A/N: Thanks to Kimmie45 who's awesome and gorgeous and who gets these chapters back to me asap even with her busy schedule. And thank you to all those who've added me to your faves or left a review. I appreciate it, and I hope you enjoy.
xoxo
Vertigo
Chapter 11
Edward.
What a shit night. I was lucky I didn't completely fuck it up and send Bella bolting for the ferry before we even finished dinner.
I wanted to explain everything to her, but the more I did the bigger the hole I dug myself into; only succeeding in making me look like a complete idiot.
It's not that I can't have women touch me, it's just...what the hell am I on about? I'm a fucking basket case, and because I'm so hung up on Bella it's only made it worse.
During the week between her Boss's wedding and tonight, we talked on the phone every night. While she's slightly crazy, and talks more than anyone I've ever known, she's really sweet at the same time that I thought...well, I don't know what the Christ I thought, just that I fucked it up before it could go anywhere.
After dinner and into the movie she kept herself deliberately distanced from me. There were no more "darlings" or joking about our shit upbringing, she'd turned quiet and lost in her thoughts. Considering how talkative she is, it only made it more awkward, and it wasn't hard to imagine what was going through her mind, either. She was counting down the seconds until this shit date was over.
. . .
We ride the ferry back to Neutral Bay and then to her place in silence, and by the time I pull up in front of her house I'm pissed off and frustrated at myself.
"Look, Bella," I speak up abruptly, turning to her. She's looking at me, her expression—bloody hell, I don't know what she's thinking. "I'm sorry..."
"God, Edward, no more apologising," she insists, moving her body to face me. "Since I have to ask first, do you want to make the first move, or should I?"
"I-I'm sorry...?"
She rolls her eyes deliberately. "For someone so gorgeous you are really clueless!"
"The first move...?" I'm suddenly bloody terrified. Was does she want to do?
"Christ—you want to kiss me or not?"
"Oh—yeah."
"So who's going to make the first move here? You or me?"
"Me."
"Okay..." She tilts her head, obviously waiting for me.
I only gaze at her for too long, watching as she quirks that brow at me the longer I hesitate. Snapping myself out of it, I lean towards her. My hands immediately turn to water and I'm getting a raging bloody hard on, when I pause as if I've hit a fucking brick wall. "Shit..."
"Why is it you can kiss my cheek, no problem, but you can't kiss my lips?" she asks, and she sounds almost serious.
"Kissing cheeks is impersonal."
"I can kiss you, if you like. I really don't mind," she offers.
"Erm...okay, fuck it."
She leans closer a fraction when she pauses again. "You sure?"
"I'm sure, just bloody do it." I'm frustrated and this is really bloody mortifying.
"You really know how to get a girl in the mood, Edward," she teases me again.
"Shit...I'm sorry."
"Oh my god."
Despite myself, I break into a smile. She's good at lightening the mood, which I'm really grateful for. "Sorry for being sorry," I murmur, my eyes dropping to her lips. They're full and pouty. I want them on mine. I want them everywhere.
She half laughs. "God, you're so adorable it's killing me."
"I'm pretty sure that's something I'm supposed to tell you." I want to tell her she's beautiful, because she is, but I have no idea how she can just say what's on her mind at the drop of a hat.
"Are you stalling?" she quirks a brow.
"How can I be stalling? You're making the first move."
"Well, stop talking. Okay...Christ, I don't want you to head butt me or anything, so should I go about this quick or slow?"
"Erm...You told me to stop talking..."
"Slow, then. One blink for yes, two for no."
I blink.
"Okay, ready?"
I nod, but Christ, I'm so hard it's becoming painful.
She closes the distance between us, her hand making contact with me first, sliding over my cheek before she plants her lips to mine. Her mouth is slightly parted, and I feel the warmth of her breath against my lips, but she doesn't move, and no more than three seconds passes when she breaks apart.
Fuck...It was so good, but not nearly enough.
"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?"
"Fuck, I'm a dickhead."
"You're not a dickhead. Dysfunctional? Yes. Dickhead, no."
"What have I got to be dysfunctional about?" I mumble bitterly. "I mean, compared to you—" When I meet her gaze, the words die on my lips. Her eyes are wide, and she looks like she might be pissed off.
