11

Elie got a phone call just as she was putting the finishing touches on the design job she was working on. It was a design proposal for an album cover for a new boy band based in LA, and it was a big deal. She told her boss that since she used to work in that industry in LA, she had a grasp of what would work, so he gave her the job. It was supposed to be a design proposal thing, but she's so into it that she went ahead and made design mockups. She finished the concepts peg board while Kieran was sleeping, but he got a bit fussy so she had to take him next door to Aunt Pamela and Uncle Zamir's house for a bit of playtime.

"Do you have a passport, Elie?" Stanley, her boss, asked.

"I suppose so. Otherwise I don't know how I was able to move here," Elie replied.

"Right, good. You're coming to LA with me to present this, is that clear?"

"No problem," Elie said. And then she remembered Kieran. "Oh, wait. When exactly next week? I need to arrange sitters for Kieran."

"Ah, yes. We would be leaving Thursday morning. We'll be back in London by Saturday afternoon. The meeting is for Friday morning."

Elie took note of the dates and told her boss it's not a problem at all, and then hung up. Los Angeles, it's been a while.

On Thursday morning, she dropped of Kieran at Zamir's parents house, along with tons of reminders of feeding times, nap times, bath times, and all that. Mr. and Mrs. Brennan could only chuckle at how Elie was so nervous about leaving her baby with them, and had to gently remind her that they successfully raised four children without maiming or injuring any of them, so Kieran should be alright for 3 days. A few extra hugs and kisses and a few photos of Kieran later, Elie took off for the office, where she and her boss would be meeting before heading to the airport.

She had a bit of time to kill when she got at work, so she decided to look over what she will be presenting to the clients the next day. And then her boss arrived, so it was time to go to Heathrow. The flight was uneventful, although Elie felt a bit jittery as they got nearer and nearer to Los Angeles. The meeting won't be until the next day and they didn't have anything planned, so Stanley the boss told Elie to do as she pleases and went about his own way. They were to meet at 9 am the next day at the hotel lobby prior to going to the recording company.

For one thing, she didn't dare venture out of the hotel. She didn't want to risk running into Kendall or any of the boys. She missed them a lot, but now is just not the time for catching up. She decided to order a movie and some room service instead. She then FaceTimed with the Brennans to check on her son. She couldn't help but tear up a bit when she saw Kieran smiling into the camera. She hasn't ever been away from him since he was born, and now she was breathing the same air as his dad.

There's no mistaking that Kieran is Kendall's kid. All babies look the same, but then as they get older their features start appearing. For one thing, Kieran got Kendall's eyes and dimples. Kieran is such a happy baby, too. He reminded Elie of Kendall a lot, and in that sense it made it easier to not see Kendall because essentially he was still with her.

Elie was up and about early the next morning, understandably nervous about the presentation. She hated getting up in front of people, even if it's just 2 people in the room. For this presentation, there'll be about 5-10 people present, and Elie could feel the nerves coming on as she dressed. She was practicing what she was going to say in order not to make a fool of herself.

The company's dress code was pretty much casual, and in order to save some space in her suitcase, she brought a simple, black, ¾-sleeve dress and studded flats to wear to the meeting. Nothing too stiff. Stanley himself was in jeans and a button-down. She decided not to cover the Kieran tattoo on her left wrist, which she got a month ago. Maybe they like tattoos, she thought. On her finger she wore the Alexander McQueen skull ring which Kendall got her for birthday a year ago, when they first got together. It's a pretty large ring, which a large red Swarovski heart on top. Pretty macabre and pretty awesome. She loved that ring not only because of its innate awesomeness, but because it came from Kendall. Maybe it'll help her get through the meeting knowing she has a piece of him with her.

Elie and Stanley worked through the details of the presentation and he wished her luck. Before they entered the conference room, Elie asked Stanley the name of the boy band they were presenting to, which she has neglected to ask up until this time. Stanley's answer made Elie's face ghost-white: "Big Time Rush."

