Warnings: Sap. Crying. Yeah. Well, come onnn…I mean, it's Blackbird, for crying out loud! (no pun intended --;; ) You thought I could get a chapter past without sap and crying??! Naïve, naïve little people. ^_~

Notes: Uhhh…yeah. Hi. **sheepish wave** As you mmmmmmight have noticed, updates on my part have been relatively slim in the past few weeks. ^^;; It's not my choice, really! Blame my history professor! We have to read about two books a week. And it stinks. And usually, after all that reading, I'm too tired to think, and wind up watching the Real World marathon on MTV. **hangs head in shame** Oh, come on, though; there are cute gay guys on The Real World!!! And cute gay guys are cool. Anywayyy…the point is, I'll really try to keep up with my fanfics. ^_^ And I have actually started the next chapter of YAS, as well as the next chapter of FOD and the next Gilbert and Sullivan parody. But we'll see how much time I get to work on them. I can only promise that I'll do it whenever I can. **nodnod** Although the Gilbert and Sullivan one will probably come next, because it's easy for me to do those when I'm in a tired and slap-happy mood. You know: "Ahahahahahaha!! I'm so tired!! But "unfortunate" rhymes with "importunate!" WAHAHAHA!!!!!!" Ehem. The other ones actually require me to process my thoughts, though! So that's why they take a long time when I have lots of other crap to do. **nodnod** But I hope all of you are doing well, and thanks for reading my storyyy!! Hope you like, despite the sappiness! ^_^;;

BLACKBIRD

~~*~~

Chapter Eleven:

The Regression

Mitsukake.

She couldn't know. She could never know.

He couldn't bring himself to speak, reaching out a hand to steady himself against the desk and feeling his knees go slightly wobbly. This strange girl, this strange girl whom he had called on false information and against his better judgment, she knew him somehow. She recognized him as Ryuuen and Houjun had recognized him; that one name coming from her mouth had been enough to knock the wind out of him, because he realized…

…Maybe she wasn't so strange, after all. Because, for some inexplicable reason…she was familiar. Ryuuen had been right.

"Mitsukake!" the voice on the phone continued, trembling with contained joy and disbelief. "Is that you?? It is, isn't it?? Say something; please, say something!"

Myojuan opened his mouth, struggled for a few moments, and finally forced his voice to obey him. "Y…Yuuki-dono," he said. "I haven't called about myself. I…I am a psychiatric doctor in America, and two of my patients…wanted me to contact you." He needed to push the focus of conversation away from himself, because otherwise, they would make his mind into Jell-o. And Suzaku knew they didn't need any more goddamn Jell-o at Bentley Park.

"A…a psychiatrist?" the girl asked softly, subdued and confused. "Mitsukake… you sound strange, are you all right?"

He closed his eyes. "With all respect, Yuuki-dono, I'm calling for my patients."

There was a lengthy silence, her breathing audible in a country thousands of miles away, and she finally said, "I…I understand. Please; who are your patients?"

"Ryuuen Chou and Houjun Ri," he replied. "They thought calling you would… prove that a story they told us was true."

She made a tiny sound that could have been a sob or a small cry of joy, and when she spoke again, he thought she had begun to cry. "Nuriko," she whispered. "Chichiri. You found them. We've found each other; I knew we would, I knew it!"

And he realized that he knew what she looked like.

A small girl with large, green eyes set in a round face, reddish-brown hair almost always done up in two buns on each side of her head… He could see her smiling, walking around cheerfully, bringing joy to whoever met her, whether they liked it or not. He could see her heartbroken, tears coursing down her face like rain in the bloody snow.

He knew her.

"Mitsu… Iie. Yamada-san," she said seriously, fighting to keep her emotions in check, "we're going to come see you. We have to. Is that all right?"

What to say? On one hand, she knew far more than she had any right to know, and could very well be the answer to Ryuuen's problem. On the other hand, how on earth could she know?? How could what Ryuuen and Houjun had said be real? And if it was real, what did that say about him? If it was real, he would have to readdress the very Mitsukake Question which had already caused so much trouble…

If Miaka is real and she knows Ryuuen and Houjun and they know her that means they knew me too and what they were saying was true about Miaka so it's true about me and bloody hell!!

He suddenly felt very weak in the knees, and let himself sink into the smooth leather armchair behind the desk. "O…of course," he heard himself say, defeated. "Of course. You should come." This is the right thing to do. She can help Ryuuen. "Let me give you the phone number of the hospital, and I'll explain exactly where we're located…" Forget about the whole fantasy world thing. Ignore it. She can help Ryuuen, and that's what's important.

