Chapter 10 – If You Ever Change Your Mind…

"Just 'cause you killed me when you couldn't stay. I never wished to be somebody else until today….I'll always wish that you were mine. But it's green goodnight. So I'll tell you goodbye. But if you ever change your mind."

- Emm Gryner "Green Goodnight."

November 26, 2042

London, Ontario

Canada

4pm

For the last eight years, November had become family month in the Venturi household. No one talked about why. It was the elephant in the room. Yet none of the Venturis were stupid. They knew what they were doing. In addition, they all did things on November second to remember Michael in their own way. He never asked Casey or Emily what they did. His own ritual…he didn't analyze after the fact, or before for that matter.

On that particular Wednesday afternoon, they had all gathered around some afternoon snack – unfortunately healthy, at Casey's insistence – to decide how to spend the holidays that year. Casey's publisher was pushing for a book tour. Derek was in the finishing stages of a documentary on the history of divorce in Canada. Emily had skating competitions coming up. Derek, however, was determined that they spend some time together as a family around the Christmas holidays. So they were brainstorming.

"We could go somewhere in January," Emily suggested.

"But that's more than a month away! What about Christmas?" Casey had objected.

Just as Derek was about to share his own thoughts on the matter, they were interrupted by the doorbell. Emily, typical teenager that she was, jumped up and rushed to the door. "I'll get it," she insisted in her sprint to greet the visitor.

Casey just shook her head as Derek snorted. "Who in the world does she think is at the door? That Jackson kid?"

"Oh leave her alone, Derek," Casey smiled. "And, it's not like it is impossible for a famous person to show up at our door. Jesse McCartney did drop by that one time. I thought your daughter was going to faint."

"Please don't remind me."

"I thought it was cute," Casey giggled.

"He's old enough to be her father."

"So? He's her Harrison Ford crush. We all have them-"

"And I don't want to hear about yours," Derek interrupted.

"Fine," Casey pouted. "But it was a good one."

"But, anyway, I still don't think anyone 'famous' is at the door," Derek shared.

"And why is that?" Casey laughed.

"Because the A-listers? They call first."

Casey just shook her head as she made a note related to their conversation in her cellberry. Derek still believed that giving Casey a cellberry probably encouraged her organizational OCD, but she'd pouted when she asked and he'd cave. This, of course, was not the story he told anyone else when they asked how Casey got the electronic gizmo as a gift.

Noting that their daughter had been gone for longer than it took to lead someone in the house or tell someone to go away, Derek voiced, "Maybe I should go see who is at the door with our daughter," Derek suggested as he slowly stood and looked for something intimidating to take to the door with him.

He'd forgotten how well Casey knew him as she quickly got up and shook her head. "I'll go see who's at the door. Now sit. Stay."

"I'm not your puppy," Derek teased as he sat down.

"Of course you aren't," Casey laughed. "Puppies are both cuter and less stubborn," she added as she walked out toward the front door. He could hear her warning their daughter to, "Invite whoever it is in, before your father invites himself out," but then she fell silent.

Okay, now Derek really had to know who was at the door. As he walked toward the door, he figured he'd start out by teasing…and letting whoever at the door know that he was home and prepared to protect everyone who lived there. "Is there any particular reason why everyone is clumped around the door?" was Derek's lead question. "If it's that worthless guy that been trying to talk to our daughter-"

"Adam is not worthless, Daddy!" Emily objected from her position on the porch. He and Emily still didn't agree about that older boy who worked at the rink where she skated. Emily thought he was a nice boy and a good friend. Derek thought he was on the make and way too old for his precious daughter. Casey had told him he was worrying over nothing.

But then Derek got to the door.

Casey was pale and looked a little shocked. Emily had attached herself to the man standing on the other side of the open door. The two women had clearly made decisions and reacted very quickly. Derek found that he couldn't.

The familiar stranger in front of him was blond. Clearly in his twenties, oddly enough, the stranger looked surprised, as if he didn't expect to see anyone who was there. It was hard to read the brown eyes that looked so much like what Derek saw in the mirror in the morning. But after that first year, Derek was going to be careful. That first time he'd wanted the blond on the other side to be his son so badly that he ignored his gut. Now, he wasn't sure it was his gut that "recognized" the man in front of him. Besides, if it were Mikey, he shouldn't be surprised that Derek was there if he was coming home, right?

