Sorry sorry sorry but on the plus side, long wait = long chapter. So I won't drag this A/N out anymore.

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Disclaimer: Not mine, not even close.

BPOV:

I had never realised how much my father had meant to our community until he died. Originally I had planned to hold a very private farewell, those attending I could count on one hand, but people started coming out of the woodwork, asking about funeral arrangements, when it would be, volunteering to say a few words about him, for him.

My first reaction was to refuse, tell them truthfully that I was not planning a service, Charlie had already been cremated, but I couldn't selfishly deny them the opportunity to say goodbye to him. Even though many of them had not seen Charlie in decades, Forks was only a small community, everyone knew everyone.

So despite my wishes, despite what Charlie may or may not have wanted, I now find myself here in my house, surrounded by people, hosting a wake for my father. I've shaken hands, accepted condolences and hugs for the last hour, when all I really want to do is escape, to be left alone.

From the corner of my eye I see Esme approaching, alone. My shoulders sag, my relief colored with disappointment. I didn't want him here, through Esme I told him so, but deep down I had hoped he would show up anyway, that he'd try harder, fight more for my forgiveness, instead of offering a weak "I'm sorry" and an even weaker "I can explain", through my door, through my phone, before going away and staying away.

I feel a warm motherly arm wrap around my shoulders. "It's quite a turn out isn't it? Wonderful, so many people coming to celebrate your fathers life."

I nod silently, leaning into her comforting embrace. Esme, as well as Sue, has been a godsend this week, sharing her support and knowledge, organising the wake, providing a buffer, a barrier, between Edward and I. I am incredibly grateful for her care, a motherly concern, even if it isn't my own. Mine, having spent my childhood dragging me from town to town, city to city, deadbeat boyfriend to deadbeat boyfriend, abandoned me with Charlie when I became to old to ignore. I sent her an email telling her of his passing, I'm yet to receive a reply. At least she's consistent in her apathy.

When Esme excuses herself to check on something in the kitchen, people begin making their way over to say their goodbyes, adding a few final complimentary words about Charlie.

"Your father was a great man."

"Such a stand up guy, your dad."

"He'll be sorely missed."

"He loved you very much."

I nod mechanically and repeat my thanks until there are only a handful of people left, Esme and Sue in the kitchen, in the lounge sit Angela, Jasper and, surprisingly, Alice.

Although she had just returned from spending Thanksgiving with her mother, she obviously knew about Edward and I, about our confrontation at the hospital, about our break up, yet she greeted me with a warm hug upon arrival and a whispered apology. It was incredibly sincere, it was completely unnecessary. No matter how brief my second chance with Edward was, I would be there for Alice, love her like she was my own. I never would, never could, abandon her.

From the living room doorway I can see the urn, containing Charlies ashes, resting on the mantle. It is calling to me, telling me it's time. Closing my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, I walk over and carefully pick it up. Turning back around, everyone's eyes are on me, their emotions are mixed.

"I'm going to go now," I say nervously. "Spread Charlie's ashes...say goodbye."

"Do you want us to go with you?" Angela asks. I know she just wants to help, they all do, but I need to do this alone.

"No...no that's alright, but thank you for asking. Thank you all so much for helping and for being here and...just thank you."

There are tears and hugs, more thank you's and apologies, then I'm in my car, swept there by a whirlwind of support, of comfort and love, fueled by the task at hand.

I spend the entire drive out to La Push stealing glances at the urn strapped safely, lovingly, in the passenger seat. It occurs to be that after I scatter my fathers ashes from the cliffs, into the ocean below, as per his request, I will have nothing left of him except memories. Sure I have the house, the store, his possessions, but I don't believe that the thing someone owns make them, so it's heartbreaking to know that in order to respect Charlie's wishes, as dictated in his will so long ago, I have to give my last piece of him up, set it free, to truly let him go.

I park my car at the entrance to the trail that will lead me to my destination, my fathers final destination, and delicately retrieve the urn. Clutching it tightly to my chest, I make my way towards the edge of the cliff. The journey of only a few hundred feet takes much longer than it normally would, my emotions turning my feet to lead, weighing me down.

