Notes From a Royal Screw-Up
Chapter Eleven- Part One
Loki floated in and out of consciousness. The pain in his face and body never really allowed him to sink into anything other than a feverish doze. His mouth would not stop bleeding. Stupid Dvergar magic. He gave up trying to stem the constant dribble of blood as it soaked into his pillow.
His body burned hot and cold, and he shivered and ached. He wondered vaguely if, now he was free of magical binding, his body was trying to rebel completely and revert to Jotunn form. He did not even have the energy to feel disgusted at the thought.
His scalp ached from having his hair pulled so aggressively by Barton during their showdown. He pressed one pale, trembling hand to his head, and the other to his injured shoulder and wondered why he was still alive.
He went inwards, trying to centre his mind. There was no calm to be found, just a raging sea of pain and confusion, a place very familiar to him.
He did not hear the tapping at the door when Pepper came down, wanting to look in on him. She called his named and tried to open the door.
"Please leave me alone" he said inside his head, and somehow the message trickled out of his aching mouth.
He didn't witness the way his response made Pepper frown with concern.
...
His next visitor ignored his request for solitude, and had JARVIS override the lock on the door. Loki was roused from the rage of his own mind with a start, to look up into the suspicious expression of Nick Fury.
The SHIELD director was leaning right over him, his face inches from Loki's.
"What the hell are you up to, son?" Fury asked, genuinely bemused.
"Go away" Loki rasped.
Fury was looking appraisingly at him. "Don't think so" he muttered. He activated his comm unit. "Send a med team to my location."
Loki reached up and grabbed Fury's wrist. "No. Your Earth treatments can do nothing for me."
The brow over Fury's good eye rose. "You're bleeding and you're in thermal shock from what those clowns hit you with. You may not be my favourite person, but I'm not leaving you to die of fever."
"I hardly think I'm dying" Loki sighed.
"No? Have you seen yourself lately? You're a mess" Fury remarked.
Loki shifted painfully on the bed, stifling a cry. Fury frowned and reached up, carefully pulling Loki's shirt up to look at the blast wound. He whistled, and pulled Loki's shirt down again. "Best we can tell, those weapons were some kind of... thermal blaster. A regular human would probably burn right up if they got hit with one of those things.
"Well, I'm certainly not a regular human, am I" Loki said archly.
Fury smiled wryly. "Not even close."
"I suppose being a blue-skinned monstrous freak has its upside after all."
"Maybe so" Fury said with a shrug.
The words swirled around in Loki's mind, and a vague notion formed there. He gently pushed Fury away and painfully hauled himself to his feet. Fury reached out to steady him. Loki swayed into the bathroom, Fury watching him questioningly.
"I will attend my injuries. There is no need for you to be concerned" Loki said. He moved to close the bathroom door, but Fury strode closer and stopped him.
"Maybe you just went out of your way to protect Pepper Potts, which is noble as hell and all that, but don't be too offended if I don't straight-up trust you. Get cleaned up if you want, but keep in mind that there are armed guards all over this building."
Loki sighed, his head pounding "Whatever pleases you, Director"
He closed the door and slowly, painfully shucked his clothes. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and stared. He was deathly pale, his eyes sunken and dull, the lower part of his face and all his neck stained with dried blood, fresh blood still wetting his mouth.
The blast wound on his should was livid burgundy, one giant, angry bruise that soaked through the thickness of his body to show quite clearly on his back, too. He gasped slightly at the sight of the wound- he'd never witnessed anything quite so strange. He pressed his fingertips to the wound. The skin was not damaged, but it was hot to touch, and the lightest pressure was searingly painful.
He stepped into the shower. At first the cold water was agony, but gradually, as it drew the heat out of the blast wound, it began to soothe him. He could feel his strange, natural Jotunn physiognomy throwing off the last strands of binding magic.
He didn't fight the transformation this time, and the ice cold of his form cooled his fever and soothed his face. His mouth continued to bleed, however, even as his flesh transformed. He stood transfixed as blood dropped off his face and swirled down the drain.
