Uncle Dumbledore's Big Mistake
Albus Dumbledore, being the skilled guidance counselor he was, sensed Harry's rejection after his rejection from Ernie Bernie Fletcher. Immediately after realizing that Harry was now alone in this world, Dumbledore summoned his owl, Carlos, and wrote Harry a letter:
Harry,
Meet me in my office. Pronto.
The password is Double Door.
-Dumbledore
Harry, upon receiving the letter, started up to the fifth floor, where the headmaster's office was conveniently located. Harry found the statue of the pigeon, and said, "Double Door!" The pigeon squawked in approval, and flew aside, revealing a spiral staircase. Harry quickly ascended the staircase, only to find the professor masturbating while watching The Girls Next Door on E!, his favorite channel. Harry was appalled.
"Dum..Dumbledore?" Harry cried, "Turn off the television! You're wasting your life away in front of that thing!"
"Oh, Harry, nice to see you, son. I forgot that you were coming." Dumbledore said, smiling gently.
"So, uhm… Do you have any other channels on that? You know, ones that may appeal to a guy with feelings like mine?" Harry asked, wanting to feel welcome in this unfamiliar place.
"No, I'm afraid that I don't…" said Dumbledore, sadly.
"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" Harry screeched, upset. Dumbledore was horrified as he watched Harry vandalize his office. Slowly, every possession in his office was destroyed. Dumbledore ran from the room, sobbing. Harry, seeing the disaster that he had created, laughed evilly, and decided that it felt good to be bad.
At that moment he changed. He was no longer Harry, the chosen one. He was now Harry, destroyer of time.