Stanley entered the room, leaving Elie hyperventilating outside.

Elie took 10 seconds to breathe deeply and calm herself before Stanley thinks something is amiss. He could hear introductions going on, and she heard Carlos, Logan, and James speak. Then she heard Kendall. Kendall was there. Of course he was there. She was going to be face to face with Kendall in a few minutes.

Big Time Rush decided to go with the Stanley RR Design Studio because they have been great admirers of the work the studio has put out over the years. Stanley was pretty well known in the art and design circles, and has been known to only hire topnotch artists and put out consistently quality work. They directly contacted them about setting up a meeting regarding the cover for their newest album, but Stanley one-upped them and told them that the studio was going to send them design proposals. They were delighted. After contracts were signed and such, Stanley has told the boys that they might be able to present the ideas in Los Angeles, and that he was bringing over the artist who worked on the mock-ups so they can directly give their input and critiques.

They were all seated around the conference table when Stanley walked in and greeted them. It was the first time they were seeing each other in person, and the creative energy was very much palpable. They all took their seats when Stanley realized Elie was not in the room.

"I'm sorry, my artist must have wandered off. Excuse me for a moment," he said as he stood up and got out of the room. He found Elie just outside the door.

"Elie, come in, we're about to start," Stanley said as he motioned for Elie to go inside the room. Elie followed her boss, not sure about what would happen next. As Elie walked in the room, she saw that all four boys were busy tinkering with their phones.

"Alright boys, here's my talented artist," he said as he took a seat.

Carlos was the first to look up. His eyes widened when he saw who it was. "ELIE!" Carlos stood up and gave Elie a bear hug. James and Logan also stood up to give Elie a hug.

Kendall, meanwhile, had his earphones on, and didn't realize what was going on until he saw his bandmates huddled over a figure by the door. When the boys finally separated from the person, he froze when he realized who it was. His heart suddenly got lodged in his throat. He was looking at Elie, but Elie was not looking at him.

"You know these guys?" Stanley asked Elie as she took a seat and everyone else settled down.

"I used to work for them," Elie replied. She then turned towards the band. "I'm here to present the design concepts that we have worked on for your new album cover. Now, forgive the lack of band names of the board because I wasn't told which band I was working for, but they did tell me the market and your thoughts and what you guys were going for essentially."

Elie discussed the concepts she had come up with – although only with Logan, James, and Carlos. Kendall was just there, and Elie wasn't even looking at him. Kendall doesn't know what to do – or what to feel for that matter. He had been trying to find Elie for so long and now he's a few feet in front of her, and wearing the ring he gave her. What does he say to her?

"Hey, Kendall, what do you think of these?" Carlos handed him the stack of mockups that Elie had brought. Now all eyes were on him – the band, their handler, Stanley. Elie was looking down at her notes.

"Uh…" he went through the stack. "I think I like this one best," he said as he randomly picked one of the designs. He then pushed the stack back at the middle of the table. As Elie reached out to get the samples, Kendall noticed the tattoo on her wrist. It read "Kieran." His heart sank. Already tattooing somebody's name on her wrist, he thought. He regretted seeing that tattoo.

Elie realized that Kendall was looking at her wrist, so she immediately put her hands on her lap to try to conceal it from Kendall.

"You have some pretty solid stuff, Elie," James remarked.

"Thank you," Elie beamed. "You guys can email your questions and suggestions to Stan and I'll see what I can do."

"Or you may email Elie directly. Elie, you have your cards with you, right?" Stan asked.

Elie wasn't comfortable with giving any of the boys a card with details of her whereabouts. It had her mobile number, for crying out loud. Not that the boys were harmful. It's just that… she doesn't know why she's so uncomfortable. Maybe she's nervous about Kendall finding out about Kieran. But then, why?

"I think I left them at my other bag in the hotel," Elie tried to get out of giving her business card away.

