Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Bella

It was fully dark out. A quarter moon was rising somewhere to my right and there was a wondrous view of the heavens, visible only out here, far from the light pollution of the cities. Somehow all of this registered in the back of my mind, but I was far too preoccupied to appreciate it.

I was probably moving too fast to do so anyway.

I'd always found solace in running, but this time not even the exhilaration was enough to soothe my aching heart. I pushed myself to the very edge of my limits, dodging around trees and rocks and the occasional startled wild animal at speeds that I was pretty sure had never been reached by anything short of a 747. But as much as I tried to distract myself, none of it was enough to stop the sickening ache that was coursing through me.

Edward...

I'd wanted nothing more than for him to love me again, for my mortality to be the only thing that had driven him away in the first place. I'd been fool enough to hope that he might even be a little happy to see me. I'd been fool enough to hope at all. The look in his eyes had been more than enough proof that I was the last person he'd wanted to find living with his family.

It was getting harder to breathe, not because of exhaustion, but the way my entire chest seemed to be collapsing in on itself.

Why had I ever listened to Alice? Why had I let her and Carlisle bring me to their new home, why had I let the Cullens slowly integrate me into their family circle? It all came back to Edward and my stupid inability to live without him. Living with the Cullens had all but ensured that he and I would meet up again and I, in my infinite selfishness, had latched onto that. And as a result, here I was, running through the wilderness of Canada, feeling worse by far than I had the first time.

Edward had rejected me again.

Distracted, I nearly ran into an overhanging tree branch. "Get it together, Isabella," I growled out loud. "You're leaving. You're already miles away." Though I doubted I would ever be able to forget, I had to try and put this behind me. Maybe I could head up to Denali and live with the other vegetarian coven for a while, or maybe I could travel alone and see the world. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, except for one thing: I was not going back.

My mind was set, even though it was painful to think about. Whether my intentions had been shallow or not, I'd made a home with the Cullens; they were my family. But they'd been Edward's first and if he didn't want me there then I couldn't stay. It wasn't fair to him. I knew the rest of his family would be upset about it, but they'd be even more so if Edward decided to leave permanently, simply because they'd let me join the coven. It was better this way. They would see that eventually.

Currently, however, they were hot on my trail. I had been able to hear them almost from the beginning, calling out for me to stop, but none of my siblings were fast enough to dream of catching up to me. I would run forever if that was what it took. They would give up eventually. I couldn't go back, no matter how much they, or I, wanted me to. I was not going to be the reason Edward never came home.

I probably could have run forever, but I was unfortunately denied the chance. A grizzly bear appeared in front of me out of nowhere, startling me enough that I lost my footing and skidded to a halt. I found myself mere feet away from the monolithic animal which was now rising to its full height—more than twice of my own—angry at my sudden intrusion.

Being the formidable vampire that I was, I took the obvious course of action.

I froze.

My whole body was locked up in irrational terror. I tried to tell myself that I had hunted once before and therefore should be perfectly able to handle something like this, but the truth was that I couldn't remember a thing about that hunt and I had no desire to drink this animal's blood. Of that I was absolutely sure. The fact that I was dead already didn't seem to matter all of a sudden. What good was being immortal if you spent it in pieces?

The grizzly let out a tremendous roar, one I think would probably have put T-Rex to shame, and all I could do was take a tiny step backward, terrified. But as it dropped to all fours again and started to charge, I heard the approaching footsteps of my family. Seconds later, Alice and Jasper were flanking me and Emmett had tackled the grizzly with a rather bear-like snarl of his own.

It was over in seconds. Emmett wrestled the walking death-machine of an animal to the ground, his laughter mixing with it's snarls, but then the bear was dead and I had to look away.

"Bella," Alice frowned as she and Jasper grabbed my arms, "what were you doing?"

"Playing 'chicken' with a grizzly," I answered sarcastically. "What did it look like?"

"Like you were scared stiff."

"I was." Jasper hastily covered a laugh with a cough and I looked up to find Alice smirking at me. "What?"

"You do realize that you're a vampire, right?" She asked. "Why didn't you just run? None of us can keep up with you so something like a grizzly bear sure isn't going to be able to." Oh yeah. Barely controlling her laughter, Alice proceeded to point out the ridiculous miscalculations I'd just made. "Even if you couldn't run, it wasn't going to hurt you. It might have knocked you into a tree, but not hard enough to do any damage. You're as hard as diamond, remember?"

