During the ride back home, Caroline was glaring at me for a reason I knew all too well. She was furious to see me enter the ball with Eric. What made me cautious was that she was quietly staring at me with her piercing eyes like a predator ready to pounce on its prey. It was not as if I had not suffered her gaze before; but her silence was the one that warned me. Whenever Caroline kept her feelings, they were bound to explode unpleasantly. And who would suffer such a temper? It would be much easier to handle a rambling Caroline than a teeming Caroline. I tried my best to ignore her, thinking that such action would mollify whatever trespasses she had thought I had done to her. But when we stepped inside the manor, Caroline was no longer a ready predator; she was ready for the kill.

"Why were you with him?" Caroline asked me in a low menacing voice. She was ready to pounce if I gave the wrong answer.

I shrugged my shoulders. "He only gave me a mantle because I was rained down."

"But he should just give it to you. That will only last for a second! What did you do to make him stay longer?" she demanded.

"Nothing! I don't know what you are talking about! And why are you so bothered about it? You also ignored him to satisfy the craving attentions of all the other men in the ball."

Caroline was suddenly ugly with frustration. She didn't seem to hear my last sentence. "How fortuitous of you to have experience such instances with him!" she said sarcastically. Then she shrilled: "Now you will tell me all about it!"

"Nothing happened," I replied calmly yet firmly.

Edith spoke up. "I believe that Alva cannot be Prince Eric's interest."

"Yes?" Caroline asked in a lilting voice. Her blue eyes were huge and curious.

My stepsister was nonchalant. "I overheard Lady Arella say to her friends that his heart has already been taken."

"When?" Caroline snapped. She was livid with anger and jealousy/

Edith shrugged her shoulders. "Arella said that he had told his mother about a lady. No one knows who."

Caroline grabbed Edith's shoulders. "Well at least this half-mute has some use. What else?"

She shook her head. "She said that Prince Eric refused to say more."

My blond stepsister was shaken with fury. "I take back what I said! You are useless. If this lady is simply too wonderful then he would have spoken more about her and the whole court would probably know by now!"

I realized that Lacrecia had not spoken. She was unusually quiet now. She was staring at Caroline then her eyes drifted at me. I saw sudden disdain flash in her face. I wasn't surprised or sad or whatever anyone should feel during that short moment. This frequently happened of course, especially when she was about to say something unkind to me. But then, it only happened when she would compare me with Caroline in one way or another.

"Be silent, Caroline," she snapped angrily. She was rubbing her temples furiously.

The three of us all looked at her with mixed emotions. I was happy that at last Lacrecia reprimanded Caroline for something. Edith was rather happy too; if you took her head cocking to one side a sign of happiness. On the other hand, Caroline was looking incredulously at her, with eyes wider than before. She was biting her lip slightly and I swore I saw tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

Lacrecia didn't care whether Caroline was about to burst into tears. "Your voice is so earsplitting. Don't you see I am thinking?" Her voice came out a hard and nasty hiss.

By this time, Caroline had already recovered from her shock. But she drew back before she spoke. "What were you thinking of, Mama?" she purred.

"I want you to spend a lot of time with his Highness," she ordered.

Caroline tried to get to Lacrecia's good graces. "But I am trying, but Alva—"

"Well you can't let her win, now can you?" Lacrecia snapped again. Caroline drew back again. She stared at me with more hatred than I have ever seen in my whole life. With a grave thought, I realized that the two of them might have been speaking behind my back, plotting ways of trying to eliminate me for some reason I didn't understand. I never did do anything to Caroline unless she did something to me.

"No, I can't let her win," she replied. Her voice was now steady and her words were like arrows piercing me.

"Win? What games are we playing now?" I demanded. "Capturing royals as if it's some game? If so, then I am not one of the contenders."

Lacrecia turned her anger to me. "You will not speak a word while under the roof of my own home and walking on the ground of my land, the land that I made to prosper and grow into the land you see right now!"

I stared at her hardly. "Do you mean this land that you prospered with your own hand?" I asked sarcastically. "Your hand? You might mean my father's hand that made this pathetic manor into the manor you are seeing today!"

She glowered at me. "He left me everything he owned Alva. Me, his wife. The only thing you own right now is the miserable dowry that your father wanted you to have."

I knew about the dowry. My family owned many lands, scattered everywhere in Tryla. One of those lands was mine. Most daughters were given at least three manors for their dowry. We were rich but I couldn't understand why my father was suddenly stingy when he wrote his will. I had never seen the document yet but I knew there was because my father knew that traveling was not often safe. He already wrote his will yet he changed it to suit the times. A legal representative dictated from his will yet refused to let Lacrecia, her daughters, and I see the document.

