Summary: "If you don't stop talking to me, I WILL hex you," I told James. The prat shut up and stared at me. Eh, I'll hex him anyway. Do NOT annoy Lily Evans.
Disclaimer: I hope the people who run fanfiction feel bad for making me type a disclaimer with my one free hand. IT'S A HATE CRIME AGAINST CRIPPLES!
"Lil- hic- I thinnnnnnnk yo –hic- ur drunk," Potter said giddily.
"I don' geeeeeeed drung, Jamesie."
"I loooooooove you, Black."
"Don' wurry, you're my onlllllly sluuuud, Ssssship."
"Thisssss soooo beats beiiiing a werewooooov."
"Wher'd my pants go?"
"I thiiiiiiiink I'm wearin 'em."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Jaaaames is in Liiiiilly'z pants!"
"And he's too drunk to be able to remember it tomorrow."
We all froze. That was the sound of a coherent, sane, and entirely sober adult. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. We scrambled to our feet. Well, we tried. It was kinda more like a whole bunch of drunk kids falling all over each other. I got groped. I don't remember who did it though. Come to think of it, I don't remember a good deal of that night…
"The house elves would like to mention that they need the kitchen back…"
"Shiiiiiiiiit," I squealed. Shiiiiiiiit. I said it out loud.
"Daaaaaaaaaayumn," Chip slurred. Though it sounded perfectly normal to me… Which tells you how totally piss faced I was.
"Haha, shiny ponies."
"…" Yes. Sirius found the Butterbeer at about four o'clock. Like five minutes after we found the firewhiskey.
"I suggest you leave very quickly."
And so we staggered out of the kitchen, completely drunk, half dressed, and sleep deprived. Just as the people of Hogwarts were filing down the halls to breakfast. The walk of shaaaaaaaaaaaame. Which was just as entirely hilarious for us as it was for the people watching us. We were drunk! Everything's funny when you're drunk. Believe me. I was smashed.
Shit, why the HELL am I wearing James' pants? The one thing worse than noticing something like this is suddenly realizing that it was a coherent thought. And I was supposed to be drunk. It is a BAD feeling to go from hammered to sober. You find out things you never wanted to know, and would probably never have remembered otherwise. I looked up just in time to see Dumbledore hide his wand. That old bastard.
The only fortunate part of this was the lack of a hangover. Which would have been a bitch to deal with. I have potions first per—OH DAMMIT.
Remember how the Walk of Shame was really, REALLY funny when we were drunk? Yeah, NOT FUNNY ANYMORE. The Marauders and Chip looked just as suddenly disturbed as I was. We ran like cats when you clip clothespins to their tails.
… Not that I've ever done that.
… But for the record, my sister's cat is annoying.
… It's just a theory. The clothespin thing.
… I promise?
… Dammit. Now James is going to remember being in my pants.
… That sounded WAY dirtier than it really was.
… I think.
… But then, I don't remember everything that happened.
… Maybe I should see the nurse later.
… Just in case.
"Evans?"
"What, Potter?"
"WHY AM I IN YOUR PANTS?"