I'm not sure there is anyone out there still interested in this. (Bueller? Bueller?)
I could go into a lengthy discourse of real life but I'll trim it down to six words:
Writer's block. Family responsibilities. I'm sorry.
Reviews if you wanna. This was the tough chapter. The next will be easier (and MUCH sooner).
Baby, The Rain Must Fall
Rory sank deeply into the bean bag chair and shut her eyes tightly, blotting out the music posters and the lava lamp. She only vaguely registered the muffled sounds of voices from the next room. Her mind kept whirling in circles like the spinner from a board game. Each time it stopped, a portion of the drama that had suddenly become her life bubbled up, threatening to overwhelm her and then she was spinning again.
She thought about Yale and the sense of failure flooded through her again. To be flat-out told to drop a class… she didn't know how she'd get over that. Her mind shifted to her dorm room and the year-long Paris/Tana/Janet fracas loomed large and she knew she'd find no sanctuary staying there. Her thoughts drifted to her grandparents, particularly her grandfather. He'd been so proud of her going to Yale, so vocal in his support of her abilities to capably handle such a grueling schedule. She cringed, imagining the disappointment on their faces when they found out she couldn't hack it.
Which brought her to her mother. She was staggered by the betrayal of trust. They always told each other everything. Everything. They knew where each other's proverbial bodies were buried. But now her childhood home and her mother were suddenly like strangers to her, and that was the root of her current dilemma.
Rory had a firm, fixed image of her mother in her mind: Lorelai had always been there for her, propping her up and cheering her on. Rory always knew the choices Lorelai had made had always centered around her. Everything she'd done, from her unceasing campaign to get her into Chilton to making the ultimate sacrifice of going to her grandparents for the tuition reinforced her unswerving devotion of giving Rory all the opportunities to achieve her dreams no matter what the cost. Yes, Rory believed that she was the center of her mother's life and nothing would ever change that. She was wrong.
Rory was drawn out of her reflection by the opening of the door.
"Hey," Lane said as she walked into the room. "I brought you something to eat." She offered her the take-out box.
Rory hesitated. Lane had just gotten off work. She realized that there was only one place the food could've come from: Luke's. That was another sore spot. The fact that her mother was with Luke, the town Luke, the everyone-will-know-they-are-dating-or-not Luke, was even more mind-blowing. How could she not tell her about this? This was huge.
Lane noticed her reluctance and offered tentatively. "I saw Lorelai at the diner when I was leaving."
"You didn't tell her I was here did you?" Rory asked quickly. She knew she wasn't ready to see or talk to her mother yet.
"No, she just walked in as I was leaving," Lane replied, looking at Rory curiously. "What's going on?"
Rory bit her lip. In spite of what happened and even though she didn't know how she felt yet, she didn't want to reveal what happened, even to Lane. It had to stay a private matter. "I had to drop my class," she finally admitted.
"And Lorelai was mad?" Lane asked in surprise. She was sure that Lorelai would've understood and done whatever she could to support Rory. "What did she say about it?"
"We didn't talk about that," Rory disclosed carefully. "It was…something else," Rory hedged, clearly uncomfortable. She shook her head as if to rid herself of the memory.
"Okay," Lane said, waiting for further explanation. When she realized it wouldn't be forthcoming, she just nodded her head. She knew that whatever was going on, Rory would tell her when she was ready.
"Is it okay that I stay here at night for a while?" Rory requested in a pleading voice. "I really don't want to stay on campus at the moment."
"Sure," Lane said. "Feel free to stay here as long as you like. Consider it payback for when I crashed with you at Yale." After all the things Rory had done for her over the years, especially putting her up when she had no where to go, she was more than happy to be able to do anything she could for her friend now.
"I liked having you stay with me at Yale. I got used to having you there," Rory said with a faint smile. "It was a comfort to me. Thank you," she said sincerely, grateful for the time that she had Lane with her at college and now that she had a safe haven with her again. Her eyes dropped from Lane's. "It's just too much, with dropping the class and Paris and all," she explained.
