A/N #1: You know what mac advised me to stick to that chapter? Yes, a language warning. Everyone who's not surprise, please raise your hand now.

Eleven

Greenspan

Well… that was probably not the kind of survival exercise Tom and Evan had in mind when they planned it. Instead of the usual bruises, occasional bouts of flu or maybe sprained ankles we have… an arm broken twice, a graze shot to another arm and a knife flesh wound to a leg I recently treated for a gun shot. Nice results, all in all.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't be that sarcastic because we also have two dead traitors and one in custody. I still would have preferred option number one – that is the usual scrapes instead of what we finally delivered into the infirmary – but yeah… can't have everything. Now… where's my roommate? I'm pretty sure she's done in the infirmary now…

"Why didn't you tell me, Dee?" Oh, that's Maureen's voice, coming out of the common room ahead of me… and she doesn't sound… happy. I edge closer. "Why didn't any of you tell me?" Uh-oh… please someone tell me she isn't talking about what I'm afraid she's talking about. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't my place, ma'am." And that's Dee – I won't even try to figure out how he might have escaped the infirmary with a flesh wound in his leg – his voice sounding somehow tight. Crap. This is about Maureen somehow having found out about the last missing piece of the bio-weapons lab mission… and the way she sounded… she found out the hard way… oh God, someone please tell me she didn't find out sometime during the hostage situation. I have to…

"Yeah, your place is quite comfortable." She did find out during the hostage situation. There's no other way that could explain the sharpness in her tone. I've never before heard her talk like this and Dee is about the last person I would have guessed she'd talk to like this. "In fact, you never have to face any uncomfortable situations because you can always leave it to the officers." Alright… that's enough. Now I really…

"With all due respect, ma'am, I think it's better if we just stop this conversation before either of us might do something they might regret later." Dee really doesn't sound happy. I can understand that… seeing as there was obviously a connection between him and the third traitor, a certain First Sergeant Catalina Noruega. I tried to find out a bit more about her in the short time I had since we arrived back but no one could – or would – tell me anything about her. They wouldn't even tell me if she really worked for the NID… really, I've never seen so many walls go up so fast before. And I hadn't even really started digging. So yeah… Dee must feel pretty horrible right now.

"Oh, right, of course. It's just me. Why tell me I shot a guy in the head? Ah yeah, it wasn't your place to do so. But it was surely Laura's. Any idea why she didn't tell me?" Okay, that's my cue now. If I don't intervene now… I fear for irrevocable damage between Maureen and Dee and it would be my fault.

I finally take a step into the common room and announce my entry with a discrete clearing of my throat. "Because Tom asked me not to." Yeah, that's right, blame Tom for everything… even though it's your fault.

Dee and Maureen both look at me now, Maureen a little… disbelieving and Dee… something between hurt and exhausted. For a moment it's silent, then Maureen makes an attempt to say something… stops herself… starts again. "Leave me alone. All of you… just leave me alone." With that, she brushes past me and I'm almost sure I saw her eye shimmering wet with tears. Holy crap. What did I do?

After another moment of stunned silence, I turn to Dee and sigh a little resigned. "Go on, say it."

He raises his eyebrow. "Say what, ma'am?"

I sigh again. "That it's all my fault."

For a moment… it almost looks like he will say that but then all he says is, "I won't, ma'am… because it's simply not my place to say it." Okay, Dee is not in a talkative mood today. Not that surprising, granted. "However… if it was my place to say it… I'd say that it was our fault." Oh… oh, that is surprising. It almost… sounds like he said it to… comfort me. Although I'm probably the one that needs the least comfort of us all.

Too touched to talk for a moment, I can finally bring myself to say, "Nice try, Dee." Aw, crap, it wasn't supposed to sound that gruff. Damn, I need to go to bed. We all need to go to bed. I sigh again. "Dee… do me a favor? Let the med team I will now call lead you back to the infirmary and try to stay there at least for the night. I'd even go as far as babysit you but I have a seriously pissed off Marine to track down to make sure she doesn't get herself into trouble. Think you can do that?"

Mh… did I just see him blush when I said the babysitting-thing? Well… maybe I shouldn't have because that was really just a tad over the top. But yeah, it wouldn't be Dee if he would let anyone – let alone me – make him uncomfortable with just a little remark like that. He just says, almost in his usual dry tone, "Yes, ma'am. I think I can. Barely, but… yes."

