IM BACK...WELL FOR NOW

Ulquiorra sat and stared at Ichigo.

"I like redheads."

Ichigo didn't respond. He just pretended like Ulquiorra wasn't there. Then suddenly the place beside him dipped and it settled with a shoulder pressed into his shoulder. He turned to see what had happened but then jumped back to find big green eyes staring only inches from his. The boy was pretty weird.

"You smell nice."

"Is that a compliment?"

"I believe so."

"Do you mind letting me have my face back! Take a video!" Ichigo said getting up and walking into the kitchen only to be followed. He turned around in irritation to yell at his brother-in-law but stopped when he saw the man staring at something else.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I like redheads."

"You told me already."

"Kiss me Ichigo."

"The FUCK!"

Ulquiorra charged at Ichigo. He yelled and ran around the table. The boy's then fame fooling him when he was able to pick up the whole table.

"Gaaah!" Ichigo yelled and ran out the kitchen.

"Give me your red hair!"

"No! It's mine!" Ichigo paused for a moment. Why the hell am I arguing with him about my hair?

He hurled himself at Ichigo, successfully tackling him to the ground. He held Ichigo's hands down as he leaned in closed and sniffed his hair. He thought about whether Ichigo would be upset if he just ripped some out as a souvenir.

"Hell yeah, I'd be mad as a drag queen who can't get into the royal drag queen ball because he looks like an actual girl!"

"I said that out loud?"

"Yes."

"Well no matter, your hair is mine!"

"Why, are you doing this? I mean you're my brother-in-law!"

Ichigo feared Grimmjow's wrath more then anything. What would happen if Grimmjow came into the house right now? Ulquiorra was right on top of him and it could look anyway that Grimmjow sees it. Beside the fact that Grimmjow has a crazy family, he was the craziest of all. Well apparently somebody just proved that wrong today.

"Because I like red headed."

"Okay, I know other red heads."

Ulquiorra immediately loosened his grip and set back on his hunches. He turned his head looking curious.

"There Orihime, Matsomoto, that other girl I know."

Ichigo taking his chance went back to the kitchen and got one of the picture fames that he always kept. Then he showed it to Ulquiorra.

"This girl that you were looking at is Orihime. She's pretty right? Maybe she might like your creep-I mean affections."

Ulquiorra took the picture and held it to his chest.

The door bells rang and speak of the devil. Orhime was at the door and flustered at that.

"Kurosaki, Ichigo! Were have you been! You missed so much and Renji said that your are in fact alive so why aren't you out and about? I don't see you at the supermarket anymore! It's amazing that your roses are still in full bloom, you have time for them and not for me and Rukia! Renji brought her over recently and she was looking for you! Now mister what do you have to say for yourself?!"

Orihime is almost never mad. She is also extremely charitable. Hell, she would help a bank robber who got shot for robbing a bank to the hospital and check on him everyday until he was healthy again. She was very upset with Ichigo and that being a rare occasion he let her end and hoped she didn't decide to decorate everything with flowers as a punishment.

She rounded the corner and jumped when she saw Ulquiorra staring as usual. Her initial expression stopped when she got a good look at him.

"What upsets you, you fragile creature?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes and huffed. Fragile my ass.

"I think I love you."

"Silly, what is this you are talking about? You have only met me."

He picked up her hair and held it to his face. His cheeks found color in the bliss that had suddenly wrapped around his wrist. Orihime made a face as if questioning her deciding to come within 30 ft of Ulquiorra.

"Ichigo, were is your husband." She asked staring back as Ulquiorra. Her thumb touched the green lines going down Ulquiorra's cheeks. Few seconds later she said "Aww, Ichigo, maybe I'll meet him soon."

"Orhime, I didn't say anything." Ichigo deadpanned.

"Poor thing, who did this to you?" She asked the boy.

"It's a birthmark." Ulquiorra said staring into her eyes as if he could see the future, past, and present through her eyes.

"Will you marry me?"

"Let's have many babies" Orihime said standing with Ulquiorra standing with her.

