Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

If there is anyone still reading this story, I lay myself at your feet with my deepest apologies. It has been three months since an update and there is no excuse for that much of a time lapse so I hope you can forgive me.

The characters are finally speaking to me again. That being said, I would like to update this story every two weeks or so.

And, now that I'm done blabbering, read on and enjoy.

Chapter 10: Clues

Time had begun to blur already. There was no reason to keep track of the days as they passed since I had an innumerable amount of them to live. If I wanted to I could have pulled up the exact days, hours, minutes, and seconds that had passed but I didn't want to know. I spent a lot of my time running while Alice made sure I didn't go far enough to find myself in the presence of a human. We hadn't even talked about them just yet. I had wondered briefly about going to a town nearby but Alice had immediately shot that down by tackling me to the floor.

The feral reaction to her sudden attack had surprised me so much so that I had locked myself in my room for a while, refusing to come out until I had gained control of myself. I spent at least a week in that room before I even considered opening the door.

The worst part of the day was around twilight, as the sun began to sink below the trees each day, when all I could think about was that Bella had yet to return to the house. How long had it been?

Two months, four days,17 hours, 23 minutes, and 56 seconds since the moment she ran out the door. I leaned back slightly from the whir of the saw blade before pushing it through the wood below it. Esme had been forced to throw away three saws before I had been able to grasp it without smashing it to bits. The handle on the one I was using was a bit dented but that wouldn't cause any problems. I could hear Esme gathering up a few beams around the side of the house as I worked at cutting them the correct length.

It had taken me over a month to realize that sitting around and moping about being stuck in seclusion was not going to make my life any better.

I had eternity and I knew if I didn't start doing something with my time I would drive myself mad. Alice had been the catalyst to my realization that day.

"Edward." A hand appeared on my arm as I stared at the book in front of me, not really reading it. Before I knew what I was doing, I had Alice pinned on the ground. I could see the fear in her expression and I froze. A moment later I clambered off of her, moving into the farthest corner of the room to get my inner predator to lay back down.

"I didn't mean... Alice... I'm-" She held up a hand, her expression more determined than I had ever seen it.

"I don't want to hear it, Edward. You know, if you stopped moping around and feeling sorry for yourself all the time, you would learn to control yourself much sooner. You chose this. Keep that in mind. Do something productive at least." I flinched back at the harsh tone to her words and her expression softened.

"We don't want to have changed you for nothing, Edward. We want you to enjoy the time you've been given. Give it a chance. Things will work out, you'll see." She didn't stick around to see my reaction, choosing instead to vanish out the door to her computer, and I slid to the floor in my corner. I wanted to explain to her my reasoning but anything I came up with seemed flimsy and entirely childish.

It was at that point that I picked myself up off the floor and went to Esme to see if I could help her with whatever home design project she was working on at the time. That was also the point were I let the days register and time began to have meaning again. I still let things blur and slide but I knew if I let it go completely I would spend the rest of eternity in seclusion. At least, if I worked and practiced using my new strengths, I would be able to find a way to live out my eternity in happiness rather than depression.

"That is perfect, Edward. You really are getting much better at this!" Esme patted me on the back lightly as she walked past with a few large beams in her arms. It was still a bit odd to me to see her lifting items that should have been four or five times her weight. The small scraps of human mentality that had crossed over during my change had a hard time reconciling what I saw everyday with what it thought was logical but I was slowly getting used to it. I was sure that in time that part of me would fade, though it would never vanish completely because as soon as I was able to withstand my own thirst I would be taking care of my baby sister, Anabelle. I hoped that she would be the one to keep me grounded in the human world.

I picked up the pieces that I had already cut and handed them to Esme.

"Come with me, I'll show you what I'm going to do with these and then you can try. Okay?" I smiled and nodded. I was curious about what she was building. I had never built anything in my life. We had already put down the foundation and the beams around the edge of the structure. Esme was starting to work on the skeleton for the roof. I had helped her lay the foundation and watched in fascination as it dried. We had put up the beams rather quickly around the large cement base and now Esme was grabbing a hold of the roof skeleton she had put together.

She motioned for me to grab the opposite end.

"Spread your arms out wide and grab the edges there. We are going to pick this up and place it on the beams. Then, while I hold it in place, you are going to nail it to the beams." I froze, surprised that she wanted me to do something as delicate as nailing. I wasn't even sure if I could hold onto the nail gun without breaking it.

"I know you have yet to use the nail gun but only I know the exact placement of the roof and I know you can do this." I nodded, still unsure but willing to try anything for Esme. I wanted to make her happy and it always felt good to have her tell me that she was proud of me. It was an affirmation I rarely received at home. Things were just too chaotic there for anyone to notice individual accomplishments.

