A/N- Hi, sorry for the long time between this chapter and the last, real life completely got in the way. I'm back now though, and the next chapter will be out a lot quicker I promise! Thanks for all the reviews its really appreciated.

152 people now have this on alert, which is amazing, but the average amount of reviews I get is 14, is there any chance of hearing from a few more people? Your opinions are really important, and encouraging. This chapter took so long to write, so it would be nice to hear from a few more people, even if its just a couple of words?

So yeah, in this chapter I've been trying my best to make Bella's thoughts as realistic as possible, basing a lot of them around what my friends going through. Like Bella, he's still feeling fairly healthy but has come round to the point where he has accepted it. This chapter, is partly about her beginning accepting her fate along with telling the truth. I hope you all like it.

"Honey, It's been a long time coming,
And I can't stop now.
Such a long time running,
And I can't stop now.
Do you hear my heart beating?
Can you hear that sound?
'cause I can't help thinking,
And I don't look down.

And then I looked up at the sun,
And I could see…
Oh, the way that gravity turns for you and me.
And then I looked up at the sky, and saw the sun…
And the way that gravity pulls on everyone,
On everyone."
~ Gravity, Embrace.

To Wish Impossible Things.

Chapter Eleven.

Isabella Swan.
September 2006.

Saturday Afternoon.

I had always based my life on quotes - quotes I had heard in movies or read in books, quotes that I felt related to me. However, recently as I spent time searching the internet for websites that would help me with school work, I had found one that had almost made me think 'why would any write this?'

It went like this…

"Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again. So when life gets tough you can just play pretend. I wanna go back to when Santa did exist. When your daddy was the only boy you ever kissed. When Disney World was the best place to be. When the only movies you could see were rated G. When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change...and your friends were the same. And every time you were sad or you had a bad day. You could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. I wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter. When everyone always lives happily ever after."

At the time I didn't think anyone could ever want this… why would they want to be young again, when they could be grown up? Where they could be old enough, and ready to go and face the world and stand alone? Ready to face true challenges and make real achievements. Like going to college, getting a good job, getting married…

Why would anyone choose to be a kid again when they could have all of that?

However… over the last couple of days as my situation sunk in, I realised how much this quote did relate to me. Because being a kid again - before I got sick - would mean no pain. It would mean that I had no worries… that Charlie would still be happy, and my mom would still love me like how she used to before she left me. Not to mention that when you're young you don't get so attached to people, aside from your parents, so you never worried about hurting anyone.

And you would never have to do what I'm about to do today… this very afternoon.

The truck bumped almost uncontrollably along the gravel road as I pushed the accelerator even further down, pushing it to its maximum speed, wishing this damn thing was capable of going faster then 45. My vision was blurred with my tears, but I continued to push myself forward.

I knew I had to get there… I had to see him.

I had to tell him the truth before I changed my mind.

The truck groaned from the pressure as I over steered around a sharp bend. I knew I wasn't far from my destination now. This was the first time I had driven here alone, but I knew the way - I knew my instincts alone would take me there if nothing else.

The radio was fuzzy but I could hear the sad song that was playing, which was a song that totally fitted my situation. And as I lost myself in the music, I thought about the moments over the last couple of days that had bought me here.

To this moment… where I was preparing to tell Edward the truth.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

One day ago…

Friday afternoon.

To say that this day had gone incredibly slow would be an understatement. In reality, it had felt like every hour that had gone by was really ten, and that each minute felt like an hour.

And it was all because I missed them.

I had gotten the phone call from Edward before school, telling me that he and his family weren't going to be there. He'd given me some excuse that didn't sound totally plausible to me… but I didn't think about questioning him. If he said he was staying at home to help Esme, then I believed him.

I missed him like crazy though… I knew it had only been a day since I'd seen him, but I was already desperate to be with him again.

Yeah I'll admit it - I was too attached.

But I loved it.

Finally, three O'clock rolled around and I made my way to the car lot eagerly - I had stupidly left my cell phone in my truck earlier, and wanted to check if Edward had been in contact again.

