Author's Note: Alright everyone can start rounding up the pitchforks. All I can say is that I am soooooo very sorry, it's taken me FOREVER to update. There is no excuse. I've rewritten this chapter a number of times, and I just couldn't seem to make it fit. Well, this one I've decided is good enough for my viewers, so hope you enjoy. 8)

A special thanks to Proudly Weird for snapping me out of my daze. I'm not making any more promises about future updates except that they will be coming, because frankly, I'm late with everything nowadays, and don't want to break anymore promises. Believe me, I feel guilty enough because it's taken me this long, so please feel free to poke me to death.

And as for the Remus flashback…well, it didn't turn out as I had hoped, but there is a lot more going on that many of you will be sucked into instead. This is a warning for all of you who don't like horror. This is the chapter where everything begins to become darker. It's very depressing and I'm sorry. All I can say is that I'm glad I made it M-rated. Hope you all like it, anyways. So please sit back and enjoy the chapter that's gonna knock your socks off.

Chapter 11 – Losing Hope, Part I

It wasn't until three days later that Remus had finally been released from the hospital wing. Relief filled him as he breathed in the musty air of the hallways. Thank Merlin…he thought, taking in deep gulps of air.

The hospital wing smelled of the sick and wounded, and he couldn't take it anymore. For the past two days he'd tried every escape route he could think of, whether it be diversion or sneaking away from the ill-tempered medi-witch. He had used every Marauder trick in the book. Unfortunately, it seemed that Sirius and James had already used every ploy they could think of. He would shout in frustration each time she caught him within ten feet of the doors. Pomfrey didn't fall for anything; it was like she had an extra set of eyes on the back of her head. She'd swoop down out of nowhere like a hawk, threatening him with paralyzing potions, or a permanent sticking charm if he didn't get back into his bed within five seconds.

As soon as he entered the wing, she had been able to heal his leg before he could even register the pain of her prodding. It healed without so much as a scar, and thinking that he was able to head back to Gryffindor dorm, he began to leave, only to have his ear practically torn off as she pulled him back to his hospital bed. She had almost drowned him with blood-replenishing potions, and for the next few days she continued to shove foul liquids down his throat. The medi-witch refused to let him leave until she decided he was back to full health, but according to her standards, meant he had to gain an extra five pounds from nutrition potions.

After being punished with nameless brews that put him in worse pain that he had come in with, he bolted as soon as she gave him her approval. He ran out so quickly that he utterly ignored her list of exceptions. He would get them later. All Remus wanted was to get some fresh air, before he had to return for another healing session the next morning, after dealing with his 'furry little problem'.

Just thinking about it made him sick to his stomach. His friends wouldn't be there with him that night. It was going to be the first time he would be in the Shrieking Shack all alone, since the Marauders had become animagi. The thought left him winded as if he were punched in the gut.

Remus walked through the empty halls with his hands in his pockets. He seemed to have taken up James' habit of running a hand through his hair, drowning in his worry. What were his friends going through while he stayed safe within the castle walls? Torture? Starvation? Hell, he didn't even know if they were alive.

Of course they're alive! You'd know it if they weren't…right? And so his worry continued.

He tried shoving these dark thoughts to the back of his mind. If he kept this up he'd go insane, for sure.

Okay, Lupin. Think of something else. Stop worrying! Turner said he was going to find them. If he can't bring them back, no one will, he thought, dragging his feet. He stopped, blowing a piece of hair from his eyes. He looked up, as if to ask help from the heavens, and gave an ironic smile. Of course, it was the library.

With a heavy sigh, he entered and made his way through the shelves. He didn't even have Lily by his side to tell him that everything would be alright. He could just imagine what she'd be telling him at that moment.

'Remus, the Marauders are a strong bunch of guys. They aren't the kind to give up without a fight. You should know this! You've been friends with them for how many years?' she'd say, sending him a critical look. Her face would then turn to one of disgust. 'Even in the clutches of a few Death Eaters I bet they'll maintain that horrible sense of humor they have. Knowing them, they'll probably knock those Death Eaters dead by telling a few knock-knock jokes.'

The curves of his mouth turned up slightly at the thought. He ran a hand along the spines of his beloved books. I don't even think you guys will be able to distract me, he thought with a small sigh. No matter how hard he tried to take his mind off of it, his mind kept taking him back to the scene of the battle.