"...I forgot." They were all three laughing then, and I felt incredibly stupid and a little defensive. "Hey, I'm still new to this, I'm used to being the fragile one!" For some reason, this only seemed to make them laugh harder. I huffed and tried to fold my arms in irritation, forgetting that Jasper and Alice had death grips on them. Vampire or not, I couldn't help it if I still felt a little human sometimes!

...Like now, when my broken heart was demonstrating just how human I could still feel.

The reminder of why I was running brought with it the sudden realization that my brilliant plan had failed—thanks to a meddlesome grizzly and my own lapse of judgment, I'd been caught. I tried to discreetly free myself from Alice and Jasper, but neither was willing to let go.

Alice sighed, her smile fading. "I know what you're planning, Bella."

Well of course she did, she could see the future. Unfortunately, running forever would have only worked if I had managed to evade being caught. Looking at Alice, feeling her vice-like grip, I could tell already that there was little I could say or do to get away. Without my newborn strength I could barely take on Alice, let alone Jasper and Emmett.

"Alice, please," I begged, resorting to my only option, "please, just let me go."

"No." It came from Jasper. "Whether you like it or not, Bella, you're a part of the family. Losing you now would be as bad as losing Edward was."

It meant a lot, hearing that from him, but it still wasn't enough to change my mind. "Even if I could manage staying close to him, which at this point, I'm certain I couldn't, it's not fair to Edward," I protested weakly.

"How so?" Alice demanded.

"He had you first," I mumbled. "If he doesn't want me around, then I shouldn't force my presence on him."

"And what makes you think Edward doesn't want you around?" Alice asked sharply. "Did he say so?"

I frowned. "Well, no, not really," I admitted reluctantly. "We didn't actually talk but I could tell..."

"Oh, for the love..." Alice groaned, closing her eyes in what I could only guess was exasperation. "The two of you really are enough to drive anyone up the wall, you know that?"

I ignored that. "You're not going to let me go, are you?" I sighed.

Alice shook her head. "Sorry."

"But...but what if Edward leaves again because of me?" I panicked. "I couldn't handle that, being the cause of everyone's pain--"

"Bella, please!" Emmett interrupted, covering my mouth with one of his large hands. My strained subconscious noticed that he was as crisp and clean as he'd been this morning, unruffled by the heavy running and the feast he'd just had. Funny. "If Edward really doesn't want you around, which we all know already is not the case, then he's going to have to deal with it," he shrugged, his face breaking into a grin. "The Cullen family, collectively, wants both of you, not one or the other, and since we outnumber you both, six to two, we're going to get what we want, even if we have to sit on you to keep you from leaving."

"I told you already, Bella, it's too late for you to leave without leaving us as miserable as we were without Edward," Jasper agreed.

I was weakening, but only a little. I knew already that I wouldn't handle leaving these vampires behind very well, but my fear of trying to live side-by-side with Edward after everything that had happened between us was still too great.

"Look," Alice said calmly, pushing Emmett's hand away. "While I don't doubt that Emmett really would sit on you as long as it took to get things straightened out, we're not going to force you to stay if you really want to leave."

I looked up in surprise. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, are you?" Emmett echoed, frowning.

Alice nodded, but before I had time to feel the least bit relieved, she was speaking again. "That does not mean that we are going to let you make yourself and the rest of us miserable for no reason."

"Sounds a lot like someone else we all know," Emmett teased, causing me to growl at him resentfully. I couldn't help it. My nerves were frayed and I was five-seconds away from being forced to face my worst fear.

"Remarkable, really, how similar the two of you are," Jasper agreed with a smirk. "Both moronically set on being as unhappy as possible."

"I am literally at the end of my rope here," I growled. "You might want to think twice about what you say."

Alice cut Emmett's reply off, which was probably a good thing. "We will let you leave and promise not to follow if you talk to Edward first. If you can't manage that, then I'm afraid Emmett is going to have to sit on you after all. Those are your only options."

Panic set in again, chasing away the irritation. They were going to make me face him. I was going to have to own up to my foolishness and wait for him to pass judgment on me. "Alice," I croaked, "it's not going to do any good."

But Alice, sensing my weakening resolve, and perhaps seeing the future change as well, just smiled. "Oh, I think you'll find it will," she shrugged. "Now are you ready to come home?"

No. I was the furthest thing from ready, but I didn't resist when she and Jasper started running, still guiding me from either side.

I was too nervous to even try.