"One, two, three, lift!" I was careful not exert much force in my lifting or all of Esme's hard work would go flying into the forest behind her. It didn't take long for us to place the beam structure on it's foundation and then Esme was handing me the nail gun. I let my fingers curl around the handle slowly and tighten just as slowly so I wouldn't break it. After a minute or so I stepped up to the structure, which Esme held it down, and placed the nail gun where she indicated before shooting it into the wood.

I couldn't help the grin that spread over my face as I moved to the next beam and nailed it in without difficulty. I wanted to flip from beam to beam and I knew I could if I so chose but I absolutely did not want to ruin something that I had just done so well on. As soon as I had nailed down the rest of the beams, Esme was hugging me and congratulating me on doing so well. Alice congratulated me for my newest accomplishment as she continued her online shopping extravaganza while Emmett merely laughed at all the commotion concerning something that was so simple for him. He had been bugging me, ever since my change, to wrestle. He was so sure that he would be able beat me. Alice assured me that if I wrestled him within the first year of my change that he would lose.

I had considered fighting him a few times but I had yet to actually go through with it. Everything was so new, so different, and yet they all went about life as if it were normal. I suppose, to them, this life was completely normal. It had been quite some time since they had known anything else but being vampires. I often wished I could skip this stage of confusion and overall lack of control. I wanted to see my sister again and make sure she was okay.

To add to that, Bella still had not returned. I wanted to believe that it was merely because she wanted to travel but the day she left was still burned into my brain. I was sure that I was the cause of her departure. I had replayed that day over and over, hoping for some kind of clue but there was nothing. I had no way of knowing why she did what she did until she explained it – if she would ever explain it. I couldn't even be sure that I would see her again. She could be gone forever and I would never know for sure.

"Edward, would you like to go hunting today?" I looked up to find Alice standing right in front of me. She looked so happy and carefree as she stood before me. I smiled but took a small step back. She was standing much too close for comfort.

"Sure. Is it just the two of us?"

"Actually," I turned to see Carlisle standing behind me, "I'd like it if you joined me. Alice went yesterday with the rest of the family."

I wondered momentarily why Carlisle, of all people, would want me to come with him. Every since my change I had seen him all of three times. We had barely spoken since the day the Volturi had come to destroy us all. He seemed like a nice guy but I hadn't known him too well as a human either so I didn't have much to go on. We were silent for a while as we ran, taking in the scents of forest and listening to the sounds of the critters of the trees moving about. It wasn't until after we had hunted that Carlisle stopped and sat down on a fallen tree.

His expression was dark and brooding as he watched a herd of deer move through the forest about one hundred yards away. I decided to just bite the bullet, so to speak, and ask him what was wrong. I certainly did not want to seem uninterested in whatever he had to say.

"Is something wrong, Carlisle?" He took a deep breath and turned towards me finally with a small smile. He seemed sad somehow and I knew I was missing some vital piece of information.

"Well, not exactly. Edward, I wanted to apologize for having been so distant from you since your change. I haven't even taken the time to get to know you. I have been rather preoccupied with if what we did was the right thing and, of course, there is Bella to think of. I am worried about my family and how we are going to fare after all of this. I needed to say that I'm sorry because you deserve to be a part of this family and I think that hasn't been happening as much as it should. Could we start over?" I wasn't sure what he meant by start over but I nodded. He smiled, stood up, and held out one hand to me.

"Hello, my name is Carlisle Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you." I chuckled and stood up as well. I took his hand in mine and shook it.

"Good to meet you, Carlisle. My name is Edward." He chuckled as well and we both smiled at the irony of what we were doing. This was purely silly but at least now we could get to know each other better.

"So, tell me a bit about yourself, Edward. Where are you from? What do you like to do?" We turned and made our way into the trees so we could walk and talk. I told him all about my friends in high school and how I could kind of remember them. I told him about my parents and that my mom could be abusive sometimes. Then I told him about Anabelle and how much I missed her. Carlisle reassured me that I would be able to take care of her soon enough. In about a year or two I would be ready to reintroduce myself into her life. I knew he was right and I was glad he had enough faith in me to believe I could see her so soon.

"What about you, Carlisle? Where are you from? How long have you been this way?" I wasn't sure where we were anymore. We had been walking through our entire conversation. Did it matter how far we went? Were we anywhere near civilization? I pushed those thoughts from my mind as Carlisle explained how he had been changed, being chased by vampires, and how he starved for years until he had realized he could drink from animals. He recalled how he met the Volturi and his time there. They had spent many years trying to convert him from his vegetarian ways.