"Are you sure you don't want to talk to Lorelai about this?" Lane questioned again.
"No," Rory said darkly, hunching down. "Apparently she's too busy." Lane wondered at her tone. Rory's eyes went back to her friend. "Do me a favor and don't tell anyone I'm staying here?" She didn't want to see or talk to anyone in Stars Hollow but Lane for the moment. She had even gone as far as parking her car where it wouldn't be seen.
Lane opened her mouth to object and Rory cut in. "Please? Just for a while," Rory bargained. Lane nodded once in agreement and Rory was relieved. She didn't want anyone to see her in case it got back to her mother about where she was staying. She'd already checked her voicemail and saw that Lorelai had called no less than twelve times. If Lorelai knew she was here, she would be over here in a flash, and she didn't want to pull Lane into the middle of this.
Lane nodded, once again wondering what could have happened to cause such a rift between Rory and her mother. They talked about everything, things Lane would never bring up to her own mother. She'd always envied Rory for the relationship she had with Lorelai.
Lane indicated the take-out box again, dropping the subject for now, deciding Rory needed a little more privacy to sort her thoughts. "Have something to eat. Get some sleep. I have to talk to Brian and Zach about some band stuff. I'll tell them to keep it down."
Rory paused once again but her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she had had very little to eat all day. Grateful that Lane had thought about her welfare and not wanting to tip her off that she had issues with Luke, she opened up the box. The aroma from the burger crushed any further resistance. "Thanks," she said as she grabbed the burger and took a huge bite.
Lane gave her an encouraging smile before leaving the room. Rory absentmindedly ate, her mind sinking back into the chaos of her life once again.
~#~
Lorelai trudged into the kitchen of the DragonFly. She was running late. She had tossed and turned well into the early hours of the morning. For all of her encouraging words to Luke the night before, she knew it had been nothing more than a smoke screen. She was extremely worried about Rory and it kept her up most of the night. Lorelai couldn't remember seeing her so upset. Her reaction was light years beyond that of the whole Max incident of a few years ago. She'd just managed to fall into an exhausted slumber when her alarm rang and she forced herself to get up and come to the Inn. She had checked her cell phone and there were no messages from Rory.
"Good morning," Sookie sang out cheerily as she spied her. "Come see what I've made for breakfast! Oh I love my new kitchen," she gushed.
"Ummph," Lorelai grunted at her. She couldn't deal with Sookie's enthusiasm this morning.
"Aww," Sookie chided her good-naturedly. "Did someone have a bad night?" She went over to the coffee machine and poured her a large mug of coffee. "This will fix you up!"
Lorelai mechanically sipped the coffee; her tired eyes following Sookie's movements as she flitted from the stove to the cutting board then grabbed a plate which she proceeded to fill. After artfully arranging the food she presented it to Lorelai with a flourish.
"I know you've probably already had your breakfast but can I tempt you with Eggs Benedict ala Sookie?" she asked. "I've been working out the kinks, using Tom and the crew as my guinea pigs. No complaints so far. The Avery cooks to perfection! Absolute perfection!"
Sookie observed Lorelai take the loaded plate almost grudgingly. "Oh you're probably full! You ate at Luke's this morning!"
Lorelai set the plate down and smiled willfully at Sookie. "No, I got off to a late start today. I haven't been to Luke's."
"Since you're done making most of the big decisions, he must be relieved that he's almost off the hook," Sookie pointed out. "But I gotta admit, I am loving the choices the two of you made for Inn. Everything looks so comfortable and homey, yet elegant. What else are you two working on?"
Lorelai inwardly grimaced. She and Luke had gotten through all of the catalogs and brochures and now she was just left waiting for the orders to be filled, working on decorating and putting together the Inn. Luke didn't need to be involved with that and, more importantly, he had his own business to run. She had taken up enough of his free time. Lorelai was torn; she wanted to see him but didn't want to have to tell him that the situation with Rory might be bigger deal than she first thought.
