A/N: Okay so I know I was supposed to update a few days ago but I just broke up and it was too overwhelming to be able to do much. But I'm back and I got you a new chapter. Happy reading. Also, a 1000 views guys! Thankyou all so much
"Oh Fuck."
Cas' face fell and Dean could see the hurt on his face. Shit. He didn't mean it that way.
"Shitshitshitshitshit. I didn't mean it that way Cas."
"It's okay Dean. It was stupid of me anyway. Forgive me. I just need to be alone right now. I'll see you later maybe. I just need to go. I can't be here any longer. Yeah. No. I'll just go right now. Sorry Dean. I didn't mean to.. I just. Shit. I'm sorry again." Cas was rambling and with that he left the house, locking the door behind him. What in the ever loving cluster fucking shit was he supposed to do now?
Dean sat there staring at the door for what seemed like forever when Charlie came looking for them. She seemed surprised to see Dean sitting like that and asked, "Dean? What's wrong? Where is Cas? Are you fine? Is he fine? What happened? What did you do Dean Winchester?" the last part in her mother voice.
What was he supposed to say? He was an ass. He was an ass who messed up the best thing to have ever happened to him. He lost the guy who loved him. He lost the guy he loved back. Fuck.
The next thing he knew, he had a lap full of Charlie and Sam and Jess were standing beside him. He had begun to cry because Charlie reached out and wiped a tear off his cheek.
"I lost Cas. He said- he said he loves me and I- I said Oh Fuck. I love him too Char. Shit Char. I fucked up. What will I do? He left Char. What if he never returns?" Dean's heart pained just to even think about it. Thinking about it just made breathing difficult and filled his eyes with painful tears.
"Shhh.. Dean, calm down." Charlie softly spoke to him, cradling his head and rubbing his back. "Tell us what happened, Dean. Then we'll go out to find him. Okay? First talk to us."
Talk. That's what Dean can't do and it is because he is bad at talking that he got in this shit. How was he supposed to talk anyway when his chest felt like it was being crushed by a tank?
He opened his mouth in an attempt to form the words to speak but nothing came out so he snapped it shut. The next time he tried, he managed a sound resembling an animal in distress. He supposed he WAS an animal in distress. The third time he was able to form the words to tell Charlie what happened.
"Cas. He said- he- he said he loves me and I- I fucked up. Fuck. I said- shit- I said Oh Fuck. I fucking said oh fuck when I wanted to say I love him too but I said oh fuck and now he's gone and I fucking lost him again. I pushed him away again. Shit."
He tried to suppress his feelings behind a mental wall but he broke down crying instead. He cried like a baby, years of unshed tears flowing out. The years of pain he felt about pushing Cas away, all came crashing back with those tears. He loved Cas back then and he loved Cas now. Both times he just managed to push the guy away, breaking both their hearts and stomping on them. He felt like someone reached down his throat, ripped out his small intestine and wrapped it around his neck.
The first day of high school. Finally. Dean was so excited to FINALLY go to high school. He couldn't wait to go to high school and meet Cas and tell him all the cool things he had done over the past few days since they had met and bitch and whine about how Sammy was only studying and becoming a nerd and how it was unhealthy for him to eat so much rabbit food. High school will be amazing he decided.
He was sitting on the bench waiting for Castiel to come when he saw two guys approach him. One was tall with eyes that looked almost yellow. On someone else they might have looked pretty but on him they just looked sinister. The other guy was short with curly-ish hair and a smile so fake that even stuff Made in China looked more realistic.
Dean watched them approach him. Yellow Eyes spoke first. "I am Azazel. Az for short. This is Marv-" pointing to the shorter guy. "- And you are?"
"Dean"
"Well, Dean, welcome to our school. Come on, you can join us, since you seem to have no friends yet." Az talked to him in a weird grating voice.
Dean considered the offer, thinking of saying no for a minute when he realized, Cas and he didn't really have many friends. Surely Cas would appreciate Dean making new friends too so they had more people to talk to. He would tell Cas why he left early when he saw him next.