The sea is churning, angry, waves crashing violently against the rocks below me as I sit precariously on the very edge, my feet dangling high above the murky, thrashing water. I remove the urns lid, peering inside at the dusty grey contents. My tears don't go unnoticed as they fall in, mixing with the ash, mixing with Charlie, sharing my grief, my pain, grieving with the one I lost.

"Dad...Daddy..." I begin, feeling childish for still calling him that, but to me that is who he will always be. Always. "I...I don't know what to say, I didn't plan anything, but you were always a man of few words so...maybe you would appreciate me not prattling on."

The wind picks up, gentle gusts stirring his ashes, it feels like a sign, Charlies own way of telling me that it is time to say goodbye. I carefully tilt the urn, emptying all that remains of my father into the waiting breeze, watching it lift and scatter, forming a fine grey mist, before falling into the ocean below.

"Goodbye," I whisper into the air. "I love you."

I sit, staring at the horizon, entranced, dazed, until the sound of soft footfalls disturb my silent moment. I don't have to turn around to know who it is, I can feel his presence surround me. What I don't understand is why.

"What are you doing here, Edward?"

"I overheard Esme saying that you were coming here to spread Charlie's ashes," he says nervously. "I didn't want you to be alone...and I thought that maybe we could talk...about us?"

"Did you ever consider that maybe I wanted to be alone? And I thought I made it pretty clear that I didn't want to talk. I can't believe you!"

"Please Bella, I just want a chance to explain," he says, taking a seat at the edge, leaving a few feet between us, looking like a scolded child. "I said I was sorry."

And now he sounds like one too. I'm angry at him, he's preying on my sympathy, hoping I'll forgive him if he continues with this pathetic act. But I refuse to consider his feelings, he didn't care about mine.

"Explain what, Edward? How you verbally abused me while my father was dying? Or maybe how you completely humiliated me in front of your family? And you honestly expect me to forgive you because you apologised? You're a grown man, you can't just say you're sorry and expect everything to be fine!"

"I know that!" he says, his own anger, frustration, leeching into his voice. "I was shocked, okay? I was hurt and confused. I didn't mean those...horrible things I said, I lashed out and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for that. But all I could focus on was that you'd kept secrets from me, lied to me. It reminded me of that whole mess with Tanya -"

"I am not Tanya!" I yell. The comparison is beyond insulting, I never lied or cheated. Yes, I kept things from him but I did it for his own good, to spare him the confusion, the pain. "This isn't about her Edward. She wasn't the one who yelled at me, called me a liar, accused me of using you, she wasn't the one who hurt me. That was all you."

"I know, I know. I just..." he sniffles. If I was brave enough to look at him, his tears would be my undoing. "I wad so...so scared. God, I never wanted anything, anyone, as much as I want you and I could see it all falling apart. I hurt you so fucking much, I know...I'll never forgive myself for doing that to you, for ruining one of the best things I've ever had...for losing you."

His words have a deeper meaning, he hasn't given up on us, but he thinks I have. He is wrong. I'm angry and hurt, but the idea of walking away from Edward forever is unthinkable, I would sooner tear my own heart from my chest. I want to give him hope, but I still need time, I need to work on myself, discover myself, before I can think about an us. I can only hope that when I share this with him, he'll react better than last time.

"You haven't lost me," I begin, looking towards him for the first time. He looks like he's been through hell, but his eyes, wide, staring into mine, look hopeful. "But..." His shoulders slump. "But I need more time."

"Sure, I understand," he interrupts, nodding his head. I wonder if he'll still be understanding when I tell him the rest.

"So...I'm leaving town for a while," I finish.

"When are you coming back?"

"I don't know."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"But you are coming back, right?" I can hear the panic in his voice.

"Yes, I am definitely coming back," I say, putting his fears to rest. "I just need to spend some time alone, to find myself."

"Okay," he says, slowly getting to his feet. "Then I'll wait."

"Edward, I'm not asking you to wa-"

"No I'm waiting," he says determinedly. "I love you, and if you need this time to find yourself, then I'm going to do the same. I'm going to learn my past, no more secrets, no more ignoring it. And when you get back, I'll be here and I'll know everything. You disappeared from my life before but I promise you I won't ever let it happen again."

With that, he turns and walks back down the path.

"I love you too," I whisper to his retreating figure.

Then he's gone.