OoO

It was only after I had been threatened multiple times and had meekly promised not to run again that the three of them left me alone on the edge of the clearing where our house sat. Yes, I knew that if I did take off I would have had no problem staying ahead of them, barring any more unforeseen grizzly bear complications, but at this point I was resolved to my fate. If nothing else, Jasper, Alice, and

Emmett had managed to convince me that they would actually follow me wherever I went, waiting for the next opportunity to drag me back. Besides, Alice would have known right away if I was planning on running again, and she would have made sure I couldn't. The only reason she left me in the first place was because she had checked to make sure I wasn't planning anything of the sort.

My hands were tied.

I walked slowly around the perimeter of the clearing until I came to my favorite spot—a little old gazebo that was almost entirely surrounded by trees and therefore secluded, invisible to anyone in the house. I'd spent a lot of time in this gazebo, listening to the birds sing and thinking. I sat down on one of the wooden benches, trying not to think because I inevitably started feeling sick whenever I did.

Maybe he'll refuse to come. Of course, I couldn't decide if I actually wanted that to be the case.

I didn't have much time to get any further conflicted. I had barely sat before I heard him coming. Before I could turn my head, he was there, standing in the entrance to the gazebo, watching me.

For the briefest of moments it didn't matter that I was terrified of him. It was just so good to see him again...

But there was no escaping it. As healing as his mere presence was to me, I still felt like the world's greatest idiot under his intense gaze. Ashamed, my eyes dropped to my feet. "Hi, Edward," I said softly.

"Hello," he answered, voice just as soft.

Silence.

Nervously, I scuffed one of my feet against the wooden floor. "So, I...guess I surprised you. Being here." I really was an idiot. What the heck was I saying?

"'Surprised' probably wouldn't quite cover it."

"Yeah. Sorry about that." He said nothing and I suddenly found myself victim to an insane desire to laugh. A strained chuckle escaped me and I shook my head. "Sorry. I'm sorry, Edward."

"Startling me like that was not your fault."

Another shake of the head. The urge to laugh was gone, replaced by the overwhelming desire to eliminate the mounting tension. "Not just for that. For everything."

"Everything?" The dangerous tone of his voice almost shut me up again, but I forced myself to talk, determined to get this over with so I could leave and he could be happy.

"For all of this. For even being here. I knew you wouldn't want to find me here." I stood up abruptly, still looking anywhere but at him. "I'm really sorry, Edward. Really. And now that I've said it, I'll just go." It was hard to tell in the dark, but he seemed to be in the same mood he'd been in earlier, which meant the sooner I left the better. The pain that realization caused was so crippling that I could barely force myself to walk past him calmly.

I'd gotten down the gazebo steps before he spoke. "Bella," he said, his voice strained. We turned simultaneously to face each other, and as much as I wanted to smile and promise that I was fine and that it was okay for him to tell me to go, I knew I wasn't going to even manage a steady voice.

"No, it's fine, Edward." I attempted a half-smile, trying to counter the obvious shaking in my voice. "You won't ever see me again, I swear, I'll stay far away. You were here first. I'm not going to force you to avoid your family only to avoid me. Okay? I'm...glad you came h-home."

I was happy about that. If I couldn't manage to make the most of things, then at least Edward would be okay, back where he belonged. I knew I could hold onto that when things got unbearable, and it was that that gave me the strength to add, "Good...goodbye."

I drank in the sight of him for a moment longer, wishing that he would say something, anything, even if it was "good riddance". Anything to acknowledge that I was here and about to walk out of his life forever. But as the seconds ticked by, all Edward did was stare at me. I don't think he was even breathing.

It was the ultimate slap in the face, but at the same time all that I could expect. I clamped my mouth over the sob that was threatening to escape and nodded once, screwing my face up against the searing pain. Then I turned, preparing to run far away and not look back.

But before I could take the first step, Edward had followed me down the steps and grabbed my wrist.

"Wait. Please."

I was so surprised that I stopped breathing. In the brief seconds of silence that followed I turned back to him, utterly confused. This didn't make any sense. The look on his face had been enough to say that he wanted me gone, so why wasn't he letting me go?

"Bella..." He hesitated, and if I hadn't known better, I would have sworn he was struggling to find the right words. Edward Cullen, speechless?

"I promise, I'll do it," I said softly, thinking that maybe he didn't believe me. "I can see how angry you are, and I understand."

"That isn't it." Another long moment during which Edward looked at me so hard that I thought he might be straining to hear what I was thinking. "My anger is not at you, not at all. I'm sorry I gave you that impression."