First things first. Derek had to find out who this kid was. So, he decided to start with what he was pretty sure about. Staring at the stranger, he said, "Okay, you are at least twenty-two years old-"

"Twenty-seven," the stranger replied.

That stopped Derek for a second. This time, could it really be…?

"Derek…it's Michael," Casey Venturi confirmed quietly.

For the past seven years, Derek had scripted this scene in his head. Sometimes there were hugs. Sometimes shouts. But always there was some line of acceptance, some Hallmark-like disgusting lovey-dovey sentiment. Half the time, they sound like something out of Casey's books. None of those pretty lines ran through Derek's head. What went through his head was the question of why Michael hadn't just come in the house already. It was his home; that's why he was back, right?

"More reason for everyone to come in the house and not clump around an open door." Derek said as he turned and walked back toward the living room.

As he walked away, he heard Emily begin to quiz Michael. "Driving through, you said? Are you nearby?"

Derek almost stopped to hear the answer. He really almost did, but he was at the living room by that point. He paused and looked at the room that had changed some since Michael was last in the house. A new color on the wall. New furniture. And a new feel to the room. At some point Derek had decided that the living room would show his successes, what he felt he'd gotten right. The mantle was littered with photographs that showcased happy times. Among them was his wedding picture with Casey. Emily's first ice skating exhibition. The picture of him and Mikey with all the members of the championship Leafs. And the only family picture Derek displayed because it was the only one of all four of them.

And over to the right was the awards case. In it were the film awards for Derek's documentaries on blended families and on teen drug use. There was a plaque for the foundation Derek had started to help teens who had fallen into the drug culture, Hope for Michael. In front of him were the things Derek had been doing, first to understand Michael, then to find him. He didn't want to talk about any of it with his son. Not just yet. He wasn't exactly sure how Michael would see these things anyway. At least, that's what he told himself as he turned to block the case as he heard Casey and Michael enter the room.

Michael entered the room tentatively, almost as if he felt he didn't have a right to. In that moment he reminded Derek so much of the scared eight year old boy, still in pajamas, wide-eyed and skittish from having left a drunken party wrecked house. At that moment, Derek found himself asking if 'do-overs' were possible.

Casey invited Michael sit on the sofa, but the young man walked to the mantle instead. He didn't seem to be looking at the pictures too closely until he reached two of Derek's three favorites. Michael was clearly staring at those pictures, but Derek wasn't sure what the young man was thinking.

Apparently, that one thing hadn't changed.

Casey was obviously just as nervous as Derek was, because she began to babble. Clearly the silence wasn't something with which she was comfortable.

"I hope the drive on 403 was smoother than the last time. With all the improvements and everything. Although the traffic from Toronto wasn't nearly as bad as it used to be. So the drive was a breeze, I'm sure. Wasn't it, Michael?"

"Huh?" Michael finally tore himself away from the pictures and turned to face Casey. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Venturi. I didn't hear you."

Derek raised an eyebrow at that. Mrs. Venturi. Neither Derek nor Casey had ever asked Michael to call Casey that.

"I was just asking about your trip," Casey replied. "And…you can call me Casey, Michael."

"I'm a little more comfortable with Mrs. Venturi," Michael shared. It pained Derek to see Casey's face fall at that. So much so that he almost missed Michael add, "And, it's James."

'Huh?' is what Derek thought. Seeing as how Michael didn't immediately come forth with an explanation, Derek found himself (unfortunately) demanding, "What's James?"

"My name," Michael answered. "I don't use Michael anymore."

"Oh, really," Derek replied, stunned. "You answer to Michael for over half of your life and suddenly you want to answer to something else?"

"Yes," Michael replied. Some of Derek's feelings must have been clearly visible on his face because Michael continued with, "I'm not asking for permission. I'm just sharing that I probably won't answer to Michael."