Ichigo just stared in disbelief. This was absurd. Innocent Orihime talking about having babies and getting married on such short notice. He could have at least taken her on a date first. This was just outrageous!

"Orihime, this-"

"Is perfect don't you think Ichigo? I think i'll name the girl strawberry after you to thank you for life saving friendship."

"WHAAAT!"

"Hurry, you must sit down, you shan't be moving too much in your condition" Ulquiorra said helping her to the couch. Ichigo looked down a practically fainted. Orihime was very pregnant. She was huge! She looked as though she ate a giant pumpkin. Het stomach was stretched to unfathomable proportions, like damn, can I sit my whole tray of food on your stomach, oh and hold my pet baby elephant on their too. Ichigo freaked out. Then he thought a little more. What happens If Grimmjow decided that he wanted kids? This happened so fast that Ichigo could just wake up one morning very pregnant and have no say in it or no idea how the hell did it happen. Ichigo turned green as he looked at the size of her belly. He would be stretched to a size that would completely ruin what he had going for his abs. Then his butt would drop! Oh GOD, where would the thing exit! Oh God! not his penis. not his penis. not his penis. not his penis...not his ass. not his ass, oh pleeease NOT HIS ASS!

Ichigo's little breakdown distracted him from hearing the front door opening. He paced back and forward the red line on his skin getting higher and higher. The food steps got closer and the chatter he heard behind him stopped.

"Dear brother?" Ulquiorra said.

"Yeah, get out."

Ichigo stilled. Now he was hallucinating. He broke into tears. A pair of arms encircled his waist and the familiar scent of Grimmjow wafted into his nose. "Babe, I decided that business was over and came home early."

Ichigo closed his eyes reveling in the bliss of the voice that sent pleasurable sound waves into his ear. Then a tongue licked his neck, forcing his head to lean to the side and offer more room. It did it again. The third was accompanied with teeth and warm lips. Ichigo whimpered.

"What are you too still doing here? I said get the fuck out." Grimmjpw growled. Ichigo shuddered at the sheer power the voice conveyed, as if at any moment this proximity with the person behind him could turn fatal. He vaguely heard the door click closed as large hand slide under his shirt with so much pressure it was like they were trying to memorized Ichigo's body to sculpt him in uncanny detail later. Ichigo slouched onto the chest behind him. As much as he didn't want the attention at the moment he had to admit the it felt nice to have Grimmjow back. He missed his husband. Maybe next time he would ask Grimmjow to wear a shirt and then secretly hide it in his room. Maybe he should make him have sex in the shirt...Oh God that is weird and where babies come from.

Ichigo jumped out of Grimmjow grasp.

"Damn, say your home first or something? Commin in here trying to sex me up and use my body. Grimmjow do you want me to look like a COW! I refuse to lose my physic. I ate a bucket of chicken wings and ice cream and I know that I will not gain one ounce. Do you wanna ruin that? Hmmm? You want me to look like a giant pregnant ant because I wont be about to move? I have to be about to get the mail! Grimmjow what do you have to say for your bad actions? I don't want to here that Panthera did it because if that is true then I have droopy boob syndrome!"

Grimmjow scratched his head...what the hell?

Thank you very much for all who read this. To all my reader

TO ALL THE IDIOTS! Personal A/N. Ok I don't have a problem with negative reviews because that's how you get better. What I don't like it review who criticize my work but don't give me a positive side too. That is called constructive criticism. Sorry for the error, if you don't want to read a good ass story because of that then tthat's you but don't leave it in my review thingy-ma-gig and don't say anything else. that I believe is rude and stupid that you would go out of your way to say that my story has so many errors that you won't read it. Just don't read it, it's not like I care or even knew you were trying to read it. All I care about is the people who enjoy my story. If they say it has too many error, i'll fix it. Grammar Nazi who isn't really helping me or trying to can...excuse me...eat a dick :D.

oh god the person they turn me into, sorry. I shouldn't be mad but I am I don't know. If you have been reading this story and you have enjoyed it to this point you don't care about the bs anyway...sorry. Thank you and I love all my reader dearly. 3