They had run around the outskirts, just like Turner told them to. Every step they took, they were showered with debris from explosions of the town. They were sprinting for their lives, as they ran through the back roads, and front lawns. They were almost in the clear when they turned a corner and were taken by surprise. Ten Death Eaters were just standing there, as if they were waiting for them.

The Marauders didn't stand a chance. What chance could five seventh years have against ten murderous Death Eaters?

As soon as the Marauders raised their wands, they were each hit within a matter of seconds. Stunners hit James as he threw himself in front of Lily, but she was brought down just as quickly as James. They fell to the ground, wands rolling uselessly to their sides. Peter was hit with a series of deep cutting curses, and gave a short cry before falling at their feet. A blasting curse sent Sirius into a stone wall off to the right.

It all happened within a matter of seconds, but it felt like ages as Remus uselessly watched his friends swiftly fall around him. Before it could even register, he was hit with an expelliarmus. The curse threw him back. He crashed through the walls of an abandoned house and gave a shout as something pierced his leg. His shout was silenced as his head smashed into a series of wooden boards. All he saw before blacking out was Lily's red hair and expressionless, white masks.

When he awoke, Lily and the Marauders were gone, and so were the Death Eaters. Panic enveloped him, as he crawled through the pile of debris, screaming their names. There was no answer. He searched desperately for his wand. He found were the others', left forgotten on the ground and using James', cast a quick accio. Nothing.

He gazed sorrowfully at the wreckage he had pulled himself from; it was like finding a needle in a haystack. He lost his friends and now his wand, and he didn't know where to start looking for either.

He turned to head towards the school. He needed to inform someone…anyone, but his leg collapsed under him before he could take a step. He fell to the ground with a cry. His lower leg was drenched with his own blood with piece of wood, no thicker than his wrist, protruding from his calf. With his mind in a haze, as if in a dream, he ripped off a large strip of his robes and tied it tightly above the wound. In order to keep himself from bitin his own tongue in half, he shoved a piece of cloth into his mouth and gave a fierce pull. With his eyes tearing, he gave a muffled scream, his vision almost going black from the pain. Feeling light-headed, he took James' wand and cast various spells, trying to heal his leg to the best of his abilities. His friends needed help and he was the only one to do it, and even a serious leg wound wasn't going to stop him. He performed a strong numbing charm, and began limping as quickly as he could back to the school. And that was how Turner found him.

He was immediately sent to the infirmary, where he stayed for three whole days, overwhelmed with unease and anxiousness. He couldn't just stay there waiting, wondering if someone was actually out there looking for his friends. Turner's promise somewhat put his worries at bay, but he couldn't overcome how hopeless he felt at the moment.

Running a frustrated hand through his hair, he picked a couple of books from the shelves. He needed to keep his mind preoccupied before he went crazy, and he was pretty sure he was on the brink of it already.

With a pile of books in hand, he made his way to his favorite nook in the very back of the library. Barely anyone went that far; it was the only place in the school where the teachers or questioning first years rarely looked.

What he wasn't expecting however, was Turner. His former professor was sitting in his favorite chair, towers of books covering the table, practically hiding the man from view. He was muttering under his breath, eyes wide on the pages in front of him.

"…no, no. Too obvious. – some…I don't know – Wait! I've got it! Maybe…"

Remus felt a stab of betrayal pierce his chest. What was Turner doing at the library? He promised to find the Marauders, not studying up on his dueling skills. He supposed brushing up on your dueling did help when it came to fighting Death Eaters, but Remus highly doubted that Turner needed to 'brush up' on his dueling after hearing what he did at Hogsmeade three days ago.

"Professor?" His temper began to rise. His uselessness, betrayal, and frustration was starting to get the better of him.

Turner didn't even bother to glance up from his reading. "Hmm?"

"Professor, what are you doing here?"

"Yeah, sure. Come back later, I'm busy now," Turner said tearing out a page from a book and shoving it in his pocket.

At this, a flare of anger rushed through the teenager. The man wasn't only breaking his promise but he was also brushing him off to the side. Now he was also destroying his precious library books.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" He slammed the pile of books he held onto the table.

The loud noise shook Turner back to his senses, making him snap his gaze to the student. The anger was evident in his eyes. "I said I was busy! Whatever it is, I can't—" he stopped, finally realizing just who it was that proceeded to interrupt him. "Remus! I didn't realize it was you. Pomfrey let you out already?" Turner asked, his voice changing from hostile to weary in a matter of seconds.