He slid down the wall and let the shower rain down on him, drawing the heat out. He shivered and ached and lost all track of time as he passed in and out of consciousness. His instinctual magic was trying to heal his injuries, and it was agony.
Eventually, he crawled out of the shower, bundled himself into a towel and climbed back into bed. He dropped into a listless sleep.
...
The next thing that roused him was the door bursting open. Without even looking up he knew it was Thor thumping into the room. He rolled his eyes and pulled the sheet up over his head to cover himself completely. He was still in Jotunn form, and the last thing he needed was to provoke another fight.
"Brother! Are you well? Fury spoke of what happened. He said there was a mighty battle, and you alone were the victor."
Loki felt the bed dip as Thor sat down next to him. He felt Thor's strong hand grip his shoulder.
"You have saved the life of Miss Potts. I am proud of you, brother" Thor said gently.
Loki pulled the blanket tightly about himself. "Firstly- don't you know how to knock? And secondly, please leave me. I am injured and wish for solitude"
Thor laughed. "You sound like your old self again, brother, and... it is good to hear your voice. Perhaps a good fight against a common foe is what you needed-"
"Get out" Loki said crisply. Thor fell silent.
"At least let me tend your injuries" Thor said finally. "Fury said you refused treatment, and that your mouth is bleeding from the breaking of the thread."
"I am healing. I am weary and in pain. Leave me alone."
Loki... let me see" Thor said, worry creeping into his voice.
"I am not injured, Thor!" Loki barked, and just to defy him, his mouth twinged angrily.
"I will be the judge of that!" Thor said angrily. Loki felt Thor grip the blanket, ready to pull it down.
"Thor, do not look at me. You will not like what your eyes behold."
Thor sighed heavily. "Don't be stupid. I have seen many injuries. I am not weak of stomach."
"It's not my injuries that I am worried about" Loki said flatly.
"Then what?" Thor asked.
"If you remove this blanket, you will behold your enemy."
Thor seemed to take a moment to consider those words. "I am not afraid" he said gently.
Loki felt a rush of emotions. He didn't have the capacity to sort through any of them. He was trapped and exposed. No energy for a fight.
"Loki, stop hiding from me. Stop running. Stop pushing me away."
"Damn you, Thor" Loki whispered.
Loki pushed himself upright. The blanket fell away from his face, revealing his true form.
To his credit, Thor's face did not betray any of the disgust Loki was certain he must have been feeling. Instead, the Asgardian's forehead creased slightly in concentration as he studied Loki. He looked closely at the man who was raised as his brother.
"Seeing you like this will take some getting used to" Thor finally admitted.
"Are you not horrified?" Loki asked, childish disappointment rising in him.
Thor shook his head slowly. "No" he said thoughtfully.
"You should be" Loki sneered.
"Why? You look practically the same. Just... blue. And somewhat bumpy."
Loki sighed "You really are such a simpleton"
"Why? Because I see things differently to you? Because I can still see you as my brother, not my enemy? If those things make me a simpleton, than so be it. Loki, you are extraordinary. You've always been different in many ways, and this is just an extension of that. Don't you see, the differences that have always set you apart have always been the things we've loved the most about you?"
Loki stared at Thor. "You sound like... mother" he said flatly.
"Good" Thor said. "I take that as a compliment."
"Not sure I meant it as one" Loki said dryly.
"She's the only one who ever made you see reason, Loki. If conjuring her essence now helps you-"
Loki sighed, his head dropping. He was too exhausted for this. Thor continued to look closely at him, and he felt like he should be irritated by the scrutiny. But somehow it didn't needle as he would have expected.
"I have failed you in so many ways, brother" Thor said quietly. "I was too caught up in my own importance to see how far you had fallen into darkness, and you nearly killed me for my arrogance. And then I was given a second chance- I brought you to Asgard on the promise that I would help you, and again I neglected my duties." Loki glanced at his foster brother. Thor was stricken, his face creased with emotion. "Why am I so selfish?" Thor asked.
