Thank you for all the reviews! I hope you guys liked that surprise chapter on Monday! I had time to write so I thought after getting so much response from chapter 9 that I'd give you guys another chapter quickly. :) Oh and it's a three day weekend for me so I might have the chance to update early again! But you guys tell me if you want another chapter quick. :P
I said on Twitter (hereinyourarms_) and Tumblr (onlyhereinyourarms) that secrets are revealed in this chapter and yes, there's many secrets revealed. At least 3. And I also said that a G1 character makes an appearance! So go follow me on both for more sneak peeks such as these!
Thanks for reading! Please review!
Clare woke up with arms wrapped around her waist. She found herself being cradled closely by Eli, still dead asleep, and she wished to stay in his arms and relish in the moment but she knew she had to get up. She had no classes or work today but remembered that now that there was a dog in the house, she had to check if it had to go out or eat. Clare carefully extracted Eli's arms away and after Eli comfortably settled back to sleeping comfortably, she climbed out of the bed and put on a sweatshirt.
She went into the living room and found Bruce awake in his little bed and noticed the faint smell of coffee coming from the kitchen. Adam was sitting at the table on his laptop and sipping on coffee.
"Morning," he greeted. "How'd you sleep?"
"Well," Clare answered, trying to hide her smile. "Really well."
"I'm not going to ask," Adam laughed. "Hey, wanna take Bruce on a walk with me?"
"Sure," Clare replied. "Hey, is Jake home?"
Adam shook his head. "Bed's empty. Did you get a call or anything?"
"Nope," Clare sighed. "I hope he's okay. And if he is okay, I'm killing him."
"And you were worried that dinner would go terribly," Adam teased. "Come on, let's go."
"So…I've been meaning to ask you something," Adam said slowly. He and Clare were on their way to the park with Bruce, who seemed to be having the time of his life sniffing around and racing in front of Adam and Clare. It was a beautiful day out, the sun peeking through small clouds and the wind creating a nice breeze. Clare kept her hands comfortably in her hoodie pockets and her eyes on Bruce.
"What?" Clare said.
"I want to know…what inspired your book," Adam said hesitantly. Clare stiffened up and closed her eyes. "Unless you don't want to say. I don't mean to pry or anything but you know I've read it and I can't help but wonder what made you write something like that."
"Like what? I wrote about not submitting yourself to strive for perfection," Clare defended.
"Yeah but I was wondering what made you write that. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that something bad happened in your life that made you come to that realization. I have my theories but—"
"You have theories?" Clare asked incredulously. "So you've been thinking about what bad things have happened to me?"
"You know what I mean," Adam rolled his eyes.
"Fine, I want to know what your theories are and then maybe I'll tell you."
"Okay." Adam and Clare sat down on a park bench. Adam kept the leash unlocked so Bruce can wander around them but without getting lost. Clare waited for Adam to start and she started to get nervous.
What if he guessed right? What if he told other people? She was afraid of her secret getting out, not because she wanted to deny what happened to her but she knew she would be judged. She hated being judged, everyone does, but no one would expect Clare Edwards, her old high school's resident saint to have gone through what she did.
"Don't get offended or anything," Adam started cautiously. "But I've picked up on a lot of signs. Even Eli has notice some things and he told me, and it just kept the theories going."
"Eli…?" Clare asked.
"I'm sure he has his own thoughts but he hasn't shared them with me," he told her. "Just from living with you these couple of months and getting to know you, I just noticed things."
"Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something too," Clare said. "But you go first."
"Okay," Adam nodded. "I…think that…you used to be either too into alcohol or you had an eating disorder."
Clare pressed her lips together. "Which one?"
"The latter," Adam answered. "It's just that…you only cook healthy food, I've noticed that while you finish your plate, there's not much to start with, and Eli said that you only ate a salad during my first date with Katie and Alli practically had to force you too. I know guys don't usually pick up on this but I had to, you're my friend."
Clare sighed and gripped the bench. When she didn't say anything for a minute, Adam continued. "I think your book showed that struggle. You wanted to be perfect but you also realized that what you were doing wasn't healthy so you chose to stop and focus on getting your body healthy instead of striving for perfection that no one can reach. Your book doesn't specify what it was you were fighting and while I thought it was genius that you went through 300 pages without saying 'I was addicted to something' or 'I had an eating disorder', I just knew that what that problem was, it's still a struggle."