Not at me... What was that supposed to mean? "What are you angry about?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

Edward moved then, coming a step closer to me, still holding my wrist tight. I could see his face much better at this distance, and what I saw wasn't what I expected. "If I promise to answer, will you tell me something first? The truth?"

Hesitantly, I nodded. Edward had used this tactic to trick me into saying things I didn't want to before, but I had absolutely no strength or desire to resist him at this point.

"Why are you so anxious to leave?" For the first time, I saw uncertainty, even fear in his face. It baffled me, even as I cringed at having to admit how foolish I was to him.

"I... Edward, because I...I just want you to be happy... And if that requires my leaving, well...so be it." I looked down. I didn't want to see how he took this revelation that I was, and probably would remain for eternity, still in love with him. Obsessed with him, even. He probably thought of me as a stalker. I shook my head back and forth, holding back tears that would never fall but felt as if they were threatening to anyway. Oh, Edward...

"No," he said softly. Then his free hand was under my chin, gently pulling my face up again so that he could see me. "Don't leave. Please." I just stared at him, utterly unable to remember how to talk. His voice was intense and urgent, almost pleading. "I want you to stay. I need you to."

My brain was in overdrive. What was going on? He wasn't making sense, not unless he had decided, for some idiotic reason, to pretend I could still make him happy. I had to set him straight, to let him know that as much as I wanted his love, I couldn't take it if it wasn't real.

All I managed was a very unimpressive "what?".

"I very nearly killed myself, walking away from you, Bella," he continued, softly; all of my rampant thoughts fell silent. "For the past six months my life has been nothing but never-ending agony, all because I couldn't have you."

A thousand responses ran through my mind, most of them protests. But as I thought over everything he'd just said and looked up into his eyes, all I had strength for was the one that rang the most true. "I know the feeling." Even to myself I sounded worn out and confused. But at long last I thought I was beginning to understand. Somehow, Edward did still care, but not in the way that I did. So now he felt obligated—a horrible word, I flinched just thinking it—to help me feel better, even if that meant making me believe that it had all been a horrible misunderstanding. I was getting so tired of dancing around like this. Why couldn't we just say what we really thought?

Edward was frowning, something about my earlier answer or current facial expression upsetting him. He didn't speak for a moment so I decided to voice the concerns that were currently plaguing my mind. "Edward," I sighed, my voice still irritatingly shaky, "I really appreciate that you're trying to help me out, but you should know that you don't have to pretend for me. I can handle the truth." Actually I doubted that, but I was certain that were I to say so, he would be even more determined to carry out this charade.

Edward ran his hand through my hair almost absentmindedly and I found myself struggling to stay focused. His expression was now one of frustration. "I'm not pretending, Bella," he insisted. "I don't know how to say it so you'll believe me. I only have my word, and whatever time you allow me to use to convince you." I pondered the concept of time with Edward and found that I liked it a lot. "I have to say that leaving you was, and will remain, the worst mistake I have ever made."

His tone was so sincere that I found myself wanting to believe him, even thinking that he might actually be being honest. But before I could accept anything he was telling me now as absolute truth, there was one thing I needed to know.

"Why did you leave?" I asked.

Edward didn't even hesitate. "Because I loved you." My mouth fell open. It was probably the one answer I wasn't expecting.

"That seems...somewhat oxymoronic," I said, opting for the obvious response in order to cover how confused I was.

"It was certainly moronic," Edward answered darkly. "It was foolish and rash of me, but it is the truth. I left you, I lied to you, because I loved you enough to have to try."

I bit my lip. "I don't understand," I admitted.

"I wanted to protect you from this," he clarified bringing his free hand up to my face and brushing his thumb against the skin next to my eye. "From the world of vampires. I wanted you to be safe from me and my dangerous family. So I told you I was tired of you and left, assuming that you would be able to move on. I never expected you to react so negatively to my absence, Bella, or I never would have tried to force us apart. I had no idea how much you...actually cared about me."

That got my brain running again. My mouth fell open in disbelief. "You didn't know that?" I demanded once I'd gotten over the initial indignation. "How could you not have know how much I loved you? You told me once that I was like your brand of heroin. Didn't it occur to you that you were the same to me? I loved you just as much, Edward Cullen. I still love you, and I will continue to, no matter what happens now."

"I know that," Edward said softly, catching me off guard. "At least, I do now." He laughed slightly at my surprise. "Carlisle told me about your special circumstances. It would take something tremendously powerful to prevent you from getting thirsty."