I planned to call him to see if he was okay, and maybe go around the house if welcome. I could always help them if they were still working after all. I just wanted to see him today if possible - I already had important plans for tomorrow morning, and I didn't want to wait a whole 24 hours more to see him.

I practically ran to my truck, but froze in my steps when I saw someone already waiting there. I could recognize that frizzy brown hair from anywhere.

Jessica.

Ever since Monday she'd mostly left me alone - apart from a few nasty looks and bitchy comments she'd thankfully stayed away. But her silence also confirmed that our friendship was now non-existent… as was mine and Angela's for some reason. It stung a lot and I had no idea what I'd done to deserve this treatment, but that's the way life goes I guess.

At least I've got Edward and Alice now.

Jessica was getting impatient with my slow approach by this point.

"Swan!" she barked, "get here, I want to talk to you."

I rolled my eyes at her behaviour but obliged… the sooner I got this over with, the sooner I could talk to Edward.

"What is it, Jess?" I asked, when I finally made it over.

"I just wanted a chance to finish our chat from Monday - now that you're not attached to Edward that is," she sneered.

"What's the point?" I sighed, "I'm getting out of here."

On that note, I tried to pass her to get to my truck but she grabbed hold of my elbow tightly, stopping me.

"Let me go," I snapped, pushing her off me.

That didn't deter her though, "Does he know yet?" she asked.

"Does who know what?" I asked, annoyed.

"Don't play dumb Bella. Does Edward know?" she rolled her eyes.

"About what?" I continued acting oblivious.

"That you're dying," she smiled.

"No… he doesn't," I admitted, a little surprised that would ask that so bluntly. I mean, I knew that she didn't like me at the moment, but I didn't think she'd bring my cancer into this so easily.

"Why not?" she asked, the smug smile still in place.

"I just… I haven't found the right time to tell him yet," I shrugged, trying to play it cool, even though my heart was racing.

"Oh… but that's a bit unfair now isn't it?" she frowned, the smile on her face growing.

"Unfair? Don't even talk to me about unfair," I snapped.

"Feeling sorry for yourself are ya? Make's a change," she muttered sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever, I don't have to listen to this," I sighed, trying to push her out of the way. Normally, I would manage this, but I was feeling tired and weak today, while she seemed determined to stand her ground, so I couldn't budge her.

"Wouldn't it be a shame if Edward found out from someone else?" she murmured, "I mean just imagine having to hear such terrible news from another person. How hurt would he be knowing you had kept something so big to yourself?"

"You wouldn't," I gasped, "seriously, Jess, you wouldn't do that to me."

"Wouldn't I?" she raised an eyebrow.

"No, you wouldn't," I replied, "I told you in confidence, because I thought you were my friend… we've known each other for so long, why are you acting like this?" I asked her desperately.

Upon hearing my words, for once split second I noticed something in her expression change, it was just a flicker but I swear I saw a flash of remorse in her eyes. However, that was soon gone and replaced by the horrible expression she was wearing… the expression she had worn all week.

"Yeah, well, things change," she muttered, "You chose your path, going with Edward even though you knew I liked him, and I've chosen mine. I've got better friends now, people that I'll have for life."

I knew she was insinuating, and it really stung that she would go so low to bring my mortality into all of this and use it against me. How dare she… it was unbelievably cruel.

But despite the comments I was determined to not rise to her level, that is, until she said her next comment…

"Come to think of it… this time next year, Edward will be a free man too." she smiled, "When you're gone that is - when you're nothing but ashes, rotting away in the ground. Why am I even getting annoyed over this? I'll soon be able to have him to myself, when you're nothing but a distant memory in his mind. When he has me he'll soon forget about you."

Upon hearing what she was saying… I lost it. I raised my hand and slapped her so hard across the face that the sound echoed and her she stumbled from the impact before righting herself. She gasped and clutched her already red cheek, her eyes wide with shock. I stood my ground though, not regretting my actions at all - I would hit her a million times over if I had to.

"I can't believe you just did that," she snarled.

I just shrugged, not wanting to admit I agreed with her comment… I couldn't believe I had slapped her either. I was proud of myself.