He gave her the name of the nearest international airport, as well as driving directions to the hospital; when he asked her if she understood how to rent a car, and if she thought she knew enough English to get by, she only laughed.

"Don't worry! I have a friend who speaks fluent English, as well as Chinese, French, Spanish, Russian…hmm, probably more, too. He also travels a lot, so he'll know what to do."

She said "WE'RE going to come." That's right, he thought. He wanted to ask who she was bringing, and if they came from the book, too…but then decided against it, since asking would have implied belief.

"We'll be there as soon as we can," Miaka continued, and paused. "Dr…Dr. Yamada…"

"…Yes?"

"I…" she swallowed. "I know you won't understand this, and I guess it sounds pretty stupid. But…I just wanted to say that I missed you, and I'm so happy to hear your voice again."

Again…

"And please…please tell Nuriko and Chichiri that I miss them, too…and that I love them." Her voice had faded, becoming choked, but he could tell that she was crying because she was happy.

I missed you, too, Miaka.

"Ahhh…certainly, I'll tell them," he said, pushing the thought away. "And… we'll be expecting you."

When he hung up the phone, slightly dazed, he remained staring at the opposite wall for a good five minutes until a purposeful throat-clearing reached his ears from across the room. Moving his head around to face Freddie, he found the man pretending to go through the books on one of his shelves; suddenly, apparently feeling Myojuan's eyes on him, the Englishman paused, looked up, and regarded his coworker with an innocent expression.

"Oh?" he said. "Are you off the phone?"

Myojuan raised his eyebrow.

"What, ahhhh…" The shorter man brushed some dust off of one of the books' covers, obviously trying to come across as half-interested. "What did she say?"

Rolling his eyes, Myojuan swirled back and forth in the rotating leather chair, leaning his head back to stare at the off-white ceiling. "She's coming."

"REALLY??? Well, that's marvelous!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh, I mean…Oh! How nice." Freddie grinned at him sheepishly.

He shook his head, and opened his mouth to fill Freddie in about what was happening, as Freddie was the most convenient person to tell, when there was a knock on the office door, and he paused in mid-breath. Undaunted, Freddie ambled over to open it, revealing a rather flustered Ruth Gainsley.

"Dr. Barrington," she said breathily, "I'm so sorry to bother you, but please, will you allow Houjun to see Ryuuen? I've looked for Dr. Yamada to ask him, as well, but I can't seem to…"

"I'm right here," Myojuan cut in kindly, standing up and moving to Freddie's side, where she could see him plainly. A sudden worry sprang into his chest at her urgency. "What's wrong?"

Ruth took a breath, and offered him a comforting smile. "It's…it's really not critical. It's kind of silly, actually, but…well, Ryuuen's crying. And I know we're not supposed to humor the patients too much, but…he asked for Houjun, and I don't see the harm in that." She looked up at him hopefully, then moved her wide eyes to Freddie. "I wanted to check with you both first, of course, but… It's been so wonderful to see Ryuuen so happy these past few days, and to have him back like this…" She shook her head. "Please, won't you bring Houjun to see him?"

Freddie pursed his lips and looked up at Myojuan, his eyes saying that he would certainly allow it if Myojuan agreed. The taller man remembered his violent avowal, only minutes before, not to let Ryuuen and Houjun see each other any more, and hesitated.

If they're really insane, then being together is not going to help them. Playing together in this fantasy only makes it seem more real, and that's not what either one of them needs.

But if what they said is true—a theory now supported by a girl in Japan, for crying out loud—then the separation could be even more damaging. And even if it's not true, they seem to draw so much from each other…So what, then, is the more immediate of the two problems? If they're insane, something will have to be done about it. But they're less insane when they're together than they are when they're apart, if that makes any sense at all. And Ryuuen…

His heart clenched. Ryuuen was the immediate problem. He was so depressed; Myojuan himself had seen it earlier that day, and there was a definite possibility that it might become dangerous. The "insanity" that the two of them had displayed was severe, but not dangerous. And Ryuuen's happiness was more important right now.

"Go get Houjun," he said quietly to Freddie, and moved out into the hallway with Ruth. "Keeping them apart would do more harm than good." Hearing his friend exhale in relief, he headed toward Ryuuen's room with the young nurse at his side.

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To his surprise, Dr. Blake was there when he arrived, leaning against the wall by the door and biting her lip as if in agony. Her arms were folded tightly across her chest, her chin tilted down; she looked up quickly when she heard them approach, and straightened up, eyes wide.

"Dr. Blake," Myojuan said in way of greeting, reaching for the doorknob.