"I've tortured Luke enough over this," Lorelai finally replied. "I'll take care of the rest," Lorelai absently assured her.
Sookie frowned at Lorelai's response but before she could question her about it further, she turned and walked out of the kitchen, her plate untouched. Sookie could hear her calling Tom and his gruff reply. Something was bothering her and she was keeping it to herself. Sookie made a mental note to talk to Jackson to adjust their schedules so she'd have more time to spend at the Inn and help Lorelai out as much as she could. With the test run and the actual opening looming, she needed to be there as much as possible. Then maybe Lorelai wouldn't be so overworked and she might even tell her what was bothering her.
Sookie pulled out her cell phone and hit the speed dial. "Jackson? We need to talk."
~#~
Lorelai slowly plodded up her porch steps and paused at the front door, fumbling for her keys. It had been a long, grueling day and she was exhausted. Even though she'd been so swamped attending to details and overseeing the construction, thoughts of both Rory and Luke ran in an undercurrent in her mind the entire day.
The one unexpected bright spot in the day was Sookie. Now that she was at the Inn, it looked like it would take dynamite to get her out of there. She worked steadily during the day in the kitchen, doing everything from working with suppliers to the arrangement of equipment, the storeroom and dinnerware and ordering foodstuffs. She declared it her domain and she would handle it. Lorelai was grateful. It allowed her time to focus on other things. But beyond that, Sookie seemed to be taking on the role of mother-hen. It seemed like every time Lorelai turned around and could sit down for a moment, she was there with coffee, cake and cookies, keeping her fed. She'd even whipped up dinner saying she was testing out new recipes. Lorelai shook her head, relieved that Sookie was embracing into her upcoming role as part owner and head chef of the Inn.
Lorelai tossed her keys on the desk and noticed the answering machine blinking. Suddenly alert she stabbed at the button.
"Mom," She heard Rory's voice sounding both timid yet slightly reproachful at the same time. "Please, you gotta to stop calling me. I know you want to talk about what happened but you have to give me some space. I need time to think about…everything and I can't do that with you leaving messages every half an hour. You've got a lot going on with the Inn and …" the sentence hung for a moment before Rory changed direction. "I've got a lot on my plate here at Yale. Just…leave me alone for a while okay? I don't know for how long," Rory paused again. "I just don't know."
The machine clicked off and Lorelai sagged slightly. She set her purse down and hit the button again, listening even more carefully the second time. She'd hoped that once Rory had a chance to think, she would be okay with her being with Luke. She figured they would talk, she would beg Rory's forgiveness and everything would be okay. Now, from her message, it was clear that this impacted Rory even more deeply than she first thought. The fact that Rory didn't know when she would even want to talk about it about it spoke volumes.
Lorelai also couldn't get over the nagging suspicion that something else was going on with Rory. Over the past few months it seemed Rory never had time to sit down and have an in-depth conversation about Yale, or her classes or just talk about her life. Lorelai mentally chided herself for not taking the time to go see her and find out what was going on as well and as tell her in person about the developing romance with Luke.
And Luke. Lorelai was at a loss. She knew as soon as she saw him, he'd want to know about Rory. What could she tell him? Anything she said would have him worrying even more about Rory or worse, questioning her reasons for wanting to be with him. He'd already expressed some doubts about her motives. It was clear he wanted to continue their relationship. She wanted that too but if Rory didn't approve…her approval meant everything, Lorelai realized. She just didn't know how to re-assure him in the meantime. She fervently hoped Rory would come around and accept her and Luke as a couple but until she did, she knew they couldn't go forward or even date. Lorelai reluctantly decided couldn't even see him at the diner either. It would be too hard to keep up a positive attitude and the temptation of them being together, even in the diner, was just too great.