"No breaking my rules!"
"I...shit. I'm sorry..."
"Okay, I'm making another rule."
"Okay...?"
"If you say 'sorry' around me, I'll grab you. Somewhere you'll least expect."
I only stare at her for a moment, wondering whether she's serious or just taking the piss out of me.
"Christ. You wanna come in for coffee?"
Shit... I really bloody do, but I need a cold shower, not coffee.
"Sure." My voice is tight.
She releases her breath as if she's completely relieved as well as exasperated, but it's not that I can blame her. "Come on, then."
She turns toward the door and climbs out. I follow her, locking my car as I do.
When she reaches the front door the porch light comes on, and from the other side her dog starts yapping.
"Mummy's home, Oppa," she calls out, rummaging around in her handbag for her keys. After wrangling them out, she opens the door and I follow her inside.
Her house looks no bigger than a one bedroom, and it's old. At least the turn of the 20th century, but it's been renovated in keeping with the architecture. It opens onto a hall, and to the right is the lounge room with a fireplace and bay window. Adjacent to the lounge is what I assume is a formal dining, but she uses it as a study; there's a desk with a laptop, as well as a million books stacked all over the place. The hall leads to a kitchen and meals area, and opposite the lounge room I can only assume is the bedroom and bathroom.
After flicking on several lights she greets her dog, and the small brown poodle goes ape-shit for her. He sniffs me cautiously, and deciding he doesn't like me, he starts growling.
"Oh, seriously, Oppa?" She talks to him like he's another person. "Pay no attention, Edward. He's a complete sook." She says over her shoulder heading for the kitchen; I trail behind her.
"You still like to read," I point out as we pass her study. There's a sort of organised mess to her house. It's untidy, but clean in a really dysfunctional way; exactly how she'd described me.
"God, yes." Her voice is impassioned. "It's a great way to escape when you have a shit life."
She makes a lot of hidden references to what had happened to her, but again she's too completely cavalier about it that I'm still convinced it's all an act.
"I've read six books in my entire life," I admit, stepping down into the kitchen behind her. "All forced on me for Year 11 and 12 English."
She chuckles softly heading to the counter, where she turns on the kettle. "Take a seat." She motions to the dining table.
I sit myself in a chair closest to her.
"Hey...Bella..." I mumble, because it's still uncomfortable. For me, anyway.
She turns around, her eyebrows raising.
"I'm really sorry...about how awkward I made things tonight."
"You're honestly going to apologise again—despite my warning?" She's teasing me again, and she's really bloody good at making light of a situation.
I break into a small smile. "You went really quiet. I felt like shit."
"I was just giving you some time," say says simply with a shrug before turning her back on me again. "You know what I think, Edward?" she asks behind her refrigerator door, surfacing again holding a carton of milk.
"What...?"
"I think you just have to get desensitised," she answers, and there's a lot bloody more to that statement than she's alluding to.
I smile to myself, breaking her gaze. She takes honesty to a new art form. "Probably."
"God, you weren't nearly this uptight last week in my car. You were actually kind of charming," she points out, stretching on her toes to open a cupboard above the stove and pulling out two mugs.
"We weren't on a date last week," I admit in a quiet voice. She's so honest that I feel like I have to be as well, no matter how much of a dickhead I'll end up looking.
"Is that what got you so spooked?" She turns to me and arches a brow again, before opening the pantry door.
"Erm...yeah, I guess. It's been a while."
"Okay, well, in the future just pretend we're hiding from Leah Clearwater," she suggests lightly, coffee and sugar in her hands.
I grin, too broadly, and almost laugh. "Okay."
"Now, how do you take your latte, darling?"
"Milk, one sugar."
After pouring the coffee, she stirs the two mugs loudly before tossing the spoon in the sink. Then picking up both, she passes me and heads back into the entry hall. "Follow me."
Pulling myself out of the chair, I trail behind her, stiffer than a flag pole, into the lounge room.