Derek thought it was more that just sharing a little change. What you call yourself is important. There was a reason that Casey didn't hyphenate her last name when they got married and a reason Derek would have fought with her if she had tried. Michael was what Derek had named him. James was something Sally had insisted on; something Derek had been against from the beginning. Was this Michael's way of rejecting Derek again? Admittedly, this time it was to his face and not in a note, but still-

"Derek," Casey broke into his thoughts. 'I'm sure that Mi – I mean James – has a reason for deciding to use his first name," she shared, trying to make Derek feel better.

Of course, because Derek felt like crap, he fought back with words. "Yeah, he's hiding from someone or something I bet."

"Derek –" Casey knew what he was doing, Derek could see it in her eyes. And she was trying to stop him. Before she could say anything else, however, Michael jumped back into the conversation.

"Look," the young man huffed, "I answer to James. Period." Michael sighed. "I really don't see why this is a problem. Mom didn't seem to mind the change when I told her," Michael added quietly, although Derek still heard him. Derek, however, really wished he hadn't.

Honestly, it was a punch in the gut. First that Michael had discussed a name change with Sally (who, of course, would have no problems with James), and, second, that he'd even talked to her recently. Around the pain of that statement, Derek managed to force the question out of his mouth. "You've…you've talked to your mother?" He hated that his voice cracked at the beginning and sounded squeaky at the end.

"Most recently last month," Michael confirmed.

Last month was October, Thanksgiving. It was another Thanksgiving that the Venturis tried to find something non-traditional to do so that they didn't focus on Michael's absence. So, while they were at some book signing in Detroit, Michael was talking to his mother?

"That's…wonderful," It actually hurt to say something that wasn't along the lines of "why the fuck didn't you call us? We love you, too, goddamnit!" But what the hell can you say to that? At that moment, Derek needed something stronger than the coffee he'd had a few hours ago. That, and he needed to get out of the room before he made a scene that would scare Michael and disappoint Casey.

Turning and walking to the kitchen, Derek asked, "I'm getting a drink. Want a beer?"

After a pause, Michael answered "Um…actually, water is fine, if you have it,"

Derek didn't answer, but continued on his way. Just as he reached the dining room, he heard Casey starting up conversation again, "So, Mi- James, how was the drive from Toronto?"

Traffic. Casey was talking to the boy about traffic. In any other situation, that would be fucking funny.

Derek reached the kitchen. Walking up to the island in the kitchen, he almost punched it. Instead, he grabbed in and bent over for a second. His son was back in the house after eight years. That was good. His son was also alive, and apparently not high. That was also good. His son had also apparently started using another name and started talking to his mother. That…well, it hurt. And it made him uneasy. Sure, Sally had claimed to be in AA and cleaning up the last time they saw each other, but was she really?

Derek straightened, went to the refrigerator, and grabbed a beer. He opened it, drank some, and took a deep breath. And that was another thing. For some reason, with all the stuff available in the house, his son asks for water. Derek had toyed with the idea of handing the boy a drink anyway, but decided against it. Going through the motions, without really thinking about it, Derek fixed a glass of ice water for his son, stopping just before he would have dropped a cucumber in the water, like he would have for Casey.

Derek grabbed his beer and the water and walked back to the living room, taking a few minutes to get his head in order. He could give his son the water he wanted, but he wasn't sure he could call his son James. He'd have to call him something, though.

This was why feelings and this emotional stuff sucked.

"Where are they going?" Derek asked as he re-entered the living room, carrying the beverages. He was just in time to see an excited Emily pull Casey out of the room. He shook his head. It had been awhile since he'd seen his daughter smile that brightly.

"Your daughter has decided that I'm staying here and pulled your wife into getting a room ready," Michael answered

"That sounds like Emily," Derek smiled. "She's very determined about some things." Derek handed Michael his water and then took a swing of beer. Swallowing, he added, "We learned what Emily wants, Emily gets."

"Like father, like daughter," Michael shrugged.

At first, that statement put Derek on the defensive. Determined not to do anything to start problems, Derek took another swig of beer before answering. That gave him time to formulate a less knee-jerk answer. "Not with her methods. I think she's a little more like her mother in this."

Michael didn't reply. He snipped the water. Looked down at the glass and shook his head. Again, Derek would have written a huge check to know what Michael was thinking. And the beer wasn't numbing him fast enough.

Michael finally looked over at Derek. To be honest, Derek wasn't sure what Michael would ask him, the question he received was a surprise. "Your wife lets you drink from the bottle?"