But she'd miss not seeing him. They had been friends first and there were so many other aspects of her life in which Luke was involved. Without him, there would be a huge void in her life. He fed her; he kept her in coffee; hell, just seeing and talking to him on a daily basis was a treat. She'd grown comfortable having him rant at her about her food choices and banter with her over the happenings in their lives as well as around the town. His solid strength appealed to her and made her feel like she could do anything, as long as he was by her side. No, she couldn't seek him out until things were settled.
She prayed it wouldn't take Rory too long to come around.
~#~
The diner had been empty for hours; most people were enjoying the town festival. Luke ignored the spectacle in the town square as he normally did and scrubbed down the counter, his face a mask of concentration. His mind, however, wasn't focused on his task. He'd a lot to think about over the past few days.
Foremost in his mind was the lack of any communication from Lorelai. He kept telling himself to be patient and give her the time and space she needed to get things settled with Rory but he was failing miserably. Luke missed her. He wanted to see her. She hadn't been in the diner; he hadn't even caught a glimpse of her in town at all and it was affecting him. Luke almost wished that she still needed him to help make decisions about the Inn, but he knew they were done with that stage. He kept telling himself to be reasonable that Lorelai's free time was non-existent. More than likely her days were being spent at the Inn getting everything finished on time before the test run.
Luke had received an invitation along with a lot of the townies. He wasn't sure how he felt about it. After all the time and effort he'd put in helping her, he'd expected a little more than a generic mailed invitation, the same one everyone in town else had received.
Which brought him to his other problem: Lorelai's absence was causing speculation amongst the town gossips, particularly Babette and Miss Patty. Try as he might, he couldn't help but notice the whispers and the sidelong looks. Both women had questioned him separately and together, hoping to glean some juicy tidbit about a possible rift between them but other than saying things were fine, he did not comment further. He was tired of the interrogation into his private life. It had been going on for the past three days but there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Then earlier this very evening, he'd overheard Gypsy, of all people, mention to Andrew that she'd run into Lorelai at Weston's that morning. He'd felt sucker punched. Apparently she wasn't as busy as he previously thought. She was deliberately avoiding him. There was no other way to spin it.
Luke's attention was caught by Lane as she came out of the kitchen with a to-go box. Since there hadn't been any customers for well over an hour, he'd let her go deciding to close early. As he watched her get ready to leave, it idly occurred to him that he'd seen her serving Zach and Brian for dinner, pretty much every day. Tonight was no exception. And she'd had dinner herself that very evening. Yet every night she took additional food home.
"If you don't need me for anything else…" Lane looked a query at him.
"No," he replied absently. As she made her way to the door, a thought struck him that made him call her back. "Wait."
"Yes?" Lane returned to the counter.
He turned around and picked up a to-go cup and poured the last of the coffee into it. "Here," he said, handing her the cup. "She'll probably like this too."
"Luke?" Lane's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock. She hadn't breathed a word to anyone and swore Zach and Brian to secrecy too. She hadn't seen Lorelai in the diner all week. How did he know?
"You've taken a to-go box home every night for the past few nights," he said finally. "It wasn't too hard to figure out. Don't worry," he said when he saw her eyes flash with panic. "I'm not going to complicate things." He nodded towards the door, indicating she should leave.
Not knowing how to respond, Lane just gave him a somewhat relieved smile. "Night."
Lane left the diner and headed for home on auto-pilot, thoughtful, dodging the hoopla in the town square. Luke seemed to know what was going on, more so than she did but how? She wondered about his parting comment about not complicating things. She wasn't sure if she should mention it to Rory or not.
Every night Rory had returned faithfully to Stars Hollow. As far as Lane could tell, she was just stopping at her dorm room to pick up a change of clothes or books. She still hadn't told Lane what was going on or why she was avoiding her mother, she'd just change the subject. Lane, being a sympathetic friend, hadn't pressed the issue, but now she was wondering if she should. She glanced around at the people in the noisy square, having fun and got an idea. Rory had been cooped up all week. Maybe she could convince her to come out and have some fun and then they could really talk.
Lane bounded up the steps and entered her apartment. Both Zach and Brian were sitting in chairs, thumbing their guitars, going over chords and mumbling to themselves.
