Chapter 11
One Brief Moment
Emmett cradled me to his chest as he carried me up the stairs to Carlisle's study. I was trying so hard to focus on my breathing that I only noticed where I was once Emmett placed me gently onto a sofa by a window in the study. I looked around bewildered. I couldn't remember Emmett even being in the forest. I had heard Rosalie's voice, and Alice's. I had seen Carlisle. The look that he had had on his face would forever be engraved in my memory.
I shuddered. I had tried to kill Edward. On some instinctual, animalistic level, I was ready to kill him. All reasonable thought or logic had been displaced by a surge of violence that even now, caused my body to tremble. Where had it all come from? Even as a human I had never felt any inclination towards violence. In fact, I had always shied away from it. It scared me to think that I was now capable of such thoughtless anger, such rage that rampaged through my mind and body, beyond my control.
I looked up as I heard the door open. Carlisle cast me a brief uncomfortable smile that made me feel even worse about myself than I already was
"How are you feeling Bella?" his voice was gentle and soothing.
"Better" was all I managed. He merely nodded at that and cast a glance at Emmett, who was still hovering over my shoulder. I was not quite certain if it was out of concern for me, or if it was a protective measure to stop me from going after Edward again. Emmett looked down at me briefly and the emotion I saw in his eyes lifted my spirits. He smiled a genuinely warm smile at me, before heading out the door.
Carlisle waited a few moments, looking intently at me the whole time. I knew that he was not waiting for Emmett to get out of hearing range, because with their sense of hearing, the entire family would be able to hear our conversation from anywhere in the house. He was probably using that time to gather his thoughts and decide how to proceed.
"When Alice told us of her vision before she left for Italy, never in my wildest dreams, did I think that this would be the outcome" While he spoke, he held my gaze directly.
I dropped my head in shame. I had never meant to be a disappointment to Carlisle. I had so desperately wanted to become a member of his family, that once I heard about the plans that the Santorini had for those that I loved so dearly, there was no option but to come back and fight for them.
"I'm sorry Carlisle. Please believe me when I say that I had no intention of coming back here to hurt anyone. I don't know what happened. It was like I was just consumed with this need for vengeance, to lash out." My eyes beseeched him to understand what had happened.
"I do believe you Bella, but the power that I witnessed rolling off you, frightens me." I stared at him as he finished the sentence. I was completely dumbstruck.
"What do you mean witnessed it?" I was floundering around in a sea of confusion and uncertainty for the umpteenth time in only a few days.
"Does that mean that you were not aware of what was going on around you Bella?" he asked such a simple question, but one that I was not sure how to answer.
"I remember looking at Edward, with her" that hurt me to say "and all of a sudden, I was overwhelmed by this intense need to hurt him. This incredibly potent sense of rage consumed me." I looked down at the floor while speaking. I could not bring myself to look up at Carlisle. I did not want to see a look of disappointment filter through his facial features. I couldn't bear it.
"What about the aura that surrounded you Bella?" He may as well have spoken in Greek, because it probably would have made more sense than what he had just said to me.
"Huh" was the only eloquent response I could muster.
"Bella, there was a light surrounding you. I can't really call the colour white, because it was more a silvery, iridescent pulse of light that swirled around you. The angrier you got, the brighter the light got. I don't know what would have happened if I had not been able to get through to you. Although I do have a feeling that it was like a charge that was building and it would have had to be released at some point." Carlisle had now moved to the window and was staring out into the night while he spoke.
The words that had just left his mouth caused me to start panicking. That glow that I had been distantly aware of in the meadow, had been a part of me. I was the one that was causing it. But what could it possible mean? Was that my power? That now, instead of blushing when I got angry or embarrassed, I glowed like a fire fly.
Carlisle must have been watching for my reaction, he had turned towards me and was looking at me intently.
"I can safely assume that you are not aware what the reason for that light was, or how it works?"
I filled him in on my theory about my new blushing technique. I was surprised when he laughed out loud. The sound of his beautiful laughter, helped quell the queasy feeling in my stomach. I was suddenly distracted by a conversation occurring between Edward and Alice.
"What were you thinking bringing her here Alice?" I could hear Edward's sneer from somewhere in the house. He did not sound pleased. Granted, I wouldn't either, had someone just tried to dispatch me forever. Hold on, someone had, he had!