"Wouldn't use the word 'lets', but there was a conversation about it," Derek smiled. The first time they had a long talk about what it would be like living together as a married couple Casey actually said, "If I hadn't met Abby, I would have thought that you were raised in a barn!"

"What do you mean 'would have'?" Derek had replied. Yep, it was one of those conversations. Teasing while serious.

This conversation? The first solo conversation with his son in over eight years? This was just awkward.

April 3, 2043

Fredericksburg, Virginia

United States of America

4:20pm

The waiter interrupted to ask if they wanted more coffee. Keith would have waived him away, but Derek nodded. As the waiter was refilling Derek's cup and mentioning dessert – again – Keith found himself agreeing with his wife that the French had it right. Order a cup of coffee and you have the table all day and wait staff won't hover over you. Of course, earlier, it was near impossible to get Randy over so they could order. Now Randy wouldn't go the hell away.

"This coffee is awful," Derek shared as he started on his third cup.

"That's why I didn't order any," Keith shared. "I always go to Three Cups for coffee before coming here."

"Three Cups?"

"Trendy coffee shop on the edge of the U of C campus. I'll drag you the next time you are in town."

"Cool," Derek acknowledged as he took another sip and made another face.

"So, after the conversation about beverages, what happened?" Keith asked, directing Derek back to the story. Keith had a feeling if he didn't bring the story back up, Derek would never go back to it.

"Pretty soon, Emily and Casey came down to tell him that his room was ready. Michael went up to settle in. He joined us for dinner that night. Not without trying to get out of it, of course," Derek tried to smile. "When Emily and Casey both decide that something is a good idea, you are going to end up doing it. I think Michael had forgotten that."

"Was the dinner conversation any less awkward?"

"The dinner conversation…well, if I were as literary as Casey, I'd probably say something like 'It was the best of times; it was the worse of times'."

"And what would you say as a director?"

Derek shrugged, "Probably that it was too uneven and to cut it. Get the important stuff another way." Derek stared into his coffee cup for a moment. "Sometimes, it would be nice to direct life like you direct a movie."

November 26, 2042

London, Ontario

Canada

6pm

It was errie. That probably didn't sound right, but that is how it felt. It had been seven years since four people had sat down to dinner around this table. It had been eight years since the right four people had sat down to dinner around this table. It almost hadn't happened. Michael had actually suggested that he go eat somewhere else, like this was a hotel. Luckily Derek didn't even have to react to that. Between Emily and Casey, the boy was sitting at the table with a full plate before he knew what had happened. But it was both familiar and strange to have Michael back at the table.

No one talked in the beginning. Derek guessed that was because people didn't want to disturb the picture. It didn't surprise Derek, however, that Casey was the first one to break. It also wasn't a surprise that she interrupted with an idea.

Without any preamble, Casey suggested, "Why don't we invite everyone over to dinner tomorrow?"

"Everyone?" Michael asked in a slightly higher voice. Derek couldn't decide if he sounded confused or panicked. Maybe both.

"Yes, everyone. Mom and George wouldn't mind coming by. Marti would love the break to come visit. And Liz and her husband aren't that far away. I think Ed's still in town, isn't he, Derek?"

"Yeah," Derek confirmed after he swallowed.

"And your mother could probably come in. I'm sure everyone will come. They will want to see…James, after all." Casey, being Casey, honestly tried to remember to use "James" when addressing Michael. Emily, being Emily, continued to call him "Mikey". Derek…still hadn't made a decision on what to call his son yet. But he figured that first he should reign in Casey before she created a huge event for Michael.

"What reason are we going to give them a reason for coming to a huge family dinner? On a Thursday?" Derek raised an eyebrow as he looked at Casey.

"Oh…well, I'm not sure. I guess we can't call it a homecoming, can we, James?"

"No," Michael agreed.

Everyone fell silent for a moment. Like the rest of the family, Derek did want it to be a homecoming. Actually, Derek thought it was a homecoming. Why did Michael come home if he didn't mean to come home? It didn't really make sense.

Casey was making a face while she was clearly trying to think of another plan of attack. She couldn't quite mask all of her sadness with the polite look on her face. She'd asked the question hoping for a yes, Derek knew. With a very clear no, not even a maybe, she probably didn't know what to do next. But that's when Emily jumped in.