Zach's eyes lit up when he saw her. "Lane, cool! You're back early! Brian and I have been working on a new song. Ya gotta listen to this!"
"In a minute," Lane said absently, headed towards her bedroom where she knew Rory had already retreated.
Zach made an exasperated sound as he exchanged a look with Brian. Since Rory had come to stay, Lane spent all of her time in her bedroom with Rory. He understood being there for a friend but this was cutting into their band time and he wasn't sure what to do to bring Lane's focus back on that.
Lane tapped twice on the door before opening it, the coffee cup balanced on top of the to-go box. "Rory? I've got dinner." She closed the bedroom door behind her.
Rory uncurled herself from the bean bag chair and smiled at her friend. "Thanks." Her face grew animated as she noticed the coffee cup as well. "You brought me coffee too?" Rory hugged Lane. "Thank you!"
"No problem," Lane replied, happy to see something perk Rory up. "But it wasn't—" A loud cymbal crash sound reverberated through the closed door, immediately followed by an off-tempo drumbeat. Lane wheeled and charged out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded as she came to a stop next to Zach, seated at her drum kit. She glared at him.
"Um," Zach deflated a little in the face of Lane's anger. "We've been working on this song all week but you haven't had time for the band," he explained a bit petulantly even as he hastily set the drum sticks down. "We decided to fill in for you since you don't have time for us anymore."
"Without asking me?" Lane shifted her glare to Brian.
"It was all Zach's idea, not mine," he offered timidly as he faced Lane's death stare.
"Dude, so not cool," Zach said in reproof of Brian not backing him up.
"Well if you wanted to work on new songs, you should have told me!" Lane scolded them.
"Fine," Zach said. "We've got an idea for a new song and we need you on drums." He hesitated for a second before adding, "Please?"
Lane's anger faded, realizing she had been ignoring her roommates and the band. "All you had to do was ask," Lane told him as he got up and she took her seat. "Let's hear what you've got," she encouraged, all thoughts of her unusual conversation with Luke forgotten.
~#~
Lorelai cruised into the outskirts of Stars Hollow. It had been a long day at the Inn and an even longer evening so far. She'd just spent the most horrible two hours of her life enduring yet another Friday night dinner. She had gone with the foolish hope that Rory might show, but as soon as she entered her parents' house, she was informed they would once again be dining sans Rory. Even her mother was beginning to feel the effects of not having the Rory buffer. Conversation was strained at first, with Lorelai preoccupied about her lack of contact with her daughter then it was practically non-existent as dinner wore on and her parents lost patience with her vague comments. She had never been more grateful to finally escape as soon as they finished their meal.
On the ride home she tried calling Rory on her cell phone again, hoping she would pick up. When she first got Rory's message about needing time, she was willing to give her some space but by this point, she needed to talk to her daughter whether she was angry or not. Rory's cell rang then went to voicemail. In a fit of irritation, Lorelai turned off her cell phone and tossed on the seat.
As she turned onto the square, she observed the town celebrating it latest quirky festival. She spared a glance towards the diner but it was dark. She was about to drive past the revelry when she pulled over and parked the Jeep instead. Part of her wanted to go home but the thought of spending another night in an empty house worrying about Rory and missing Luke was too much for her to bear.
As Lorelai walked through the square, she noted the bizarre decorations. Dark, cottony storm clouds were hung from tree branches with lightning bolts or thin, silvery streamers signifying rain. Beneath them were pots of flowers. Umbrellas of all shapes and sizes were arranged in groups on the ground or positioned in trees. Lorelai shook her head and wondered, not for the first time, how Taylor came up with these crazy ideas.
As she neared the gazebo, Miss Patty was leading a line of six little girls up the steps. All of them were dressed in yellow slickers, matching rain hats and boots. Lorelai paused in the crowd that had gathered and the music started up. The strains of "Singin' in the Rain" filled the night air and the miniature Morton salt girls did a soft shoe in time to the music.