"I want you to know," Adam still went on. "That I don't think it makes you weak. You don't want people to know and I get that. We all have our secrets. But that quote Eli said was his favorite that night you moved in, I think that's what sums up whatever happened to you. Every day you go on, you're even stronger and you shouldn't forget that. Sometimes I even forget that I've thought about this because you handle yourself like nothing is wrong but then I see you at dinner and I remember. So I thought that one person in the apartment knowing about…this might be good so you can have someone to talk to. I don't know who else knows but I want to be someone you can go to if you're struggling. Not that you struggle, just in case."
Clare smiled to herself before replying. "I thought I could get away with this entire thing but I can't. I didn't realize how many clues I put down for you to notice. It's true, I had an eating disorder. But you have to remember that I spent years around models, around that business, and the pressure gets to you. It wasn't because I was ashamed of my body because I was and am okay with the body I have. It was the pressure to look a certain way, the pictures, the models, the everything about that business that changed me."
"Did you try to be a model or something?"
"Tried and failed," Clare confirmed. "When I failed, I got discouraged. That's when I started starving myself. Even then, I still failed and I stopped trying to become a model but I didn't stop starving myself. It wasn't until I...I had a panic attack one day and was sent to the hospital. Only Alli, my parents, and Owen knew."
"But why did you stay around that business even after you go better?"
"I loved Owen, or I thought I did," Clare sighed. "And he did help me get better. After that, I got help and wrote the book. It was a good therapeutic process and it helped a lot. That's why I was surprised that Jake said that one of his male roommates loved my book. I just don't think Eli realizes what it truly meant."
"I'll let Eli tell you what that book meant to him," Adam said. "And I guess since you came clean to me, I'll come clean to you?"
Clare nodded and waited. She hadn't given a lot of thought about what she had seen between the buttons of Adam's shirt when she was helping him pick out what to wear on his date with Katie. But she made her assumptions and that assumption didn't matter. He was Adam to her and no way could she think otherwise.
"I'm a Female to Male Transgender. I knew since I was really young. I won't bore you with the details but Jake and Eli know," Adam said. "They wanted me to tell you when I was ready."
"Well I'm glad you told me upfront. And don't tell Eli or Jake, okay? I'll them when I'm ready, just not yet."
"I understand," Adam replied. "Come on, I think it's time to feed Bruce. And me. I haven't eaten anything."
Clare started laughing. "Okay, let's get my boys fed then."
As Adam scarfed down the leftovers from their dinner with Clare's mom, Clare put some dog food into Bruce's food bowl. Bruce patiently waited until Clare pointed him over to his food and Clare was amused at how extremely patient the dog really was.
"You chose a great dog Adam," Clare said as she patted Bruce's head. "I just don't know how we'll be able to sneak him back and forth without the landlord noticing."
"Is there really a rule about dogs?" Adam asked with a full mouth. "Bruce isn't going to bother anyone."
"I know," Clare sat cross-legged beside Bruce and leaned her back on the kitchen cabinets. "I'm just worried that they'll make us get rid of him if he does wind up bothering people."
"That won't happen," Adam assured her. "If it does, I'll take care of it."
"Fine," Clare said.
The two heard the front door opening and Bruce started barking loudly. Clare quickly went to comfort Bruce, hushing at him and after a few seconds, he went back to eating his food.
Jake came trudging into the kitchen, still wearing the same clothes from yesterday, and Clare raised her eyebrows. "Oh, look who comes 12 plus hours late for dinner," she said sarcastically. "Where's your late pass, mister?"
"Dinner?" Jake asked. He was barely paying attention, he just started bringing out cereal and milk.
"The one with my mom, Jake. I called and texted you over and over."
Jake sat down at the table across from Adam and poured himself a bowl of cereal. "Didn't check my phone," he shrugged. "Sorry."
Clare stared at Jake and glared at him. When did he turn rude?
"Fine," she surrendered and stood up. She wanted to ask where he was but didn't bother, knowing she'd just get annoyed. Clare walked out of the kitchen and in her room, found Eli still sleeping. It was around 10 o'clock now and she was surprised that Eli was sleeping in this late. After waking him up, he went to his room and Clare proceeded to get ready for her day.