"Maybe something celebrating fall?" Emily suggested.

"Or that dinner we never had to celebrate the nomination of your latest documentary?" Casey added, looking relieved at having another idea.

Michael mumbled something about Thanksgiving that Derek didn't catch.

"Excuse me?" Casey asked.

Michael looked up and repeated, "It's Thanksgiving in the States. For some reason, they wait until November to celebrate."

"That's right, they do," Emily confirmed. "The exchange student from the States in my literature class said something about it last month."

"How did you know that?" Derek asked his son. When Michael lived with them, he wasn't all that interested in what the country to south did. So why would he suddenly know about one of their holidays?

Michael shrugged. "I'm just a font of useless information, I guess."

"Well, we didn't get the chance to do a big Thanksgiving dinner last month because of that film festival," Casey jumped in. Derek smiled to himself at how she spun it. They did the book tour and the film festival in October so they wouldn't have to have a big Thanksgiving dinner and notice that Michael wasn't there. But, Derek guessed you couldn't actually say something like that to Michael. Casey continued on with her idea until Michael jumped in.

"It is a lot of effort," Michael began, moving around a little in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. "I wouldn't want to you put yourself out, Mrs. Venturi."

"It wouldn't be a problem, really-" Casey insisted. This time, it seemed that Casey was almost purposely missing the pretty clear "please, don't do this" signals from Michael.

But Michael wasn't going to just let Casey have her way this time. "Besides, I'd feel a little guilty in causing a big family dinner. You probably just had everyone over last month. It's really not a big deal," Michael continued. .

It was interesting that Michael seemed to think that there was a big dinner in the Venturi household last month, even though Casey had just said they didn't do a big Thanksgiving dinner. Derek had to wonder what Michael thought the home life was like he after he left. And if Michael even cared what happened there after he'd left

"Oh, but-" Casey was probably about to share that they didn't have everyone over last month. It was painful to watch Casey try to arrange this huge thing and Michael try to get out of it. He figured he'd help Michael cut a break here. Besides, having the whole family swoop in could be a little overwhelming – even Derek realized that.

"Casey, I think he's saying he'd rather not have a big dinner," Derek said as gently as he could.

"Oh," Casey's polite smile drooped for a hot second before she rallied and forced the sides of her mouth back up again. "Well…okay then. But if you change your mind?"

There could have been a long silence at this point, if it wasn't for Emily. Teenagers are always on to the next thing anyway.

"So, what are we doing after dinner?" Emily asked.

"Well, you're finishing up your homework-" Casey told her, as a familiar discussion began. It always amused Derek. Emily had keener tendencies, which she got from her mother, but she studied in different ways and at different times than Casey had at her age. It was always a running discussion between them about when homework should be started and finished.

"But, Mom-" Emily whined, right on cue.

"No buts. You have practice in the morning-"

"Practice?" Michael interrupted, which reminded everyone he was there. These study discussion had happened after he left home, so no one was really sure how his presence would affect them. "Ballet or Hockey?"

Casey smiled at Michael's question, happy that Michael was taking an interest in his sister. "Emily actually decided, since I was championing dance and Derek was plugging hockey to create a compromise-"

"So neither one of us would get what we wanted," Derek added, convinced that was part of the method behind Emily's madness. She did have this peacemaker gene in her. Derek thought it was something Emily picked up from her Aunt Lizzie, because no one else in the McDonald-Venturi household had a genre like that. Edwin had the bartering and spying genre. Marti had the cute gene, which she always worked to her advantage. And Casey...definitely not the peacemaker gene.

"Ha, ha, Daddy," Emily giggled.

"So, what was the compromise?" Michael asked, actually appearing interested instead of polite.

"Figure skating," Emily smiled. "I'm getting better. I've almost got the triple axel down."

"Figure skating? Really," Michael shook his head and a strange look came across his face. It didn't seem to be a positive reaction. Looking at Emily, it was clear that she was a little deflated by the response as well.

"Yeah, it's a little like dancing…but I'm on skates on the ice, like hockey," Emily explained without the enthusiasm of before.