When the number was over, Lorelai politely applauded with the rest of the townies gathered then wandered off to make a circuit of the rest of the festival. As she neared the far end of the square she slowed as she saw Luke coming towards her.
"Hey," she tried to greet him nonchalantly. "I never thought I'd see you willing come to one of these."
Luke regarded her seriously. "I had to," he explained. "I figured it was my only chance to see you." He was elated, angry and grateful that he'd decided at the last minute to attend on the chance he might see her and find out what was going on.
"Luke…" Lorelai's voice trailed off.
"We need to talk," he stated.
Lorelai opened her mouth but didn't know what to say. She looked around at the assembled townsfolk laughing and having a good time before returning her gaze to Luke. He jerked his head away from the crowd, turned and walked to the edge of the square, far enough away from the crowd that they could talk without being overheard but close enough to appear to be taking part in the festivities. Lorelai followed after him.
On the other side of the square, Lane and Rory meandered through the displays and booths.
"I'm glad you finally got out of the apartment," Lane said. When she proposed coming to the festival, she'd expected Rory to refuse but Rory surprised her and agreed it might be fun. Lane noticed her looking around furtively, looking for Lorelai but neither of them spotted her.
"Yeah," Rory agreed, tired of her self-imposed confinement. All it served to do was make her fixate on her problems instead of dealing with them.
As they passed a few feet behind one of the park benches the ringed the town square, Miss Patty sat down next to Babette.
"Nice number, hon," Babette complimented her friend. They sat back and scanned the square.
"Thank you," Patty accepted the praise graciously. "That was our last number of the night. Thank goodness. I can't believe Taylor was upset that it didn't rain to add a more realistic touch to the proceedings." She settled herself comfortably, preparing to people watch. "Well, would you look at that," she said inclining her head in the direction that she was staring. "We finally get to see Luke and Lorelai together."
Rory came to a dead stop upon hearing Miss Patty's words, her eyes searching the square until she spied her mother and Luke. Lane scanned the crowd until she too picked out them out. They both stood still observing them across the way.
"You've been avoiding me," Luke declared. By his tone, Lorelai knew Luke was making a statement not asking a question.
"Things have been really busy at the Inn," she began feebly.
"Lorelai," he remonstrated. "Just tell me what's going on."
She looked into Luke's eyes and knew she had to tell him the truth. "I'm sorry," she whispered, defeated. "I didn't want to tell you. Rory refuses to speak to me. I haven't spoken to her since she walked out of the house earlier this week."
Luke let out a long breath, thinking furiously. "You haven't seen her at all?" This was really not good. "Is she alright?"
"No," Lorelai admitted brokenly. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she were cold. "She's shutting me out. I just have to wait until she's ready." She looked regretful. "I'm sorry. I avoided you because I didn't want to have to tell you how bad it is."
"So you left me in the dark?" Luke asked harshly. "Lorelai, I gave you your space to work this out. I thought you'd at least extend me the courtesy of keeping me informed about what's going on even if there was nothing to report."
"I didn't want you worrying about this!"
"Not telling me anything has made me worry about this!"
They both paused staring at each other, for the moment, not knowing what to say.
"They're fightin'" Babette commented to Patty.
Standing behind the town gossips, Rory could only watch Luke and her mother, realizing that Babette was right. She could tell from their body language.
"I knew he wasn't telling the truth about Lorelai not coming into the diner this week," Patty agreed.
Rory's eyebrows shot upward as she processed this piece of information. She should've asked Lane to keep her informed on the latest happenings around Stars Hollow. Her mother stopped going to the diner?
"Luke, if we just gave it more time…"
"More time." Luke shook his head. "Lorelai, right now you don't have the time for a relationship. You've got too much going on right now with starting up the Inn and Rory." He hesitated, "Maybe we should take a step back until things are more settled."
"A step back?" Lorelai didn't like the sound of this. "What does that mean?"