"Oh dear, that's unfortunate. But anyway, it looks like you guys have a lot of things to discuss. You have the whole day free, Elie. You can discuss with the band, throw ideas about. I'll see you at the hotel lobby tomorrow morning at 10." Stanley left the room with the managers and handlers to talk finances before Elie can protest. Now she's alone with James, Logan, Carlos, and Kendall just like old times. Elie pretended to arrange the samples and mockups in order to avoid starting a conversation first. She felt her phone vibrate. There was a message from Stanley: I reckon there's something you're not telling me ;) Anyway, the job is ours. Please finalise design concepts before we fly out tomorrow. X Stan

Great, now I have to tell my boss about my personal life, Elie thought.

"What are you scowling about?" James asked Elie.

"Message from my boss," she smiled awkwardly. An awfully long, awkward silence followed.

"So…" Logan mumbled.

"I – I think I should get going," Elie stammered as she gathered her things.

"But Elie!" Carlos protested.

Elie stood up. "Guys, can you just email Stan your other thoughts should something pop up, then I can work on them?"

"Are you mad at us?" Logan asked.

"What? No!" Elie replied. "Why would I be mad at… any of you?"

Logan just shrugged and cocked his head to Kendall's direction. Elie shook her head no. And with that, Elie hurried out the conference room. "I'll email you guys about this," she called out as she ran.

…

In Elie's mad dash to get out of the conference room, she left her phone on the table. She was fishing for it all the way down in the elevator because she desperately wanted to check on Kieran. When she realized her phone wasn't in her bag, she was already in the lobby.

"Drats. Now I have to go back up and get it," she said, pressing the elevator buttons repeatedly, as though that would help bring the elevators down faster. She was seriously considering taking the stairs, but the conference room was on the 17th floor so stairs aren't a great idea. There were two elevators facing each other that she had been watching because they were both on their way down. She was facing the other elevator when she heard a voice.

"Elie." It was Kendall.

Elie knew who it was immediately, so she turned towards Kendall. He handed her the phone.

"You left your phone," he said.

"Thank you. I was looking for that," Elie said, looking at everything except Kendall's eyes. An awkward silence follows for a good 3 seconds. Elie thought she better end this.

"Okay then. I have to go. Thanks for bringing this," Elie said as she walked backwards from Kendall. Kendall still wasn't saying anything. Elie didn't notice the huge guy behind her as she walked and she bumped into him.

"Oh hey, you're back in LA!" said Ranel as he gave Elie a hug.

"Hi, Ranel!" Elie hugged back. "I was just going. Great seeing you."

"Whoa, wait, wait. No catch up with us?" Ranel asked.

"You guys might have somewhere else to go to, so I don't wanna interfere," Elie replied.

"I don't think we have anything scheduled. Ain't that right, Kendall?" Ranel turned to Kendall for an answer. Kendall nodded and said in a barely audible voice, "Yeah, we're free."

"Come on, Elie, have lunch and then we can drop you off wherever you're staying. Stay here, I'll get the other boys," Ranel said. It seemed like Elie had no choice but to relent to go with them to lunch. He then asked Kendall where the other boys are and went up the elevator to get them. Elie and Kendall were left alone, and what an awkward situation it was.

They were sort of blocking the way between elevators, so they both started to walk towards the lobby. Elie was trying to keep Kendall at arm's length so she started wandering off in the opposite direction from Kendall and called Mr. and Mrs. Brennan so she could check on how Kieran was doing.

Unbeknownst to Elie, Kendall was a nervous wreck and was anxiously thinking about what to say to her. He didn't know where to start, what to ask, or when the right time is to ask her. For sure Kendall has a lot of questions for Elie. He wanted to know how she had been, who's that name tattooed on her wrist, who is she talking to right now that seems to be making her smile a lot, does she miss him, does she still love him, can they give it another try… a lot of questions. But Kendall felt like Elie wanted nothing to do with him, as evidenced by her walking as far away from him as possible and calling someone else to keep from talking to him.