Trying not to show too much relief, I call the infirmary and then am almost off to go looking for Maureen when Dee clears his throat. "Could you please do me a favor, ma'am?" I raise my eyebrows. "Make sure you find Lieutenant Reece. I… didn't get to tell her I'm sorry for holding out on her with crucial information concerning her, yet." Oh Dee… she bitched at you and you still are sorry for not telling her? Your mountain of guilt must be even higher than mine.

I try to give him an encouraging smile. "I'll do my best. Good night, Dee."

And finally he can bring himself to smile, at least a little bit. "Good night, ma'am." Well, then… on to finding my elusive Marine.

Reece

I want to go home. I want my bed. I want… I want this memory to disappear again.

And I want myself to stop being such a whiny brat. All I'd have to do would be call Laura and ask her for a lift home… but after the exit I just pulled… after the horrible things I just said to Dee which Laura must have heard… I just… can't. I haven't changed a bit. I'm still whiny, I'm still immature, I'm still unable to face my mistakes, weaknesses and darkest moments. Because that thing in the bio-weapons lab? Prime dark moment. I must have killed that guy from close up, only a few feet away from him and I pumped two bullets into his head, without hesitation, without…

"Maureen?" Why does she have to do that? Why does she have to be such a good superior, such a good friend? "Come on, Maureen… let's get home."

Home… I feel a hand on my shoulder that squeezes it gently and then her presence beside me. She waits for me to say something… and I want to but all I can manage is a strangled… something between a sob and a coherent word. I turn to her… and maybe it's the genuine worry and guilt on her face that makes my initial anger go away and only leaves the disorientation and feeling of being completely lost again behind.

Somehow, Laura seems to have seen it even in the semi-dark of the parking lot and after a moment of insecurity simply engulfs me in a hug. I can't help hugging her back, realizing how much I just wanted someone to give me a little comfort after everything that happened today. She lets me cry in silence for a few moments and then says, "I'm sorry, Maureen. I should have convinced him to let me tell you but I thought he'd do it right, just once."

I just shake my head. I'm too tired to talk about this now. I'm… I'm too tired to talk about anything right now. "Could we just… go home?"

She looks at me for a moment, as if to determine if I'm still mad at her but I guess all she sees now is fatigue so in the end she nods and says, "Sure." Then she smiles a little. "I'll even try to drive carefully."

That elicits a reluctant smile, even from me. "Try being the operative word, huh?"

She sighs. "I deserved that one, huh?" I just shrug apologetically. With that, we walk over the dark parking lot to her car. When we have almost reached it… she takes a deep breath. "Maureen… I guess you don't want to talk about it but… maybe we still should. Now, I mean."

Oh, Laura… why can't you just let it lie? Why do you always have to talk about everything right when it happens – or at least as soon as you can? Wordlessly I get into the car, lean my head against the headrest and close my eyes. Sleep… oh yeah, that would be nice. But she wouldn't give it a rest, anyway. As she gets into the car, I sigh. "Alright, fine. But let's get this over with on the drive home, okay? I swear… I won't talk a word about this the moment I cross the threshold."

She starts the car, rolls her eyes and says, "Fair enough. So… like I said… it was my fault. I should have… insisted on Tom letting me do the talking." Well… we've already been there. When she realizes I'm not going to give her a direct answer to that, she changes lanes in her usual… interesting way and continues talking, "He's… he really sucks at this kind of thing. You know psycho stuff and being sensitive and all that. I asked him to let me do it… tell you about you shooting Robbins and everything, I mean." She throws me a look again and I start feeling uncomfortable. But I allowed her to break the topic, so I have to go through with it now. "He told me he could handle it because it's his duty and you deserved to hear it from your CO and all that… Damn, I should have known he'd screw this one up royally." Agitated, she hits the steering wheel and only marginally misses the horn.

And what did she mean… I deserve it? "Laura… I get all this but what I really want to know is… why didn't you just tell me, either of you… all of you?"

She takes a deep breath. "You should ask that Tom. It was his decision to wait with it and not even I can look so far into his head… and sometimes not even I have the right to speak for him. All I can do is tell you why I didn't tell you and that's because Tom asked me not to do it. And that I'm sorry about not convincing him to let me do it."

I look out of the window, into the dark; let the city lights swirl by. I should be at least irritated that she's using the Major as an excuse but for some reason… I fail to convince myself that she is. Laura… Laura is pretty good at lying but she doesn't like to do it. And as far as I know… she never lies to her friends, about things like this. She really doesn't know – or doesn't feel like she has the right to tell me – why the Major didn't just tell me… and she feels genuinely sorry for all of that.

