Hi guys! Here's another chapter for ya'll, and by far it was the most difficult to write. Try to read this one slowly because you might get confused; I'm trying to pull something very confusing off here.
Nearly the entirety of this chapter will be in italics because it takes place within Tomoya's dream.
The usual disclaimers: Clannad is owned by Key Visual Arts.
/
Parallel Days[1]
I was sitting on the grass of the wheat field in my dream, staring at the girl who stood before me. The clouds were rolling across the sky hastily, giving the illusion of wind in this world that had ended. I was aghast at the statement she had made to me just now.
"I didn't seem to hear you right. You said I was your… Papa?" I asked dumbly, scratching my head in confusion.
"Yes," replied the girl in white with a warm smile. "You're my Papa from another universe, a universe where you married my Mama, Nagisa Furukawa."
What. Me and Nagisa… Hold on, I remembered what Fujibayashi had told me when I walked her home:
"It's a pity I don't get it right, but I think it's better than I'm wrong more often than right," said Fujibayashi.
"But why would you want that?" I asked in confusion. "Doesn't that defeat the purpose of actually telling fortunes?"
"If the prediction comes true, then it's as if there's only one future. If it fails, we can safely think that many other futures and possibilities exist. It's like the spawn of a multiverse, but I think someone like Kotomi-chan can explain that kind of concept much better than I do."
"So it's like viewing the millions of possibilities that could happen without restricting yourself to one future because of an accurate fortune?" I asked.
"Yes. We never know how the future shifts because of the slightest change in events. I choose to believe that there are many possibilities awaiting our futures, and not just one predetermined path," she replied, standing up.
Yes… This is exactly what she was talking about. Hundreds, thousands, endless alternate universes existing due to the different decisions and experiences we all undergo, from which they branch off into their own reality.
"If you're confused Papa, Ryou-obaa-san loved to tell fortunes… I assume she does so in your world? Anyway, she told me once that I should face the future spontaneously, always doing my best, in the same way my sensei in kindergarten always used to tell me. She always told me that it was better that she was mostly wrong in her fortunes, because if she were always right, then the future would always be fixed. I wasn't really surprised, since Kyou-obaa-san and Ryou-obaa-san are still sisters after all," said the girl. "Think of it that way, and believe that there is a world where you and Mama became husband and wife."
That's what I thought of as well. Perhaps all the times I had been musing about Nagisa were part of this other reality. Obviously, in the other world she had come from, she was aware of events yet to occur in the lifetime of me and my friends. I was curious, so I decided to ask a few questions.
"So that means in your world, Kyou is your kindergarten sensei?" I asked.
"Yes, Papa. Kyou-obaa-san was one of the best teachers I ever had. She taught me a saying: Carpe Diem, which means 'Seize the day'. Seize the day without thinking of what lies ahead. Live your life spontaneously to the fullest was what she said," said the girl.
I was confused. If she knew of future events in that universe, then what was she doing here?
"I can hear some of your thoughts, Papa," giggled the girl.
"Hey, give me some privacy!" I exclaimed, but after a while, I cracked up too. "So your name is Ushio, right? Hmm, I can imagine if I was married to Nagisa: from a bay to the tide…[2]"
I coughed and continued,
"So Ushio, why are you here then? Why are you here in my dreams? Why am I a doll made of trash in this world? What is the meaning of this? In my world, Nagisa wants to perform a play that is identical to this. Why is that?"
Ushio looked at me gently and replied,
"I'm like the entire existence of Ushio. In a way, I am both Ushio and not Ushio at the same time, in this form. No matter the probability of Papa and Mama becoming husband and wife, whether or not it happens, I exist. I am linked to all the Ushios in universes that you and Mama became husband and wife. There was one world where Mama died when she gave birth to me... and then five years after that we both died, and that was the first time I regained my memories as Ushio living under your care, Papa, in that crucial first world."
"Wait just a moment," I said, shocked. "Nagisa, you and me… died? But why would she die giving birth to you in the first place?"
Ushio appraised me lightly and said gently,
"It seems Papa, that you don't know that Mama has a weak body. I'm sure Akki will tell you about it soon, but for now, just accept that Mama had a weak body and that she died giving birth to me in that first world."