"Lorelai, I care for you and Rory, deeply but I can't go on like this," Luke confessed. He didn't see any resolution to their problem anytime soon and he knew he couldn't just wait around. It suddenly occurred to him that the only way to bring some peace and get perspective was go somewhere else for a while. "I need to get away from Stars Hollow and get my head on straight," he blurted out in dawning realization.
Lorelai gripped her arms more tightly. "You're going to leave?" She hadn't expected this reaction. She felt the panic rise in her and she deliberately tamped it down. "For how long?"
"A few weeks, maybe more."
"The test run is in three weeks," she reminded him. "You'll be back in time for that, right?" she pleaded.
Luke briefly closed his eyes for a moment before meeting her gaze squarely and shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know. Right now, I wouldn't count on it."
"Luke, you have to be there!" Lorelai cried, her voice rising. "After all the work you put into helping me with the Inn, you have to be there! It's important to me that you're there! You're supposed to have the people your care about the most with you at a time like this!" She gestured at him. "You're supposed to support people you care about, be there to celebrate their triumphs!"
"Lorelai, its not that I don't care," Luke said gently. "I do care. I have cared. For a very long time, longer than you know."
Lorelai looked at him intently, her eyes questioning.
"What's happened between us in the past few weeks, these are not new feelings for me," Luke said, finally coming clean. The urge to touch her was so strong he had to clench his fists tightly. He could see the question "when?" in her eyes and admitted everything. "Since that first day, that first cup of coffee."
Lorelai let out a gasp of surprise. It seemed like she had known Luke, been friends with him forever. It was only during the last few years that her curiosity had been piqued about him after they started having their "moments" as she like to call them. But to discover that he'd had serious feelings about her since they first met both thrilled and terrified her. She leapfrogged over the question about why he hadn't made a move in all those years. She instinctively knew that they both had needed to be friends first and that neither of them had been ready for a relationship—until now.
"If you care as much as you say, why can't you be at the test run?" she argued. "For me, for us? Please Luke. I know you don't believe me but I DO care about you!"
"I know you do in your own way. But you have a lot going on now with the Inn and Rory," Luke repeated gently. "And even though I'm not asking to be your number one priority in your life, I don't want to be an afterthought. That's all I am to you right now."
A sound of denial burst from Lorelai's lips. She hated that she made him feel like he didn't matter to her. Lorelai was digging her nails into her arms at this point, the pain somehow keeping her tears at bay. He already confessed his feelings for her, but the fact that he was going away to deal with those feelings sounded like a death knell to her ears. What if he decided she was too much work? That he could do better? Yes, she feared him going away and what they would be when he came back.
"I'm so sorry that I made you feel that way. Don't go," she begged.
Luke grimaced, almost caving into her but held firm. "I'm sorry too. But I have too." He gave her a bittersweet smile, still as always, trying to allay her fears. "Don't think this will make me love you less."
Lorelai swallowed the sudden lump that formed in her throat. Luke loved her! And she, by her actions, had made him so miserable that he felt he had to go away. From the look in his eyes, she knew there was nothing more she could say to convince him. His mind was made up.
Without another word, she turned and walked away, inwardly berating herself for ruining yet another relationship, her spirit broken.
"She's walking away," Patty noted.
"God, I wish they'd realize they're perfect for each other," Babette said, bemoaning another missed opportunity. "Look at 'em! He'd give her the stability she needs and she'd liven up his life!"
"I know," Patty agreed. "They'd be so good together. Now that Rory's gone off to college and after that, who knows where, Lorelai will be all alone. What a waste."
Rory's mind reeled as Patty's words sunk into her brain. She thought back to a few short days ago about how upset she was with her mother because Lorelai had abandoned all their rules hadn't put Rory first. She'd been offended that Lorelai hadn't let her know about her and Luke. The epiphany exploded in her mind: she's been so wrong, so self-absorbed to expect Lorelai's life to always revolve around hers.