Remus replied, his ears turning red from rage. "What the bloody hell are you doing in the library? You said you were making it your 'personal duty' to find the Marauders and Lily, but you're holed up in here looking through books! You should be out there, actually looking for them!"

He seethed, watching Turner's expression. Sadness and complete desperation were easily read on the older man's face. Turner gave a drained sigh, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Remus, I've been working day and night for the past three days. I promised you that I would find them, and this is me keeping that promise," Turner said, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

Remus snorted. "Some work you're getting done."

Impatience flashed across Turner's face, but he quickly masked it. Closing his eyes he took a few breaths before speaking. "Listen, Remus. I know how useless you must be feeling right now, and all I can tell you is that I'm trying my best, but one man can only do so much."

"Well, keeping to yourself in the library isn't my idea of 'doing your best," Remus said, glaring at his former teacher. "Why isn't the Ministry involved? Or Dumbledore?"

Turner put his head in his hands. "The Ministry is involved. You wouldn't think that the Ministry would outright ignore five students who went missing during an attack, do you? They might want to keep things quiet, but they're not entirely stupid. Dumbledore's been working with a group of aurors, combing every corner of the country. No one knows where to look. All we can even guess is that they were taken to Voldemort's headquarters, and we don't know if it's even in Britain."

With even word, Turner began to dash Remus' hopes more and more. "You mean that we have practically a zero to none chance of ever finding them?"

Turner snapped his head up at this. He didn't want Remus to feel as if there wasn't a thread of hope to latch on to. "No! Okay…the only clue I have to go on is that Voldemort favors places that have certain significance," he said uncertainly.

Remus' eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Like a location that is well connected with the Founders or a place that Voldemort used to visit or maybe even lived in his past."

Then it clicked. "So that's why you're in the library?"

Turner gave a sharp nod. "I've been pouring through these books for hours on end, and you want to know what I've come up with?"

Hope began to swell Remus' chest once more. He nodded, unable to speak.

"Nothing."

His hopes fell down into the pit of his stomach. "W–what?"

"Nothing at all. I'm a pretty decent expert when it comes to Voldemort, and most of what I know isn't even written in a book. I personally went and checked some places, but it looked as if no one has stepped in any of them for years. Giving up on that lead, I started looking for locations that are pretty well connected with the Founders. And let me tell you, it's really difficult to find places that have disappeared off a map more than a century ago," Turner explained, starting to flip through a few books again.

Remus stayed silent. There's no way we are ever going to find them. The few friends who actually accepted me for who I am are going to be tortured and murdered, and no one even knows how to find them, he mentally brooded. He was on the brink of just giving up.

Turner growled, slamming a book shut. "You know what I've been thinking? If Dumbledore is so against this guy, why doesn't he have someone tailing one of his Death Eaters? If I were him, I'd be keeping tags on my enemy. I mean, Voldemort's got plenty of them on us, so why can't we return the bloody favor?"

Remus studied him for a moment and was a bit shocked he hadn't seen how drained the man looked. Turner appeared like he was about ready to collapse from exhaustion. He was literally tearing at his own hair.

And I thought I was going crazy from worry… Remus took a book from one of Turner's piles, The Rise and Fall of Dark Wizards.

"Professor, you took like you're about to pass out. Why don't you take a nap, maybe eat something while you're at it too." he said pointedly at Turner's growling stomach.

Turner just looked at him like he'd grown three heads. "What?" he gave a hallow laugh. "Yeah, I could definitely get a peaceful nap knowing that I sent four kids to their deaths. Besides, I can feel like I'm close to something. Like all I have to do is remember something..."

Remus bit his lip. He knew Turner didn't want to abandon his friends, but what good could he do if he wasn't even thinking straight? No food or sleep for three days? Spells could only do so much…

"Listen, Professor. I'll work on research here. We can trade shifts. That way we can get our rest and someone can be doing research at all times. I need something to do anyway. If I don't have something to do soon, I'll go insane," Remus said, forcing a small smile.

Turner hesitated, ready to protest. He furrowed his brows for a moment, as if arguing with himself. In the end he let out a defeated sigh. "I must be going crazy…" he muttered to himself. He turned his attention back to Remus and pointed to the books on the table. "The ones on the left I've already looked through. I haven't gotten to the ones on the right. The pile in front of you is the 'maybe pile'. In other words, I think there might be something useful in them, but I haven't figured what yet. Good luck. I'll be back in a few hours to relieve you of duty, 'Fair Maiden'. Don't you worry, we'll get your Sir Knights back, even if it ends up killing me...which it just might," Turner said, walking away.