"I was bringing my friend home Edward." Alice's venomous retort was easy to hear.
"I'm sure you would've been thrilled if she had got it right and killed me" His tone was deadly, each word clearly enunciated.
"I did warn you what would happen when I got back Edward. The way I see it, Bella almost did me a huge favour" She let out a sinister chuckle that sounded ugly and distorted coming from Alice's mouth.
"I still can't understand why she has to be here. How do you think Nicole feels having her around?" Edward's voice had dropped. I realized what he was doing. He was trying to appeal to Alice's softer side. I had been on the receiving end of that tone countless times before, when Edward wanted me to see his side of an argument.
"To be honest Edward, I couldn't care less how she feels. It's not like you took Bella's feelings into consideration when you left her a week before your wedding for someone else" Alice's response was so matter-of-fact, that I couldn't help but smile at my friend's tenacity in her loyalty to me.
"You are being totally unreasonable!" Edward had raised his voice again.
There was suddenly a vicious growl, followed by a loud crash. The only reason for it that I could come up with was that Edward had taken exception to Alice's thoughts. It hurt to know that Edward and Alice were arguing. Alice had been closer to Edward than any other member of his family, everyone except Carlisle.
With that, there was a soft cough from said vampire. "Sorry" I mumbled. Embarrassed at being caught eavesdropping, I looked at his feet, trying to avoid his face.
"Bella, there are many things that we need to discuss tonight." Carlisle did not get to elaborate on this. The door to the study was thrown open with such force the hinges groaned in protest.
Edward stood in the doorway, to say that he looked upset, would have been the understatement of the century. I felt a tingle of fear shimmy down my spine. The buzzing returned to my head and the glowing appeared again. I looked down at my hand. The shimmering silver light seemed to encase it. I was as mesmerized with it as I had been the first time I had seen sunlight dance off my skin. It was so pretty. Swirling and twisting like a luminous mist.
"I want to speak to her" he motioned towards me with a stiff jerk of his head. "Alone" he barked at Carlisle.
"Edward, you are very upset, I don't think it would be wise to attempt this now. Things are very volatile" Carlisle looked at Edward, his voice placating, but thick with implication. They stared at one another for a long while. Carlisle no doubt, arguing his point across in his mind.
Edward stared at him dispassionately. "Regardless, I want to speak to her. Please Carlisle. I will try to remain calm" he growled through clenched jaws. I stared between the two incredibly good looking vampires. Carlisle nodded his head infinitesimally at Edward. He cast a quick reassuring glance at me before he left the room, closing the door behind him.
"Where is she?" I could have bit my tongue off. This was my opportunity to try and reach him and I start it off by saying something incredibly stupid. Typical!
"Rosalie and Esme had to literally drag her from the house to go hunting. She is understandably quite upset." He ground out at me. I felt my anger rising again. She was upset? What about me? Did I truly mean so little to him that how I was feeling wasn't even a blip on his radar? Despite the anger, a small flame of hope leapt joyously. If she was not in the house, it meant that I might have a few minutes to see how deeply her power had affected him.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to reign in the emotions that were running rampant within me. I was grateful that Edward could not read my mind. The way it was whizzing at the moment they would probably have given him vertigo.
"I'm sorry for what happened earlier" That was a good place to start. If I apologised, it would likely calm him somewhat. "I was just surprised about the attack" I tried my best, but couldn't keep the accusatory tone out of my voice. Edward picked it up immediately. His eyes snapped to mine. For the first time tonight, he looked deeply into my eyes.
"Your eyes?" he sounded completely confounded.
I smiled sheepishly at him. His intense gaze dazzled me. My mind guzzled in the sight of him, like a desert flower during a rain storm. He was so beautiful.
I was so busy ogling him, that I have forgotten he had asked me a question. I was snapped back to reality by an impatient huff. "I don't quite know what the reason is behind them. I was hoping that Carlisle might be able to uncover their significance." I told him honestly.
"Is that why you came back Bella?" My breath caught as he said my name. It seemed like forever since he had said my name. If my heart was still beating, it would probably be jumping around all over the place.