I couldn't say anything about the dowry.

Lacrecia triumphed in my silence. "Yes, your parsimonious dowry. Remember that I am the mistress of this manor and the mistress of all the lands that come with it. You are lucky that I have not banished you to the servants' wing."

I couldn't do anything except glare at her. I was helpless, trapped like a mosquito in a spider's web. I was the mosquito and she was the black widow. Oh, how befitting. Caroline was smirking at me, mirth dancing in her eyes. Edith was looking away, yet I could see a little defiance in her. No one else was in the hall except the four of us.

I turned my back to her and went to my room. I could accept my defeat but what made me enraged was that I was lucky not to be banished from Rista by Lacrecia.

Caroline was struck with Edith's words last night, but I myself was more struck than her. I had spent all my afternoons with him yet he said nothing! But then of course, maybe he thought that I would make fun of him, which I would most likely do. Jealousy was in my mind. Who was this lady? She must surely be someone notable; after all, Eric was a prince. I was beside myself with my feelings for him. Well, it would be better if I heard it from him, not from gossipers.

Did he not trust me?

I was yet to recover from my argument with Lacrecia. During breakfast, the two evils were looking at me with malicious delight. Lacrecia and Caroline were both rejoicing at my helplessness. They also wouldn't let me out of their sight. They decided to visit the castle again, this time, with Edith. They demanded that I stay behind to "watch over" the manor. In fact, it was only their alibi. Lacrecia never needed me to stay in the manor to keep watch. Lacrecia and Caroline also insisted that I bid them my good lucks and goodbyes. I had to watch their carriage leave Rista. If I didn't, Lacrecia would probably lock me up in my room with some excuse.

My mind was buzzing with questions as I made my way to our meeting place. I looked up. The sky was dark and filled with clouds. I was wearing a cloak with a hood so I wouldn't get wet again. What was I thinking the night before? I was nearing our meeting place and I could see his figure waiting for me. As always, the insatiable Nodnal was already in one part of the river, eating grass. I scolded myself for tarrying and quickened my pace.

"How long did you wait?" I asked when I did reach him.

He turned to me. "Not long. Actually, I thought you waited and left because I was too late."

"What did you tell anybody?" I demanded. I shouldn't forget that he went out of his way just to come here.

He grinned. "I said that I was visiting Rista."

I was suddenly feeling sick. Caroline, Edith, and Lacrecia left today for the castle. "But…" I shook my head. "You shouldn't have! Caroline, Edith, and Lacrecia are now on their way to the castle. Why do you think I was not here earlier? They demanded that I stay there and bid my good lucks and goodbyes!"

Caroline left looking like a princess in her scarlet gown and gold and ruby jewelry. Lacrecia was dressed simpler so then spectators would only see Caroline and her resplendence. They only took Edith with them to make it seem they were actually close. They came to the castle to speak with the Queen or Prince Eric. But they couldn't speak with him right now because he was in front of me.

"What's the harm in that?" he asked.

"They came there to see you!" I replied. "You must come back to the castle immediately before they speak with the queen and find out that you were supposed to come to our manor. Then, the queen would find out that you were lying because how could they be there when you were suppose to stay with them—" I said it all in one breath and could have said more but Eric grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me.

"Stop being hysterical," he said sternly. "I just need to speak with you. Now. And when it's done, be assured that I will be back in the castle."

I calmed down. I couldn't help being hysterical, to be honest. I didn't want Eric to be in trouble because of me. But then, he was the one who really wanted to speak with me. "What do you want to say?"

He paused for a moment, thought etching in his features. "I don't know how to say this but…" He took his hands away from my shoulders and turned his back towards me. I was suddenly scared, for some reason. Maybe he didn't want to be friends anymore. Surely he wouldn't be so serious if what he was about to say was not a weighing matter. "When we fought, I realized that I couldn't lose you again. But telling you would make me lose you all the same…" He stopped.

I was confused. His words made no sense at all. "You won't lose me in anyway. Unless I die or you die or we just leave."

"But we almost did. Remember? And if it wasn't for the rain we wouldn't be here talking again."

I nodded. He was right. I did want to make up for him but I wasn't granted the opportunity. And I supposed that I also didn't want to apologize at first.

"I didn't want to risk you," he was saying but I couldn't really hear. I was focusing on his face, which was now facing me. "But I realized that you were worth it."