Remus stared after him. Turner was must have had some decent connections in the student network, how else could he have known about that? He shook his head to clear himself of everything else but that task at hand. There were a lot of questions to be answered, but one thing he was absolutely certain of.

Harry Turner had gone mental.

It was three days since they had last seen sunlight. Each woke up in a dark cell, alone with chains locked around their ankles. No one had come to see them, no one to tell them what was going on, no one came to bring them anything to fill their appetites. They were tired and exhausted. Their stomachs growled in the silence of their own dungeon, with no one to hear them.

Once Sirius had woken up he called for the rest of the Marauders. He began to grow worried, not receiving an answer. He started to feel along the walls looking for a door or some kind of window. It was pitch black, and he stumbled around like a blind man. If there are any windows, I'd be surprised. I can't even see my bloody hand! Finding none he ended up sitting in a corner, waiting for someone, anyone, to open a door or window, just so he could see where the hell he was. Where was he? Where were the Death Eaters? Were they just going to kill him, or torture him for information? What kind of information would they want? I'm pretty sure I don't know anything…or do I?

He mulled over this for a bit, but grew bored for it started to give him a headache. Usually, he didn't think this much. He sat there in the darkness for hours, wondering if he was just imagining the sound of footsteps. He fell asleep a few times, not because he needed it, but because he had absolutely nothing to do. There was nothing to notify him what time it was, and he slowly felt like he was losing his mind.

He was tired of being alone, all he wanted was to talk to someone. He didn't care if it was a Death Eater to torture him, he just needed some kind of human contact. He was Sirius Black after all.

At first he shouted, trying to gain anyone's attention, but after receiving none he began to sing. Nicely at first and gradually becoming horrific, just so he could annoy the hell out of whoever was in charge of keeping guard, but after going hoarse he gave up on the activity.

Over the past three days he had almost convinced himself that he was actually insane. There was no way someone would keep Sirius Black locked up in a cell with nothing to do and not feeding him anything. Skipping one meal was torture during school, but being locked up in a cell, with nothing to do, with nothing to see, was utterly boring, and all he could think about was the grumbling of his own stomach. At times he wondered what happened to the other Marauders and Lily, but the worry was killing him and, usually he diverted his attention to…oh wait, his damned stomach.

After a while he began to argue with himself.

Man, now I know how a blind man feels…

Did you know that some blind people are only partially blind? They can see shadows or certain colors…

But I can't see anything! And would you kindly shut up? I feel absolutely fine suffering on my own without you making it worse.

Jeez, I'm just trying to make conversation…

Well, it sucks.

Well, at least you have the ability to see. You're just stuck in a dark room.

Why don't you stick the blind man in a dark room? And put me in the sunlight? That way everybody wins!

Be nice!

I'm sick of being nice! I am so fucking bored!

There's no need to swear…

Maybe if I had some light I could count how many bricks are on the walls…

Wow, you desperate or what?

Desperate for you…

WHAT?

What do you say love? Wanna do the naughty?

Excuse me? You do know that you're talking to yourself right?

So?

I am you.

We've got Jill, too.

What? Who's Jill?

My hand.

You named your – wait! EW!

What?

You're insane!

And so his sanity left him. He was all alone in the dark with Jill. He was just about to get to know her better when he was suddenly blinded. He cried out covering his eyes. It was a good ten minutes before he could open his eyes and take in his surroundings, but not without squinting. He sat up, gazing at the lit torches, slightly surprised.

Company? He listened for a few minutes, but hearing no footsteps approaching, he leaned back against the wall. He studied the room the Death Eaters had placed him in.

Ooh! They're really, really small bricks! He thought amusedly. Sorry, Jill! One… two…three…four…

What he didn't realize was that in just a few short moments, he was going to be begging for the darkness to come back.

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I just needed to add a bit of humor in this, because there isn't going to be a lot of it in future updates. This story is getting much darker than I thought it was going to be, but hopefully it will still be just as good.

So, you're all probably wondering 'what about James, Lily, and Peter?' Well, don't worry, they'll be making an appearance in the next chapter. It might be a while to update, but since this is winter break hopefully I can squeeze another chappy out by the end of the week. I'll try to, but no promises this time!

Thanks for all of you that have kept with me this far, even though I really don't deserve it. I love every single one of you, and I'm ecstatic at all the positive feedback. Thank you all so much! 8)

xoglowergrinox123 8D