I scratched my head in confusion.
"Akki? Who on earth is that?"
"Mama's Papa, Akio. Sanae-san's husband."
Oh, so it was the old man. I didn't think he'd be the type who'd love children, given the way he was practically offering Nagisa to me, albeit jokingly.
"You seem to be really close to Nagisa's parents huh," I commented, playing idly with a blade of grass using my fingers.
Ushio sat down beside me and stretched her legs. She pulled a dandelion from amongst the wheat and barley and blew the seeds away. We both momentarily watched as the seeds flew into the sky, the wind carrying them along in its wake.
"That's because after Mama died, you left me with Akki and Sanae-san for five years," said Ushio sadly.
I looked at her in shock. It couldn't be. Why would I abandon my own daughter just like that? Why would I do such a thing; giving up on my own offspring, the way my own father gave up on me? I decided to think of the circumstances. First, I replaced Nagisa with Kotomi in my mind. What if Kotomi died bearing our child? Why would I abandon our child?
Just like that, it hit me: The feeling of regret. The Tomoya in that other world must have thought, "It might have been better if I never met Nagisa, fell in love with her, married her, and had a child with her." Seeing Ushio would have been too painful for the Tomoya of that world. Thus, he left her with his wife's parents, the Furukawas.
I looked sadly at Ushio and said, "Sorry, Ushio. On behalf of myself in that world, I'm very sorry. I became exactly what I didn't want to become; my father."
I bowed my head, intending to let my forehead touch the grass when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Papa, please don't bow to me. I never got angry for what had happened, believe me," said Ushio. "In the worlds that that happened, I never once resented you for doing that. So please, don't bow to me."
Ushio hugged me and I hugged her back, feeling the regret for my other self coursing through my very being.
"Papa… Maybe I should show you what happened, so you can understand more," said Ushio, as the world faded to white with her in my embrace.
/
I suddenly found myself and Ushio in another place. We were no longer in the wheat and barley field of my dreams; instead, we found ourselves in the Drama Clubroom in the late afternoon. Ushio and I stood watching two other people in the room: Nagisa and myself.
"Payback, Okazaki-san" said Nagisa happily as she scrawled something on the blackboard using a piece of broken chalk.
"Hey Ushio, they can't see us, right?" I asked as the other me stared at Nagisa.
"Yup, Papa," said Ushio.
"Remember I told you yesterday I wanted to talk to you about something, Nagisa," said the other Tomoya, not facing Nagisa's eyes as he spoke. His voice was cracking somewhat, and it became blindingly obvious to me what he was about to do.
"Yup. What was it, Okazaki-san?" asked Nagisa.
"I, umm… Wouldn't it be interesting if we woke up tomorrow as lovers…?" trailed the other Tomoya off into silence.
"Huh?" asked Nagisa, tilting her head in confusion, not understanding the other me's half-assed confession.
However, he turned to face Nagisa and spoke in a stronger, surer voice.
"I love you Nagisa. Please go out with me."
Nagisa stared at him, then suddenly, she broke into a wide smile, the tears beginning to run down her face. She put her hands over her mouth as the other Tomoya began to speak.
"I want you to always be by my side, Nagisa," said the other me with conviction.
"Yes, Okazaki-san," replied Nagisa as they met and hugged each other in their mirth.
"And so that was how you and Mama became lovers," said Ushio.
"How do you know this Ushio?" I asked her; confused that she knew of events that happened years before her birth.
"This me, this entity as the Girl in the Illusionary World, or the World That Never Was, is a dimensional slider[3]," replied Ushio shortly. "I am able to slide through dimensions, and that is how I was able to contact you through your dreams, Papa."
"I see," I replied as I nodded, trying to ignore Nagisa and my other self as the sunlight poured through the room as though in celebration of what we had just witnessed.
"And now Papa, the next thing I have to show you… is how Mama died," said Ushio in a small voice. "It's not easy for me to watch, but I need you to understand just how weak her body is."
"No Ushio," I said, gesturing at her with my hand. "I don't want to see that. I don't want to see Nagisa die. I'll take your word for it, okay?"