I could see the joy and love in his eyes as he told me of Esme and how they first met. He didn't tell me how she ended up in the morgue, citing that it was her story to tell, but the overall sadness at the thought of Esme not existing was even affecting me as he spoke. Esme, along with Alice, had accepted me so quickly and thoroughly that I found myself considering her more of a mother than my true mother. She was kind, gentle, and loving. In that moment I found myself wanting to hear all about how Esme ended up here with Carlisle and her vampire family.

"Carlisle... can I ask you something?" I didn't realize that I had stopped until Carlisle stopped as well and turned to face me. He quirked one eyebrow and waited.

"When I was human, Alice told me about Bella's past. I was wondering what you think about her and if you knew why she ran away. Will she come back?" Something in his expression shifted as I spoke. He looked genuinely upset and saddened by whatever he was thinking about. Before I could ask anything else he motioned for me to continue on our walk.

"You know, our family truly doesn't know much about Bella. We accept her and we all love her but we also fear her. For a vampire, Bella is very powerful, just as you are, and she is unafraid to use her powers. When Bella was changed, as you know, she was placed in a very horrid environment. It was an environment where she was a slave to those around her, just as they wanted to do to you. I am almost certain that this is what triggered such a strong reaction in her to turn you. Your situation reminded her of the one she was in and she wanted to save you from that. That being said, I think Bella is lost. I think she is still very much affected by what happened to her in Italy and she doesn't know how to deal with it. She takes the power she now wields and uses it to make herself feel free and able to make her own choices. She is still desperately afraid that they will lock her up and throw away the key. The question of 'will she come back' is one I have asked myself a thousand times. We just don't know." We hadn't walked very far when Carlisle stopped and chose another fallen tree to sit on. I sat down beside him and waited for him to continue.

"I have tried, many times, to get through to her, to show her that she had a group of people here who love and care for her but she is not one to listen. Until she realizes these things on her own and accepts them, she will never truly be comfortable with us. It's getting late, shall we head back home?" I nodded in agreement and we stood to run back home. I knew that I could beat Carlisle home if I so chose but I still had a few more questions.

"So, essentially, taking away Bella's control is the reason why she overreacts sometimes? Wait..." I froze, coming to a complete halt. If Bella's biggest fear was having her control taken away, well then that gave a completely new meaning to why she left that day. I ran through the day in my head once more and found it. It was the moment Esme had hugged me and told me I was welcome to stay. The glass had shattered, causing us all to jump and run to the kitchen. It was in that moment that Bella had vanished.

"Edward, son, are you okay?" I hadn't even realized Carlisle had come back for me. I blinked, trying to clear my vision and could see his worried expression.

"I just, sorry, I just realized something. I know why Bella ran away." I spoke in just a whisper, unable to speak any louder as I figured it all out.

"Carlisle... she ran because she's afraid of me. She's afraid of my gift, the fact that I can control those around me. If I order her to do something, she would have to obey and that would take away her freedom and put her right back where she was when she was with the Volturi." Understanding dawned on his features as I pushed myself from stand still to a full sprint towards the house. I needed to speak to Alice, to see if she knew where Bella went to. I had to find her and bring her back. I had to tell her that I would never...

I reached the house only to find Alice waiting outside for me. She had her arms folded and her foot tapping as she stood on the front porch.

"Took you long enough. I've been waiting. What is it you needed me for?" I almost ran right into her in my haste to speak to her. Carlisle wasn't far behind but he didn't intrude, choosing instead to wait off to the side and listen in from there.

"I need you to tell me where Bella went. Where did she run off to? Did you see it in your visions?" She took a step back and shook her head 'no'.

"I can't tell you that. I'm sorry, Edward. It will only make things worse." I growled, my body tensing in frustration, as she denied me the one thing I knew I could fix.

"Alice, please don't keep this from me. I know I can fix this. I need to be able to fix this. How can I begin a new life with this kind of thing hanging over my head. I have forced her away from her home all because I didn't understand. I get it now... Please, Alice, help me." My pleas didn't seem to shake her as she watched me, her expression never changing.

We stared at each other for at least five minutes before she finally dropped her arms and smiled.

"Okay, Edward. We can go find Bella but, first, you have to be able to be around humans. She is living in a very populated area. We don't want you to kill anyone, do we?" She was going to compromise with me. We both knew I wouldn't be able to fully live around humans until about two years in but if I was about to get to that point then she would tell me where Bella had ran off to. That was a fair deal, right?

"Okay, so, is that a deal? I desensitize myself from human blood and you tell me where Bella ran off to?" I held out my hand and waited for her to take it. She grinned and stepped forward, grasping my hand firmly in her own.

"Exactly right, pretty boy. You got yourself a deal."

Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Review and let me know! Thanks for sticking around during my writing lapse. :)

peace & grace