"Emily," Casey began, trying to cheer up Emily this time, "I'm not sure James knows a lot about figure skating-"

"I wish," Michael muttered. As everyone turned to stare at him, he explained. "Oh…it's just that I have a…friend who is really into figure skating. I get an earful."

That was all Emily needed to launch into the trials and drama of figure skating. Moments like this, you could tell the girl was related to Marti. Derek was glad for the running commentary. First, it did actually seem like Michael cared and knew a little about figure skating. But, second, it gave Derek a few moments to process some things. Michael had a friend who was into figure skating. Was it the "Harry" that Derek had heard about the once while Michael was home, or was it someone else? And how could Derek finesse a conversation to find out who Michael's friends were and where he was living?

Emily could only talk about figure skating for so long before she was back to, "But really. What are doing after dinner?"

Casey had opened her mouth to say something, but Michael jumped in before she could. "You know, I think the flight and driving have finally caught up with me. I'll probably go to sleep after dinner."

"That makes sense," Casey conceded. "What are you plans for tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?" Michael blinked, as if he hadn't thought that far ahead. If he hadn't thought that far ahead, then he didn't have plans. Seeing an opening, Derek moved to take advantage of it, without trying to seem desperate.

"I could take the day off," Derek began his offer as if it weren't a big deal, "you know, so we catch a game or something. Just in case you can't get decent sports were you are." Maybe that last piece would at least get the boy to share where he was living.

Michael blinked in surprise, but then quickly said. "Oh, no. I'm not going to be the reason a Venturi film was late getting to the public. Hate to hold up progress, and all."

The reason Michael gave surprised Derek. There were only ever two Venturi films that were released after their originally planned release date. The first one was delayed because Derek was dealing with the fact that Michael had left home and no one knew where he was. The second one was delayed because of the asshole who tried to take advantage of him and his family. In general, Venturi films hit outlets on time. But even if this made any project Derek was working on late, he wouldn't cared.

"It's a day. Not a big deal," was what Derek said in hopes to encourage Michael to take him up on the offer.

Michael seemed to shrug away the olive branch. "Anyway, I was thinking of visiting a friend tomorrow," he shared.

"You can always bring the friend with you," Casey suggested. Derek shot her a grateful look. He knew there were reasons he loved this woman, even with all of her OCD need for control.

"Um…that wouldn't quite work," Michael answered...and was he smirking? What did that mean?

"Or your father could come with you to meet up with this friend," Casey modified her suggestion.

"Doubt he'd want to spend all day in a graveyard," Michael shared.

'A graveyard?' Derek thought, not sure what Michael meant.

"A…graveyard?" Casey echoed his thought out loud, sounding just as confused.

A beat later, Emily seemed to have pieced together what Derek and Casey had missed. "Oh, Mikey, I'm so sorry. Were you close?"

Shit. Michael was going to visit the grave of a friend that had died. Shit. That was always hell. Derek still remembered when he went to Sam's grave the first time after the funeral. God, it was hellish. Luckily, Casey was with him. He didn't want her to come; he hadn't wanted anyone to come. Sally, to whom he was still married at that point, hadn't pushed. Casey didn't know how not to push. Thank God she had, though. He'd needed someone…he needed her in that moment more than he knew he would.

During his realization, Derek realized that he'd missed some of what Michael said to Emily. He did hear his son say, "And today's travel is finally catching up with me. May I be excused?"

"Sure," Casey quietly granted permission.

After Michael had left the room, there was silence. Then Emily said, "Poor Mikey."

Derek merely nodded. Burying a friend sucked.

"Derek," Casey began, "I'm not sure…James should go to visit his friend alone."

"I realize that," Derek replied.

"You should go with him," Casey said more directly.

"I can't make him take me," Derek felt inclined to point out.

"You could offer?"

"Would he listen?"

"Maybe at breakfast in the morning, we can talk about it," was Casey's answer.

Dinner wrapped up soon after that. Derek offered, to Casey's surprise, to clear and wash that evening. It wasn't that he was necessarily trying to be helpful. It was just that he needed some time alone, doing something mindless, to try to wrap his head around the day.

In the end, Derek wasn't sure how much good it did him. At least Casey got a clean kitchen out of it.

- to be continued -