"I've changed my mind… I won't tell Edward about the cancer," she told me, "I'm telling everyone. By Monday, the whole school will know!"

She turned and stormed away then, not looking back once, not letting me have the chance to beg her not too. I guess it was for the best though… I wasn't sure if I could even form words at the moment, I was stunned speechless.

And I was terrified… the reality was sinking in. Soon, everyone would know that I was 'the poor dying girl,' and they wouldn't treat me normally like how I so desperately wanted.

Wasn't it enough that my life was ending soon? That I was never going to be able to complete all the life experiences that everyone else takes for granted?

All I wanted was a normal high school experience and to be able to graduate… but I knew from now on all I would get was people whispering behind my back, and sympathy from people who didn't know me… not really.

And I didn't want that.

My vision was clouding over quickly, so I frantically searched for my keys through my bag. Through my tears I caught sight of Angela watching from across the car lot, her expression unreadable.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

When I eventually got into my truck, to my surprise my phone was already ringing. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself before I answered it.

But it didn't work.

It was Edward on the phone, and as soon as he heard the detached tone in my voice he was instantly demanding to know what was wrong. I lied and told him I was fine, but that I wanted to be alone today. I knew there was no way I could face the entire family and pretend I was alright, so I knew that it really was best that I stayed away.

The rest of my day was then spent alone in my room, thinking things through. I cried several times, and was crying when I eventually fell into a heavy sleep.

My dreams were upsetting - with me standing at the edge of a cliff determined to jump. It was dark, with a storm overhead but I was convinced that it would be a good idea to jump into the black water. However, Edward was there, and he was begging me not to jump… and to stay with him, but I leapt off the edge anyway… the dream ended with me hitting the cold water as hard as if I was driving into a wall.

I awoke then with a start, noticing that it was still dark outside, but that my window was now open, causing the cold wind to blow against the curtains and the frame to tap against the tree outside.

I didn't bother to get up and close it, and instead lay there the rest of the night trying to decide what the hell I was going to do.

But in reality… I knew the decision had been taken from me.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

Saturday Morning.

During my English lessons back in the tenth grade, we'd once learned something in passing which had really interested me. The Kubler-Ross model, which was the five stages of grief - which you would experience when ever you suffered a terrible loss or been diagnosed with a terminal disease.

The five stages went like this…

Denial.

Anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

Acceptance.

Back then I didn't have a terminal disease… I was sick yes, but I wasn't dying, so I didn't really over take in what was being said. Those were the days when I truly believed that I was going to get better.

I believed that there was no way I could fight so much, only for nothing to come out of it, so there was no need to ever consider these five stages.

How wrong I was.

However, I was now able to look at these things differently, and examine each of the stages one by one - and I could see how true they really were.

When I first found out I instantly thought, 'this can't be happening, it can't be true.'

That was the denial part.

I'd also been very angry, but I'd managed to hold it in until yesterday… until Jessica caused me to have one moment of pure anger released, because I was so mad at the situation… and her.

That was the anger part.

I had also thought to myself many times, 'what if I eaten more healthily? Taken better care of myself back when I was twelve years old so that I never even got sick in the first place?'

That I suppose was the bargaining part.

I'd also, understandably been very upset by the news, and devastated at the thought of dying at the age of eighteen. I didn't think it was fair, and had shed many, many tears over it, and had many nightmares and sleepless nights, trying to justify it.

That was definitely the depression part… which I was still feeling now, and I knew I would feel for a long time.

But the last stage… now that was one emotion that I didn't know if I would ever reach. It would take a lot for me to accept something like this… I was getting closer… and occasionally I would have thoughts that signalled that I was okay with this. But those thoughts would always be replaced with more depressed ones, when something came along and reminded me that this was not a situation I should be accepting.

I had been in this doctors office so many times that I could almost call it a second home by now. I knew that this appointment wouldn't be my last, but that my last time here - in this hospital - was drawing closer.

I dreaded the day I came in here and never got to go home… more then anything.

I'd been in this morning for more tests to see how much more the cancer had spread in the last two months, to give me a more accurate estimate on the time I had left.