I had worried about explaining that to him, but he was not reacting at all in the way I thought he would. "...And...you're okay...with that?" I asked slowly.

Edward laughed. "Much, much more than just 'okay'," he assured me. "I don't think I could ever communicate what exactly your loving me, like that, means to me. And I don't think that I will ever be able to understand why either." The combination of the gentle tone of his voice and the mind-blowing meaning of his words left me in such a daze that I didn't even bother to correct him. He was handling this surprisingly well for someone who was allegedly pretending to love me... I had been certain that my unexpected declaration of eternal love would bother him. I had expected him to hesitate, to realize that he was in way over his head.

Apparently that wasn't the case.

"It amazes me that, after everything that I've done, all the lies I've told and the unfathomable anguish I left you in, you could still find it in your heart to love me Bella," Edward continued. "To answer your earlier question, this whole time, I was angry at myself. For hurting you, for failing to protect you, and for making you think that you had to apologize to me." That actually did make sense. It would be just like Edward to shoulder all of that guilt himself. If what he was saying was actually the case, then he probably wouldn't ever forgive himself. "In light of that, it seems all I can do now is beg you to forgive me for being so obviously wrong and causing you so much pain."

I shook my head, still feeling a little dazed. "You know I'm not going to blame you, Edward."

The small smile that graced his face as he answered was so beautiful that it took my breath away. "I know."

I was reeling. Nothing was turning out the way I had expected it to and I found myself, somehow, without knowing how, believing him. The idea of him loving me was still so ridiculous in my mind that I couldn't quite grasp the reality of it, but I found myself completely and utterly willing to take him at his word.

"I love you, Bella," Edward said finally, his eyes gazing intently into mine. "You are my entire reason for existing. The only reason I was able to survive without you for a century was because I hadn't met you yet. And you should know that I don't plan on living without you ever again."

It was my turn to say something. I'd already declared my love, and a simple 'I believe you' seemed so weak next to everything he'd been saying to me, so I did the next best thing.

Using my free hand, I pulled his head down and kissed him.

If I'd still had doubts, they were all erased in that moment. Edward pulled me as close as he could and proceeded to kiss me senseless.

Suddenly I absolutely loved being a vampire.

When Edward would kiss me before, it had always been with a large amount of caution and an even larger list of boundaries that couldn't be crossed. My safety had always been his first priority when I was a mortal. But now, now that I was equal with him in almost every way, and aided considerably by the fact that we'd been living without each other for half a year, caution was abandoned and the rules were forgotten.

Edward was kissing me the way I'd always wanted him to. And he was doing it without hesitation, without regret, without any kind of remorse. Instead he combined infuriating gentleness with intoxicating passion, further banishing any lingering doubts as to his feelings.

Edward loved me. I knew it, I had from the moment I'd seen him smile while I boldly declared that I would love him for eternity. For some reason, Alice had been right. I was enough. I always had been.

OoO

It was much later when we finally came back to the house. After that searing first kiss, Edward and I had sat together on the gazebo steps and talked. We covered a surprisingly wide range of topics, considering how easily we managed to get distracted. We talked about where he'd been and what he'd been doing and then what had happened to me since arriving here in Ithaca. Edward understood my desire to finish high school and promised to do so with me, even though he had already admitted to thoroughly detesting high schools. I had the sneaking suspicion that high school with Edward now was going to be a bit more fun than it ever had been in Forks.

We never did run out of things to talk about. When we walked into the house just before dawn, holding hands, we were still talking quietly.

Alice was waiting, leaning against the frame around the entrance to the living room, her arms folded and a smirk on her face. Edward and I looked at her in silence for a moment before she rolled her eyes with a heavy sigh.

"'Up the wall'," she repeated, her smirk turning to a grin at her clever little way of saying 'I told you so'." She then turned right around and danced back into the living room. "It looks like the Cullen family is complete at last," she announced.

Edward squeezed my hand and I smiled up at him. Then, together, we walked into the living room to join the rest of our family.

A/N: Just the epilogue left... Leave your thoughts! I'm also considering writing a sequel. (And by "considering" I mean I pretty much have it planned out in my head.) There's a poll over on my profile page concerning whether or not I should attempt such a feat. Head on over there and tell me what you think! Thanks again for all the reviews and the support!

And I just have to say: I love Edward Cullen. Even though he can occasionally be a bit of a moron. :)