Ushio nodded and said,
"Thank you Papa. It pains me to see Mama die from giving birth to me, because I see it as my fault."
"It's not your fault Ushio. It was no one's fault, alright?" I said soothingly as I pet her while Ushio pouted, picking up a piece of chalk from the floor.
Ushio smiled and said,
"Thank you, Papa. You really are a nice person… That's why in that first world, you were able to help Mama become strong, because she was weakly and indecisively standing at the bottom of the hill going to school. In that first world, you fell in love with Mama; dated and married her. And then you both had me. However, I understand that Papa is just human. I'll show you what happened on the first time you and I went out alone…"
Bright lights glowed in the classroom, eclipsing the strength of the sun that was sinking in the sky whose rays was flowing warmly into the classroom, and my vision glowed pure white.
/
Ushio and I watched a montage of what the Tomoya of that first world had done in the five years since Nagisa's death. Nagisa's funeral was held, which showed the attendance of Kotomi, Kyou, Fujibayashi, Miyazawa, Tomoyo, the dorm mother Misae, Koumura, Sunohara, a small girl who seemed to be his sister, Kouko, Yusuke, two girls who attended our school who I didn't recognize[4], and of course, me and the Furukawas. That very day, the other Tomoya left Ushio with Sanae-san and the old man and he proceeded to live alone in a small apartment (I assumed my other self and Nagisa lived there before all of this happened). He ripped Ushio's and Nagisa's names from the board that showed the names of the people who lived in the apartment. He buried himself in work, trying to push Nagisa out of his mind. He snubbed Ushio's entry into kindergarten, presumably under Kyou's care, and he snubbed Shichi-Go-San Day[5] when Ushio turned three years old. The other Tomoya turned to drinking in bars, gambling at the slot machines, and smoking.
I continued to look aghast at the thing my other self did to remove all traces of Nagisa from his mind. I turned to Ushio who looked at me sadly.
"He neglected you for five years doing this shit? He… I turned into my father…," I said softly. "On behalf of him, I'm sorry, Ushio."
"It's okay Papa. Things got better when you and I went on a trip thanks to Sanae-san when I was five years old in that world," replied Ushio, her face brightening up. "Let me show you…"
Once again, my vision was engulfed by the brightness of the lights, until I could see nothing but white.
/
"Tomoya-san, let's go on a trip. Me, Akio-san, Ushio and you," said Sanae-san while she sat across my other self in the apartment.
"Let me think about it Sanae-san," replied Tomoya, obviously thinking about how uncomfortable it would be to see his own daughter.
"Alright then Tomoya-san. I hope to see you on Thursday next week," said Sanae-san.
But Sanae-san was persistent; while the other Tomoya showed indecisiveness about the trip, she repeatedly phoned him over and over until he caved in.
That Thursday, Ushio and I watched my other self show up at Furukawa Bread. Sanae-san and the old man were nowhere to be found. I noticed a note on the table before my other self did which said,
"Tomoya-san, Akio-san and I had to leave to attend to something urgent. I'll leave the rest to you, okay? – Sanae-san."
Attached to the letter were two train tickets and I instantly knew that Sanae-san set my other self up. I should keep an eye on her in my own world… though then again maybe not since Nagisa and I weren't meant to be in my world. Suddenly, the other Ushio appeared. She was wearing a blue uniform, which was probably her kindergarten school uniform, and she had a backpack and nice hat.
"Hey Ushio, you look really cute," I said to Ushio, chuckling. "I was such an idiot for neglecting such a cute girl like you."
"Papa… You're embarrassing me," replied Ushio, blushing.
The two of us watched my other self treat the other Ushio indifferently. The entire day proceeded uneventfully, and both of them slept.
"Let's move on to tomorrow, shall we, Papa," said Ushio, summoning the bright lights once again.
Tomorrow came and we saw the two of them just as they were waking up.
"Sanae-san and the old-man aren't back yet huh…" said my other self. "Hey Ushio, want to go on a trip?"
"Yup!" said the other Ushio, nodding vigorously.
