food or one of those stupid shake that Sue has on so this is a well welcome change but before I knew, the food was gone.
Quinn and me picked up all the dishes before Berry could and started washing and drying them then the pint sized singer pouted us into watching a movie but I had to put my foot down on the movie being a musical so it was decided on Get A Clue. What I wasn't expecting was for the tiny diva to be glued to my side and Malibu Barbie on the other side of me with her arm wrapped around my shoulder as I don't know what to make of any of this but I ignore the warm feeling that I'm getting from all of them. Two movies later I sit up, stretching slightly before standing as Rachel looks up at me confused before a fearful look creeps on her face, bitting her lip nervously.
"Are you leaving again?"
"Well yeah, I do have to get ready because we're going to that carnival unless you changed your mind" I said shrugging my shoulders.
"You're coming back?" Rachel asked hopeful.
"Yes Berry, I'm coming back and for whatever reason I don't then you can seek your girlfriend on me" I said pointing at Quinn.
"And I will hunt your fat ass down" Quinn said dead serious.
"I know Barbie, I know" I said rolling my eyes.
I walked towards the door when a warm body's pressed against my back and I knew that it's Berry, turning in my arms to hug her properly and after a few minutes, she finally let go of me. Her eyes are practically telling me that she wouldn't be able to handle me leaving like the last time and I don't want to hurt again but I don't know came over me when I kissed her on the forehead.
"I'll be back, I promise" I said before leaving.
What was that all about?
~Nicole The Dragon Rider signing off
End of ch. 11