"Let me see him," was her calm reply, the smoothness of her tone making him pause. He turned to look her in the eyes, and saw the glittering torture within them. "Please," she begged quietly. "I won't go in if you say no. But I've seen him through the window"—she gestured to the glass panel lodged in the door—"I've heard him crying, and it's so frustrating not to be able to help him. It's been so long…but he trusted me, Myojuan." She stared at him pleadingly, clutching the charm of her necklace in one hand, and he hesitated again.

Would Emma bring back unwanted memories, or would she truly be a comfort to him? Should he even take the chance? Ryuuen was so fragile right now, and if anything were to upset him further…

But he saw in her eyes that she wouldn't harm him. He saw it, and so he nodded wordlessly, stepping aside to let her enter. Besides, Ryuuen was still mad at him, and he didn't see what good he could do at the moment.

Dr. Blake smiled in relief, and took a breath, walking slowly into the room; Myojuan followed her closely, and Ruth, as well. Ryuuen had his back to them, curled up on his bed; his shoulders were hunched up and shook as he cried, his good arm flung over his head as if to hide his face. His tears were silent save for gasping breaths and tiny sobbing sounds that escaped periodically; Myojuan had never once even considered the possibility that Ryuuen's crying could be a plea for attention, but if the thought had ever flitted across his mind, it was dispelled immediately. The child was trying to hide his tears, taking special care—or, so he thought—that no one would hear him.

But he could see, and he could hear. And it cut into him like a knife.

Freddie, he pleaded, hurry. I can't bear to see him like this, not after I've seen him so happy.

He and Ruth stopped halfway across the small room, and Emma continued to walk until she had come around to Ryuuen's side of the bed. Then, slowly, she placed her hands on her thighs and sat down beside him; Myojuan saw the boy flinch as he realized his misery was on display, and he fought the lump that had formed in his throat.

He wanted to believe that he had nothing to do with Ryuuen's present state, that denying the identity that Ryuuen had offered him did not factor into his tears. It was just stress, and the boy was tired; he'd always been on shaky emotional ground, after all. Emma had said so. And whatever abuse he had received had happened a long time ago, but it almost certainly hadn't been treated properly, and therefore would still affect Ryuuen deeply. He'd have to set about taking care of that, he thought fleetingly, because it had already gone too long without treatment.

But despite these elements, there was no way he could remove himself from the equation.

It was he who had, however inadvertently, caused Ryuuen to slam his hand in the bathroom door. It was he who had taken him away from the comfort of Houjun's presence. And, it was he who had brought the boy such hope and happiness, only to rip it away when confronted with his theories.

If I had let him believe I was Mitsukake, he wouldn't be crying right now. He'd feel safe. He wouldn't have hurt himself.

And if I hadn't pretended to believe his fantasies, he wouldn't have been so shattered when I told him I didn't.

Did he believe them now? …He still wasn't certain. The evidence was there—the coincidences that Freddie had so staunchly defended, and the fact that he knew what Miaka looked like, and Hotohori, as well—but he still couldn't let himself believe it. As a student of psychiatry, he just couldn't. No matter how much evidence was presented, logic simply did not account for magical storybooks.

Seated on the pale comforter adorning the bed, Emma reached out a slender hand and stroked Ryuuen's hair as he tried to hide his tears, his slim body trembling with the effort. Though her back was to Myojuan, she had turned her head to the side, and the big doctor could see the sad smile that pulled at her lips. "Hey, my little princess," she said, her voice soft, gentle, comforting. "You gonna tell me why you're cryin?"

With one more gasp, Ryuuen's wrenching sobs stopped, and he breathed heavily, trying to calm himself. His shoulders stilled, and then, ever so slowly, he drew his arm down from his head, revealing his tear-stained face bit by bit. His eyes were huge, fighting the swelling with surprise, as he saw who had spoken to him.

Still playing with his hair, Emma's smile deepened. "Hey, baby," she said.

Ryuuen made a choking sound and twisted on the bed, pushing himself into a sitting position with his good arm. The beautiful woman before him let her hand fall to her lap, regarding him warmly.

"D…Dr. Blake?" the boy gasped out, his voice cracking on the name, his thin chest heaving, and Emma nodded slowly.

"That's right, honey," she said finally, nearly whispering, and Myojuan remembered her saying that Ryuuen had hardly spoken when he'd been in her care. "It's been a while, huh?"

Watery violet eyes, still wide with surprise, studied her face for a long moment, traveling across her cropped hair, her smooth, bare shoulders, her lips, her cheeks. And then, suddenly, Ryuuen let out a short, pained sigh. His mouth trembling, the tears spilling from his eyes as his lashes fluttered briefly closed, he moved his body forward. Slowly, almost painstakingly, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and scooted closer to Emma.