"But it's only going to be me. Are you really okay with that?" my other self asked her.
"I want to go on a trip," said the other Ushio.
"Well, okay then," said the other Tomoya, taking two train tickets out. "Let's go on a trip, Ushio."
"Yup!" said the other Ushio, nodding excitedly.
"I think we should fast-forward to the train, Papa. Something somewhat important happened there. It's kind of embarrassing, but I think you should see it," said Ushio who was standing beside me.
"Alright, do your stuff Ushio," I said, as the bright lights covered my vision once again.
/
Apparently, the place they were going to was the end of the rail line, so it was a pretty long trip. However, it was summer, so there were families taking the train as well for their excursions. Ushio and I sat in two unoccupied seats about 2 rows in front of my other self and the other Ushio, when the commotion began to occur.
"Hey Mama, play with me," whined a boy across the aisle.
"Hush, be quiet, you're disturbing the other passengers," said the mother to her child. However, the child didn't stop, and I was shocked to hear my other self explode at them.
"SHUT UP! Be considerate of others, will you!" snapped the other Tomoya at the mother-and-son tandem. The boy cowered in his mother's arms, while the mother replied gently and somberly,
"Yes. We're very sorry for disturbing you."
I looked at my other self and noticed the other Ushio running down the aisle. It was a while before my other self caught on and stood up to search for her.
"What was that all about?" I asked Ushio who sat beside me wearing a neutral look on her face.
"I don't know Papa, but you were really scary back there. I remember when I experienced that first hand… That's why you probably saw my other self run off. She ran to the bathroom to cry," replied Ushio.
"Wow, you're pretty disciplined. Crying in a private place at the age of five… I'm proud to have a daughter like you, even if it's in another universe," I said brightly.
"Thank you Papa, but it was because Sanae-san told me that I could only cry in the bathroom," replied Ushio.
"I see," I replied, turning in my seat as the two of them came walking down the aisle, shuffling into their seats.
"We had a stop-over for the night, Papa. You bought me a small robot to entertain myself with, and that night at the inn, I asked you to tell me about Mama," said Ushio quietly, not looking at me.
I stretched my arms and replied, "I bet I didn't tell you anything."
"Yes," replied Ushio. "You told me to ask Sanae-san and to tell her that you refused to tell me."
My other self really took Nagisa's death hard. I would probably feel the same if the same thing happened to Kotomi. I swear I'll protect her and nothing would happen to her as long as she was by my side.
"Wow Papa, your devotion to Kotomi-obaa-san is like your devotion to Mama. No matter what world or universe, you are really a good person," said Ushio turning to me with a smile on her face.
You heard that! How embarrassing… Now you've got my face heating up…
"So we finally reached the end of the line," began Ushio, as for the fifth time my vision was obscured with pure whiteness.
/
It was a field of yellow flowers. I saw my other self sitting under a tree, and the other Ushio frolicking in the field playing with the robot in her hands.
"Papa, did you know that oji-san[6] was a good father to you?" asked Ushio.
I did a double take and looked at Ushio incredulously while we stood side-by-side at the other side of the same tree where my other self was quaintly watching over the other Ushio in the field.
"Pops? As in my dad? No way; I refuse to believe that. He abandoned his duty as a father, he ruined my varsity basketball career when he dislocated my right shoulder. How is he a good father?" I asked Ushio.
"That was what you were thinking of right now at this very moment. I think it'd be much better if you could see this from the point of view of your other self, Papa. Don't worry about me; I'll just be right here," said Ushio as she gathered a ball of light and gently pushed it into my chest.
My vision faded momentarily, and when I regained my eyesight, I was seeing the world from the other Tomoya's eyes. Unable to control my body since the other Tomoya was in charge, I just decided to take it easy and to view things from his point of view, as Ushio had suggested.
I felt a faint memory stir in my head when I viewed the field of yellow flowers that Ushio was playing in. A small boy and a man, walking off to do their best together… no it can't be, can it?