And of course, just like how my bad luck goes… it had spread quite a lot.

Dr. Snow prescribed me a lot of pain killers and warned me that I was going to begin feeling very sick soon and that my healthy days were pretty much over. He also regretfully told me that I would now be lucky to make it to graduation, and that chemotherapy would definitely be the best option now to ensure that I made it that long.

But I said no once again.

Whatever happened, happened. If it was my destiny to never make it to graduation, then I would never graduate, simple as.

My determination however didn't stop me from breaking down into the tears the second I was alone again… wondering just how much more hurt I could take before I just gave up.

I knew the answer… and it was not much more.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

Saturday Afternoon.

(Present time)

"Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars." ~Violeta Parra

It was all those things - Jessica threatening to tell the whole school the truth, and me finding out that I wouldn't be able to hide I was sick anymore - that had lead me to this moment.

Just as I was beginning to wonder if the winding roads would ever end the beautiful white mansion came into view and to my surprise, Edward was already waiting out the front, almost as if he knew I was coming. I pulled the truck to a shop, and quickly wiped away the last of the tears before getting out and walking to him.

He didn't move towards me, but waited for me to reach him. The expression on his face was so tender, that it almost caused me to turn and run away so I wouldn't have to tell him… so I wouldn't have to ruin this.

Suddenly I was running towards him, desperate to close the gap before I ran away. His arms were open and waiting and wrapped around me as soon as I crashed into his chest. I held on to him tightly, taking deep breaths, trying to memorise his scent… the way his arms felt around me… everything about him.

Before it was too late.

He kissed my forehead before burying his face in my hair, also taking in deep breaths - something he always did when we were together. I smiled as I felt him gently nuzzle my ear with his nose.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," I whispered back.

"Why didn't you call to tell me you were coming?" he asked softly.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," I replied shakily, "is that okay?"

"It's more then okay," he murmured, kissing my forehead again, "I missed you yesterday."

"Me too," I replied, before pulling back slightly so I could see his face, "what's wrong? You look so sad." I asked, concerned by the upset expression on his face.

"I'm fine, just worried about you. You look so tired," he replied, reaching his hand up to trace the dark circles under my eyes.

I didn't believe him though… he was lying, I could tell. Something was going on here, but for some reason he didn't want to tell me.

"I'm okay," I eventually replied, "is it… is it okay if we go for a walk?"

He swallowed heavily, his eyes becoming even more sad, "yes, its okay."

I pulled away from him loosening our contact so that I was just holding his hand. I so desperately wanted to kiss him but knew that it wouldn't be a good idea right now… I knew that if I did that there was no way I'd be able to follow through with this.

We walked across his large lawn and into the forest, not saying anything but keeping a tight hold on each others hand. For some reason, I almost got the sense that Edward knew something was about to happen… he was very quiet, and his expression just screamed heartbreak to me. Not to mention that he had my hand held very tightly in his, his thumb occasionally brushing the back of my hand, almost as if he needed reassurance that I wasn't going anywhere.

Which I wasn't… not yet anyway.

We eventually came to a large clearing, which would normally make me stop and admire its beauty, but today was different… it was the last thing on my mind.

We sat down in the long grass facing each other, our hands still intertwined.

I smiled at him trying to break the tension, but didn't receive one in return… it looked like it was impossible for him to smile at the moment.

We both began speaking at the same time and then laughed a little, I motioned for him to go first, desperate to hear him speak.

"I just want to know, was yesterday okay? You seemed sad when you were on the phone," he asked me softly.

"Erm, no, it wasn't really," I told him honestly.

"What happened?" he asked concerned.

"I had another argument with Jessica," I replied.

"What did she say this time?" he asked.

"Just that… well, she threatened me," I told him.

"What?" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, she threatened that she would tell the school about… something," I told him quietly.

He sighed, almost as if he was annoyed at me for becoming vague again. He turned so he was looking into my eyes, "What's going on, Bella?" he frowned.

I let out a long breath, and turned so I was looked at the trees instead of him, knowing I wouldn't be able to speak otherwise, "I have something I need to tell you."