"Maureen?" I turn back to her and she throws me a short almost anxious look before concentrating on the road again… and thank God for that.

However… I guess I owe her an answer. "It's… okay, Laura. I see… I see why you didn't tell me. I just…"

She bites her lip. "I know he doesn't deserve it but… go easy on him this time, Maureen. I'm pretty sure he didn't do it to harm you. He just… he just didn't know better." But shouldn't he? Know better, I mean. As a CO with several years of leadership experience under his belt, missions to God knows where… Laura throws me another look. "I know what you're thinking, Maureen… and basically you're right. But this is Tom we're talking about here." I just raise an eyebrow. Yeah… so? Point being? "Tom… doesn't do talking really well. I don't know when exactly it happened but somewhere during the time he vanished from everyone's radar – including mine – they simply bred it out of him. He was difficult with talking before… but after that it took me at least a year to get him almost back to normal at least."

I throw her a look. She stares out at the road but now she's doing it because she doesn't want to meet my eyes, I'm pretty sure about that. Laura and the Major… they have so much history that no one will ever understand everything between them, maybe not even themselves. What she did just now was… basically very close to betraying his trust. She told me something about him only very few people know – maybe the two of us and Dee are the only ones – and that she probably wasn't supposed to tell me. It also reminded me of the fact that I'm not the only one in the team who's pretty screwed up. I sigh again. "We'll see about that. I just… I need a little time, Laura. Give me that at least, okay?"

And damn, she actually managed to make me start regretting how I behaved at the Major's bed. God… I can only hope he'll never tell her about that one because he was still too drugged to remember much of it. Or maybe… I should simply tell her about. Just not… today. She pulls into the street where we live. "Okay. Just don't wait too long. Tom's also not exactly the most patient of guys." Yeah, I know that as well.

"Really? Could have fooled me," I deadpan and she snorts, parking the car almost right before our door.

"Good to know you haven't lost your sense of humor." We get out of the car and I smirk at her.

"Yeah, but I might if I don't get into bed in the next five minutes." She sticks out her tongue and wants to answer something but then her cell phone rings. With a groan, she pulls it out of her handbag and gestures for me to let her take care of the call and go into the house anyway. Having been brought up to respect other people's privacy I simply turn around and trudge up the stairs.

When I'm about to unlock our apartment's door, I can hear the front door open and Laura coming in, saying, "Tom… if you want to ask about Maureen… just fucking do it. Since when are you of the pussyfooting kind?" Damn. Damndamndamn. Now he'll tell her about my little "visit" to his bedside and then… "Wow, you genius. Of course she's pissed off. How do I know? Well… I actually talked to her… unlike you, you moron." Uh… this is not what I anticipated… and I certainly shouldn't be lurking around here. A little panicky I make another attempt at unlocking the door while hearing Laura coming up the stairs… and pausing again to talk… a lot softer than before. "Don't worry, Tom. She'll be out cold the minute her head hits the pillow… but otherwise she's fine. Seriously… no, it's just a scratch and she'll be fine in a few days. Tom, stop badgering me!"

No, my hands are not shaking. No, I'm not getting giddy at the thought of the Major being worried about me enough to call Laura from the SGC. No, I'm… Yay, I just got the door to open right in time to vanish inside fast enough that Laura doesn't catch me eavesdropping. Which I wasn't, anyway. But one can never be too careful.

Thank God my room is the one closest to the door and so I can disappear right in time for Laura to come in… and end her conversation with the Major, "I swear, if you actually make me peek into her room…" You won't, sir. I know you won't. Please… "Good boy. Now go to sleep yourself. Yeah… night, Tom." A little anxiously, I listen but… the only thing is Laura huffing a little… and then her door opening. Phew.

As fast as I can, I get ready for bed and slip under the covers… and am really almost asleep the moment my head touches my pillow. But not fast enough, though, not to notice my door opening for a short moment and then softly being closed again. Well… it is nice to have friends who look after you, after all… and that's a nice thought to drift to sleep with.

A/N #2: Awww, someone's boss suddenly discovered he has something of a heart... uh, yeah. Anyway. One chapter to go, folks, and we're done! Oh, also... usually I don't do it because I can't stand it when other authors do it but... people, I can see you're clicking on this story and you're also clicking on more than one chapter. Would it be asked too much of you to leave a little feedback? (no, not you, asugar, you're excused from leaving feedback... in case you're reading this story, I mean) :S But of course thanks to everyone who actually did! You're shining examples for everyone else for taking a few minutes to say something about this story and uh... I'll just... stop talking now. Yeah.