I stood up, though not of my own accord, but of my other self's, and he began to walk down the dirt path that led to a cape. Standing there was an old woman, who seemed to be waiting for someone. A bright light appeared in my vision, and when my vision returned from temporary blindness, I was standing beside Ushio once more, this time watching my other self and the woman looking at each other, appraising the other's appearance. Ushio and I sat down on the bench the woman was sitting on, and we continued to watch them both.
"Are you… Tomoya Okazaki-san?" asked the old woman,
"Yes I am. Do you know of me?" replied my other self as his short hair billowed in the wind coming in from the sea.
"Yes. I am your grandmother, Shino Okazaki," replied the woman.
"She's my grandmother? My dad's mother?" I asked Ushio, turning to her in confusion.
"Yes," replied Ushio. "Listen to them both, Papa."
"Is Naoyuki still atoning for his sin?" asked Shino of my other self.
"He should be at home now; it's been five years since he was arrested for dabbling with drugs," replied my other self.
Pops, get into drugs? I have to prevent this from happening in my world.
"That's exactly what I want you to do Papa. To prevent that from happening in your world, and to reconcile with him, because I love oji-san," said Ushio.
"Your father dropped out of high-school to marry Atsuko-san, your mother. Everyone was against them, but Naoyuki wanted to do his best to protect and support the one he loved," continued Shino. "However, when your mother died from that accident… it was an event your father considered to be too sad to recover from. I heard from Furukawa-san that you were in a similar situation right now."
"Yes," my other self replied.
"He knew though, that he had to raise you. So one day, he took you and left this place for the city. He worked hard to raise enough money for the two of you, for your daily needs, your education, everything. He was offered high-paying positions multiple times, but he always declined because he had to take care of you. Eventually, the stress from working as a day-to-day salaryman got the better of him, and he turned to alcohol to ease himself."
"Are you serious…" I mumbled to Ushio. "Pops turned down a successful career to raise me?"
"Yes Papa. That's how much he loved you," said Ushio.
"All the times he came home drunk… that was due to stress. The time he snapped on me and dislocated my shoulder… that was due to stress. I don't believe it. I was wrong all this time," I said in a defeated tone. "He sacrificed his own welfare to better mine. The only reason he did those things was because he was human. I've been such an ungrateful son then…"
"I'm an even worse person than my father," said my other self in a voice full of self-loathing.
"You still have an opportunity, Tomoya-san," said Shino. "I would like to see your child, if that's possible."
"Follow me, obaa-chan. She's playing in the field where I left her," said my other self.
"We should follow them," said Ushio. "The next thing that will happen… You made me the happiest girl in the whole world, Papa."
We both followed them until we arrived back at the field of yellow flowers where the other Ushio was playing and running. However now, she seemed to be searching for something among the flowers.
"That's my daughter, Ushio," said the other Tomoya, pointing at Ushio, who noticed his arrival.
The other Tomoya left Shino's side and went to the other Ushio, who did likewise. With a sad face and tone, the other Ushio spoke,
"I lost it."
"Lost what?" replied the other Tomoya in a gentle voice, kneeling in front of her.
"Robot."
"Well, it's impossible to find it now in a field as big as this," replied my other self, scratching his head.
"It was the first," said the other Ushio, beginning to cry.
"Huh," said the other Tomoya, bemused.
"It was the first thing… from Papa," said the other Ushio.
"Hey Ushio… If you want to… from now on, I want to live with you," said the other Tomoya uncertainly. "Do you want to live with me from now on Ushio?"
"Yes," nodded Ushio. "Papa… Is it okay if I can't hold it in anymore?"
"Huh?"
"Sanae-san told me… there's two places you can cry in," said the other Ushio, clearly fighting back tears. "One is the bathroom… and the other place is in… Papa's arms."
The two of them hugged, and both of them began to cry.
"Ushio… I'm sorry, I'm sorry, for all these years… I've been a bad Papa. Will you forgive me?" sputtered my other self, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Yup," managed the other Ushio, embracing her father tightly.
"Ah, so that is why you felt like the happiest girl in the whole world," I said to Ushio, wiping a tear from my eye. "Your bastard of a father who abandoned you for five years saw the error of his ways and you began to live with him again after this."
"Papa, you don't have to badmouth yourself like that," pouted Ushio.