After placing the two mugs down on the coffee table, she sits herself on the lounge, and curls her legs beneath her. "Well, come on, handsome." She whacks the seat beside her, but the overall impression she's giving off is casual, and nothing more. Although, I'm really not sure. She's a hard one to work out, and I'm suddenly nervous as hell.
Clearing my throat softly, I sit beside her, and lean forward to pick up the coffee she placed closest to me.
She observes me for a moment, her head slightly tilted again. "Do I have permission to touch you? Christ, are we going to need a contract like that bondage flick, Fifty Shades of Grey?"
"Like what movie?" I ask, confused.
"God, you haven't heard of it?"
"Erm...no. Should I have?"
"I suppose it's more of a lonely housewife's novel than one for hot young guys." She shrugs. "Give me your hand."
"What? Why?"
She rolls her eyes. "Christ, Edward, do you want me to desensitise you, or what?"
I swallow thickly, my entire body immediately tensing. "How...do you plan on doing that?"
"How would you like me to?"
"Jesus, Bella..."
"Okay, Mr. Tension, this is driving me mental. Just give me your hand." Without waiting for me to answer, she takes the mug from my grip, and places it on the coffee table. When she turns back, she takes my left hand in both of hers.
She runs her thumbs over it, turning it over and back again, before tracing the tips of her fingers along the lines of my palm. "This isn't making you nervous?"
"No." I clear my throat again, completely contradicting me, and she smirks slightly to herself.
"You're a really shit liar."
"How old are you, Bella?" I ask, no bloody idea why.
She flashes me a funny look. "Christ, did I lose my memory, or did you?"
"Jesus..." I murmur. This apathy she has to what happened to her is really bloody fucked up.
"Have you forgotten my rules?" She's not really serious. "And think very carefully before you apologise."
"Okay..." I concede with a small smile, but Christ, she's so at ease it's hard to withstand. It's actually pretty bloody hot.
"I'm twenty six," she answers, before leaning closer, my hand still caught between hers. "Now, tell me if I'm making you uncomfortable."
"You're not making me uncomfortable," I reply, my voice restricting.
"You really are too bloody gorgeous to be this unsure of yourself." She releases one of her hands before running the tips of her fingers over my jaw.
"That's because you're really too bloody blunt," I reply, attempting to imitate her in an effort to distract myself.
"I'm not blunt, I'm honest. There's a difference. Christ, you smell good."
"Uh...so do you..." My entire body is tense and straining, and I'm two fucking seconds from coming in my pants.
She scoffs a laugh softly through her nose, and moves even closer.
"What did your mother do to you? Her voice drops to a near whisper, and she's so close to me that her breath washes over my face.
"She fucked me over," I reply, my voice dropping to a whisper. "Bella..."
She shakes her head slightly, and places a finger to my lips. After a short moment she removes it and kisses me. It's only brief when she pulls back before placing her hand on my thigh and leaning into me. "Tell me what she did to you, Edward," she says, her voice slightly wavering. "And I don't want you to feel like you have to compare it to what happened to me."
I shake my head. I don't want her to stop what she's doing, but this is not something I can do.
"Bella..." She kisses me again, only this time it's longer and deeper, but at the same time, she's being too bloody careful with me.
"You just need to replace it with another memory," she murmurs against my ear before she again takes my lips with hers.
I close my eyes, focusing only on her mouth that connects with mine, on her closeness, and the warmth of her body heat. "My...my...mother..."
"Keep going." She places her hands to my face, pushing them into my hair, while her lips move to my jaw, my neck...
"She...got...she got Emmett..."
Slowly, she slides her palm down my neck and over my shoulders, where she grabs a fistful of my shirt and tugs me closer to her. And this time when she kisses me, I'm not sure it's going to end, but Christ, I don't want it to.
She presses herself further against me, and I angle my body to fully face her and lean into to her, but it's uncomfortable. She's a lot smaller than I am, and I'm getting a crick in my neck.
Wrapping my arms around her I pull her closer to me, and in the next moment, Bella pulls herself onto my lap; her legs on either side of mine. "Tell me, Edward..." she coaxes me, her lips grazing against mine before they part and merge with them fully, taking me deeper with her again.