Suddenly Rory looked back on her years growing up and it dawned on her just how young Lorelai was when she had her. The challenges Lorelai must have faced raising a daughter on her own terms. Rory had many happy childhood memories and no matter how tight money had been or what it cost her mother, she always had everything she needed. Her mother had always put her first. But how much had Lorelai done without? At no time could Rory ever remember an instance where Lorelai ever put herself first. She'd given her all to Rory, never having anything for herself, anyone for herself but Rory. When Rory finally moved out permanently with her own life, job and possibly a man, where would that leave Lorelai? Her mother deserved to be happy now, deserved to have someone to care about her now, not wait until Rory was gone from her everyday life.
It dawned on her that Luke was the perfect choice. He had always been a fixture in their lives and was so ingrained in her memories of the past, so why shouldn't he be a part of the future? He'd always cared deeply not only for Lorelai but herself as well. The special breakfasts and birthday cakes had proved that over the years. Rory knew he loved them both no matter what. Of all the men her mother dated, and her father, the only person she could comfortably picture in their house was Luke. He was already part of their family; they just hadn't known it yet.
She grabbed Lane by the arm and dragged her off out of earshot. "Oh my god, I've been so selfish!" Rory exclaimed mournfully. Her face was ashen.
"What is it?" Lane asked concerned. Rory looked like she was going to be sick. "What's wrong?"
"I've been an idiot!" Rory replied. She looked at her best friend. "Oh god, Lane, I'm so stupid!"
Rory!" Lane repeated. She was worried. Rory
You have to promise not to repeat what I'm about to tell you."
"I won't," Lane swore.
"The reason I've been avoiding my mom for the past week…" Rory still hesitated but realized she should have spoken up sooner. "When I came home the other day, she was with Luke."
"Well, he has been helping her pick out stuff for the Inn," Lane pointed out.
"No," Rory said making sure she inflected the words properly to convey her meaning, "she was with Luke."
"Yeah," Lane agreed, not immediately catching on, "he was probably—Oh my god!" Her eyes were huge. "Do you mean together like…kissing?"
Rory nodded mutely, grateful Lane had jumped to the wrong conclusion. Rory knew what she had walked in on the other day would never be mentioned again.
"Oh my god!" Lane repeated. "This is huge!"
"I know!" Rory said. "And I said such mean to her! I was upset that she hadn't told me and there was this whole unspoken rule about no boys in the house and…well, I left the house and haven't talked to her since! I completely cut her off! She probably thinks I don't approve of her and Luke but I do!" She gestured in their general direction. "She hasn't seen him all week because of me!"
"So that's what he meant!" Lane said, suddenly remembering her earlier conversation with Luke.
"What are you talking about?"
"Luke was the one who gave me the coffee. I was shocked because I knew Lorelai hadn't been in and I couldn't figure out how he knew you were staying with me," Lane explained. "He made this weird comment about that he wasn't going to complicate things."
"Oh no!" Rory moaned. "Luke's going to break it off with my Mom because of me!" Rory frantically searched the throng of people but couldn't see her mother or Luke. She turned back to Lane. "I've got to go see my mother right now before it's too late!"
"Go!" Lane ordered her. "Call me later and let me know what happened!"
~#~
Rory charged up the steps and burst into the house. "Mom!" she called out. She moved through the empty living room and scampered up the stairs. "Mom!" she called out louder.
A quick tour of the house revealed that it was empty. Rory whipped out her cell phone as she stopped in the living room and hit the speed dial for her mother's cell.
"Great, just great," she said aloud but perversely it made sense that after being incommunicado all week, when she was ready, when she needed to speak to Lorelai, her phone was off. It served Rory right for the way she treated her, she thought as she irritably snapped the phone closed. She looked around the quiet empty room, her mind vainly casting about, trying to decide where to look for her mother next. She headed out the door back towards town, walking quickly, spurred on by some unnamed urgency.
She had to fix this.
tbc
Yep, after all this time, I'm being mean. My read throughs on this were kinda quick so if I lapsed anywhere, feel free to PM me.