For a moment, the two of them simply sat there with their backs to Myojuan and Ruth, the boy's back heaving periodically as he still fought to contain his sorrow. Ryuuen wasn't looking at Emma, but he had tilted his head toward her, nestled against his hunched shoulder; it was almost as if he was sending out a mental plea for contact, but afraid or embarrassed to be the first one to act. But when Emma finally raised her hand again to his head, he let his emotions overtake his pride and fear; with a choked but audible sob, he leaned into his former psychiatrist, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. As she put her arms around him, cradling his head against her, he began to weep in earnest, any attempts at stifling the sound proving unsuccessful.

"Shh, baby," Dr. Blake murmured, stroking his hair. "Shh. No one can hurt you here, sweetie… You just cry, okay? You just go on and cry…"

It was hard for Myojuan to tear his eyes away, to give the two their privacy. But he gave a meaningful look to Ruth, who had put a hand to her mouth, and motioned toward the door. They left Dr. Blake with Ryuuen crying in her arms, and stepped back out into the chilly hall; when Myojuan had gently closed the door behind them, Ruth sighed and wiped a stagnant tear from her eye.

When the doctor offered her his handkerchief—or, then again, maybe it was Freddie's—she laughed in embarrassment, sniffling, and brought out her own. "Thanks," she said in a small voice, and wiped her nose. "Ahh! I don't know what it is with that kid. He just…pulls at my heart, you know?"

Myojuan folded his arms and smiled a little. "I understand. He seems…too gentle to suffer, doesn't he?"

She nodded in agreement.

"What's this? A convention in the hall?" came an unmistakable voice from a few yards away, echoing off the painted brick walls of the building. "And I wasn't invited? Now, really; I'm hurt, Myojuan."

"Sorry, Freddie; the English aren't invited," Myojuan replied, without looking up. "We're afraid you might try to colonize the hospital."

"I wouldn't talk about imperialistic ancestors, if I were you."

The bigger man raised his eyes to see Freddie approaching with an anxious-looking Houjun at his side. The blue-haired patient was nearly wringing his hands with worry, his brow creased and his face pale.

"What's wrong?" Houjun asked. "Why are we waiting outside? Is N… Is he all right?"

He's afraid. He's afraid that something might have happened, that he'll have his only friend torn away from him again. If anything should happen to Ryuuen at this point, or to Houjun, how would the other one cope?

No. Whatever happens, we can't keep them apart. It would kill them more quickly than any mental instability.

"Give him a moment," Myojuan said gently. "He's all right. He needs you, but I think, right now, he needs something else more."

Freddie blinked, and Houjun frowned slightly. "W…what? What does he need?"

Turning his head back toward the door to Ryuuen's room, Myojuan sighed, then tilted his chin down to his chest. "A mother," he said.

~~*~~

Pour un instant, j'ai retourné mon miroir
Ça m'a permis enfin de mieux me voir

(For an instant, I turned my mirror around
And that permitted me to finally see myself better)

TBC…

BLACKBIRD AKUGI!!! Whose Line Style!

Drew Carey: Now it's time for the game "Change!" Our Heroes will reenact a scene from the story above, but whenever Ryan says "Change!" the last person to speak has to change their line! Ready?? OKAY!!

Myojuan: He's all right. He needs you, but I think, right now, he needs something else more.

Freddie: **blink**

Houjun: W…what? What does he need?

Myojuan: A mother.

Ryan Stiles: Change!

Myojuan: A tuna.

Ryan Styles: Change!!

Myojuan: A sex-change operation. --;;

Drew Carey: Okay, okay…let's try that again. Take Two!!

All: **groan**

Myojuan: He's all right. He needs you, but I think, right now, he needs something else more.

Freddie: **blink**

Houjun: W…what? What does he need?

Myojuan: A mother. Ahh, damn!

Ryan Stiles: Change!

Myojuan: …A baloney sandwich!!

Ryan Stiles: Change!!!

Myojuan: --;;; An acting career!!

Ryan Stiles: Change!!!

Myojuan: A FLUFFY BUNNY!!!!!

Ryuuen: O.O;;;;

Emma: Hey, Ryuuen!

Ryuuen: Hmm?

Emma: Why do you cry so much?

Ryuuen: Well, I mean, obviously because I was molested as a child and no one believes my stories about my past life and I'm lonely and anorexic and they won't let Houjun come stay with me and Hotohori-sama is God knows where.

Ryan Stiles: Change!!

Ryuuen: ….--;;; Because I'm really a rooster.

^_^;;;