"It's me; I can badmouth myself all I want," I chuckled.
Ushio laughed and said,
"You are the best Papa in the whole world. Believe me when I say that."
"By the way Ushio… You've shown me enough proof now, and I know what to do about Pops now. Since I don't want to see myself and you die, thanks for everything, Ushio. But I still haven't asked you; why are you doing this? Why are you appearing in my dreams in the manner of the play that we want to do?"
"Because in your world… Mama is weaker than usual. She will discover a secret that Sanae-san and Akki had been keeping from her for a long time now," said Ushio.
"And what secret would that be?" I asked, curious.
"Sanae-san used to be a middle school teacher, and Akki used to be an actor. When Mama nearly died at the age of five, they both quit their professions and opened the bakery," replied Ushio.
I sputtered and looked at her in incredulity,
"Nagisa nearly died when she was five! Why? How?"
"I think… it's better if Akki himself told you about this story, Papa. But you must know this; in your world, since Mama is weaker, it would be very dangerous for her to discover the secret that Akki and Sanae-san have been keeping from her. She could become catatonic from the shock," said Ushio. "Therefore, what you have to do is to prevent Mama from coming across pictures and mementos of Akki and Sanae-san's past careers. I remember them showing me photo albums of Akki as a young actor, so you need to hide those albums from Mama at all costs."
"Alright, Ushio. Thank you for everything… I can't really say if this was because of my other self and Nagisa… wait a moment. If Nagisa died in that crucial first world… You said you regained your memories after you died. What happened after that?"
"Just like the play you want to do with Mama, I, as the girl, and you, as the robot escaped the World That Never Was. Thanks to Fuko-nee-chan, I regained my memories and I was able to send you back in time in the crucial first world, equipped with a miracle of sorts. Mama survived and that is the continuity where I came from," replied Ushio.
"Wait… Fuko-nee-chan? You knew Fuko? She woke up in the future?" I asked breathlessly.
"Yes she did. She was also the sheep who told me about Mama's condition in your world; that she could enter a deep state of shock upon discovering Sanae-san and Akki's secret. As a result, she told me to show you all of this in your dreams, to prevent that from happening. Just like me, she is also a slider however, she could only do so much, as in your world, she's still sleeping, and she's very thankful of everything you have done for her, Papa."
"I see. I'll keep all of this in mind, I promise. I will save Nagisa, so you don't worry Ushio, alright?" I said, reassuring her.
"I trust in you, Papa," said Ushio, sitting down in the field while I knelt to her level.
"Just like our other selves huh… Wait, will I see you again?" I asked.
"Maybe, just maybe, Papa," replied Ushio. "And now, it's time for you to end this long dream…"
/
I woke up with a start in my own bed. I turned to check the clock. It read 6 am. Just in time for school huh…
As I got ready to take a shower, I thought about everything I was shown by Ushio in my dream. It seems like I had a mission to do; prevent Nagisa from finding out about her parents past careers. I needed to take the Drama Club to the Furukawa household if I planned to interfere.
It's going to be a long day ahead…
/
[1] – For some reason I thought of the title of one of Haruhi Suzumiya's character songs when I was thinking of the main plot of Nagisa's arc, so there… :)
[2] – "Nagisa" means "bay", while "Ushio" means "tide".
[3] - Also, in the universe of my fanfic, both Fuko and Ushio are dimensional sliders, as per the Haruhi definition.
[4] – Sugisaka and Rie Nishina, the two Choir Club members.
[5] – Shichi-go-san (Seven-Five-Three) Day is a festival day in Japan for three/seven year old girls and three/five year old boys annually held on the fifteenth of November.
[6] – Oji-san in this context refers to Tomoya's dad Naoyuki.
It was my intention from the very beginning to let Tomoya find out about his father in this manner.
When Ushio talks about the crucial first world, she means the anime continuity's True End, where Tomoya got sent back in time to save Nagisa with the Light Orbs, not the Visual Novel's True End, where the True End happens in another universe (read as: playthrough) altogether.
Basically, Ushio showed Tomoya the events of After Story to prove that she really is his daughter, albeit from another universe.