"She...got Emmett to beat me with a cricket bat..." The words spill from my lips when she releases me, and I'm beginning to feel like I'm out of my mind. But before I can stop myself and react to it, her mouth closes over mine, instantly making me forget what I'd just revealed to her; making me lose myself in her even more.
My skin is burning, and she's grinding against me—whether she's aware of it or not. I'm struggling to hang on, but at the same time I don't want to, and every second that passes with her weight over me, and her mouth against mine, I'm coming undone.
"Don't stop... Keep going..." She's pulling clumsily at my belt, but I'm barely aware of it. I don't know what the hell is going on, just that I no longer want her to stop.
"I-I had five...b-broken ribs...she made me tell the doctor I fell off the roof. Jesus...I want you, Bella." My breath is beginning to shorten. I don't know what the hell's happening, just that she's cracking me, and I want her to.
"I know you do..." she whispers against my parted lips. She has my pants unzipped, and her hand is inching into my underwear. "And you can have me, I promise." Then before I'm barely aware of what's happening, she wraps her hand fully around my dick.
I shudder and almost lunge off the lounge. "Oh—shit!" On instinct, I wrap my hand around hers, but I don't know what for; it's not to stop her.
"Edward, listen to me," she meets my gaze and her eyes are serious. "I want you to give me all your pain, and I'll hold it for you, but you have to let it go. Okay...?"
I nod a little too jerkily and utter out a muffled groan, but at the same time, I really don't want to lose my shit in her hand.
Her mouth closes over mine again while her hand squeezes and then pulls, and I'm practically bloody twitching. I drop my head back against the cushion of the lounge and close my eyes, struggling to contain this mountain of arousal she's suddenly plunging me into.
She kisses me unlike I have ever been kissed before. Her lips merging with mine deeply and repeatedly, while her mouth opens to me each time she does. I'm finding it hard to keep my brain focused on where her hand is, while concentrating on what her mouth is doing, until I'm beginning to feel scrambled. I keep my hand clamped around hers, and she laces her fingers with mine until I'm practically jerking myself off.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm conscious of the fact that shit's about to get really bloody messy, but it's too late now. I'm well past the point of no return.
I'm beginning to flush with heat. Heat that's causing sweat to bead over the surface of my skin, while the burning energy expanding from me shoots down my arms and legs. I'm practically choking behind it, and it's almost bloody painful, except it isn't. I just realise that I've never been with a woman who could pull this kind of physical reaction from me before.
She squeezes her hand around me one more time and it's enough to push me over the edge. Uttering a completely bloody fucked up groan against her lips, I let myself go. And Jesus...
I'm suddenly exhausted, like I've just run the bloody City to Surf. My hands fall from around her to my sides, and I fight to catch my breath.
"Fucking hell..." is all I manage to say. My pulse is throbbing at my temple, my throat, bloody everywhere.
Bella's quiet as she runs her hands through my hair, before she pulls my head forward. My face drops against the curve of her neck, and I groan again softly, because I feel like I'm about to have a bloody stroke.
Her skin is soft, and she really does smell nice. I close my eyes and clear my mind for a moment until I can think clearly again.
"Bella...what the hell just happened?" She pulls back, and my head slumps forward, my chin thudding to my chest. "Holy shit..." I'm in complete disbelief and I think I mean to laugh, but it comes out sounding like I'm drunk and incoherent.
Taking my hand in hers, she raises it and then drops it again. I don't have the bloody energy left to control my own body, and it flops heavily back to the cushion beside me.
"He's finally relaxed." She laughs gently, muffling it against my lips as she kisses me again. "Christ, darling, I though your head was going to explode."
"It might have. I'm not sure yet." I mumble, grinning drunkenly with my eyes still closed. "Where the hell did you learn to do that?"
"From my shrink. For a thousand bucks an hour, he'd want to teach me how to extract demons."
*City to Surf – 14 kilometre (8.5 miles) run from the Sydney CBD to Bondi Beach.
ETA: Bella's shrink does not teach her how to give good hand jobs, but how to replace bad memories with positive experiences. Hope that helps :)
A/N: Let me know how you liked, or didn't. Or you can flounce. It's all good. If you feel the need to attack this story at least try and be constructive.
MWAH xoxo