"Because you were always allowed to be" Loki said sarcastically. After a moment of thought he added: "As was I. That's how we were raised."
"That is not how our parents raised us!" Thor said passionately.
"Yes, it is" Loki admitted. He sighed and leaned back heavily against the headboard of the bed, closing his eyes to rest them."We were both indulged. Of course you were scrutinised much more closely than I" Loki stated, smirking but sounding bitter at the same time. "I assume they thought that time and experience would temper you- make you into the king you needed to be. Of course, it took banishment to Midgard, and the loss of your powers, to actually humble you."
"Humble?" Thor breathed, ashamed. "That is not what I am. I left you in solitude, in the company of strangers, to pursue my own happiness. I have spent more time with my Lady Jane than I have with you, despite the promise I made to our parents and my team-mates... the promise I made to you... that I would care for you."
"I have preferred it that way, Thor, so don't trouble yourself" Loki said impatiently, longing for this conversation to be over. "I never needed you to nanny me. I was sent here not to make friends or be entertained, but to suffer the same dreary life that these Midgardians endure. To see the people I wanted to enslave in their humdrum element. Banishing me here was a stroke of genius- I no longer want to rule this world- I feel pity for these bland people."
Thor continued to study Loki. "You don't fool me, brother. You've experienced loss, too. You've suffered far more than I. Has your exile all be for naught? Can you not find you way back to the light?"
Loki shook his head. "That's not for me, Thor. There is no throne in Asgard for me. No place in your hall, no hall of my own. My fate is to be the outcast. I revel in it, and the sooner you accept it, the happier you will be."
Thor's expression grew stormy, and Loki sighed deeply. "I grow weary of this heartfelt conversation. Can you not see how exhausted I am?" He genuinely was exhausted, so exhausted he didn't care how weak he looked to Thor. He would have sooner faked a swoon than spend another moment bearing witness to Thor's chest-beating confessions.
After a moment of truly awkward silence, Thor surprised Loki with a request. "May I touch your skin?" he asked respectfully.
"Why?" Loki asked, baffled.
Thor shrugged. "Most contact I have had with Jotunn has been... well, with Mjolnir."
Loki scoffed. "Want to feel for weaknesses in this wicked form?"
Thor reached forward and gripped Loki's forearm. "No" he said, looking his brother in the eyes. "I wish us to be allies, Loki. Always. I wish us to stand together." Thor reached up and gripped Loki's other forearm. Loki made to pull away, but Thor would not let him. He looked intently into Loki's eyes, asking for forgiveness, struggling to understand. "Whatever has come before between us, between our peoples... let us put it behind us."
Loki looked at the bare flesh of his arms, waiting for his Jotunn form to recede at Thor's touch. Waiting for his skin to become normal again. It did not. He swallowed nervously, unable to decide if he was willing himself to keep his true form. Defying Thor's expectations once again. Defying his own...
Loki tore his eyes away from his own alien form, but still couldn't meet Thor's eyes. He shook his head. "You are a fool, Thor. How can we ever stand together? Look at us! The future king of Asgard and the monster? What hope would we have of alliance?"
"As the king of the Jotunn, you would be free to form whatever allegiances pleased you" a familiar voice told them.
Thor and Loki looked over. Frigga stood, tall and calm, framed by the doorway.
"Mother!" They cried in unison, sounding like children. Loki caught himself, and rolled his eyes, but Thor beamed at their mother, and Frigga gave her sons a knowing look.
To Be Continued...
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Author's Notes: Sorry for the delay in getting this to you, my weekends are being spent house-hunting and slowly prepping to move, which pretty much sucks my will to live. There will mostly likely be three parts to this final chapter, I'll get them to you as soon as I can. You can follow me on Twitter Bombshell1701 for random updates. Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate the feedback. I'm always bummed when I get anonymous posts that I can't reply to, because I get some great comments. But please know that I appreciate everyone who takes a minute to review.