Dean had spent the day with Az and Marv, Cas slipping out of his mind till later. Much later.
That afternoon when Dean got out of class he saw a group of kids laughing at something obscured by the crowd. Dean wove his way through the crowd and saw Cas standing by his locker. Someone had spray painted the word Faggot on the door and Az and Marv were pushing Cas around.
Shit. He couldn't say he was gay too. He would be bullied and he couldn't protect Cas either. However much he loved Cas, he hated to see him get bullied but he couldn't stop Az. He couldn't disappoint his new friends.
Shocked he froze in place until Cas' eyes found his. He could see the hurt in them. The hurt, the pain and worse of all, the disappointment. He couldn't even stand up for his best friend. Cas looked even more broken when Dean went and joined Az in his mission to make Cas-the-faggot's life living Hell.
Maybe if Dean hadn't sided with Az, maybe if he stood up for his best friend, they would be together a long time ago. And maybe then, he wouldn't be so scared of losing or hurting Cas again and wouldn't have said Oh Fuck.
Cas shut the door behind him and began to walk aimlessly, lost in his thoughts.
He had sort of expected Dean to be shocked or not say it back but Dean's reaction shocked him to the core. 'Oh Fuck.' Two words that Cas never expected to hear from Dean when he told him. Hearing Dean say that made Cas feel his blood go cold.
He didn't blame Dean though. He knew it was still too early in their relationship to say the L word. He knew it was too early and he still said it and fucked shit up like the stupid cockwaffle he was. Heh. Cockwaffle. Dean would giggle like a kid if he heard that phrase. Dean had laughed at the ridiculousness of Assbutt and cockwaffle was worse so there was no doubt how he would react.
Thinking of Dean brought a new wave of tears to his eyes making them sting and making his throat constrict with emotion.
Cas walked for a long time with no destination in mind, going wherever his feet took him. After walking for what seemed like an eternity, judging by the pain in his feet, he stopped and looked up to see where he was.
He was in front of his door. And it was open.
It had been almost a week since he had been here and he distinctly remembered shutting it behind him, even if he wasn't sure he locked it.
Someone was still inside. Cas could feel it. Someone was moving around. Slowly, he opened the door and went inside.
"Who's there? This is private property, you can't be here."
"Seriously, Castiel? You've been gone for so long. No texts no calls nothing and then you show up and shoo me out of the house? Great. Just great. When you left, I just assumed you needed space like always. I waited for so long, resisting every urge to call you and now you're back, without explanation, no how are you, no sorry, only a get out. At least y9u could have told me what happened."
A feisty red haired girl came out of what was his room, ranting about how irresponsible he was. Cas didn't recognise her. Maybe she was a roommate? He didn't remember much about someone else's stuff in the house, but then again he hadn't spent all that long here. Cas tilted his head in confusion as he squinted at her as if maybe that would make him remember. But it didn't.
The girl was still going on about something and threw a ring at him.
"What's this?" he asked, his confusion increasing by the second. Whose ring was that and why was she giving it to him?
The girl laughed humourlessly. "Really Castiel? How can you be so difficult to deal with? Ugh. I'm done. I'm done with you and I'm done with us. I want a divorce. You already have the ring, I'll send by the papers in a few days-"
"What divorce? Who's divorce? We are married?" Cas' voice squeaked at the last bit.
"We are married? That's what you fucking ask me? Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Hell yes we were married but not now, I-"
"Listen, miss...-"
"Anna. Anna Milton. The least you can do is call me by my name, asshole. God, I hope I never see you again. Bye."
The girl, Anna, left banging the door behind her as Cas stared at her, still in a shock. He was married. To a girl. But he was gay. Never ever in his entire existence been attracted to girls. What the actual fuck.
Wait. If he was married, did he cheat on Dean? Oh shit.
Taking a deep breath, Cas went into his room, looking for something, anything, that would explain his marriage and what was going on with Gabe and why Dean and he fought and who sent him the note. Basically, he was looking for answers.
With a deep breath, he began to search his room. An hour or so later, he found a notebook and when he opened it, he knew it was going to be a long night.