Not a word came out of his lips and settled into my mind. I was dazed all of a sudden with the sound of his voice. Our faces were suddenly near, just like before, but this time, my heart quickened and I was anxious. He whispered something but I couldn't really register it. I could feel myself answering him but I couldn't quite hear. I was only aware of the three words that I wanted to tell him, and wanted to hear from him. His lips met mine and we were kissing suddenly. It was all a shock, but it delighted me. I wanted to do this for so long. I had longed for this moment before, yet, why was there an unsettling feeling inside me?

I pulled back and stared at him. My cheeks were burning. "Are you daft?" I asked. The question was as stupid as the word. I loved him and he loved me too, but there was something wrong. We were never really meant for each other. He was the crown-prince and I was the booklover daughter of deceased parents. His name and reputation had been unscathed by society, whilst mine had been questioned countless of times. He was destined for the finest ladies of the realm and I was surely not one of them.

He was smiling from our kiss but he was now frowning by my question. "I'm not."

"You can't be serious," I told him. I wanted to grab a dagger and kill myself with it, yet at the same time I wanted to live and love and embrace him right now.

He touched my hair with gentleness and care. "You should hear yourself Alva…"

I had only known his love now and I was now trying to rid myself of the thing I desired most. "I do love you but it's all wrong. You should be there, in the castle, with ladies that are dainty and docile… I'm just Alva and you're…you're a prince!"

"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters!"

"But your parents…"

"They know about you and they gave me the liberty to choose." He was smiling now.

So I was the lady Edith was talking about. I laughed at the sheer irony of it. I was jealous with myself!

"What are you laughing about?" he asked.

"Edith told me last night about a lady that you favored. I was actually jealous of her…of myself!"

He was now solemn. He looked at me in the eyes. "I thought I would lose you. I thought you would get angry with me… I wanted to tell you before yet…"

I placed my finger on his lips. "Shh…I know. I wanted to do so too but with you surrounded by all these ladies, I didn't think I would have a chance for anything at all."

"How could you put yourself underneath them all?" he demanded. "You are either addle or too humble."

I looked at him sadly. "I didn't think I deserved you since I was not the lady everybody wished me to be. I am not meek and mild. I'm terrible at embroidery and I abhor doing domestic tasks. Whilst, there are a long line of other people who are good in everything I didn't do well. I'm a weed among flowers, Eric, you should know that."

"But you aren't. When in truth it's the opposite. You are filled with everything, beauty, grace, intelligence, yet you say nothing! Amongst all those who speak of nothing but gowns and gossip, you speak of problems and read of books that only scholars attempt to read! You are more than what you think you are, yet you do nothing…"

He thought so well of me! And now I just realized the meanings of his flattery and praise, now, only now when I should have known before! How could I have been so dense and so thickheaded? He had been in front of me for too many times to count yet I had not at least entertained a slight notion? In fact, come to think of it, it was quite obvious! There had been so many times when he tried to tell me something, but never really did tell me. There had been times when he did say it, but I didn't hear… Had I tried not to see it because of my—dare I say it—humility? But there were more grave matters in our hands.

"Go, now that what you have wanted to say has been spoken!" I pushed him to Nodnal, who was more than ready to run. "You don't know how your mother would do if she found out you were lying!"

He turned around and faced me. "It wouldn't matter much. She knows why I'm here," he told me.

"But they don't know!"

I laughed. "Oh, leave, now! Before it's too late!" He mounted his horse quickly too.

He bent down from his steed and kissed me again. "The whole world will soon know, Alva of Rista, that you are the only one for me…" he whispered to my ear.

"And you're the only one for me too," I replied. Then I remembered Lacrecia. "And promise me that you do not believe any kind of slander Lacrecia will come up with. No matter what happens, please, trust me."

I watched him ride quickly away. Now I knew what Mother felt whenever Father left for his travels. Mother was always heart-stricken whenever he left. She had always been frightened for his safety; she was afraid that he would come back to her in a box. She had said to me before, when I was still young, that I should never fall in love with a traveler, for his travels would make me sick with worry. But I wasn't in love with a traveler…no, of course not. Yet this time, I was only watching him go for awhile. He would never stay away for too long. He would come back and danger was not in his everyday path.

I closed my eyes and reran my memories. I grasped to each and every moment, afraid that if I release them, they would nothing more but evanescence. I was afraid that it was all a chimera. If this was a dream then I didn't want to wake up! But I should have thought better… I should have known that our realization of our love for each other was more harmful than anything that had happened to me. I didn't know that there was a possibility that he would not come back.