"Part of the reason" I admitted honestly. He raised his eyebrows at me, indicating for me to tell him the rest of the reason.
"I am here to fight for you. To somehow win you back" I couldn't look at him as I whispered the words. Afraid of the rejection I would see in his eyes, rejection that I was steeling myself against feeling.
"Bella, I am so sorry for hurting you. If there was any way that I could take it back I would. But, I can't deny what I feel for Nicole. It would not have been fair for any of us, for you and I to stay together out of principle. I would never have been happy" His voice was so gentle, a huge lump formed in my throat. It felt like I would choke on it.
"Why did you want to hurt me in the forest?" I needed to know what had caused him to attack me unprovoked.
"To be honest, I don't quite know. I remember running through the trees when I caught your scent. Something was triggered in my mind, but before I could figure out what it was, I was consumed by a rage more intense than I had ever felt before. I didn't stop to think about what I was doing. I only realized what I had done once you had flung me into the tree" his face had softened. This was the opportunity I had been waiting for.
In one movement I was at his side. I tentatively raised my hand to his cheek. He stared intently at me, a million emotions flittering across his face. Before he could move, I brushed my fingertips across his cheek.
I was not prepared for the response that my touch elicited in him or myself for that matter. His eyes seemed to turn molten. The glow that surrounded me that had subdued to a light haze, flared up. It grew incredibly bright, but the difference this time was that it changed in colour. It ranged from baby blue, to a soft golden yellow. My entire body was drenched with feelings of contentment. The air around us buzzed with the same electric intensity that coursed between my fingers and his skin.
I don't know how long we stood and stared at each other for. We seemed to be cloaked in our own private little world that shimmered with a dream like quality.
"Bella?" Edward's voice sounded uncertain. He brushed his hand lightly up my arm and cupped my neck. Every cell in my body reacted to his touch. They seemed to vibrate with the intensity I felt. I continued to stare into his eyes, hoping that this was enough to bring him back, to unlock him from whatever place Nicole had cast him. He lowered his head toward me, his eyes locked on my lips. I stopped breathing. This was more than I had dared hope for. I closed my eyes in anticipation of his lips softly brushing against mine.
Edward jerked himself roughly away from me. He stared at me. He looked disorientated and unsure. He closed his eyes and when he opened them, I moaned. The guarded look was back. "I don't know what you are trying to do. But I want you to stay away from me!" He spat the words at me. I felt my knees buckle. I refused to let him see me collapse. He turned on his heel and stormed out the study. This time he ripped the door clean off his hinges in his haste to get away from me. Once he was out of sight, I fell to the ground, huge dry sobs wracking my body in paroxysms of agony.
I had been prepared on some level about possible rejection. But after the last few minutes, when all the walls had been lifted and I had glimpsed and felt what had once been ours, nothing had been able to prepare me for the loss I would feel. It was like being offered a life line, then watching it being pulled away again.
"I'm so sorry Bella" I rolled to my side to see Alice looking down at me. Her face was so filled with sadness that it caused the sobs to magnify. She sat down next to me and rubbed in a gentle circular pattern that was oddly comforting.
"I tried to get them to keep her in the forest for as long as possible, but I think she's starting to get to them. They eventually gave into her incessant whining and brought her home" Alice and I looked deeply into one another's eyes. This was not going to be an easy task. But tonight had shown me that the Edward I loved was still there and that he was within reach. I knew that Nicole was now going to be even more weary, and would no doubt make sure that Edward and I were never alone together.
I was too tired to try and develop some sort of strategy now. I had the memory of those few precious moments that Edward and I had just shared as an incentive to keep trying, no matter how hopeless the situation seemed to become.
AN) Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, you guys really made my day!
To my reviewer that said my chapters are too short, I hope the length of this one will meet your approval. But also, I want you to note that the first chapter is nearly 5000 words long and if I remember correctly, has no reviews, so I don't think it's the length of a chapter that determines its reviews.
The next chapter is in Edwards POV, so I'm sure you'll all be excited to read it. I must just tell you that I am a teacher and therefore do not have as much time available to me as I would like to have to ensure that I update regularly, so please bear with me.
Last thing, I'm South African, so if my grammar and spelling, or use of your measuring system is a bit off, please forgive me!
Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Lotsa love!