She was planning on going book shopping, since she needed new reading material. She said goodbye to Adam and Eli, since Jake had left again as she was getting ready, and walked to the closest book store she could find.
She browsed through the shelves and grabbed a few that she found interesting and sat down in a reading area to see if she liked any of them. After an hour, she heard someone calling her name.
Clare looked up and barely recognized the one calling her but then remembered who she was. Her name was Manny Santos, an old friend of her sister's. "Clare, is that you?"
Clare smiled and went to greet Darcy's friend. "Yeah. Hi Manny, nice to see you again."
"You too!" Manny said happily. "What brings you to this area?"
"I go to school close by," Clare answered.
"Ah, I see. And how's Darcy? Still changing the world?"
Clare chuckled. "Of course. So what are you doing back? I thought you went to LA."
"Yes but guess what?" Manny flashed a big ring on her left hand. "I'm getting married!"
Clare mustered up as much excitement as she could to congratulate Manny. Several minutes went on of continuous gushing from Manny about her upcoming wedding to her boyfriend of several years, Jay Hogart. Clare remembered Jay from her time at Degrassi. Jay was notorious at the school, having been part of the shooting that left a student paralyzed. Clare was surprised to hear that Jay was the one to capture Manny's heart but she seemed genuinely happy.
"You should absolutely come to the wedding!" Manny said excitedly. Before Clare could protest, Manny was already bringing out a wedding invitation from her purse. "It's pretty soon so I'm sorry for the short notice but it'd be great if you came."
"I'll call you when I know for sure if I can," Clare said. "Congratulations again!"
"Thank you," Manny gave her another hug. "Bring a date, okay? Surely you have a boyfriend to show off there. I have to go so just call me."
Clare nodded and waved goodbye as Manny left the bookstore. She sat back down to her books and leaned back against her chair. She checked the invitation and it said that the wedding was next week. Clare looked through the planner on her phone to check if she had anything to do that day. She mentally wished that she couldn't come to the wedding, because weddings made her uncomfortable and Manny was expecting her to bring a date. But her entire day was free except for a deadline that day. She would be able to go to the wedding but she wasn't sure if she wanted to.
She left the bookstore after buying her books and on her way home, she got a text. It was from Owen and she contemplated just deleting it but ended up reading it anyways.
Ran into Jay Hogart today. Used to fix my car. He invited me to his wedding and remembered that we were dating and said if you wanted to come with me, you could. So you up for it?
Clare rolled her eyes. "Did he really just ask me to the wedding?" she thought. She angrily typed a text back to him.
Ran into his fiancé Manny and she invited me too. But I already have a date. Sorry.
She felt good as she sent the text and walked into the apartment gliding on her feet. She greeted Bruce on her way to her room and heard some commotion coming from Eli's room. She noticed the tool boxes and materials outside Eli's door and remembered that this was the day they were starting to replace Eli's carpet.
Instead of getting in the way, Clare just went into her room and sat on her bed. She laid down on the side that Eli slept on and could smell his scent on the pillow he had left there. It was a mixture of his body wash and her shampoo. So he uses the same shampoo I do, she noted in her mind.
She tried to take a nap but the noises from Eli's room were too loud for her to go to sleep. So she made her way out of her room and in the process, she literally ran into Jake.
"Oomph," she made the noise as she stepped back from running into him.
"Watch it," Jake muttered under his breath.
"Watch your tone," Clare retorted. "Where's this sudden rudeness coming from?"
"Nowhere," he said. He sidestepped around her but Clare caught his arm.
"You owe my mom an apology for skipping out on dinner, which I told you about ahead of time, and not having the decency to give a reason," she said to him.
"Fine, I'll call your mom and apologize. Happy?"
Clare was surprised at how quickly Jake had changed in front of her eyes. One day he was practically fighting for her attention. Now he was completely pushing her away.
"If you're going to be this way, fine. But don't be rude to my mom. I'm sure you wouldn't be happy if I was rude to Glen," Clare walked away annoyed, plopping down on the couch and turning on the TV. Bruce went over and placed his chin on the couch beside Clare and she smiled, rubbing the top of his head.