There was a long pause, with only the rustling on the leaves making any sort of sound at all. It was a long time before he spoke, and when he did it the last thing I was expecting…

"You're going to leave me aren't you?" he asked quietly.

What? Where did he come to that conclusion? Didn't he know that he meant everything to me?

If anything it was going to be him that left me, once he found out the truth that is…

I tried to explain that to him, "No, Edward, I…"

But he cut me off by raising his hand, "There's no point in denying it, Bella. I can see it written all over your face, but can I just tell you something first?" he asked me softly.

I knew I had to tell him the truth as soon as I could - before it became too difficult. But his expression was so beautiful and was pleading with me to let him speak.

How could I ever deny him?

"Anything," I whispered.

"You mean so much to me. More then you could ever comprehend," he told me softly, cupping my face in his hands, "What I mean to say is, I'm in love with you, Bella."

"You… love me?" I whispered, stunned.

"More then anything," he smiled, "I know we haven't known each other that long, but I can't hide the way I feel… you're the love of my life, I just know it."

My heart was racing, and I was overjoyed at this, truly not expecting it. For one moment I was the luckiest girl in the world… because I was loved by someone so beautiful and wonderful in every way.

And all I wanted to do was throw my arms around him and tell him that I felt exactly the same, that I loved him more then anything. And I would… if I still had the opportunity too once I'd told him about the cancer.

"But… you can't," I whispered sadly, "I'm not good for you."

"What do you mean? Of course you are… you're amazing," he told me gently.

I shook my head, tears filling my vision again, "No, I'm a liar."

"A what?" he asked.

"A liar," I repeated, "Edward, I've been lying to you."

"I see," he replied, suddenly becoming detached. He dropped his hands and leant away slightly, his expression hurt, "you mean you never cared. You were just lying when you said you did."

"No!" I shouted, "No, I've never lied about that. Edward, you mean the world to me, literally everything… but there's something I've been hiding from you, from everyone."

"What is it?" he asked.

The tears finally spilled over and rolled down my cheeks, "I… I've got…"

"Bella?" he asked, concerned now.

I took a deep breath, noticing it was incredibly shaky, and just said it - "I've got cancer… leukaemia."

Once again it was quiet for a while, the depth of my words ringing in the air. I watched Edward's face through my blurry vision watching multiple expressions come and pass on his face. But there was one that stuck and remained there…

Horror, pure horror.

"Cancer? I… I don't understand. You're perfect, you're healthy…" he whispered shakily.

"No, I'm not, I'm sick," I told him sadly, grasping onto his hands tightly, "Edward, there's something else too."

He was looking at the ground, but turned his face so he could see me. His golden eyes were misted over, as if he was about to cry. "I'm scared," he breathed.

He knew… he knew what I was about to say, I could see it all over his face. But I had to say the words out loud, just to confirm the heartbreaking truth to him.

And so, I took a deep breath and whispered, "I'm dying, Edward, my cancer is terminal… I've got less then a year to live."

Next chapter preview (subject to change)

(Edward)

I turned back to the main room, hell bent on destroying everything in my path.

And then… my piano caught my eye.

"No, Edward!" Alice screamed, seeing what I was about to do.

But I charged towards it undeterred… my piano meant a lot to me, but it didn't mean as much as Bella did. I would gladly smash it to pieces and burn it to ashes… if only it could mean that Bella never felt any pain.

Which was exactly what I was about to do.

But in this case I wasn't doing it for Bella… I was doing it for me. If using anger was the only way to numb this pain, then I had to.

I would do anything to get rid of this gut wrenching agony.

And with that thought, I raised my fist…

Sorry for this huge cliffhanger, but I was desperate to have Edward's POV for his reaction. I did consider having both POV's in this chapter, but Edward has a lot to say and this chapter was getting incredibly long without his thoughts. I promise it will be worth the wait though.

So, I know the story is very sad at the moment, but there are some happy times ahead I promise! We've just got a couple of angsty chapters to go first… but please stick with it. A story about cancer wouldn't be realistic if it was all happy.

Anyway, I really hope you're all still here and that you liked this chapter. Please review!

Thanks for reading!