So he left. The boys would have a great time with her and he might just spoil their lunch, or Elie might not be too comfortable with him there.

Elie didn't notice Kendall leaving until the boys came and asked her where Kendall was. She shrugged and said she didn't know. James took out his phone and called Kendall.

"Kendall, where the fuck are you?" James asked when Kendall answered the phone.

"I had to go," was Kendall's curt reply. "Anyway, enjoy your lunch,"

"Go where? C'mon. You've been looking for Elie for such a long time and now… hello? Hello? Oh no you didn't just hang up on me!" He looked at his phone forlornly. "Motherfucker hung up on me."

All this while, Elie had this look on her face that registered as discomfort.

"Oh, don't worry about that guy," Logan said, putting his arm around Elie. "He's just… moody."

"I'm not worried," Elie reassured Logan. "Anyway, we better get going if we actually want to get lunch under way."

The boys decided to walk about about a block away to a restaurant that served great lunch, or so they heard. It was a bit early, so getting a table was easy. They were able to get the private dining area pretty much on the spot. That's what money and a bit of Hollywood clout can do. There were only five of them, but they got a room that can sit 40 people. Elie was a bit nervous because she was thinking, Why a private room? Are they going to interrogate me? Interrogation may not be the right word for it, but the boys did ask questions.

Thankfully, they let her settle down and eat first. They started with pretty general questions but Elie knew there was one question they really wanted to ask.

"Elie, can I ask you something," Carlos whispered.

Elie squinted and looked at Carlos, trying to assess what he's trying to ask. But then she shrugged and said, "Fuck it. Give me your best shot."

"So, uh… why did you and Kendall break up? And more importantly, why drop off the face of the earth all of a sudden?"

For some strange reason, nobody has asked her that question in the past year. She had avoided talking about it to Zamir or Pam or Zamir's parents. She felt weird, like it suddenly dawned on her that Kendall and her were broken up and that she was in LA at that moment and that she and Kendall haven't spoken to each other apart from the "You left your phone" episode. It made her sad, which immediately registered on her face. Carlos was quick to notice it.

"I didn't mean to…" Carlos started.

"No, no, it's okay. Someone's bound to ask anyway. I was just wondering which one of you guys will," Elie tried to laugh. Where does she start? When they started having trouble when the tour started, with one off to travel and one left to her own little world? Does she start with their communication troubles? Does she hint at the hormonal troubles her then-unknown pregnancy gave her, which ultimately led to their breaking up? What of the seething jealousy previously unknown to her before suddenly rearing its head back then? Does she mention the feeling of abandonment she felt, yet fighting with herself because she knows the tour is very important to Kendall and his happiness? What does she say?

"We, uh… we drifted apart, I guess," Elie said, carefully choosing her words. "And in the grand scheme of things, you know, there's his career, his family, his friends, his other friends, and then a long list of other stuff, and then there's me. I'm not his priority."

"But no… Kendall loves you. And by that I mean he still loves you. In love still," James countered.

"He should try dating other people then," Elie said coolly, but she couldn't hide her sad eyes. "And where is he now, see?"

"Have… are you dating someone right now?' Logan asked.

Elie shook her head no. "I'm really busy to even consider anything else outside of work." In truth, Elie really didn't want to date anyone.

"So why did you disappear? And why London?" Logan prodded on.

"I wanted to start anew, but not so much that I didn't know anyone. London's familiar, but I have the equivalent of family there, and apart from them nobody knows me. I needed some semblance of family…" Elie trailed off before she could start babbling about discovering her pregnancy, giving birth, and now raising Kieran as a single mom.

"Do you still love him?" Logan bravely asked. The table fell silent, hanging on what Elie had to say next.

"I try not to."

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Yeah, I don't know what happens next. We'll see. Thanks for reading!