"At least you can't disappoint me," she said to Bruce. "First Owen did, now he invited me to go with him to a wedding. Can you believe that? It's ridiculous right?" Clare moved Bruce's head up and down. "I know, I know," she said in a kid-like voice. "Then I sent a text to him saying I had a date already but I don't. So guess who's stuck finding a date?"
Bruce barked, making Clare laugh. "That's right. Me. If only I could bring you as my date then I wouldn't have to worry about anything."
Tuesday came and Clare, Eli, Adam, and thankfully Jake, were on their way to meet Clare's mom at a fancy restaurant in downtown Toronto. Between the two days since Jake and Clare's hallway confrontation, neither of them spoke to each other. The communication went through Adam or Eli, who were frankly tired of the childish games.
"I hope you guys don't act like this in front of Clare's mom," Adam said from the backseat. Eli was driving, Clare sat next to him, and Jake and Adam were in the back. "This is stupid."
"I know," Clare agreed. "But Jake won't talk to me so why should I make an effort with him?"
"At least be civil with each other during dinner then you can go back to hating each other, if that's what this is," Eli said.
"Well it's not my problem so whatever it is," Clare looked over her shoulder to look at Jake. "Suppress it for two hours, okay?" Clare watched as Jake rolled his eyes without looking at her. She looked away and calmed herself down. Jake was acting immature for the both of them, so Clare was going to be the one to be mature.
They got to the restaurant and after getting their reserved table, Clare kept glancing at her phone for the time. Her mother usually wasn't late but she was ten minutes late now.
"Where could she be?" she muttered to herself and put her phone away.
"Probably stuck in traffic," Eli suggested.
Jake cleared his throat while he had his drink up to his lips and Clare shot a look at him. "Are you trying to insinuate something?" she asked.
Jake shook his head and put his drink down. Clare put her arms on the table. "So now it's the silent treatment? What are you, seven?"
"Calm down Clare, save the freaking out for later," Jake commented.
"Later?" Clare scoffed. "What does that—"
"Clare!"
The four of them turned their heads and saw Helen Edwards walking over their direction. Then Helen stepped aside, pulling someone next to her and Clare's jaw dropped.
"Now," Jake whispered. "Freak out now."
Helen approached the table, hands clasped with someone, and Clare was frozen. She looked away from her mother and bit her lip from exploding on her mother at the restaurant.
"Hi," Eli and Adam both stood up and held their hands out to Helen's guest. They both introduced themselves to him.
"Nice to meet you," the man said. "Jake has said a lot about you two."
Adam and Eli glanced at each other. "Jake?" They looked down at Jake who tilted his drink at them and sipped from it.
"Oh, I'm Glen Martin, Jake's dad," the man introduced himself.
Now it was Adam and Eli's turn to drop their jaws. As Glen and Helen sat at the table beside each other, Clare still didn't look at her mother.
"Clare," Helen said softly, reaching for her daughter's hand. Clare took it away from the table before her mother could reach it. "Clare, don't be like that."
"Like what? Blindsided?" Clare whispered harshly. "You bring your boyfriend to dinner and he happens to be my roommate's dad and oh, I was under the impression that you and my dad were still married. Sure mom, I won't act like this."
"If Jake can take this maturely, why can't you?" Helen asked.
Clare looked over at Jake who had a pained look on his face. "I can't believe he didn't tell me," Clare said to herself. Then she turned back to Helen. "And you should've told me instead of taking me out to a fancy dinner to break the news. Did you do this just so I wouldn't throw a fit?"
"Clare, be mature about—"
"No, I won't be mature about this," Clare stood up from the table. "I'm leaving. Have a safe trip home."
She started storming away from the table and before she could reach the doors, a hand pulled on her arm. Clare harshly pulled it away from the grip.
"Clare, come on," Eli pleaded. "Don't just storm out like this."
"Don't tell me how to react," Clare told him. "I need to get out of here. I can't be around her or Jake or Glen or…I just need to go."
"Do you want me to go with you?" Eli offered.
"No," she said more harshly than she meant to. "I'll meet you at home," Clare turned around quickly and left. She looked left and right on the sidewalk and just picked right and headed down that direction.
She stopped at a "Don't Walk" signal and watched as the cars whizzed by her. But once the sign changed to "Walk", she felt someone come up beside her.
"Did you really think I'd let you walk alone at night?" Eli asked slyly, pulling Clare close to him and helped her across the street.